A/N: So when I first wrote this, I was thinking along the lines of "they did a Wonderland episode, why not an Oz one?" And this happened. I read this, and think it's funny, and then read it again and think, "What was a THINKING?" But oh well, here goes nothing. This is pure random crazyness, perfect for the Host Club.

Warnings: Haruhi's "time of the month" Ugh, I hate saying that, and I'm a girl. But just in case... It's only mentioned like, in the beginning though. I just thought I'd put it as a warning.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, wanting to attend Ouran and writing about it does not count as owning so... this is not mine. But hey, birthday idea... XD

Haruhi Fujioka sighed as she poured the last cup of "commoner's coffee" into the seventh cup and set down the teapot. She picked up the tray and brought it over to the other hosts. Tamaki Suoh, the "king" of the club, smiled brightly, "Thank you Haruhi!" She simply nodded and sat down next to the twins with her own cup of coffee. She closed her eyes and bit her tongue slightly. Man did her stomach hurt…. The medicine should have kicked in by now but, alas, it hadn't. And here she was, in a "mandatory" meeting for the host club when all she wanted to do was curl up on the couch with a movie or something. She had to sit through this stupid meeting and listen to Tamaki's insane ideas and Kyoya's stupid facts- man the pain was getting to her head.

She was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she didn't hear what Kyoya asked. "Uh, what?" The shadow king frowned, "Haruhi are you feeling alright? You know we can't have you hosting if you're sick." Haruhi closed her eyes briefly, "No I'm not sick." Please. Please be overly aware of everything just as usual so I don't have to say anything. Kyoya clicked his pen and wrote something down in the notebook he always carried, "It's obvious something is wrong. If you are sick it would be in yours and everyone's best interest that you go home."

Haruhi glanced at him, almost positive he was doing this on purpose. She grit her teeth, "I'm fine senpai. What was it you asked before?" He stared at her but then shrugged, "I asked your opinion on our next cosplay. Tamaki was thinking Wizard of Oz." Haruhi relaxed, "Oh yeah I like that idea." Tamaki launched himself over his chair to hug her, "Oh Haruhi! You can be Dorothy and you'll be the cutest Dorothy in the history of the world!" Haruhi grit her teeth further and pushed him off, "Sure I'll be Dorothy." Tamaki erupted in a fit of happiness and Haruhi let out a short breath through her nose. If I give in and say I'm sick then Kyoya-senpai will let me go home. But I already said I was fine. Maybe he'll let me anyway…. She let out a small groan and leaned against the back of the couch. I just want to go home.

Kyoya sighed through his nose. He knew exactly why Haruhi was acting like this and he really didn't want to have to say it, and he knew Haruhi didn't want to, so he sincerely hoped she would have taken him up on his offer and gone home. But no, she was stubborn. But she was also in pain and he knew that. Tamaki and the twins were currently dancing in circles about Haruhi agreeing to be Dorothy. Honey was eating cake, much to Kyoya's annoyance, and Mori was reading a book. "And so no one knows but me. Just like usual," he muttered softly. Writing another note into his notebook he barely glanced at the girl, "Haruhi perhaps it would be in your best interest to lie down, if you won't go home."

Haruhi stood up abruptly, "Thanks Kyoya-senpai. I'll just go do that." She was halfway across the room when she was accosted by Tamaki. "Haruhi! My poor daughter are you okay?! My poor little girl! Let me help you! Do you need a doctor? I'll get one!" Haruhi pushed him away, "I just need some time alone Senpai. Please." Tamaki again hugged her, "I will not leave you alone if you're in pain! Let me help you!" "You can't help me." Tamaki pouted, "Of course I can! Let me just-"

Kyoya watched the whole exchange with slight anticipation. Tamaki was going to push her over the edge if he wasn't careful. And that would be just another embarrasing moment that brought the club closer together. "Leave her alone moron," he said softly.

