Tomarrow
knife
at my chest
reflection in the mirror
pointe at my
heart
desperation in the air
and all i can think
as i
hold the blade steady:
am i ready to go?
do i really need to
stay here?
a tear trickled down my face
but i let it
run
down
past my cheek
and watched it drip
creating a
pool of despair
and all i can think
as i watch it
spread:
is this how my blood will flow?
in dripping slowly with
out remorse?
i turn the knife
a better angle
to do the
treacherous
deed
and all i can think
as i shift the
knife:
is how i will live?
if i survive?
i listen for
movement
no one is near
i could do it now
without being
found
until they come
will they come
theyre all off
going
about their lifes
and all i can think
as i listen to the
world:
is who will i really effect?
if i die now who will
really care?
will she. possibly
will they. some mite...
maybe
but i dont need to ask the last question
for i no wat the
answer is.
no.
i feel cold reality casting me out again
left
in the cold harsh wind
the bitterness nips at my tounge as i utter
the last
"will he"
i take down the knife
i
wont if its for him
i wont be suicidal because of him
i
wont kill myself
or cut my flesh
or drown my brain
or breath
to deep
because of him
he doesnt deserve my death at his cost
i wipe away the remenants of the defieant tear
and
place the knife back
in hinding
in darkness
today i said
no.truthfully no.
but then again
that was just
...today
--me (june 6, 2006)