Dipper and Wendy never really knew how they got themselves into the situations they found themselves in.
One minute, they were drifting off to sleep, having just gotten their daughter to go back to sleep. Then, the next morning, Dipper was hanging upside down while Wendy tried convincing a mad witch not to kill him.
Although, really, this whole situation was both Dipper and Wendy's fault and not Dipper and Wendy's fault.
When they bought their new home in Gravity Falls, because Dipper thought living in a trailer wouldn't be good for raising a child, it had apparently been built on land that was owned by the witch before she was out bought by housing developers.
So, she swore vengeance on whoever bought the house, whom just so happened to be Dipper and Wendy.
But, when the witch saw Wendy was pregnant, she decided to wait until after the baby was out to exact her revenge. She was a considerate witch that way.
But, when revenge was had, Dipper was taken from his bed late at night and Wendy followed a trail of breadcrumbs the witch left to find them.
When she finally found them, they were in a cave and Dipper was hanging above a boiling pot of something.
"Please Madame Witch," Dipper pleaded, "Let me go. I promise I'll give you anything you want."
"There's nothing you have that I want," the witch objected.
"Really," Dipper asked, "You're living in a cave, wearing the most ragged clothes I've ever seen, and there's nothing I have that you want?"
"You can't tell me how to live my life," the witch yelled, "You're not my Mom."
"Stop," Wendy shouted, "Don't cook my husband!"
"And why shouldn't I," the witch asked, "He took my land from me. An eye for an eye, as they say."
"That is not, in any way, what this means," Dipper corrected, "Eye for an eye means you would take the land back, not cook me alive."
"Shut up Dipper," Wendy and the witch simultaneously scolded.
"Look," Wendy begged, "That man is my husband and the father of my child. If you eat him, there'll be two girls who'll miss him with all their hearts. Please, let him live."
"Alright," the witch growled as she set Dipper down on the ground, "I'll let him live."
"Thank you," Wendy thanked.
"Yeah," Dipper groaned, "Thanks for the drop. I'm pretty sure I heard a snap."
"But," the Witch added on, "I still have to punish you for taking my land somehow."
"You left me dangling upside down for over an hour," Dipper moaned, "I think I've suffered enough."
"Silence," the witch growled, "I have thought of a fitting punishment."
"Is it drowning one of us to see if we're a witch," Wendy asked.
"No," the witch griped, "I'm going to take all of your most deep, personal secrets and reveal them to the world."
"That doesn't sound so bad," Wendy countered, "Our lives are open books."
"Pretty much everyone in town knows that my favorite song is 'Disco Girl'," Dipper bragged, "You can't humiliate us."
"That includes your sex lives," the witch cackled.
Both Dipper and Wendy's eyes suddenly went dead.
"Hang on, hang on," Dipper stammered, "There must be something else you can do."
"Do you want money," Wendy asked, "We have money."
"Sorry," the witch objected, "But that's my final offer. Have a nice day."
Then, the witch snapped her fingers and Dipper and Wendy ended up back in their bed.
"Maybe it was all just a bad dream," Wendy suggested.
Suddenly, their daughter started crying.
"Or maybe this is all just a bad dream," Wendy deadpanned.
"I don't think so," Dipper countered, "If this were a bad dream, there'd be more zombies."
"No, don't worry," Wendy deadpanned, "I'll go tend to our daughter."
So, Wendy got up and went to tend to her daughter, with Dipper following and trying to help.
"Maybe she was bluffing," Wendy suggested.
"Why would she bluff about that," Dipper questioned, "She's a magic witch who tried to eat me."
"I don't know," Wendy replied, "I'm just trying to make it better, and your general negativity is not helping things."
"I'm sorry," Dipper apologized, "I just jump to the worst possible scenario at the tip of a hat. Maybe you're right. Maybe this isn't so bad."
"Let's try Googling our names," Wendy added on, "There's no way that witch knows everything about our sex lives."
Five minutes later...
"Wow," Dipper gasped, "She knows everything. Even the stuff we did on our honeymoon."
"Especially the stuff we did on our honeymoon," Wendy groaned, jumping onto the couch.
"Whoa," Dipper reacted, "Calm down. I'm supposed to be the panicky one around here."
"I'm not panicky," Wendu9 y growled, "I'm frusturated. Angry even. I swear, the first person I see who knows anything about our sex life..."
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Don't worry," Dipper reassured, "I'm sure it's just Mabel. Just let me answer it."
Dipper went over to the door to dramatically open it to reveal an Amish gentleman.
"Hello," the man greeted, "My name is Daniel. My wheelmobile has broken down in front of your home. Can you please help me fix it?"
