Matt takes a sip of his coffee. Taking a bit of comfort of the constant hum of passing traffic, people walking passed by, some customers of the café he is in talking, the smell of bitter latte, and the familiar perfume and cologne around him.
He is wearing a button down blue shirt and jeans. His red tinted glasses on his face.
Closing his eyes, he leans back. The chatter he could hear that passes by him, their phones ringing, jingle bells ringing, and raucous children playing by the alley. Then he hears the familiar heartbeat heading towards his way.
"Sorry my friend, I had business to attend to," Thor says as he takes a seat across from him.
Matt only shrugs, gesturing the coffee he had gotten for Thor, who had taken a delight sip. Matt had learned that Thor has fondness of 'Midgardians strong beverages'.
"I heard you have not gone around in your exploits. What has happened?" Thor gently asks.
Matt shrugs once again. He usually goes to a couple of meetings with Thor, have a small talk and catch up what they had done. The first time they met had been interesting, to say at least. It was a couple of weeks after Fisk was locked up did Matt met Thor, the God of Thunder. Or an alien with super strength, which Matt still prefers to believe. Otherwise he would have a long headache about that.
Matt had kept bumping into Thor after that, either as Matt Murdock or as Daredevil, it kept happening. One of those meetings, he had been shocked that Thor had known who he was since he first met as Daredevil. When asked how, Thor had only shrugged as if it was simple.
"Is it not plain?" Thor had said while Matt gaped at him.
He could only conclude it was some kind of alien thing.
They usually meet up a couple of weeks, if they had time. But it has been months since he last saw Thor. Mostly they were busy with stuff, and with Thor busy with some Asgard and Avengers business while Matt had been going as Daredevil and doing his lawyer stuff.
Thor looks at him, taking a sip of his coffee. "Do you need some help or something?"
"No, no," Matt shakes his head. "It's…"
The alien waits with patience as Matt tries to find the right words.
"When I put on the suit, I didn't plan to keep going. It's not like I had planned it, it just happened. I didn't expect to be doing it every night." Matt closes his eyes, making sure not say 'Daredevil' in public, and then continues, "Every night, I could hear people screaming and crying, and I had this ability to stop it. This ability to help them, save them when the justice system fails. And I didn't realize that I can't just stop it."
Matt looks troubled. And then he continues:
"Hell's Kitchen is corrupted. This whole place is like a warzone. I thought if I step up, I could make a difference. Make this city better and safer. I thought what I was doing was good, but I didn't realize I just mess it up. Bringing much more disaster."
"You do not," Thor says. "You don't bring misfortunes, Matthew. I've seen things much worse and what men did. And you are not of them. You bring good things."
"I don't think I did anything good, Thor." Matt mumbles.
"Then tell me what has happened," Thor says softly. "Make me understand."
Matt looks away, at least look in other direction like he wants to focus something else than talk about it. But he says, "Like I said, I thought I was making this city a difference. I thought maybe I could save it, alone maybe. I…I thought I was saving people, and I didn't realize what I am doing inspires people to do it." He grimaces.
"A few months ago, a man came, thinks what he is doing is good. I didn't realize at the time he was trying to save Hell's Kitchen, that he wasn't really a criminal. He was a vigilante like me, except he kills criminals because he was inspired by me. I didn't want that, selfishly, I wanted to be the one who is really protecting the city. And," he bites his lip. "We are not much different at all, you know. We just have a different opinion on how to save the city.
"The scariest thing is that what I may be doing is not good enough. That maybe the Punisher is doing a better job than me. Maybe his methods work. But most of all, what I am doing is Daredevil is just making everything worse. I'm no different from him, and maybe I'm not so different from Fisk. What I am doing brought a lot of massacre that I am responsible of what Frank is doing. Does that mean is it better if I stop being Daredevil? Do I have to step down?
Thor knew unlike his friends, Matt is not tainted. He has never killed anyone, and Thor respects the man to keep his principle. While he has not kept up the news of Midgard or the happenings of Hell's Kitchen. He only knew there was an increase criminal activity ever since Daredevil disappeared, or since Matt stepped down.
"I pushed my friends away. I thought maybe to protect them from what I am doing, keeping them safe. And now, they are gone. They left. And one of them died because of what I had done, my arrogance." Matt says sadly, thinking of Elektra's fate. "I do have the Devil in me."
"Someone once told me I needed to stop and think," Thor says quietly. Matt could detect a hint of grief and sorrow in his tone. "I was once in your place, Matthew. I've been where you were. I was a foolish man, and have made a lot of mistakes that grieves me. I allowed my pride to blind me, and in my arrogance, I didn't realize what I had done until it was too late."
