A/N: So. Since We, Dyed by the Sun is a rather serious fic, I've gotten an itch that I can't shake off. And, that itch requires me to write a more crack-ish fic. Hence, the birth of In the Name of Jashin. Also, rating will be bumped up later and constructive criticism is always appreciated. English isn't my first language so if you see any typos and such, feel free to let me know!
**In Buddhism, enlightenment is the action of attaining/state of having attained spiritual knowledge/insight, which frees a person from the cycle of rebirth. Thus, a person who fails to attain enlightenment has to remain in the cycle of rebirth until enlightenment is achieved.
Warning: This story will have a number of triggers because the main character not meant to be a good person or someone with ideal morals. There will also be a multitude of expletives, gore, violence, abuse and a lot of other messed up things. So yeah, WARNING YOU IN ADVANCE RIGHT OVER HERE.
Chapter One
I'm not perfect.
By that, I mean that I'm perfectly aware of my shortcomings as a human being. As much as my friends believe that I've a bleeding heart, that isn't true. I mean sure, I've moments when I offer help without thinking about what it involves or whether I'll get something in return, but I also have moments when I offer help so that I will gain something. My mother and sister, on the other hand, are well aware of my 'venomous mouth'. When angered, I threaten to murder people—have even gone as far as raising a hacksaw at my sister when I was only twelve and she was eight—and when annoyed, I hurl insults without thinking about how much they hurt others. Moreover, I'm a miser, an occasional thief, a constant liar and I constantly view myself as superior to many of the people I know in real life.
In fact, thinking about it now, I'm sure that I've committed all of the seven deadly sins to various degrees just so I could climb up to my desired destination. Though, there isn't anything wrong by desiring a life of comfort and without want, right? I mean, there's a reasonable number of us in this world who want that, after all. Besides, I'm not the only one who uses their lover to get what they desire.
…Though, I know that I shouldn't have been so prideful. Not all my lovers will be docile. I'm bound to pick a wrong person sooner or later and it just so happened that my last one prioritized fulfilling an immediate emotional impulse over rationality. That's why she pushed me off the side of a 400+/- meter tall hill after I told her to "suck it up". I admit, it hadn't been a smart idea on my part to do that since I knew that she was the type who wanted to be coddled for all hours every day, but I just couldn't stand her whining anymore. Honestly, why suggest the idea of hiking in the first place when you know you're physically unfit? The main reason we came to Japan was because she wanted to shop at Ginza, not to hike hills in the same height category as the radar towers of the Dimona Radar Facility and a number of broadcast towers in the USA.
Anyway, she pushed me. I fell, rolled down, and my neck snapped when I hit one too many branches/stumps/protruding rocks. I was dead two seconds before my broken body landed on a small shrine. It wasn't like I could control where I rolled or whatever but that damned god—Jashin was pissed at me all the same. He ranted at me for breaking his last shrine in Japan, called me a good-for-nothing because I was neither faithful nor faithless before sentencing me to be reborn in a different world.
The Naruto world. During the Third Shinobi War, to be exact.
Why? Because damned Jashin is smart.
Why? Because even though I'm faithless, I don't disbelieve the notion of hell, the cycle of rebirth, karma and all that jazz. And since I was a Buddhist before I settled on being agnostic, Buddhism still applies to me. Ergo, my soul is a soul that's chained to the cycle of rebirth until I attain enlightenment.
So, where did the lovely Jashin go from there?
Why, he threatened to destroy my soul!
Never mind that a soul cannot remember anything about its previous lives when reincarnated, the idea of my soul being winked out from existence is horrifying. I mean, I imagine that when a soul attains enlightenment during one of its reincarnations, it'll remember everything after it's freed from the cycle of rebirth. So yeah, a winked out soul cements the fact that my life—or more specifically, my soul is meaningless. That everything tied to my soul has no point to it because it can simply be erased by the will of a pissed-off god.
Moreover, like many other superior beings, Jashin made sure that my second life came with stipulations. That is, I must either die a natural death, or convert to Jashinism and spread it. If I fail either, bye-bye soul. So yeah, what better way to raise the stakes for this second life of mine by having it born in a warring world that's ¼ samurai, 1.5/4 civilian and 1.5/4 ninja?
(Well, I'd argue that the Tokyo Ghoul world would be more difficult, or maybe the D Gray-Man world, or Devil Survivor or Bleach—hell, maybe even Pokemon! But eh, the god chose the Naruto world which already has Jashinism existing in it, and there's no way I'd complain about that to him. I mean, why make my job harder?)