Haruhi had pushed Tamaki off three times but he just kept trying to help. She grit her teeth again, feeling her blood boil. It must be the pain but it was taking over and she was going to snap. "Senpai get off me!" Tamaki made a face like a wounded puppy, "But Haruhiiiiiiiii!" Oooooooh that was it. The drawing her name out usually wasn't so bad but right now…. She whirled around to face him, also conscious she was facing all of the host club. "Senpai you can't help! None of you can! I don't need a doctor I took medicine for it it just hasn't worked yet! Leave me alone!" Tamaki pouted, "You took medicine because you're in pain! Haruhiiiiii-" Haruhi had turned back around but now she whirled back to face everyone, "You can't help me Senpai because it's a girl thing! It's just that time of month! Now LEAVE ME ALONE!" With that she spun on her heel and stomped away, out of the room to the next one so she could rest.

Tamaki slowly walked back to the table he'd been seated at, sitting down slowly in the silence. "No one disturb Haruhi." Kyoya sighed and went back to writing in his notebook.

Haruhi lay down on the couch in music room #2 with a contented sigh and closed her eyes. She really was tired, now she thought about it. She was really tired…..

Haruhi opened her eyes to a blinding flash of color. She blinked in the light and sat up with a groan. Her head hurt. Several people gasped and she turned to them, seeing a collection of girls. They all had hearts in their eyes as they looked at her, "Oh my goodness you scared him away!" Haruhi stood up, brushing the dirt off her, blue and white checkered dress? She shrugged and adjusted the wrap-around braid on her head. She frowned, "Um where am I?" One of the girls stepped forward, "I'm Shina. This is fangirl village!" Haruhi raised an eyebrow, "Fangirl village?" A caramel-haired girl stepped forward, microphone in hand, "I'm Renge the mayor of fangirl village! Welcome! You scared away the Sorcerer of the Dark, Nekozawa! We can't thank you enough!"

Haruhi blinked twice, "That's uh great. Can you tell me how to get home?" Renge held the microphone closer to her mouth, "Where's home?" Haruhi took a step back, "Um Ouran?" Renge swept her arm wide, "Why the only way to get home is to talk to the Wizard! He knows everything! But you'll have to watch out for the Wicked Witch of Lobelia and her flying monkeys!" Renge pointed to a yellow pathway, "Follow that all the way to Host Club city! But wait before you go! You have to talk to Tamaki the Good Witch!"

Haruhi blinked at the blonde teen in front of her, dressed in a pink-lace suit. He, oddly enough made it work. Haruhi rubbed the sore spot on her head where he'd tapped her with a silver wand. Tamaki laughed, "Oh Haruhi you're so adorable! Come we must away to the city to get you home! And I will accompany you so you won't get lost!" Haruhi sighed, "Great."

Sooner than what was probably humanly possible, Haruhi and Tamaki reached a cornfield that had been miles away when they started. Haruhi rolled her eyes as Tamaki complained about his feet hurting. Haruhi leaned against one of the two scarecrows in the field. Until she was shoved to the ground. "Hey!" Both scarecrows were now looking at her, "Sorry. But I didn't want you to lean on me. You could rumple my shirt. By the way-"

"Could you get us down? We've been stuck here for a while."

Haruhi carefully helped the twin scarecrows down off their wooden posts, though she didn't catch them when they stumbled to the ground. The bolder twin scoffed, "Thanks for catching us. I'm Hikaru and that's Kaoru. Where are you and the pink guy headed?" Tamaki stepped in, "My Haruhi and I are going to Host Club city to get her home to Ouran! Why don't you join us?" The twins shrugged, "People always tell us we need brains. So what the hey, we'll come." And the four set off.

They came to a forest that, again, had seemed much farther away than normal. Hikaru and Kaoru spent most of their time poking fun at Tamaki which, in all honesty, was actually pretty funny. Haruhi frowned as another apple was almost dropped on her head. "It's like these trees are trying to hit us."

"They are."

She spun around, "Who said that?"

"I did."

Seated on an old tree stump was a man entirely made of metal. He was bent slightly, one hand gripping a pen and the other holding a notebook. "The trees have minds of their own and consistently try to hit travelers." Haruhi walked closer to the man, who she now saw was a teen like herself and the others, "Are you stuck?" She was sure the teen was smirking, "Yes. Perhaps you could get the oil can by that tree over there." Haruhi quickly fetched it, rolling her eyes at the three idiots she was traveling with who were currently throwing apples back at the trees.

