Ambrose Thorn walked into the clearing, dragging his Crystal Rapier in the soft earth behind him. In the middle of the clearing stood Jace Von, Alice Incarnation the Fifth. He was swinging his scythe around, cutting down trees and humming the broken tune of "Alice of Human Sacrifice."
Ambrose walked up to him, clearing his throat. "Jace," he said rather pompously and without regret, "I slept with your sister."
The blade of the hellscythe swung towards Ambrose's face. In an instant his rapier was up in front of him, blocking the other blade's process.
"Excuse me." Ambrose stepped back, memory crystals trailing from the constantly disintegrating and reforming blade of his foil. "She didn't seem to think you would care."
"I don't," Jace said, turning and going back to slashing trees. "It's just a good excuse to kill you without consequence."
He wandered off farther into the woods. Ambrose paused, then followed him into the dense trees.
"So," Ambrose called ahead to Jace, who was stalking efficiently through the trees, "I was sent to invite you to a tea party. In the Hearts Castle. The new queen has found the Jabberwock Knight. After the tea, a joust shall take place in the back garden."
"Who will be there?" Jace didn't so much as turn around while speaking.
"The First, Second, Third, Fourth and, if you come, the Fifth. Also the Hatter and Hare, the White Rabbit and the new queen herself. Plus many of the... others."
Jace finally stopped and turned around. "Very well," he sighed. "I'll see you there." He spun back around and vanished into the forest.
Ambrose walked off, trying to find his path. He was almost hopeless when he saw, pointing due north, a smeared red trail through the leaves and grass of the forest floor. Ambrose grinned. He knew who was behind this, and he could match him in a fight if it came to that. Right now, he needed directions.
Ambrose switched course to follow the bloody red trail of Alice Incarnation the First.
Ambrose arrived in the lair of Corbin Silver after about eleventeen hours' walk. He looked around. The surrounding trees that had not been sliced to ribbons were covered with blood and... other things. Corpses littered the ground, although none were fully intact. Ambrose strolled through the trees, looking for Corbin. "Where are you, Alice?" he called.
Ambrose heard the whistle of a blade behind him and brought his sword up to parry, spinning around to face his adversary as he did so. Corbin was a tall, thin man dressed in a red suit. His eyes glowed crimson, and there was a silver print of a rose on his right glove. In his right hand was his legendary weapon, the Vorpal Blade, a weapon so sharp that it was able to cut through magic itself.
But not all magic, Ambrose thought, grinning and twirling his rapier in a fencing solute.
Corbin slashed the air with the Vorpal Blade, producing a shining swirl of energy tracing where the blade had moved. He pointed it at Ambrose, ready to fight.
Their swords met, sending a wave of magic energy rippling through the air. Corbin slashed and hacked wildly while Ambrose twirled and dodged, landing ineffective blows. Corbin drove his blade home to find that Ambrose's chest had dissolved into memory crystals and parted around his arm. Instead he slashed upward, parting Ambrose's arm from his shoulder and sending his sword flying. It fell to the ground and shattered, turning to memory shards and trickling back into Ambrose's similarly reforming arm.
Corbin moved in for a final blow, but Ambrose ducked and kicked the Vorpal Blade from his grasp. It landed in the dead grass, several feet away. Corbin simply held out his hand, and his weapon soared back into his hand. "Goes snicker-snack," he said tonelessly, holding it over Ambrose like a sacrificial knife. "It leaves them dead..."
As the blade came down once more, it was blocked by the Crystal Rapier. Ambrose had rebuilt it out of his arm. "Let's call this one a draw," Corbin scowled.
"Yes, well," Ambrose said, dusting off his purple suit. "I'm only here to ask you for directions."
"Hmm," Corbin frowned. "I have to get going anyway, so I suppose you can tag along." They started off along the bloody path to the castle.
The two arrived at the front gates of Hearts Castle quite quickly. Their entrance, however, was blocked by two guards, the 3 of Diamonds and the 5 of Spades. "Password?" the 3 inquired.
"Teatime," Ambrose said crisply. "Which, by the way, it almost is. Come along, Corbin!"
They traipsed through the gates and through the central courtyard to see a procession taking place. At its head was Emmily Von, the new queen and Alice Incarnation the Fourth. She winked at Ambrose as she passed, who nodded in reply.
"Oy, you two!" One of the guards had spotted them. "Bow to your queen!"
Ambrose simply ignored the card. But Corbin turned his head, slowly, to look at the guard. "I could sever the magical connection that keeps you alive," he hissed, holding up the Vorpal Blade. "Leave me be, fool."
The stuttering guard backed away, stuttering. As the procession continued, they saw the Jabberwock Knight, Bloody Mary, scowling behind the king.
"Can't get enough, can she?" Ambrose chuckled. "Mary has her own country to take care of, yet she will not forgive the Vons for their takeover of the Kingdom of Hearts. Maybe her newfound powers will lead to some bloodshed."
While Ambrose was chuckling over this prospect, Jace and Emmily were talking. Well, Emmily was talking.