So, fuck my life for I've been blessed with the shittiest luck. If I, as Yue Hwa, had entertained the idea that a god of a near-extinct religion could have me reborn into a fictional world I've read about, I would've stuck to Buddhism and perhaps would've never met Jashin at all despite having unwillingly destroyed his shrine. But no, Yue Hwa-me didn't entertain that idea. Instead, Yue Hwa-me chose to entertain multiple ideas of the existence and the nature of God and anything beyond material phenomena. Yue Hwa-me chose to entertain ideas of parallel universes and multiple dimensions, multiple levels in hell and whether the hells and heavens of various religions actually blended into one hell and one heaven.
Now, it's too late. I'm a baby wailing at the disgusting feeling of being covered in fluids and chunks—whatever that comes out with a baby during natural birth. I'm being touched, I hear indecipherable noises and I see blurs of light and motion. Soon, I'm placed on a soft and warm surface and I stop my wailing when I feel myself being dried. Immediately after, I give up on staying awake. Being a baby is a good time for me to catch up on all the hours of sleep that I missed as Yue Hwa, after all.
.
.
.
True to popular belief, having a baby's body as the container of an adult's mind is frustrating as fuck. Though, that's only because a) my motor skills are shot, b) the feeling of sitting in a soiled diaper is supremely uncomfortable, c) baby food is gross, and d) teething sucks monkey balls. Other than that, it's pretty relaxing—after I got over the fact that I'd never see Yue Hwa-me's family or true friends ever again, that is. (Not that that was tremendously difficult. After having attended more than ten funerals and going through the death of Yue Hwa-me's father, I've long accepted that people will always depart whether it's because death has claimed them or not.) I've more time than ever to plot ways to save my soul and exploit loopholes. I've more time than ever to entertain myself with both my imagination and the challenge of trying to remember as many stories I knew as Yue Hwa as possible. I've also more time than ever to sleep for as long as I'd like. Best of all, by the time I turned one, I could see and hear better. As a result, I realised a number of things too but there are only three important ones so far:
The first is that I'm fortunately still a girl. I've nothing against being reborn as a male but with my current position, familiarity's my new best friend…Even if I've to go through additional years' worth of periods. My name in this life, on the other hand, is Fumai. I've no idea what it means, much less how it's written but whatever it is, I hope that it's at least as pretty as my last one. After all, as one of the spoken word artists I like has mentioned in my other life, a name is a prayer for everything the name-giver desires the one being named to be. A name that translates to 'moon flower' might sound like Yue Hwa-me had been given no purpose in life but hey, twist it a little and it's like Yue Hwa-me's mom had a prayer for me to be born and to grow up as a beautiful woman, no?
The second is that I live in an orphanage. It's a pretty small one, which I initially found odd since I'm supposed to be born in the Third Shinobi War era. It wasn't until days later that I saw a hitai-ate and the whole small orphanage situation made perfect sense. Yugakure has strong inclinations towards pacifism, after all. Though, it's interesting to know that the village has started showing those inclinations at such an early time.
The third and last is that Hidan lives in the aforementioned orphanage as well. It gets better from there, though. Why? Because he's the polar opposite of who he is when he's officially introduced in the manga! Granted, he's only two and a half but it's still a shock. It had never crossed my mind that the grey-haired Akatsuki member hadn't always been the foul-mouthed, disrespectful individual he is in the Canon Naruto World.
"Shimizu-nee, Fumai's awake!" Hidan calls out to the passing matron while I blink up at him. He has a young child's lisp but he speaks well for his age.
"Ara? Thank you, Hidan-chan. Do you want to eat breakfast with Fumai-chan?"
Shimizu approaches my crib while Hidan lets out an enthusiastic 'Yes!'. He waits with little impatience for Shimizu to change my diaper, though his nose does wrinkle at the smell. His attachment to me may be due to the fact that we're both deemed as babies by the other orphans but it's adorable nonetheless. Plus, he's crucial to my plans. Canon Hidan didn't convert to Jashinism until after he defected from Yugakure so my arrival in this world would accelerate the conversion of his faith. Though, that's only based on my assumption that the world I'm in now has the same futures, fates—everything outside of the anomaly that is me, as Canon Naruto World.
'Today is a good day to test that,' I think before reaching out for the boy. "'ida."
He immediately leans on the bars of the wooden crib and gently takes my hand through a gap, beaming all the while. Briefly, I wonder when Canon Hidan transitioned from being an angel to a devil—or if he had never been sweet like my Hidan in the first place. "Ja…shi?"
"Jashi?" Hidan's eyebrows furrow. "What's that?"