She returned back to the frozen teen, "I'm Haruhi." She poured some of the oil on the boy's arms and he moved them stiffly, "Thank you Haruhi. I'm Kyoya." After oiling his legs, neck, and shoulders, the tin man stood up, "Thank you. Now where are you headed?" Haruhi shrugged, "I'm, well, we are going to Host Club city. I need to get home to Ouran, Tamaki's just coming, and the twins need brains." Kyoya put a thoughtful hand to his chin, "You know, I am without a heart. I believe it's useless to have one but perhaps it wouldn't hurt." Haruhi blinked, "Um well you can come if you want." And so the five went on their way.

Meanwhile, in a dark castle, the Wicked Witch of Lobelia, Benibara, watched the little group with a smirk. "This poor maiden is being followed by these idiots. Ladies!" Two girls, dressed as flying monkeys, appeared next to her, "Yes Benio?" The Wicked Witch smiled, "I want you to rescue her from the oppressive men's clutches!"

Haruhi groaned and put her hands over her ears. The twin scarecrows were bickering with Tamaki about who was being more helpful on the journey, not even bothering to ask her her own opinion, and referring to her as though she wasn't even there. In fact, the tin man, Kyoya, was the best company so far. He said little, which was fine with Haruhi, and even though when he did he often spoke cynically and negatively, she tried not to hold it against him. He did, after all, have no heart. They'd reached a darker part of the forest that was starting to look more like a jungle with each step they took. The trees grew closer together, hiding the blue sky and weeds and roots choked the path they followed. It was now quite eerie, and the twins and Tamaki had stopped bickering to catch up to Haruhi and Kyoya. The whole forest obviously put them all on edge. It didn't help any, when a mighty roar broke the silence.

Kaoru yelped and dove behind Hikaru who dove behind Tamaki who was hiding behind Kyoya. Haruhi stood her ground as another roar sounded in the jungle and two great hulking figures appeared from behind a tree. Well, to be honest, one of them was rather tall while the other was rather small. And when the figures came closer, the mighty roar turned into an unbelievable one. As the smaller figure came into the light, Haruhi almost burst out laughing. It was a, tiny really, lion with a fluffy mane and a little tail. He had big brown eyes and he smiled widely when he say them, "Hi I'm Honey! Sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean to!" The little lion suddenly burst into tears and rushed at Haruhi and wrapped her in a hug. The larger figure came into the open, revealing a much more menacing looking lion, Mori as they learned from Honey, who did nothing. "Sorry," was all he said. And that was all he said the entire time they walked through the forest, their group of five now a group of seven with the added item of desire being courage.

If the jungle was creepy it was nothing compared to the end of the forest. The trees grew further apart and were gnarled and twisted, most of them dead looking. The ground was littered with fallen leaves that crunched under their feet as they walked. All in all, Haruhi would be glad when she got out of here. "Ow!" She spun around, glaring at her companions. Someone had hit her in the back of the head. They all looked at her blankly and she was ready to ask who'd hit her when Honey went flying past her head and onto the ground. Tears welled in his eyes and he whimpered as Mori helped him up, searching for who had hit him. The twins were snickering but both shook their heads and put their hands up as a sign of innocence, "It wasn't us." A thwak! echoed in the silence and both twins landed next to Honey, straw poking from their seams, "Hey!"

Kyoya frowned, "Does anyone else notice that the trees seemed to have moved?" It was true: the tree to Haruhi's left now had it's limbs bent towards her. In fact, every tree around them was now bending it's limbs towards them. Tamaki took a step back, falling over the twins and sending more straw out of their seams. "Hey watch it numbskull!" Tamaki yelped and jumped back again, this time hitting Kyoya. "Moron." Honey had climbed onto Mori's shoulders but that didn't stop the trees from reaching him. He yelped and tried to push away.

