Eren
The dull thump of horses' hooves against the hard ground, the forest green of capes flashing before my eyes as they whip around in the fierce wind, and the fierce determination I can see in Levi's eyes as they meet mine for a split second, enough to leave my heart thundering. These are the only things I can focus on as we push our horses forward, on a mission to capture a titan, one of the first that will be studied by Hanji. Why do I keep thinking about Levi? And why does my heartbeat accelerate when he so much as glances at me? I'm pretty dense about feelings, even my own, but some profound part of me knows that what I feel about Levi is more than a friendly attraction. Something like a puppy crush? Ah, why do I even bother? It's not like it even matters.
Interrupting my thoughts is the loud sound of gunshots indicating the appearance of a titan, and the somewhat excited yells as we all whip our horses around. Even so, the smell of fear is nearly tangible.
The titan is relatively small for one of its species, with grotesque features that contort in obvious effort as it clumsily plunders towards us. Following the correct formation, some of our group launches into the air. The display of the 3D maneuvering gears is still breathtaking, even though I have seen it plenty of times, and done it myself as well. My eyes can't help but stray towards Levi, seemingly perfectly in control of the situation, every movement and gesture of his radiating power. Gah! I nearly slap myself. I need to stop looking after Corporal Levi with flirty cow eyes. It's pretty unreasonable. Levi would never see me as anything more than an annoying recruit.
The nets nearly cover the titan, and the sense of impending victory is strong, when with a sudden angry, jerking movement, the titan whips the nets off of him and lunges for the nearest human in sight, who just so happens to be Petra. Rage is the only clear thing in those eyes that are so much like black holes. I see Levi's eyes open wide, with an all-consuming rage of his own. Not thinking twice, he lunges at the creature, cutting its hand clean off in a frenzy of movements.
My eyes register every detail, careful and calculating. The deployed string of the 3D maneuvering gear, slow motion before my eyes. The jamming and entanglement, the confusion flashing in Levi's eyes, then fear, all in the span of a few seconds as he comes crashing towards the ground, his now useless maneuvering gear with the tangled string falling with him.
My body acts on its own, and wild with panic, I rush forward without thinking. My maneuvering gear is ready to deploy me…
A hand claps on my shoulder, firm and restraining. "What do you think you're doing?! You're only a trainee!" Erwin's gruff voice booms into my ear.
But I really don't care. I look up and see Levi is mostly fine, his pride hurt more than anything after having his 3D maneuvering gear fail and him having to be helped up.
In the moments afterwards, a series of feelings flash through my mind. But above them all, the realization that I would do anything for Levi. This is more than just a crush. And the part that hurts the most is that I know Levi will never feel the same for me. The only thing I can do is love from the shadows; if anyone found out I was gay, they would feel disdain for me. Worse, if Levi knew, he would never accept me, not even as a friend.