"Did somebody say fix," Wendy asked, "Cause I'm pretty good at fixing things."
It was true. One of the advantages of working at the Mystery Shack for so long was that Soos taught Wendy a lot about fixing stuff.
Ten minutes later, Daniel was riding away on his buggy.
"That was close," Wendy thought out loud, "I'm glad the first outsider I talked to was someone who had no way of knowing about any of this."
"You know," Dipper seduced, "It always turns me on, seeing you fix things."
Ten minutes later, Dipper and Wendy were both in bed, naked and exhausted.
"Dude," Wendy feared, "You don't think this will end up online too, will it?"
"Oh crap," Dipper murmured.
Dipper and Wendy really didn't want to go outside today of all days, but they were forced to when they ran out of grapes. Their daughter just loved the little things, for whatever reason.
After dropping off their daughter with Manly Dan, while avoiding his ten yard stare, they drove to Piblux, Gravity Falls' premier grocery mart.
"I feel like everyone's staring at us," Dipper whispered.
"We're in a car with tinted windows," Wendy objected.
"Still," Dipper countered.
After a short drive, they'd arrived at the Piblux.
"I still feel like everyone's staring at us," Dipper whispered.
This time, Wendy knew Dipper was right, because even she was feeling second glances and raised eyebrows whenever they walked past someone. But, she didn't want to let Dipper think he was right about something.
"You're being paranoid," Wendy fake brushed off.
"Am I though," Dipper questioned, "Wendy, this is Gravity Falls. Everybody knows everybody."
"That is so stereotypical of former big city folk," Wendy countered, "Not everybody in this town knows you."
"Really," Dipper challenged.
Dipper decided to test his theory by stretching his arm and softly striking the closest person to him.
"Jeez," the unfortunate man proclaimed, "Watch that arm, Dipper."
"Sorry, Aaron," Dipper apologized.
"What point are you trying to prove here," Wendy questioned, "Everyone in town knows we fuck in the most animalistic, gross ways imaginable and we should move to a third world country that doesn't have internet access?"
"That wasn't what I intended to say," Dipper countered, "But that actually sounds like a reasonable idea right about now. Also, you wanna drop some more f-bombs in the middle of a grocery store, in case the kids in the parking lot didn't hear you?"
"Tell you what," Wendy angrily bargained, "Stop trying to tick me off and help me find the grapes."
"Ah, yes," Dipper replied, "Finding the grapes. That will be difficult, considering we're in the Baking Items aisle. We've been aimlessly wandering around this store for the past ten minutes!"
"Why do you blame me for that," Wendy screamed, "I didn't exactly hear you saying anything when I was about to push the cart into an arrangement of cough tablet boxes."
"Have you ever thought that the reason you almost crashed into that display was the same reason it took you two tries to get your driver's license," Dipper angrily asked, "You have absolutely no focus fifty percent of the time."
"Really," Wendy questioned, "You don't seem to have any complaints about my focus when I'm fucking your brains out."
"There you go again," Dipper complained, "I get you're naturally going to curse more when our daughter isn't around, but I think even Paul Mooney would suggest you tone it down in the middle of a Piblux."
Suddenly, Dipper's phone vibrated, indicating a text message. So, he took it out and looked at it.
"It's Mabel," Dipper stated, "She wants to meet us at the diner."
"Tell her we're busy," Wendy brushed off.
Suddenly, Dipper's phone vibrated, indicating Mabel sent another text message.
"She says it's an emergency," Dipper stated.
"The last time she said there was an emergency was the time Pacifica got her thumb stuck in a vacuum," Wendy countered.
"She had to go to the hospital," Dipper objected, "We have to get down there."
As Dipper and Wendy walked into the crowded diner, it wasn't hard to feel like everyone was looking at them, talking about them, wondering what they did earlier that day.
Wendy thought the feeling would go away when they sat at a booth. It didn't.
"Is this going to be our lives now," Dipper questioned, "Having to know that people are staring at us whenever we go anywhere?"
"I was testy with you five minutes ago," Wendy groaned, "Now I just want to crawl into a hole and hide."
"For how long, though," Dipper questioned, "Because I can't stay in a hole for longer than eleven minutes."
"You don't have to stay in the hole with me," Wendy replied, "I'd actually prefer if you stayed in a closet or something."
"I'm not gonna let you sit in a dirty hole all by yourself," Dipper argued.
"Fine," Wendy caved in, "We'll both squeeze into the hole."
"We'd better make sure the hole is far from the western edge of the woods," Dipper warned, "That's armadillo country."
"What's the big deal about armadillos," Wendy questioned.
"They spoon," Dipper shot back.
"Hey, guys," Mabel greeted, having walked in and sat down next to Dipper.
