Warnings: None. Set in the AU 6th+ years of mission
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Archer finally realizes some rules were meant to be broken
Disclaimer: All in fun, no profit, if they were mine they'd be sooooo much happier!

Originally published on Linguistics Database Forum in 2008, reworked slightly.

The ball was going well, at least as well as any big event that he didn't want to be at could go. He hated these things and hated these dress uniforms. //Too hot and scratchy// he thought as he tugged at his collar. //The female crew members are comfortable at least.// They got to wear what passed for evening gowns on this planet. The natives had insisted on it, some point of protocol that Hoshi vehemently insisted they follow. T'Pol, not surprisingly, backed her up on it. //Humph, leave it to female solidarity to get out of wearing their dress blues. But by allowing them to do it I get to be the 'good captain' today at least//. They were all decked out like exotic flowers and most of them were out gliding across the dance floor. Jon glanced up to see Trip and T'Pol dancing closely, as close as T'Pol could allow, swaying in time to the alien music. He smiled briefly, glad that they were finally able to overcome everything connected with Elizabeth's death.

Moving his gaze, he looked for the rest of his crew. Other couples were out on the floor, Travis had, of course found himself someone. //That boy never ceases to amaze me//. Even Malcolm had found someone to talk to. Hoshi was in the middle of the crowd being alternately twirled and then held close by one of the MACOs. A jolt went through him. The slow burn of jealousy started to burn in the pit of his stomach and he turned away, looking for a drink.

It wouldn't do for the captain to be drunk… but just one drink might help take the edge off of this horrendous evening. Scratchy uniforms, being forced to do diplomatic duties when all he wanted was to be back on board Enterprise streaking through the stars to the next adventure, and now Hoshi, his Hoshi, getting close to one of the MACOs.

//My Hoshi, she has never been YOUR Hoshi. That's always been in your head, old man. She has never looked at you like that, not in all the years you've known her//. Well… maybe there had been some hero worship there in the beginning. But she had been so young when they met. His father had always wanted Jon to talk with her any time they had her family over. That would keep her occupied while he was trying to convince her parents to push Hoshi towards Starfleet. That someday her talents would be needed by all of Earth. //I didn't want to play along. But she was surprisingly easy to talk to, considering the gap in our ages//. Smirking at that thought //No surprise there, I guess. She never socialized with people her own age. Only people MY age were in her classes… and you can't call that socialization. They never bothered with her, from what she said. She must have been so lonely growing up. Maybe that was why she always welcomed my conversation//.

The purple pinkish drink he was sipping on started to take effect. He could feel his shoulders slowly start to relax, but it did nothing for the jealousy growing in his stomach. He stopped mid-sip and remembered the one time he could have almost called her his Hoshi. Right before the Enterprise was due to leave and he was still trying to convince her to come with them, with him. They had grown closer then and he had seen something in her eyes when she looked at him, but all that changed when she actually accepted the position. She was out of his reach for as long as the mission lasted.

Sigh. Five years was a long time, and now Starfleet has extended the duration.

Glancing back out to the dance floor he could see that the music had changed back to something fast. Once again scanning the crowd, he couldn't find Hoshi. Quickly searching the room with his gaze, Jon found her heading towards the ballroom doors leading out towards the gardens. If he didn't know better, he'd have sworn someone had sent this planet a bad romance novel to copy for all of this. A grand ballroom made of something like marble, formal gardens, and a balcony to stand on. It was too over the top. But this building had been here for thousands of years and, as much as he wanted to leave now, he was just going to have to grin and bear it for the rest of the evening.

Sighing again, he looked at the glass in his hands. Jon downed the last of his drink, grimacing as it went down. Making a decision he knew he might regret later he put down his glass and grabbed two more off the refreshment table as he headed towards the door, after Hoshi.