At that, I couldn't help but squeal his name. The facts have been confirmed; my soul will be saved. Hidan—beautiful, precious Hidan will be my first disciple and the most devoted to the faith. He would have no qualms in helping me spread Jashinism, and even if I fail to gain more followers for Jashin, as long as I experiment with the same jutsus as Hidan will/Canon Hidan has, I'll be immortal as well. I can't die an unnatural death if I can't be killed, after all!
'It's a win-win situation,' I giggle. Shimizu gives me a fond look before she instructs Hidan to wash his hands and carries me to the dining room. As usual, the baby food is disgusting but since I'm so happy about having my first disciple within arm's reach, I obediently eat until I'm full. The corners of the matron's lips are curled up into an indulgent smile while she listens to Hidan chatter about the things (mostly koi-koi which she utilizes to teach young orphans, and everything he knows about being a ninja) he'll be teaching me today.
"Eat your vegetables too, Hidan-chan." Shimizu's reminder comes with a sharp look that all the orphans cow under. According to Hidan, the matron is a chūnin who used to teach at the Academy. She had resigned so she could take over as the new matron when the previous one passed away at a "super-duper old age".
There's a little grumbling on Hidan's side, though he obeys and shoves the vegetables into his mouth. Once he's done, he carefully brings his tray into the adjoining kitchen. There's the sound of the stool shorter orphans use to reach the sink, being dragged, followed by the sound of flowing water coming out from the tap and hitting the aluminium sink.
"A cycle of peace and love would be wonderful, wouldn't it?" Shimizu murmurs while wiping my mouth and removing the dirty bib. I turn my attention away from the direction of the kitchen to the matron's uncharacteristic sad smile, though it disappears as soon as the sounds of Hidan washing his dishes stop. With one hand, she pats the wisps of dark hair on my head. With the other, she gently removes my grip on the ends of her lavender hair.
'In a world of ninjas and samurai, that will never happen,' I laugh while reaching for her hair again.
.
.
.
"Found you!"
A loud squeal escapes my mouth when Hidan swoops forward and sweeps me off my feet. It only lasts a few seconds but those few seconds are enough for me to feel the thrill of being in the air.
"How's your day today, Hida-nii?" I beam up at him with wide pink eyes. To the blissfully unware, my adoration for Hidan is simply just of a little girl idolizing her older brother figure. It's horrible of me to manipulate a kid, but I need him to be wrapped tightly around my finger. It matters not that being a ninja is his first priority. As long as my presence is there, somewhere in the background of his awareness, I won't be forgotten. After all, I'm his number one fan.
"It was shit," he scowls for a brief moment before panic set onto his features. "Don't ever repeat that word, Mai-chan!"
"Shit?" I tilt my head to one side, thinking about the fun I'll have when I reach the Hidan-appropriate age and unlock the ability to curse up a storm twenty-four-seven. Two foul-mouthed Jashinists would be hilarious, particularly since the non-Jashinists would think that every follower of Jashin are as uncouth as we'd be. That damned Jashin didn't give me any manual or instructions to be the as well-mannered as possible too. I might as well enjoy my long life doing whatever I wanted.
'Serves the bastard-god right for naming me a pawn,' I think gleefully.
"Yeah that! Don't repeat that!" Hidan exclaims, regaining the entirety of my attention. "That's a bad word. Shimizu-nee will kill us if she hears us say that."
"Okay," I readily agreed. Hidan's obvious relief brings another smile to my lips. We begin walking, heading towards the direction of the orphanage. I, with a sensu in my hand, trying to fan both of us while Hidan complains about the increasing heat. During seasons other than summer, the constant heat and steam from the many hot springs that surround Yugakure are tolerable. It's just that when summer comes, temperatures skyrocket and the village turns into a relentless sauna. It astounds me that for all the years since Yugakure's formation, no one has thought of a way to keep the entire village cool during the warmest season of the year. I mean, if there are sealing techniques that allow the storage of one thing into another, create explosions, launch traps and such, why isn't there a seal that allows the modification and regulation of temperatures?
'I should ask someone about that one day…'
"Ne, Mai-chan. Are you going to join the Academy next year?" Hidan suddenly asks. Even though he already knows my answer, he doesn't look at me. It's cute that he's afraid that my response would be a negative every time he asks me the same question. Fortunately for him, I never had intentions on not being a ninja. My resolve at the age of two to become a ninja is still the same now that I'm four. After all, what better to be than a wolf in a dog eat dog world?
"Yeah!" I latch onto his arm with a grin, nearly stabbing his side with my sensu in the process of doing so. "I'm gonna be a ninja like you!"
"Yeah!" Hidan cheers. "We'll be strong together!"
"The strongest!"
"So, you know what you have to do right?" A mischievous gleam appears in Hidan's purple eyes.
