A/N: For Drucilly, because she encouraged it.
"For example, I dared you to kiss me."
"What?"
"I double dare you. Kiss me now."
Well, this morning has taken a REALLY strange turn.
It's barely been three days now, since Chloe and I reconnected.
Wait...three? Or was it two? Hold on, what day is it today? Is it Thursday? Wednesday?
Shit, this time travel stuff is really starting to mess up my head. I've got WAY more memories and experiences than forty-eight hours should be able to provide. Over half of which don't even exist anymore. Trouble is, it's getting harder and harder to remember what I remember verses what the rest of the world does.
So maybe I'm going a bit insane, you know? Because I could have sworn Chloe asked me - no...DARED me to kiss her.
"C'mon Max, what are you waiting for? Oh wow, wait, did I actually break your brain?"
"YES! I mean, no...I'm just..."
I need time to think. Seriously think! And well, I guess I have all the time I need, so I pull back, just a bit, erase and rewind. While I try to figure this out.
It occurs to me that the first question I should be asking myself is: Why are you trying to figure this out? Why is this a big deal? Just kiss her. Blow her mind, because she's not expecting it. Or...wait. Is she? IS SHE? But, why don't I just say no?
I don't know if I can handle this at the moment. But why? So maybe I just hit abort on...you know...whatever is going on.
"Sorry, not that easy."
Fuck! I sound so...pathetic. Like a scared little girl.
Chloe smirks, and breezily turns away from me. There's something forced to the action though, there's a catch in her voice when she speaks, trying to play it off. "Oh,like I am? Just admit that you already macked on me, then used your rewind! Now I can text Warren that you're saving yourself all for him..."
The notion doesn't sit well with me. Again I ask myself why this is making me freak. Why is the disappointed tone in her voice making me ache, just a little bit.
Oh my God, does Chloe...like me? Like...'LIKE LIKE' like me?
Uhh...yeah, genius!
I can't believe I didn't see the signs! Especially the casual, tossed off line about how I could kiss her, and she'd never know it, back at the dinner.
Well, since she's going to assume I did the crime, I might as well give it a whirl. Right? That would tell me a lot
Erase. Rewind.
I fall forward a bit, wrapping my arms around her. Our lips meet and...
...she flinches back. Stammering.
"Damn, you're hard core, Max. Now I can text Warren, and tell him he doesn't stand a chance, unless he's into girl-on-girl action."
"You're such a dork!" I keep the tone in my voice light. Casual. Just a sort of 'Hey, you dared me to do it.' sort of thing.
But. Oh.
Utoh.
I turn away, touching my lips. Sighing delicately, still savoring the tingles and shivers that it left across my body. The realization that this was, in an oh-so-real way, my first kiss.
My first...
In one perfect, crystallizing moment, it all snaps together, loud enough that I can almost hear it in my ears. The friendly kinda-sorta-flirting. Those moments in the pool - Chloe in her underwear, hee hee. The warm giddy goofiness it made me feel, when she said she'd never leave my side again. Rachel Amber...ugh! I told myself feeling jealous about her was just about them being friends, regretting what I missed out on those five years. But Chloe told me herself that she was crushing on her. Now I realize that I was just wishing I had been in Rachel's place. Instead.
Why I wrote down "Max was here" in the hideout, like I needed to try and stake my claim.
Why I was such a stupid, idiotic bitch, and didn't talk to her for five years after I left. Like I knew the whole damn time and I just couldn't subconsciously face it!
"FUCK! Fuck fuck fuck!"
"Whoa, Max, chill. What's up?"
Shit, did I say that out loud?
If anything, I was expecting...more. Not like all the way more, but definitely...MORE more. More than just a "Damn" and "Hard core".
Did I do it wrong? Maybe I'm just a shitty kisser.
Erase. Rewind.
I give it another go. It's nicer this time. Even knowing what's coming, the tightness in my chest, the warmth spreading out across my legs from deep between them. Now that I've accepted it, come to the realization how I feel about Chloe...
"Damn, you're hard core..."
DAMNIT!
Erase. Rewind.
This time I cup her face. Hold her close, try to keep her from stepping back and breaking the kiss when I go for it. Try to show her how I feel. That it's okay. Crazy as this sounds, barely two...three...eight? days since we hooked up...
(Did I say hooked up? Hee.)
