Jake's Anti-Superstar Rules
by Miley Stewart, Lilly Truscott, and Oliver Oken
I am not the God of acting, and I am not allowed to say I am.
Miley does not want to watch me "flex my guns", I may not ask her if she wants to.
I am not allowed to renounce of Oliver of his "Smokin' Oken" title.
Even if it's really retarded.
I cannot yell at Lilly when she calls me Leslie.
I cannot yell at Miley when she calls me Ryan.
I cannot yell at Oliver when he calls me Teen Bigheaded instead of Teen Bigfoot.
Although my head is slightly misshapen.
I cannot yell at Miley for saying that, because she didn't mean it in a mean way.
I am not allowed to tell Miley and her friends to stick this list where the sun doesn't shine, because that would be rude and inappropriate.
I am not allowed to make fun of Lilly's crush on Joe Jonas.
Or yell "JOE JONAS!" in public places just to watch her scream.
Because that's mean.
Although, I never said I was nice.
I am not allowed to use my Slovakian-Russian-English-Australian accent in public, because it embarrassed Miley.
Even though it is an incredibly sexy accent.
Oliver is allowed to force me to erase what I wrote above.
I am allowed to tear up this this.
Because I am Jake Ryan...the God of acting!
Miley is allowed to kill me for saying that.
Miley is allowed to threaten me with a bag of mini-muffins...
Lilly is allowed to threaten me with a box of crackers...
Oliver is allowed to...throw remotes at me!
Jake Ryan renounces lines 19 and twenty!
Jake Ryan will not be defeated...
But Leslie might be...
Signed:
Leslie Jacob Ryan.
Miley Hope Stewart.
Lillian Anne Truscott.
Oliver Oscar Oken.
Jackson Rod Stewart
...Jake Ryan is unsure of why Jackson signed the rules...