Chapter 1: Feelings

Troy's P.O.V.

Did you ever feel guilty about being fed up with your life? I have. I've got a great life--popularity, good grades, awesome friends, a beautiful girlfriend that I love...I get everything I want--well, except for a decent home life. My parents divorced, and I feel like it was all my fault. My dad wanted me to quit drama club to play basketball, and my mom wanted me to quit basketball to be in the drama club. They didn't realize that I could do both--and I wanted to do both. But, it's too late. I've already ruined their lives.

And now, I'm fed up with everything. Being perfect in school--grades, drama club, and basketball--plus keeping my parents, friends, and girlfriend happy, has cast a huge shadow of stress over my mind, and I don't know what to do. I wish someone could just come into my life in a totally unexpected way, and make all my big problems just...disappear.

Ryan's P.O.V.

It's 2 a.m. and all I can do is lay awake and stare at the darkness that covers my ceiling. All I can think about is him. I wish he could know how much he means to me-how long I've loved him, and how long I've kept my feelings for him a secret. I sometimes wonder if he knows-if everyone knows, but I realize that they don't. Only Sharpay knows I'm gay, and even she doesn't know that I've been in love with Troy since middle school.

I wish people could understand me, so then maybe they could help me understand myself. I also wish I could understand other people-the people that surround me everyday in these crowded halls. Everyone seems so sure--sure of themselves--while I'm stuck on the other side of the brick wall that keeps me blocked from sanity, humanity, and happiness. I wonder if anyone else could possibly feel this way...

"Dad, I'm leaving for school" I say as I walk downstairs.

"Alright.Don't forget morning practice and free period workout. I'm gonna start working you guys extra hard."

"K. Later." I walked out the door with basically nothing on my mind. Then, about halfway to school, it dawned on me- I had rehearsal for drama club during free period. I wouldn't see my dad until morning practice, and I was afraid to tell him, because then he'd just get in another fight with Ms. Darbus.

So, I was standing at my locker, getting my books for 1st period, contemplating what I should do. Then, I felt it. Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? I looked, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryan staring at me. We made eye contact, then he quickly looked away. But, I could see a small grin on his face.

"...Ok...officially freaked out..." I said to myself.

"About what?" Chad said as he appeared out of nowhere. "Oh...uh...nothing.." I said, startled.

The bell rang, so we went to first hour Chemistry-great, just what I needed. I sat down with Chad, looking at the door and waiting for Gabriella to walk in. She did walk in, and Ryan was right behind her. She was walking over to me with a huge smile on her face, but I looked past her at that awkward face Ryan was making at me. Gabriella turned to see what I was looking at, and saw Ryan. Confused, she then turned to me again and gave me a cute little kiss and when she turned to look at Ryan again, his face was kinda red...red with anger. Was he jealous? Why on earth would he be jealous of Gabriella?

"Alright class, settle down." said Mrs. Wood as she walked in. "Time to pair up for lab partners. We're going to do a project, and it's worth 15 of your final grade.Here are the pairs I've assigned. Gabriella and Sharpay. Chad and Jason. Troy and Ryan..."

She went on, but I looked over at Ryan, and his face was buried in his book until Mrs. Wood said our names, then he shot up and looked over at me, as shocked as I was. I tried not to look as confused, surprised, and worried as I was, so I just kinda smiled at Ryan, and he had a smile as well--a huge, ear-to-ear grin. Mrs. Wood said for everone to get with their partner, and she'd pass out our lab sheets. Ryan quickly walked over to me without skipping a beat, practically tripping over himself. We just sat there next to each other with this long awkward silence hanging in the air between us. But, as awkward is it was, Ryan was still smiling. I looked at Chad, and he was happy...he got Jason for a partner--one of our best friends.

Ryan and I exchanged phone numbers and home adresses so we could meet up after school to work on our assignment.

"Who's house do you want to meet at today?" Ryan asked eagerly...still smiling.

"Umm...how about today we meet at the bridge at the edge of town to decide exactly what we're going to do for the project." I said. I sounded highly uncomfortable--and I was.

"Ok...what time?" Ryan said. Why wouldn't he stop smiling!

"Um.." I said shakily, "...how about 4:30?"

Ryan was still smiling. "Great. See ya."

Troy's P.O.V.

What the hell just happened! I've been getting weird looks from Ryan all day, then he seemed jealous when Gabby kissed me, and now, he seems so happy that we're lab partners. Could it be that he...? No, no way...I mean, he is a little strange, but that's just Sharpay rubbing off on him...nothing to worry about...

But, what if he really is...and he does...no, this can't happen! But, it is possible, I will admit. And, what if it's true! And I end up falling for him and we start dating! NO! But, if I was gay, he'd be a great catch. Those big blue eyes, messy blonde hair, smooth skin...he's got the face of an angel...wait, huh? What am I thinking! Ok, time to change my train of thought to something else...uh...basketball! Yea! Dude, Coach was right...he worked us hard today. I could barely move after practice. Also, he'd already talked to Ms. Darbus, so it was cool with him that I missed free period workout. My jersey really stinks...I'll have Mom wash it this weekend.

I wonder how Ryan would look in a basketball jersey? Probably better than he does in his 'regular' clothes...He is skinny, but I'd say he's got a nice body...Oh God! I'm thinking about him again! Stop it! Stop it! Make it stop! Oh man...what's happening?

Ryan's P.O.V.

Yes! I got Troy as a partner! Maybe this is my chance...the chance I've been waiting for for the past five years! No, he thinks I'm a total dork. Especially after today...all those looks I gave him...I hope he doesn't think something is going on! If this is my chance to get close to Troy, I can't ruin it by making him think I'm a freak!

Oh, but he already thinks that...there's only one thing I can do...make him think differently. I really want him to like me. I want him to know about all these years of feelings I've been hiding. He deserves to know! If this partnership in Chemistry grows into anything more, maybe we'll create some Chemistry of our own, and I'll tell him how I feel. Hopefully, he'll feel the same way, too.