Stepping out into the cool darkness he stopped for a moment so his eyes could adjust to the dim light. Searching, he finally caught sight of Hoshi standing off to the side, up against the railings, staring out into the formal gardens. He paused, again struck by how she looked. She was beautiful in that gown the Arugilians had sent up for her to wear. It was in multiple shades of deep red, soft as silk, flowing around her body, yet hugging all the right spots. It was strapless so it showed off her shoulders, her luminous skin. But then, he thought she looked fantastic in the jumpsuits that Starfleet made them wear. He slowly approached, unsure of what to say now that he had finally made a decision to talk to her.

Hoshi glanced up, hearing someone approaching.

"Captain, the dancing not to your liking?" turning to face him and smiling.

"You know that I don't care for these things. Besides, I saw you leaving and figured you could use something to quench the thirst you worked up out there on the dance floor." handing her one of the glasses.

Hoshi smiled her thanks as she took the drink. "MACO Tanaka is a good dancer… but not much on conversation." She paused and took a sip of her drink. "I remember you being a good dancer. I've just never figured out why you dislike these events so much."

"Oh, I still like to dance, but…." leaning in with a conspiratorial look on his face he whispered, "It's the scratchy uniforms. Don't you hate yours when you have to wear it?" green eyes crinkling as he smiled at her.

Leaning in herself, she whispered back, "The females wear a silk shirt under theirs. It stops the scratch of the wool coat." She smiled and straightened. "Although if I had known how cool it was going to be this evening I wouldn't have suggested we follow local custom. I'm cold; my wool coat would have felt nice."

Jon set down his glass on the stone railing. Trying for gallantry, he removed his coat; glad to be out of it, revealing the crisp white dress shirt under it. "Here, I'm glad to be off with it, too hot, too scratchy, and too constricting." he said, as moved to drape it over her shoulders. As he placed it over her shoulders his hands brushed against her skin. Another jolt went through him, this time it wasn't jealousy, but desire.

//Get a grip, Jon//. He started to berate himself mentally. He had worked hard over the years to tamp down on his feelings. He couldn't afford not to. If he admitted his feelings then he'd have to do something about them. But he couldn't. There were too many things holding him back. Rules, although he had never been a stickler for following the rules. The distance in their ages, the dissimilarity in what they had both wanted in life. She wanted to stay on Earth and teach. He was meant for the stars. Now, he was no longer sure if any of those things really mattered. He glanced back over to look at her.

Hoshi had snuggled into the jacket and was gazing back into the garden. To cover the silence he asked if she'd like to take a walk in the gardens below. Offering her his arm they strolled out onto the garden path. The darkness started to surround them as they moved down, into the garden. Only the alien moon shining brightly guided them. Hoshi shivered again, despite the warmth of Jon's jacket. He glanced at her and pulled her close to his side, placing his hand on her's where it was tucked into his arm. They could hear the band strike up another slow song as the music wafted out to them on the night air.

Hoshi sighed, "It has been so nice to get off the ship, meet a new race, learn yet another language, breath real air, and dance. It's been so long since we've been able to meet someone friendly. It's a shame it's almost over."

"Well, why don't we do a little more dancing before the night is through. It'd be a shame not to get the most out of that dress." Jon said as took her hand in his, removed the coat from her shoulders with his other hand, gently pushing her body away from his, and then pulling her back into him to start a slow dance.

Hoshi looked up at him as they started to sway, "Do you like it? The female crew was thrilled to wear something other then uniforms for tonight".

"Well, I'm always happy to be accommodating." He replied slightly sarcastically "And yes, I do like it. You look absolutely beautiful." His gaze softening as he spoke.

Hoshi's breath caught. How many times had she wished to be like this with Jon? How many times had she dreamed of him looking at her, with something other then distance? Once, she thought he had. Before Enterprise, before when she was finally out on her own, teaching. She had thought, had hoped, that he had started to look at her with something more. But Enterprise and Starfleet had changed the way he looked at her. Now it was nothing but duty and a distant friendship. //Your timing always did stink Hoshi// She could feel her eyes start to burn. Hoshi looked off into the night to try and gain some composure. Trying to cover what she was feeling.