I mean since we met again...I want this. Whatever is happening. We should totally just go with it.
She pushes me away, dazed, and blushing, as she exclaims, "Damn, Max. Wow, I said kiss but that was..." There's a look in her eyes, that makes me think I did something wrong But I'm getting warmer, right? I mean I managed to change her response this time.
Erase. Rewind.
Another try. This time, I use a little tongue. Just a bit of a tip. Realizing way too late that...umm...
...I really have no idea what I'm doing. I'm very bad at Basic Kissing, let alone the Intermediate level stuff.
"Whoa! Max! I dared you to kiss me, not lick me!"
Erase. Rewind.
This go around, I wrap my arms around her, slowly. I take my time. Give her my best, smouldering look, and trying to communicate without telling her in words that I want this. Each and every time we kiss, I'm more and more sure of it. Not to mention to mention that I'm - God I'm so embarrassed to admit to it - more than a little turned on by this. Maybe it's barely one time for Chloe, but it's almost like we've been making out, from my perspective.
The intensity of the moment is too much for her. Or something. I don't know, but clearly telegraphing my intentions causes her to pull back, hold up her hands and protest.
"Ah...okay...um...Max...this is suddenly getting weird."
Erase. Rewind.
Repeated applications don't seem to be helping the situation here. After a while, I'm afraid I grow kind of desperate.
"Max! What the hell, I said KISS me, not grope me!"
Yeah. I went for...wait, is it second base or third when you touch a breast? But my hand IS on it. She's small you know? In the chest, but I like it. It fills my hand up with her softness. Creates such an intimate connection, for the barest moment that I'm able to get away with it. And I realize something new, in the act.
I really...like breasts! Or Chloe's at least. I don't have any other evidence to compare against.
Erase. Rewind.
"Max! What the hell, I said KISS me, not grope me!"
I give an exaggerated shrug, holding my hands out with a dramatic flourish. "I went for the left breast last time, so I had to make sure I touched the right one. You know, this go around?"
She moves to slap me, and before she can follow through, I pull back.
Erase. Rewind.
"Oooookay Max. Ha ha, you got me there. Kissing my feet. I get it, I get it, because I didn't say where..."
Okay, now this whole experience is making me loopy. I should probably stop living in this rerun. This can't be good for what's left of my brain.
Erase. Rewind.
"For instance, I dare you...'
"No. I'm not going to kiss you again." I interject, firmly, but softly.
She blinks, not expecting that response, but quickly recovers, a smile blossoming on her face.
Damnit, Chloe...you look so amazing right now.
Whatever little spark of curiosity inside me, whatever sleeping affection in my heart...after all those kisses, and all those tries...
"I'm in love with you, Chloe." The words spill out, unbidden. I freak, pull back, only a second or two. Take it back.
Just breathe...
I let her go first this time. She cocks her hips, inordinately pleased with herself, and it makes me positively ache. I want to solve this puzzle named Chloe Price. Make it work, here and now. Make her mine, like...today!
"So how many..."
"Twenty-seven. I think? Or twelve? Eighteen? I think I lost count after six."
Chloe hugs herself for a moment. Turns away, and drifts to the bed, slowly sitting down on the edge.
"D-damn, Max. Pretty hard core."
I make my way over, sitting next to her. Head swimming with all the changes that have gone through my mind since we started down this helter-skelter path, this crazy dare. Maybe Chloe's been left unscathed, but it's...
...left it's mark on me.
Sunk the claws in deep.
She did it to me. I did it to myself. With her.
Oh God. What am I going to do now?
I reach out for her hand, and she lets me take it, but she still won't look at me.
"I thought you felt the same way. I mean...I mean seriously! Between the diner, and the pool and now this?"
I reach out, touching her hair.
Chloe, please don't freak. Please don't act like...
She gives a soft, sad laugh, and says, "I don't know how to handle this, Max. All those times. I mean...is that what you really think of me? That I'm just some playtoy? Was it all just a joke?"
A feeling like a bony hand clenched hard around my heart almost winds me, and I bow my head.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"I just...I wanted to get it right. That's all. I just wanted to...because...I thought this was going to be some big reveal. You know, like the movies, where there's the fantastic kiss, and all is well and..." I swallow, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes, rolling slowly down my cheeks.
