what it takes to make it real.
we're standing on the edge of this,
when our soul is gone what will we miss?
we lost what it takes to really make it feel.

save us, cartel.

Axel slammed his hand into the wall, not caring whether he shattered his knuckles again or not. He couldn't stand it. The Organization was taking over him, and he couldn't bear to lose what semblance of himself that he had retained. His only escape was in Roxas. Number XIII. Nobodies couldn't feel, true, but he was anything but apathetic towards the shorter blonde. He didn't know what it was, but something drew him to the boy. He seemed… different. He brought out everything in him that reminded him of emotions, which was the closest he could ever get to feeling them himself.

Roxas cringed at the sound Axel's fist on the cold stone made. His fingers had been broken so many times by the same action, and each time they healed more strangely than the last. His hands looked dangerously out of proportion to his slender wrists. Wincing, the younger boy slipped over to Axel and pulled him slowly away from the wall.

"Dammit, Roxas!" Axel exclaimed angrily.

Roxas flinched involuntarily, but drew himself up to his fully height. "You've never gotten this angry at Marluxia before… why start now?"

Axel sighed and looked away. "I just… I don't… it doesn't have to do with him, exactly."

"Then what does it have to do with, Axel?" Roxas scoffed. "You stomp in here every day, and every day you get worse and worse. You can't tell me why, or who, or what's going on. You're just angry. You say it's not me, then treat me like shit. I deserve to know what's going on with you! You're my…"

"I'm nothing to anyone, Roxas. Don't think I'll ever forget that. I'm a Nobody. A nothing."

"Don't say that!" Roxas yelped, a lump forming in his throat. "You're not nothing, Axel. You couldn't be nothing… not to me, at least."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Axel growled as he flung his arms out dramatically.

"I mean… I care." Roxas gasped as his back collided with the wall, knocking the wind out of him. He had hardly seen Axel move, much less shove him back.

"Don't you dare try and tell me that you care about me." Axel hissed, his eyes narrowing. "Don't lie to me."

Roxas struggled to get away, but Axel's hands held him firmly against the wall. Blood trickled out of a tear on the knuckle of one of Axel's gloves, and he had to restrain himself from tending to it.

"Don't ever lie to me." Axel whispered, his voice sounding defeated in the cold stone room.

Roxas looked up at the older boy as concern flitted through his eyes. "I won't."

"But you do!" Axel retorted. "You tell me you care, that you could feel something, anything."

Roxas' only answer was to place his hands on Axel's shoulders and pull himself up high enough to kiss him. When Axel didn't respond he slipped out from his grasp and turned away. "I think so." He whispered sadly as he walked away.

Axel slammed the palm of his hand against the wall once again, then turned. "Roxas… wait." He said, voice raw with the emotions he couldn't feel.

Roxas turned, his ocean-tinted eyes void of emotion once again. Axel crossed the distance between them in two steps, cradling Roxas' face between his hands. "I… I'm sorry." Axel said, the repentance in his voice clear. "I don't know what it is that you think you can feel, but…"

Roxas stiffened. "What I think I can feel? Axel, I swear, these aren't just memories!"

"They can't be anything else! Roxas, we're Nobodies. We can't feel."

"I don't ca—" Roxas was silenced by Axel's lips on his. He suddenly didn't give a damn about what Axel thought, as long as he kept kissing him like that. He gasped in shock as Axel slipped his tongue across his lips, then ran it gently along the inner edge of his mouth. Roxas reached his hands up and ran them through Axel's scarlet hair, some rational part of him realizing that the odd angles it stuck out at must be natural if his hair was this soft. One of Axel's arms snaked around Roxas' waist, pulling the shorter blonde's hips against his.

Lifting the smaller boy off the ground, Axel gently placed him on the couch that rested near the doorway, kicking the door closed once again. Roxas sighed as Axel returned to the kiss, tilting his chin up with a single finger. He squeaked slightly as Axel kissed his way down his jawline and neck, gasping as Axel bit down savagely on the soft flesh. Axel smirked as Roxas squeaked, the sound seeming so unfitting when uttered by a panting boy. Every thought Roxas' brain could process centered on Axel, Axel's lips, Axel's hands running up and down his sides.

Roxas hardly noticed when the zipper on his cloak came undone, but the fingers slipping along his sensitive midsection could hardly go unnoticed. He froze, not knowing what to expect, but then Axel's hand slid lower, and he couldn't help but whimper in pleasure at even the slightest touch. Axel smiled wryly at the control he had over the younger boy, then ran a finger along Roxas' length. Roxas was hard in an instant, though his feverish moans meant Axel was hardly far behind. Positioning himself over the breathless blonde, Axel slowly ran his tongue along Roxas' inner thigh, working his way up to the point of the upside-down V his legs made on the black couch. Roxas' breath quickened with every centimeter Axel covered, then morphed into a high-pitched whine as Axel took him inside his mouth. He came quickly and without dignity, biting his lip to keep from screaming in front of the older redhead.

Axel licked his lips, looking for all the world like a smug cat. Roxas looked beautiful, panting on the midnight couch beneath him with his eyes half-lidded. He'd never met anyone who had pulled him in like this, who he'd even thought could make him remember these emotions. He couldn't feel, true. But could he remember enough to make this seem real?

a/n: standard disclaimers here.