Thor thought of what he had done. He acknowledged that if he had been more aware, then maybe he would have been able to save Loki. And perhaps saved his mother. He made a lot of mistakes and had come to regret them.
"Pride will do us nothing if you let it overrule you, it's what holds us back. We can't be stubborn, otherwise we'd be foolish. I respect you humans of your ideals and conviction, and I admire your determination. But what I love about your kind is that you see things that I don't. You see much more, for such a short life span.
Matt raises his eyebrow, but did not comment as he takes another sip from his drink. Thor continues:
"What other people sees is a good thing. And what is better is that you have someone standing beside you. You need help, Matthew.
Matt closes his eyes.
"There is a thin line between confidence and arrogance, that's what you say. And to prevent lives loss and saving lives. You see a lot of injustice, and that is why you pick that profession of yours. You hold strong convictions and do what you believe what is right. You value it, and it anchors. It may be the only thing that keeps you from crossing the line. It's rather heroic."
"I'm no hero…" Matt protests.
"Maybe," Thor concedes. "But from what I've seen, I don't think there is true meaning of a hero."
Matt's brows furrowed, his mind absorbing Thor's words.
"Yet in day you hold those values, and that you are confident. But at night, you are arrogant. You take these matters to your hands because what you believe in may not be enough. That it isn't fair."
"Where law meets reality," Matt says. "There is no fairness, Thor. Not in this world."
Thor nods slowly. "The right and wrong. There is no clear answer of that. Everything is a blur. Maybe you are right and the world is just wrong, or maybe you are wrong but just in the right place. From the way I see it, you are surrounded from many things and you just don't see it. You see a lot of rights and wrongs, or maybe you just can't tell the difference anymore.
Matt's face falls a bit, looking a bit miserable. As if he has failed to meet everyone's expectations.
"Stop and think for a moment, Matthew," Thor reaches out and places his hand on the lawyer's shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze (or at least as gentle as an Asgardian could), "Instead of thinking of what is right, think of what is wrong. And then maybe, my friend, you move forward as the best as you can."
No one should have to live in fear. In fear of madmen who have no regard for who they injure. In fear of the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, who has inflicted untold pain and suffering. This masked terrorist and psychopaths of his kind, we must show them we will not bow down to their campaign of coercion and intimidation. We must stand up to them.
Get up, Matt.
Guilt can be a good thing. It's the soul's call to action. The indication that something is wrong. The only way to rid your heart of it is to correct your mistakes and keep going until amends are made.
You don't get what you want by day. You take it by force at night.
Then why did he put the Devil in me? Why do I feel it in my heart and my soul clawing to be let out if that's not all part of God's plan?
You hit 'em and they get back up. I hit 'em and they STAY down!
Be careful of the Murdock boys. They got the devil in 'em
He was a good man. And he's gone because I haven't stopped what's happening to this city.
I've been preoccupied of late with, uh, questions of morality. Of right and wrong, good and evil. Sometimes the delineation between the two is a sharp line. Sometimes it's a blur, and often it's like pornography: you just know when you see it.
Every minute that you spend standing, hiding in this suit of armor, the more separate you become from the very things that you wanna protect.
You're not alone, Matt. You never were.
I'm not a savior. Or a hero. I'm just a man trying to make things right.
It doesn't matter how much you fallen down, Murdocks always gets up.
You know it can be hard? You run around this city in a pair of little boy's pajamas and a mask. You go home at night, right? Take that mask off, maybe you think… it wasn't you who did those things, maybe it was somebody else. Well, see, soldiers… we don't wear masks, yeah? We don't get that privilege.
Nothing's changing out there. No matter what I do, I'm- I'm making things worse.
And together, we can make this city a better place.
You don't get to be the man on top without making enemies looking to tear you down.
I know my soul is damned if I take his life. But if I stand idle, if I... if I let him consume this city, all the people that will suffer and die...
I'm not yours to protect.
War changes people. Sometimes they see things they can't unsee. Come home to find home's not there anymore. It changed. Or maybe they did.
But I trust you. You think this is what we should be doing... then I'm with you. For better or worse.
Funerals are for the living, and revising history only dilutes the lessons we should learn from it.
Come on, Matty. Get to work
You're right. This city really needs heroes. But you're not one of them.
No, we can't. But maybe we can find a way to move forward, Foggy.
Matt smiles, feeling a little the weight on his shoulder just a bit. For the first time since Elektra, he feels that someone finally understands him. He's glad that Thor is not trying to encourage him to go back to Daredevil. It's obvious Thor respects his decisions.
"Thanks Thor," He smiles.
