This is a dialogue-only fic, except for the first and the last paragraphs. If you don't know who's talking, you can guess, though I think I made it obvious.
Note: the characters might be a tad OOC.
I don't own the lines about the earwax and the Q-tip – all credit for that goes to XxGoldie12xX. And if I had a Galleon for every time I wished Harry Potter was mine, I'd have more money than Gringotts itself.
Harry and Ginny Potter were stuck in a traffic jam, at a red light. It wasn't fun. The couple was getting increasingly annoyed at the lack of movement, and would start honking the horn purely out of frustration.
"Tell me again why we decided to use a Muggle car instead of Apparating or flying?"
"It builds character."
"Yes, definitely. Sitting in a bloody car in a bloody traffic jam at a bloody red light builds character."
"Language, love."
"Aw, you called me love."
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."
"That's really stupid. You can only love someone one way."
"I beg to differ."
"You love me in different ways?"
"Of course! You want me to count the ways?"
"Please...don't..."
"Too late! Let's see…I love you when you're caught in the rain and you're soaking wet. You look helpless."
"I am not helpless!"
"Okay, fine. You look like a drowned rat."
"Hey! Are you suggesting that I'm ugly?"
"Definitely not! You're much too headstrong to be ugly."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're...uh...brilliant."
"You stammered. You're so fake!"
"You jump to conclusions too easily!"
"I hate you!"
"No one can hate me, I'm too amazing."
"You're obnoxious!"
"You're beautiful."
"Excuse me? Did you just call me beautiful in the middle of an argument?"
"No duh. Gosh, Potter, get a Q-tip and clean the earwax out of your ears so you can listen while I try and flirt with you!"
"Are you insinuating that I have bad ear hygiene?"
"AARGH!"
"Are you frustrated now?"
"Stop talking like Bellatrix Lestrange, it creeps me out."
"Aw, I creep you out now?"
"You know what, I think I'm just going to keep going with my list of how I love you."
"That's good. I was creeping myself out talking like that."
"...okay. I love you when you come home from work and you're complaining about Blaise Zabini sexually harassing you."
"That's only because you know that Blaise Zabini is sexually harassing me and you can go bloody him up."
"Yes, he's safely in St. Mungo's now."
"Hooray. Why do you love me then?"
"Because I know I'm lucky to have you."
"Aw, that's cute. Next."
"I love you when you're giving birth and screaming profanities at me."
"Why?"
"Because I know you don't mean it. Plus, you're having my baby!"
"..."
"It is my baby, right?"
"Of course!"
"You know what, I think we should report this."
"Report what?"
"I really don't think normal Muggle stoplights stay red this long."
"I think you're right. But what can we do about it?"
"Well, we can do something to pass the time."
"Like what?"
"Well..."
"Oh, dear Lord, no."
"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall."
"I don't think this is the greatest idea."
"Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall."
"You may have saved the world, love, but your singing is really incredibly horrible. You sound like Celestina Warbeck's brother on crack."
"Ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down, pass it around, ninety-six bottles of beer on the wall."
"Merlin's beard! SHUT UP!"
"Ninety-six bottles of beer on the wall – come on, be a sport! Take one down, pass it around, ninety-five bottles of beer on the wall."
"Hey, remember your list? How do I love thee, let me count the ways? You were counting the ways? Can you go back to that?""
"Okay, sure!"
"Yay!"
"I love you when you – damn it."
"What happened?"
The stoplight had turned from red to green. Ginny and Harry Potter proceeded to their destination with a smile on their faces and love in their hearts - and an immense dislike for green lights.
Well...? What did you think?