The Unpostable Chapter…
WARNING: Don't say I didn't warn you!
"Yum, chocolate!" Fred the author spotted a chocolate chip on the ground. "Nooo, don't let him eat that!" Kyree came crashing out of the locker rooms.
"Hey, you don't belong in this story," said Dumbledore. "You're a different fanfic author!"
"No, you don't understand!" shouted Kyree.
"Hey, how'd you get in the locker rooms?" asked Harry. "Do you watch me every time I change my clothes?"
"No, listen to me, the author –" but Kyree was too late. Fred was already reaching down to pick the chocolate chip up off of the ground.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!"shouted Kyree, and she dived for the chocolate chip in slow motion. She missed, and she stared in horror as Fred (in slow motion) popped it into his mouth. The whole school watched in suspended silence, expecting something to happen.
"What's the matter, Kyree?" said Fred. "Remember the five-second rule? That chocolate chip was yummy!" Fred gazed calmly around at everybody. Suddenly, a twisted, insane smile spread over his face.
"Rruuuunnn foooor yooouuur frriiiiggiiing liiiiiiiiiiives!" shouted Kyree, trying to run for her frigging life, but she was still in slow motion, so it was kind of difficult. "Frreeed's hiiiiigh ooonn chooocooolaaate!"
Everyone screamed and scrambled to get off of the field. But Martha Stewart wasn't fast enough. Fred had spotted her. She screamed and ran, with him running after. "Come on, Marthie, you little home & gardens freakster, ya know ya want me!"
Harry, Ron, and Hermione found themselves caught up in the panicking mob of students and teachers, not knowing which direction was where.
"Ron!" said Hermione, glaring at him.
"What?" Ron asked innocently.
"Does the word snail mean anything to you?"
"Duuuuuuh…" Ron thought thoughtfully.
"Come on!" said Harry, "We don't have time for this!" He grabbed Ron and Hermione and dragged them along with the crowd.
Fred and George turn back into Fred and George, and were about to run when George got an idea. "I know how to stop the evil author!"
"Why would we want to stop the evil author? Come on!" Fred tugged George's shirtsleeve.
Suddenly, Seamus darted by, almost knocking Fred over. "Do you know the muffin man?" Seamus shouted, and then, chuckling with chocolatey amusement, he dashed away. Fred stared in suspended horror, then grabbed George. "We've got to stop the author!!!"
"Do you know the fourth unforgivable curse?" George asked his brother.
"What?" Fred gasped, "We can't do that!"
"It seems we must, brother Fred," said George solemnly, and with that, they pulled their wands, pointed them at the author (who was by now foaming at the mouth) and yelled in unison, "WEEVILODIOUS!"
In a tiny poof of orange smoke, the author turned into a weevil. The crowd cheered for the new heroes of the world. Now, I must bring this story to an end, because it seems I have been turned into a weevil. An evil weevil at that.
AN: There you go Kyree and Reilyn, if that wasn't random, I don't know what is. *Puts on a choked up, nasal voice* *sniff* I'd like to thank the academy for helping me to achieve this goal *sniff* and *sniff* *breaks down into tears* Hehe, I got that from Kyree. Read her stories, they're good! Reilyn's da best random writer in the history of fanfiction, and I'd like to make a special tribute to Onion, who I revere as a silly person. In conclusion, I dedicate one marshmallow each to all those sweet girls who like my stories!
~Ricey~