"Hey," Dipper and Wendy halfheartedly greeted.
"You two didn't have sex while you were waiting for me, did you," Mabel laughed.
"Mabel," Dipper growled, "Totally inappropriate."
"Just kidding," Mabel defended, "If you really did have sex, the internet would've told me."
"Is this all you came here to do," Wendy asked.
"Was your goal to make us feel more uncomfortable than we already do," Dipper questioned.
"I just have to ask," Mabel asked, "What is 'the Art Student'?"
"Well," Wendy groaned, "I'm an attractive art student."
"And I'm a model the class has to paint nude," Dipper stammered.
"I find myself focusing less on my painting and more on my model," Wendy groaned.
"So she stops me after class and invites me to her dorm room," Dipper stammered, "And she insists I just wear my bathrobe."
"Then we bang for a while," Wendy groaned.
"Mabel," Dipper groaned, "As you can imagine, this has not been the best day for us. Can you please not talk about this?"
"Alright," Mabel conceded, "I just wanted to say that you guys inspired me."
"Say what," Wendy stammered.
"To be honest," Mabel confessed, "I've been wanting to try some stuff with Pacifica for a while now, but I've always been too afraid of what she'll think of me. But, seeing what you two, a perfectly healthy couple, do, inspired me. I talked to her this morning, and I got what I've always wanted."
"Oohh," Wendy gasped, "Like what?"
"Please don't," Dipper groaned.
"The point is," Mabel continued, "Pacifica said wanting what I wanted was nothing to be ashamed of. She said she would've done anything for me, because she loves me. And considering all the stuff you two have done, you must really love each other."
"Huh," Dipper stammered, "I never thought of that before."
"We just saw the most private parts of our lives exposed to everyone," Wendy replied, "We never thought it could actually benefit people."
"I bet there's a lot of couples in Gravity Falls who saw what you two have done and got inspired to try stuff they always wanted to do, but never thought they could discuss before," Mabel comforted.
Dipper slowly took hold Wendy's hand under the booth and started caressing it.
"Anyway, I should be getting home," Mabel stated, "Pacifica wanted to try 'the Spread Eagle'."
"That's technically an acrobatic move," Dipper corrected.
"Clearly, you haven't seen Chicago," Mabel countered, "Thanks for the help."
As Mabel walked away, Dipper and Wendy felt something they hadn't felt all day: happy.
Later that day, the witch was in her cave, brewing a witch's brew in a cauldron.
"Mix some natamycin," the witch cackled, "Potassium sorbate, foie gras, and those Whole Foods people will never know what hit them. Suckers."
Unknown to the witch, Dipper and Wendy had walked into her cave. The witch was busy, so they had to get her attention.
"Hey," Dipper quietly yelled, the witch still oblivious.
"Hey," Wendy shouted, getting the witch's attention.
"Well well well," the witch greeted, "If it isn't the two people I cursed. How's that curse I cursed you with, cursie and cursette?"
"Actually," Dipper stated, "We came by to thank you."
"Say what," the witch questioned.
"We have been questioning now if the romance has died in our relationship since Annabel was born," Wendy explained, "But, now we know that the stuff you put online actually means that we're still in love."
"What are you talking about," the witch questioned, "Some of that stuff was disgusting."
"Yeah," Dipper replied, "But, some of it is stuff you'd only do to the one you love. Like that time I had a rough day at school, so Wendy started rubbing my back with one hand, then started 'servicing me' with another. I definitely felt better after that."
"Or that time I was way more 'in the mood' than Dipper was," Wendy remembered, "So he said that my pleasure was more important than his and used his tongue on me, like, four times. It was the most awesome time ever."
"Fine," the witch brushed off, "Be gross and in love. At least I still had my revenge."
As the witch went back to her business, Dipper and Wendy left the cave, arms around each others' shoulders.
"You know," Dipper suggested, "If we really want to keep the romance alive in our relationship, we should probably do more than find romantic ways to have sex."
"What do you mean," Wendy asked.
"How about a date night," Dipper suggested, "Every Wednesday, we go out, leave Annabel with Mabel and Pacifica, and go do something romantic and fun."
"Every Wednesday night," Wendy questioned, "You expect me to leave my baby girl every Wednesday night?"
"Every other Wednesday night," Dipper suggested.
"Better," Wendy complimented.
"Something romantic and fun," Dipper continued.
"Sounds good to me," Wendy confirmed.
Would they always be able to do this, every other Wednesday night? No, sometimes life would get in the way of their plans, whether it be a problem at work or a problem with Annabel.
But, night out or not, Dipper and Wendy would always find new, romantic ways to show they loved each other.
And that's all they needed.