She reaches over, brushing a tear away with a thumb, "Max, look. I need you to...go slow with me, okay? This is really freaking me out, and maybe there's just some things I just don't need to know. 'Cause this is hella weird. Too much for me. I think I'm having seriously ass trouble dealing with it."
She gives me an apologetic look. Then leans in, kisses me suddenly. That same hand around my heart releases, and relief just bursts through. But she pulls back, just as fast.
Chloe looks at me, with a kind of bittersweet, pain-and-pleasure look on her face, and softly begins to recite some verse, only half looking at me as she does:
"Let us live, my Lesbia, and love.
As for all the rumors of those stern old men,
Let us value them at a mere penny.
Suns may set and yet rise again, but
Us, with our brief light, can set but once.
One never-ending night must be slept.
Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred.
Then, another thousand, and a second hundred.
Then, yet another thousand, and a hundred.
Then, when we have counted up many thousands,
Let us shake the abacus, so that no one may know the number,
And become jealous when they see
How many kisses we have shared."
Okay. That was surreal as hell. Also? Incredibly sexy.
"Wow, Chloe, I...did you just make that up on the..."
"It's Catullus Five. It's..ah...it's a poem Rachel and I liked, a lot. I mean...hah..yeah, duh. Obviously." She starts to laugh through the tears welling up, and whispers out, "Just...seemed appropriate. Maybe even destined."
I nod numbly.
"But Max? Just...just go back, okay? Just go back and wait. I can't handle this right now, but I think, a few more weeks, hell, maybe just a few more days? Play your cards right, and I think it'll work out."
Again, I nod, emphatically this time. Her words are enough to give me strength and patience. Stupid...teenage hormones. It almost cost me something fantastic.
Almost.
Erase. Rewind.
"For instance, I dare you to kiss me."
Shit. I still have to get one last goof out of my system first. I step up, pull her close, dip her down low before she can protest, kiss her. Whip her back up to standing and back up a step, hold out my arms, and start to sing.
"Myyyy Chloe Girrrl!
Won't you be miieeine?!
I'll give you scrolls and fish and tinker-toys and wi-ee-ine!
I'll ditch that guy!
If you'll be myyy...Chloe Gir-ulll!"
Bee miyeeeine! Before I rewiiiind!"
Oh. Em, Gee. I'm SUCH a massive dork! This is what I get for watching all that MST3K from Warren's USB drive.
But I guess love makes people do crazy things. I barely even notice that Chloe has been reduced to a fit of hysterical giggles, rolling on the floor.
"Oh my God, Max! You are fucking insane!" The smile on her face is brilliant now.
I'm tempted to keep this one. I really am. But no. That's not me. That's now how the story's supposed to go. I think?
Erase. Rewind.
I lean forward. One hand on her cheek, another on her shoulder. Enough to show her that this is more than just me going along with a stupid dare. Enough to give her the message: Go ahead. Whenever you're ready.
A brush of the lips, and she immediately falls back, as if bouncing off and away from my face. "Damn, you're hard core, Max"
I can see what I missed before. I can hear it. The warble in the voice, the tilt in her head. She shy, slight, knowing smile.
"Now I can text Warren, and tell him he doesn't stand a chance, unless he's into girl-on-girl action."
"You're such a dork!" I smile, and grin, planting my hand to one hip, taking it all with a casual air. Then turn to the closet to...
Holy shit...what was I about to do?
It's been so long now, I forgot.
"Hey, are you going to get dressed or what?"
Right. Dressed. I knew that.
I glance over my shoulder to Chloe as I change, and smile to myself. Still adjusting to what a different place my world now is. I'm glad I had the time to really figure out what she means to me.
Now I just need to give her time as well.
A/N: I must admit, that as I'm playing Episode 3 in the dead of night, I could not hide my absolute elation and triumph the moment the words "KISS CHLOE" popped up on my screen. I literally have to check for a moment to make sure I had not fallen asleep at my desk. I almost regret writing I Want Another First Kiss, only to have the devs show me up one better. It really was a glorious moment, kind of like watching an early episode of Xena, where Gabby is about to get married, and instead having her say, "You know what? This guy isn't doing it for me. Let's run off together."
(I mean, yes, that sort of happened anyhow...but still...)
But I definitely had fun kissing and rewinding back about three or four times, because it's what my Max would have done anyhow.
So consider this sort of IWAFK 2.0. I think it came out okay, but not my best work.