Every few steps Jon would take her hand and gently push her away from him in a slow spin. Her hair and dress would flair out and catch the moon light and shine. She was so beautiful, so everything, he felt his chest constrict.

The music continued on and Jon pulled her close, he could feel her shiver, and then relax against him. Glancing down he could see her eyes had closed and he tucked her hand up against his chest.

// I should not be letting this happen! This can't happen! Starfleet…//

Hoshi's mind was racing while her body slowly moved in time with Jon's. But she didn't want to stop dancing with him. He felt too good against her, too right. His body was radiating heat like the sun and she basked in it. She could smell him, a combination of musk and soap, as he held her close.

Jon gently rested his cheek on the top of her head as the final strains of music made their way out to them. //I can't live like this anymore// It was now or never. Pulling back he looked down at her, gently raised her chin with his hand, and kissed her.

Hoshi hesitated, and then responded to his gentle kiss. Her hand was pressed against his chest as she stood on tiptoe to reach him. Jon's arm tightened around her waist, bringing her even closer to him as he deepened their kiss. Too many years of longing had been contained. He couldn't stop their kiss now, even if all the Starfleet brass were standing there watching.

They slowly broke apart, Hoshi looked up into his eyes, a troubled look coming across her face. "We can't, I can't, this can't happen, Jon." She whispered softly. Hoshi started to pull away.

Jon tightened his hold on her, refusing to let her go. He finally had her in his arms. Finally knew that some rules were meant to be broken, some gulfs were meant to be crossed. If he didn't do this now he knew that she would never be his.

"Yes, this can happen. I want this to happen, have always wanted this to happen, am praying that you want this to happen." Hoshi's eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. Jon ached to kiss her again but he had to tell her everything that was in his heart before she stopped him.

"I have always loved you. Even before it was legal… you are so… so… you brought a light into my life that I didn't know was missing. I kept trying to deny it, bury it, so it would never show. You never looked at me with anything more then friendship, respect, perhaps as a brother when you were teasing me over something or another… I just can't live any longer without you knowing how I feel. Trip and T'Pol made me see that. After they lost Elizabeth, everything that they went through together, and still they are there, together, I realized that my priorities have been wrong. I've taken Enterprise out to the stars and back. It was wonderful fulfilling Dad's dream, but I have more dreams then just that one. I dream of you. Of us. I want us to be together. I want to make you the center of my universe." He said, bending down to catch her down turned eyes, his face hopeful and fearful at the same time.

Hoshi paused, not knowing how to react. //Take him? Of course, she would. But Starfleet… his career.// She closed her eyes, willing the tears not to fall. She could always go back to teaching, had always planned to, someday, at some point. The only reason she stayed in the stupid flying tin can was to be near him. She accepted this mission because he was her friend //Oh, admit it, you wanted more even then// but then being together on the Enterprise only served to develop her feelings even more. Though she figured that it would never come to fruition. //Hell, he's the captain. There are rules, and besides, he never treated me with any more affection then an older brother, at least that's what I thought he was doing. Why didn't he say something then?// Tears started to seep out from under her closed eyelids…. She felt Jon taking her hand and she turned her head away…

Jon reached out to cup her cheek with his hand "Please, Hoshi, talk to me… tell me what you're thinking… give me some hope, hope that I might at least still call you my friend after all of my…" his voice faded off as she looked up into his face. She leaned ever so slightly forward, her hands pressing against his chest, and kissed him gently on the lips. Jon was too stunned to respond for a moment. Hoshi pulled back and alarm started to fill her eyes //Has he reconsidered?// He bent down and captured her mouth with his, kissing her. The kiss lingered and then deepened, all of the passion they both felt finally coming to the surface.

After a long moment, they finally broke apart and Jon grinned down at Hoshi. She smiled tentatively back at him and reached up to brush her hand against his cheek. Grabbing her hand in his he kissed her palm, then tucked her hand back in the crook of his arm. Slowly they walked off again, into the darkness. Although the path ahead was dark they had the light of their passion to light their way.