Cackling reached their ears and two figures landed just outside the cage of tree limbs, large grey wings folding behind their backs. Tamaki ran as close to the edge of limbs as he could, "Fair maidens! Please! Won't you be willing to help a few troubled men and this lucky girl?" The two winged-maidens stood with their hands on their hips. The tawny-haired girl scoffed and the shorter girl with auburn, shoulder-length-hair cackled, "You poor boys. You think she's the lucky one?" The tawny-haired girl smirked, "It is you who is lucky to be graced by her presence. Fair maiden we are here to help you!" Haruhi frowned, "Help me? Get home?" The auburn-haired girl laughed, "Oh no! We're going to take you to our mistress! Lady Benibara is so eager to meet you!" The boys all sucked in a breath and Haruhi raised an eyebrow, "Lady Beni-" Tamaki slapped a hand over her mouth, "Don't say her name!" The twins cowered behind Mori, "It's taboo!" Kyoya set his mouth in a thin line, "The Wicked Witch."

The avian-girls grew angry, wings flapping and hair flying, "How dare you call her as such you foolish man! And you! How dare you lay a hand on this maiden!" Tamaki shrunk under their furious gaze and the limbs of the trees parted just enough for them to pull Haruhi through, "Come maiden, Benio will free you from these terrible men's grasps!" The tawny-haired girl spread her wings wide and took to the sky, taking Haruhi with her, kicking and screaming. The auburn-haired girl smirked back at the trapped boys, "Have fun with the trees! They can do with you what they will!" And she too, was gone.

Haruhi fought against the girl's strong grip but had no success, and eventually gave up when she saw the dark castle looming in front of them. The girl dropped her in through a window with another cackling laugh. Haruhi sat up, rubbing her head and looking at her surroundings. There was a red-velvet couch and a coffee table with a tea set. Another table sat off to the side, just next to a window with long, red curtains. It was a small table with a glass orb on top. Curiosity getting the best of her, Haruhi approached it. The glass orb remained clear until she ventured to touch it, and then color blossomed from the center, forming a picture. Her friends were still trapped by the trees, who had now taken on menacing faces, and were currently under what looked like attack. The twins were losing straw and Tamaki's coat was torn, Mori was trying to fight off their limbs while Honey cowered behind him, and Kyoya was frozen in place, and it was then Haruhi noticed it was raining. "Foolish men."

Haruhi spun around at the voice and sucked in a breath. A woman with short brown hair and green-tinted skin stood in the doorway, her long black dress pooling around her ankles and a witches hat perched on her head. Haruhi clenched her hands into fists, "What are you doing to them? Why? What do you want from me?" The women laughed, "Why I want to save you maiden, from a terrible fate of masculine oppression." Haruhi gaped, "Wha-? Let me go! Let my friends go!" The Wicked Witch laughed, "Oh no I can't do that. Then they'd win." Haruhi looked back at her friends, helpless.

Tamaki dodged another attack tree and collapsed beside the fallen twins. One of them, Hikaru, looked at him angrily, "You know we may not have brains, but I would have thought you'd have been able to figure out that you have magic!" Tamaki gasped and put a hand to his heart, "I do! Quick men! We must rescue our Haruhi!" He pulled out the silver wand he'd forgotten he'd had and shot a spark of magic at the trees, freezing them in place. Brushing off his jacket, he then stuffed the twins and oiled Kyoya, "Well men, Haruhi is in the clutches of that witch! We must save her!" Kyoya stiffly moved his arm, "And how do you propose we do that?" Tamaki put a hand to his chin in thought, then punched his fist in the air, "We will disguise ourselves as flying monkeys and sneak into the witch's castle to rescue Haruhi!" The twins rolled their eyes, "Because that can't possibly go wrong."

Haruhi managed to escape from Benio the Witch and was now running for her life down the stairs of the castle, the red heels she'd somehow gotten sort of slowing her down. Several more flying-girls had appeared and were chasing her and Haruhi ducked as they threw apples at her. Benibara was following on her broom and Haruhi spurred ahead, the gates within sight. She ran through them and slammed them closed behind her, stopping her pursuers. Benibara scowled fiercely and pointed a long-nailed finger at her, "I'll not give up on you maiden!"

Tamaki adjusted his grey, fake wings and smoothed them. He stared around at his similarly dressed friends, "Alright men we need to save- oof!" Tamaki sat up, rubbing his head and looking at his assaulter. Haruhi stood up and brushed her dress off, "What are you guys wearing? Nevermind. We need to get to the Host Club city before that crazy witch catches up." Tamaki hugged her fiercely, "Oh Haruhi we thought we lost you for good! Those crazy monkey-girls got you and then-" She cut him off by pushing him to the ground, "We've got to go. Now." He nodded and, like a puppy, followed her.