"Jace, I need to tell you... I'm in a relationship with Ambrose," Emmily said cautiously. When Jace didn't respond, Emmily pried, "I need to know whether you're you're okay with–"
"Obviously I'm okay with it, otherwise you'd already be dead," Jace said without a trace of emotion.
Emmily swallowed the rest of her words.
Everyone gathered in the garden at the back of the palace. There was an extremely long table set up there, with enough seats for everyone. Already seated were the honorary guests, the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. The Hatter's watch, as usual, was broken, and he and the Hare were soaking the insides with tea.
Everybody sat down and greeted one another. "I'm glad that we were finally allowed out, Time was very grudging at first!" The Hatter said cheerfully, dumping tea down Ambrose's front. As almost no one knew about his quarrel with Time, he recited the story for everyone's benefit. Bloody Mary attempted to pour herself some tea, looked inside the kettle when nothing came out, and found the Dormouse sleeping in it. She pointed it out to the entire assembly.
"Shameless, wake it up! It ought to be punished, the chopping block will do-"
"You are no longer queen here," Emmily said calmly. She shook the soggy Dormouse. "Be present before your queen!" she commanded.
"What is it?" the mouse said, awakening, then falling back asleep, mumbling the word, "Treacle..."
"You know, this reminds me of a song," the Hatter mused. "It went a little like this—"
"Oh, no," Mary groaned.
The Hatter paid her no mind. "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat," he sang, "How I wonder where you're— Aack!"
Corbin had gotten up out of his seat and onto the table, strode down the length of it, and was now standing at the Hatter's place, exerting a strong grip on his throat.
"I hate that song," Corbin said through gritted teeth, squeezing harder.
"Aughck," the Hatter gasped. Corbin released him. He took in a deep breath, and continued, "Up above the world so high, like a teatray—"
The Vorpal Blade was a flash of silver as Corbin brought it down. It sliced through the air, piercing the Hatter's hand and stabbing through the table. Blood spurted everywhere. Ambrose was covered in it, complaining loudly, "Come on, I just cleaned this suit!"
"Shut up," Corbin advised the Hatter, who looked close to passing out.
"You could've told him before," the March Hare said indignantly. "You really should say what you mean—"
The Hare's head went spinning over the table, showering everyone in more blood. Corbin wiped off his blade on Bloody Mary's dress. "Looks like we're having rabbit tonight," he said softly.
"It was a hare, there's a difference," Ambrose said, wiping blood off his trousers. "Anyway, I think that's enough tea for now."
They processed farther into the back garden, arriving at the entrance to an enormous hedge maze.
"Attention, everyone!" Emmily got up in front of everyone, mounting the stairs to the entrance with some difficulty, due to her enormous dress. She ripped it off, revealing her combat suit underneath, and tossed it to the side.
"Anyway," she continued, "we will now participate in the semi-annual Unbirthday Massacre! Isn't that fun?"
Everyone roared their approval. Corbin did not speak, but his eyes gleamed hungrily. Jace yawned.
"All of our oldest friends will participate!" Emmily pointed out the contestants in the crowd. "Corbin Silver! Ambrose Thorn!" She smiled. "Bloody Mary, our guest from the green country!"
"Hmmph," Mary said.
"And of course, my brother, Jace, and I will both participate," Emmily finished, stepping back into the maze. "Now, if the other participants will enter the labyrinth..."
The other four stepped forward and joined Emmily as they all ventured into the darkness of the maze.
In the center of the labyrinth, there was a throne. The throne had runic carvings in it, engraved at the dawn of dusk. Glowing runes swirled around the throne, matching those on it. On this throne sat a creature. It sat formally, legs uncrossed and hands gripping the armrests of its seat. Yet it slumped, like a puppet with cut stings, its head rolling onto its shoulder and its back relaxed.
It grinned, an eerie, unnaturally wide smile like a jack-o-lantern's, raising his head and seeing without eyes. It spoke for the first time in centuries:
"Wake up, you lazy asses, and get ready. It's time for the slaughter."
One by one, the other forms around the edges of the room stirred. "What is it, Mimsy?" yawned a small girl with a die for a head. "I was in the middle of a game."
"Would you like some candy?" A tall man asked his companion. She nodded, smiling sweetly. "Well, let's go get some," the man said. "Where are our soul-pikes?"
"Right where you left them," answered a young boy. "I'm hungry."
"As am I," a yellow-eyed being in a black jumpsuit replied softly.
"That is enough," the Mimsy interrupted, straightening on his throne. "Are Consonance and Dissonance in the maze yet?"
"Consonance is," said the tall man's companion, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "He is to help the contestants."
"But Dissonance will spread discord for us," the tall man reminded her. "We have a large advantage over them, regardless. There are more of us then there are of them."
"Though that is true, numbers will only truly matter once the Seven arrive," the Mimsy said, tilting his head as if he were curious. "Until then, keep your eyes peeled. You never know what these lunatics might have up their sleeves."
A few of the assembled creatures sniggered. The Mimsy paid them no heed.
"Off you go, then," he told them. "Go kill me some Alices."