Chapter 1

"Doctor-"

"No."

"Doctor Hou-"

"No."

As the chubby, middle-aged house frau continued to chase Doctor House through the hallway, he stopped, and whirled on her; agitated. Indignantly, he growled, "Doctor House no esta aqui!" Then he dove into his office and slammed the door in her face.

Closing the shades, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He had hoped that his t-shirt would get his point across. Black, with red lettering, it declared, I do not discriminate. I hate everyone.

(For God's sake, it's my birthday- dammit! Damn that Cuddy for sticking me with clinic duty! And damn that-)

"Mraow?"

(Yep. Damn that mraow- what?)

Confused, House opened his eyes. Where had that noise come from?

"Mraow." It repeated.

He looked around, but couldn't find the source.

"Mraow!" It was getting louder. It sounded almost... pissed?

Since no one was there to see, he allowed a worried expression to creep onto his face. Had he finally gone insane? He checked his pockets, wondering if he had ODed.

"Mraow!" It had suddenly become a chorus of tiny voices.

And that's when he noticed it behind his desk.

A playpen. Lined with blue plastic. It had a red ribbon stuck to it.

Like a blond bim in a low-budget horror movie; House edged up to the playpen with trepidation. He peered inside and felt himself quickly blanch.

Ten golden eyes and two green ones peered back up at him

There. Were. Kittens. In. His. Office.

Six. Kittens.

His. OFFICE.

That's when he saw the tag tied to the playpen.

Happy Birthday Doctor House! It sang. It was also unsigned.

(Heads will roll...literally.) He thought acidly.

And he had an idea about whose pretty neck should go on the block first.

&&&&&&

Nurse Black had been stationed outside Doctor House's office since 'Day Damn One'; as the nursing staff had come to call it, so she had become pretty desensitized to the big geek's tantrums.

Or so she thought.

The roar of sheer fury that exploded from House's office damned near made her wet her pants in surprise.

"CAMERON!"

Nurse Black had no idea how she had incurred House's wrath, but she fervently hoped that Doctor Cameron was taking a sick day.

&&&&&&

Cameron turned from her prescription pad, and handed the sheet to the woman on the exam table.

"These are just some prenatal vitamins. It's a standard thing, but it's like a bonus treat for your-"

"CAMERON- dammit!" The bellow was so loud that she felt it vibrate down her spine.

Cameron winced. (Great, what'd I do?)

"Cameron! Get your ass over here!" House's bellow was getting steadily closer.

(Oh... crap)

With an apologetic smile to the patient, she dashed out of the clinic, hoping to intercept House before he scared off all of the patients.

Cussing softly to herself, she jogged out the door. Even now, she wondered why she found House so damned attractive.

He was such a pain in the ass.

&&&&&&

Just as Cameron popped out of the clinic, House seized her by her irritatingly dainty wrist, and started almost dragging her skinny butt to the elevator.

He restrained himself from shoving her in, but when the doors closed, he advanced on her. "What the hell was going through your teeny-tiny brain?" he demanded.

She just looked at him.

"Don't give me Bambi-eyes!" he snapped; dripping sarcasm.

The doors opened, and House stomped out. Cameron followed close behind.

"This isn't funny. At all." He sniped. Then, for good measure, he added under his breath. "You moron."

Cameron just continued to stare blankly at him

"Quit staring vacantly at me!"

"I would if you'd tell me what's going on!" she snapped. She was usually a softie, but Doctor Cameron could give as good as she got if need be.

As they entered House's office; they both stopped dead in their tracks.

At some point; Wilson, Foreman, Chase, and even Cuddy had managed to wander in. They were all seated around the playpen. They each held a kitten in their arms and didn't seem to notice House and Cameron's entrance.

Cuddy, in particular, was acting unbelievably freakishly. She held the lone green-eyed kitten in her arms. It had thick, pure white fur, and looked like the kind of kitten depicted on a greeting card with fluffy angel wings.

"Ooh's a widdle oochums?" she cooed. The kitten glared up at her. "Is it ooh? Is it ooh? I think it is!" The kitten made a noise low in it's throat. The more Cuddy cooed at it, the more it looked pained. It started to growl in a tiny, kitten voice.

In that moment, House sympathized with the little hairball's dilemma.

Unknowingly making himself a feline friend for life, he mocked. "Good God, Cuddy. Just when I'd thought I'd seen the scary side of you: this emerges. I mean, geez," he shook his head in shock, "this is seriously horrifying."

: Author's Notes : Okay, so... how's it going? I know it's a little short, but I wanted to post this while I actually had the chance to do so.

Please, oh great and powerful House-fans, review?

: Next Chapter : Getting to know the House Cats.