The forest ended and a vast field of red roses spread out before them. Haruhi sighed, "Roses. Couldn't be poppies, had to be roses." Indeed, the thought of thorns proved to be true when Tamaki jumped ten feet in the air with a yelp and thorns covering his clothes. The twins followed suit, jumping up and down as thorns tore at their seams, "We're not even human-" "So how does this hurt?" Honey refused to leave Mori's shoulders and it was then Haruhi noticed Kyoya was ten feet into the roses, completely harmless against his tin-clad body. "That's cheating," Kaoru complained. Kyoya continued forward, "That's life." Haruhi watched him go alone, frowning slightly. The roses were at least a foot deep so there was no way they'd be able to cross without getting cut up. Tamaki suddenly raised his hand, wand clasped firmly, "I have a solution!"

Haruhi sat stock still in the thin-looking bubble she was currently in. Tamaki had (once again) forgotten he was magic and once he'd remembered, they found themselves in floating bubbles that looked way too-thin to hold them. But here they were, floating above the field of thorns, not twenty feet from the other side. They landed softly and the bubbles popped, Tamaki spinning in excited circles about his amazing genius. Kyoya, who had not been given a bubble, stepped out of the thorns and folded his arms, "We made it." Haruhi turned to see the large green gate leading to Host Club city. "Yeah, we did."

The streets were alive with people welcoming them generously, so much so it was almost fake. They managed to get the location of the Wizard's home, and now stood in front of another large gate, this one golden, leading to a darkness beyond. "The Wizard's palace is huge," Honey whispered, hugging closer to Mori. The twins cocked their heads, "You think we could survive if we jumped off the roof?" Kyoya shook his head, "Idiots."

There was something undeniably creepy about being asked to enter a dark hallway by someone you can't see. So of course when that very thing happened, Haruhi was left with Kyoya and Mori as the others ran at least twenty feet back. She let out a slow breath and turned around, "Are you guys coming or not? And Tamaki why are you scared? You know the Wizard." Tamaki gulped, "Yeah but he doesn't like me. And he scares me." Haruhi rolled her eyes and stepped forward, spinning around once more, her dress flaring slightly, "Are you coming?" After a moments hesitation, they all stepped to her side. Hikaru and Kaoru linked arms, followed by Tamaki and Honey. Tamaki grabbed Haruhi's arm while Honey grabbed Mori's and then a reluctant Kyoya was pulled into the arm linking. And just like that, all together, they walked into the dark.

At the end of the hall was another door that opened when they got within five feet of it. A large, burning fire sat in the center of the room, the silhouette of a man flickering in the flames. "Who dares disturb me?" A voice bellowed. Again, Haruhi was left alone with Mori and Kyoya. She stepped forward, "My name is Haruhi Fujioka and I'd like to go home." The voice hummed, "Really? And who are your companions?" Haruhi took a deep breath, "These are my friends. Hikaru and Kaoru, the scarecrows, want brains. Honey, the lion, wants courage. Kyoya, the tin man, wants a heart. If that isn't too much to ask sir." Again the voice hummed, "Have you defeated the Wicked Witch?" Haruhi's mouth dropped, "What? No! I barely escaped her!" The voice scoffed, "And yet you didn't throw water on her to finish the job? UNACCEPTABLE!"

The flames flared up and out and Haruhi closed her eyes against the heat, "Well what did you expect? Look we came all this way." The voice bellowed a loud, obnoxious laugh, "Very well. One of you may ask a favor of me. One only." Haruhi gasped, "What? You've got to be kidding!" The voice scoffed, "You didn't get rid of the witch. Therefore you only get one favor." Haruhi sighed and turned to her companions, "Guess I won't be going home anytime soon."

Hikaru and Kaoru stepped forward, "Actually, we were thinking-"

"Which is kind of impossible-"

"But anyway. We might not have brains-"

"But we have enough common sense-"

"To be able to say you should take the favor."

