Ahh, what a wonderful day. The trees were blowing in just the right way, the birds chirped with a glory heard in heaven, and Fang's hand in mine. I breathed in the sweet, New York City air, probably due to the Nuts4Nuts stand in the park, and my shoulders sagged with joy. We were finally safe from Itex, and the Flock was just enjoying a day in the park.
Until I saw the packet.
My raptor-like vision read the words quickly, and I maneuvered away from it quickly, not wanting to let the kids know. A little voice penetrated my mind as a steered everyone away from the dreaded object.
Max, what's a condom?
Ah crap. Look where the maneuvering away got me. I didn't brain-respond, I was so shocked. I think after a couple silent seconds continued silently (if that was possible in New York) Angel simply ran over and picked up the packet. The Flock followed. Well, I'm screwed.
Angel cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "This packet says clear, stretchy lubricated condom, made for–" Iggy's hand cut her off, but his face was a different story. His eyes widened, and his mouth popped open like someone had yanked it down.
Max, what's a penis? OH SH–… Now look where Iggy's gotten us. Gazzy started snickering, and Fang's mouth tugged up at the ends. Nudge ran away, but I heard her yelling some kind of cuss as she collapsed laughing. Max, why is everyone laughing? I think a condom is something that makes everyone happy, because everyone think's it's so funny right now. That kind of pushed me over the edge.
I think after a couple minutes, we all chilled out and just little chuckles and giggles came from that.
"Okay everyone, I think we might have to have 'the talk when we get home…" I calmly said. I sounded much more chill than I did inside.
"But guys? I still can't tell what a penis or a condom or sex or anything you guys are thinking about is. Also, why is Fang thinking of ropes and the book Fifty Shades of Gray?" Oh, and I thought he wasn't the dirty kind of guy. Iggy whispered something in Fang's ear, and his cheeks tinted a faint color of pink.
"Iggy, I think you should stop thinking about Ella too, and no thoughts about ropes and beds."
His eyes widened and his normally pale cheeks turned pinker than his 'fluffy' dreams about himself, Ella, and a bed. Fang suddenly started chuckling, and Nudge returned and was cry-laughing and pointing at Iggy and rolling around. Jesus, I wondered what people thought of us. Everyone was laughing, but then Angel ripped open the packet and pulled out… you know.
"Fang was thinking she better not effing open that, and I thought it was a surprise or something like that because he was thinking to take it after for himself. He said it was for 'just in case'." Angel smiles innocently, and I kicked Fang on the shin. Angel just pulled that... profanitic innocence-killer out. Iggy paused and stared at Fang, and just flopped down and yelled and laughed like a maniac. I bet to other people watching us must be shaking their heads and pointing and probably taking pictures to put on the internet. I can just imagine it; Crazy Kids Go Mental in Central Park! Watch Video Here! Et cetera, blah blah.
I'm clapping, Karma.