"It's no trouble my friend," Thor said with a grin.
The lawyer's brows furrow. "Is there something wrong, Thor?"
Thor sighs, and for a moment, Matt feels that his friend is old and tired. But he just smiled, even if it didn't reach his eyes, "Just…searching for something."
"Well…" He says hesitantly, "If you need to talk, you can tell me."
Thor just nods.
Matt gets up, picking up his cane and dropping a foot of bills on the table. "And Merry Christmas!"
Maybe he should start respect other people's decisions, maybe for now, he should start letting people in. Maybe it's really for the best to step down Daredevil and just be Matt Murdock. Maybe it's best to help people by using the law. He doesn't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. But he knows he needs to start repair the damage he had done, and maybe to be forgiven of his sins.
Maybe.
Perhaps it's time to just stop and think.
When Matt comes back to his apartment, he holds his mask, questions forms in his head. Then with the decision made, he places the mask in the paper bag and sends a text to Karen to meet him back in Nelson and Murdock office.
He walks out of his apartment. He doesn't know what will happen. But all he could do is try to move forward.
…
What is it, to be a hero? Look in the mirror and you'll know. Look into your own eyes and tell me you are not heroic, that you have not endured, or suffered, or lost the things you care about most. And yet, here you are, a survivor of Hell's Kitchen, the hottest place anyone's ever known. A place where cowards don't last long, so you must be a hero. We all are. Some more than others, but none of us alone. Some bloody their fists trying to keep the Kitchen safe. Others bloody the streets in the hope they can stop the tide, the crime, the cruelty, the disregard for human life all around them. But this is Hell's Kitchen. Angel or devil, rich or poor, young or old, you live here. You didn't choose this town, it chose you. Because a hero isn't someone who lives above us, keeping us safe. A hero's not a God, or an idea. A hero lives here, on the street, among us, with us. Always here but rarely recognized. Look in the mirror and see yourself for what you truly are. You're a New Yorker. You're a hero. This is your Hell's Kitchen. Welcome home.
Author's Note: I notice there isn't much of Matt and Thor interaction in fandom (Thor is the least Avenger Matt interacted), and I also realize those two are much more alike than we realize. It only took Charlie Cox's words to make me realize the similarities.
It makes sense for Matt to talk to Thor Post-S2 because after everything that has happened in that season. S2 forces Matt to self-evaluate everything he has done, and question his own actions and choices. Lots of inner conflict and character development. What's interesting is that Thor has been in Matt's position before, and really understood what he is going through. I think out of all the Avengers, Thor is the only one could possibly understand of what is Matt going through in that situation. The rest of the Avengers don't have this undying love of their home and the urge to protect, this sense of duty, and the mixture of arrogance. S2 actually forces Matt to start letting people in, and accept help. He's been arrogant of doing things alone and has this belief that he is the only one who could save Hell's Kitchen, his city, which points to his arrogance. He ultimately learns his lesson (the hard way), and becomes a lot more humble and tries to fix things—hence why Matt approaches Karen at the end of S2.
Thor was once very arrogant, selfish, huge ego, and has this thrill of battles to fight. He enjoys fighting—he enjoys hitting people. He enjoys victories and has this childlike belief of invincibility, like no one could stop him. And huge temper. Despite what Matt looks like, he is arrogant in that way. He does care the people of Hell's Kitchen, and even loves the city, and truly does want to protect it. It's very selfless motivation, but at the same time, Matt enjoys fighting. He enjoys letting it out by punching people, he does have this belief of invincibility and is deeply arrogant at times. Very stubborn. And becomes very addicted being Daredevil you know. Deep down, Matt hates to admit that he is may be selfless, but he becomes arrogant as he beats down criminals each nights, like he's winning everyday.
But now, we get to see Thor being much wiser, less naive. But he's not really the type to say a lot of words. But he's giving Matt an advice (being a good friend and some kind of mentor), and hopes to guide the mortal in the right direction, and encourages Matt to be more self-aware. I mean, Thor learns from his mistakes that he should have been aware of Loki over the years, and look what happened! He's got an evil brother trying to kill him. He hopes that Matt would not have his friends or those who Matt considers family destroyed all because of Matt's choices and his awareness (or rather the lack of awareness). He will not let Matt make the same mistakes he did with Loki.
Yeah, I don't regret the ramblings. It's interesting to look at the comparison of Matt & Thor, and that they have a lot more common than those two admit. Matt just needs to work on his humility. There's a lot of themes in here. But the central point is about Matt's duty as Daredevil, and what his actions and decisions affect everyone around him. The question if whether he is doing is better or worse?