Haruhi blinked, "I-I couldn't. Honey, you wanted courage. You take the favor." Honey came out from behind Mori, "Actually, I have enough courage to give the favor to you, so I figure that's all I need!" He smiled brightly and Haruhi turned to Kyoya, "You take the favor. Get a heart." He smirked, "I may not have one, but I care enough not to keep you from your family. I've gone this long without one, I can go a little longer." She looked around at all her wonderful friends and felt tears roll down her cheeks, "I-I'm gonna miss you guys." The twins smiled, "Nah we'll miss you more." Honey hugged her, "Take care Haruhi." Tamaki attacked her next and she managed to pry herself away, giving a hug to a still stoic Mori and a slightly surprised Kyoya. Then she turned, ready to face the Wizard.

The Wizard's flickering face wasn't in the flames, but his voice could be heard, sobbing. As Haruhi got closer to the flames, the sobbing grew higher in pitch until it sounded almost feminine. It was then Haruhi noticed a curtained off area. Curious she started towards it. The sobbing stopped and the Wizard's voice, coupled with the more feminine sounding one, split the air, "No, no leave that curtain alone! There's no need to-" She pulled it back to reveal a long, red-haired man in women's clothing, who smiled and laughed nervously, "Oh hello. I'm Ranka, the Great Wizard of Host Club City!" He extended his hand in a flourish, reminding Haruhi of someone. "Wait if you're not a real wizard can you even take me home?" Ranka laughed nervously again, "Um no. No I can't. See I broke my hot air balloon when that Witch ran into it and well, it's broken." Haruhi blinked back tears that came anyway, "So I can't leave?"

"Actually, you can." Haruhi turned to see her friends, led by Tamaki. He smiled sheepishly, "You could have gone home all along." Haruhi clenched her fists, "What?!" He laughed nervously, much like Ranka had done, "See if you just click your heels and say 'There's no place like home' then you'll be home." Haruhi folded her arms, "Isn't that kind of cliche?" Tamaki shrugged, "I think it's the cutest thing ever!" Haruhi sighed and looked down at her- until now, useless- heels and clicked them once. Tamaki held up three fingers, "Three clicks." Haruhi looked back at him and then the rest of her new friends, giving them all hugs again before turning back around and clicking her heels three times. "There's no place like home."

"Haruhi. Haruhi? Are you alright?"

"Is Haru-chan sick?"

"No didn't you hear her before?! It's girl troubles we can't help with! Mommy what are you doing?! Leave daughter alone!"

Haruhi felt a light pressure on her shoulder, followed by slight shake, "Haruhi it's time to go home." Her eyes snapped open to reveal Kyoya Ootori's face, looking down at her with one eyebrow raised. He was soon shoved to the side by Tamaki Suoh who grabbed Haruhi's shoulders, "Are you alright!? We were so worried!" Haruhi sat up, removing herself from Tamaki's grip, "I'm fine now. I had the strangest dream though… You were there." Tamaki's face lit up, "I was!?" Haruhi nodded, rubbing her head slightly, "Yeah and Hikaru and Kaoru… And Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai and you, Kyoya-senpai. You were all there. And Renge and my dad… And the Zuka Club." Tamaki erupted into a fit upon their rival club's name but Haruhi wasn't listening. She'd remembered something. "Kyoya-senpai?"

"Yes Haruhi?"

She stood up, "About the Wizard of Oz cosplay?" Kyoya looked up from his notebook, "Hmm?" Haruhi turned to face them all, "I absolutely refuse to do it. I've had quite enough of Oz."

The male hosts watched her go, varying degrees of confusion plain on their faces. All but Kyoya. Tamaki deflated a little, "So she won't be Dorothy? But why not?!" He whined. Kyoya shrugged, "Who knows. Alright then our next idea was your other fantastic idea: cowboys." Tamaki then went on a joyous rant about their dressing up as cowboys. The host club's shadow king looked to the door Haruhi had exited from. He hadn't wanted to do the Oz cosplay either. And in fact, he knew why she didn't want to do it. At least he thought he did, if her muttering "Stupid Wizard" and "Flying monkeys" under her breath while she'd slept was anything to go by.