At once, I let out a terrified and long 'Nooooooooooooooooo' while running away from his raised hands.
"Tickle monster!"
Omake
"Ne, Fumai-chan."
I look up from Kisamechi (Yes, I named it after that Kisame), my little shark bolster that Hidan and Shimizu had collectively gotten me for my third birthday. The matron hadn't actually wanted to stop at the toy stand but the shark had caught my eye and after some shameless begging and manipulation (i.e.: me unwilling to release the feather-soft and silk-smooth bolster, and the loud declaration that it's the same shade of grey as Hidan's hair which in return, convinced the boy that it's a "awesome toy that Mai-chan should have!"), she finally relented and told me that it would be my birthday present for that year.
"Yes, Shimizu-nee?"
"Would you like to learn shogi?" she smiles, showing me a wooden box with the kanji for shogi on it.
"Yes, yes!" I drop Kisamechi onto my lap and clap my hands in delight. Every game Shimizu introduces to us is a medium for a multitude of lessons. Through Koi Koi, I've learned basic addition and subtraction, some poetry and the Japanese names of months, certain flowers, animals and other things. It's good practice for one to come up with strategies and tactics as well. I've only won a handful of time against Shimizu (she has insane luck, grr…) but yesterday marks the day I've won twenty-three times against Hidan. Of course, he's still ahead of me by thirty-seven more wins but that won't last long. I just need to put in more effort in memorizing the rules of Koi Koi and all the yaku!
"Now, shogi might be very difficult for you, Fumai-chan," Shimizu states while sitting down in front of me. "But, I'm sure you'll enjoy the game. Tactics and strategies are your favourite, aren't they?"
"YEAH!"
"Now, this is the shogi board and here are the pieces. This one is the ōshō while this one is the gyokushō," she explains while holding up the specified pieces. "Both are the most important pieces in the game. They are the kage-equivalents in this game."
"Why do they have different names?" I frown, noting that in Mandarin, the kanji for ōshō means 'king general' while the one for gyokushō means 'jade general'. Even though a Chinese character can have different meanings in Japanese, I can still get the gist of a speech of text.
"Because the ōshō is for the higher-ranked player or champion while the gyokushō is for the lower-ranked played or challenger, though it's not necessary to follow that when we're playing for pleasure."
"So it's just to different…to dif-fer-en-ti-ate the kage?"
"Yes," Shimizu smiles and picks up another piece. "This one is the second most important one. It's called hisha."
"Hisha," I repeat. "Ōshō, gyokushō and hisha."
"Very good…Now, you see this kanji, Fumai-chan?"
"Un."
"It's the first kanji in Hidan-chan's name."
'Fēi, huh? It suits him,' I blink, quickly recalling Canon Hidan's fighting style. Then, I gasp and look up with eager eyes. "What does it mean, Shimizu-nee? What does it mean?"
The lavender-haired woman lets out a small laugh, displaying her amusement at my unrelenting adoration for my older brother figure. Now that I'm at an 'appropriate' age for walking and running, I've taken to trailing after Hidan whenever possible. Fortunately, he hasn't gotten sick of his attachment to me and has happily welcomed my idolization of him.
"It means 'flying'. As a whole, Hidan-chan's name can mean 'flying steps'." She picks up another piece—one with Chinese characters that I recognize separately as 'step' and 'soldier'. Together, they most likely mean 'infantryman' or in chess terms, 'pawn'. "This one is fuhyō. The first character here is also the first one in your name."
My head snaps up from the shogi piece to her face, searching—praying for signs that'll tell me that she's joking. 'A name is a prayer for everything the name-giver desires the one being named to be, a name is a prayer for everything the name-giver desires the one being named to be,' I mentally chant, trying to remain calm. The matron wouldn't have purposefully named me after a pawn and I'm pretty damn sure that the woman who gave birth to me wouldn't have as well—if she actually kept me long enough to name me.
'That fucking Jashin wouldn't…He wouldn't…'
Noticing my growing distraught, Shimizu quickly throws in, "Your name is beautiful, Fumai-chan! Fu stands for 'step' and mai means 'dance'!"
"It's not!" I wail, no longer able to keep my tears at bay. "Not pretty! Not pretty!"
.
.
.
…It took me nearly two hours to calm down. Not because Hidan (as Shimizu believes) managed to convince me that my name is beautiful but because my distraught had turned into anger. That day was also the day I swore to piss off the asshole of a god as much as possible without actually violating the stipulations he gave with my second life. There was no way that I'd happily fulfil my role as his pawn, considering it was that fucker who decided to make me his 'Chosen One' over something stupid that I didn't purposely do in the first place.