Suzu: Welcome to a strange yet supposed to be funny fic! Here's the deal; the ten characters, yes Yuan included, are transported to our world, unfortunately they have no idea what the hell is going on. You can probably guess the rest. Their punishment? To be locked in school for three days! The problem? There's a murderer with an axe in there! Other than running from the axe murderer, they face strange and, well, strangely funny problems to solve!
Jet: How interesting.
Suzu: Disclaimer, disclaimer, let's see...Zelos!
Zelos: Yes, my hunny?
Suzu: Call me that again and I kill you.
Zelos: Um, sure hun-...er, authoress.
Suzu: (Sighs) Just do the disclaimer.
Zelos: (Points to the siblings) They don't own ToS or Namco or anything else connected to it.
Jet: Point blank.
Suzu: Before we begin, this will be an AU (alternate universe), in a twisted verison of Earth. And mean twisted. I hope there is no offense to anyone, like cops, I like cops I really do, I have lots of respect for them. These cops are fake and morons. Also, there are some spoilers! I recommend that you finish the game to be safe, as this takes place after beating Mithos. If you made it to the second disk I think you'll be alright, so unless you are fine with spoilers, don't say I didn't warn you.
Zelos: ON WITH THE FIC!
"Everyone!" Shouted Kratos, standing outside in Sybak near the inn. "Get the hell out here!"
Following the angel's orders, the other nine slowly walked out of the inn, rubbing their sleepy eyes and scratching their heads.
Lloyd yawned. "D-dad, you know it's seven in the morning."
"We are leaving. Get your Reiards and let's go."He turned on his heel and walked outside of Sybak. The rest shuffled along.
"You're quite pushy today," Yuan said. Genis face faulted.
"What are you doing here!" The half-elf demanded. Yuan shrugged.
"Dunno. What is Kratos doing here, he's supposed to be at Derris-Kharlan. Besides, at the end of your adventure, nobody even bothered to tell or show where I was, I just sort of dropped out of the story." He frowned and scratched his cheek.
"Where are we going, anyway?" Zelos mumbled, still fighting off the sleepiness threatening to take him over.
"Chosen," Kratos said, glancing back at Zelos. "Just shut up."
"Hah! So you don't know!"
"What I do know is that I'm going to kill you-"
I have an idea!
"It's the authoress," Lloyd pointed out.
No crap! Alright, listen, because I rule over this fanfic, meheheheh, you are all coming to our world, and me and my brother can see how you survive!
Genis scowled. "To watch us squirm?"
Hey! Shut up! Anyway, do you see that bright light north of you?
"Hard to miss," Yuan muttered, staring at the bright white light. Hah! I ryhmed! Bright white light, bright white light, bright white light-
Good. Walk to it.
"Can we trust you?"
No. But you should do it anyway.
Regal sighed, and said, "That doesn't make sense."
Just go to the light! Now! Before bad stuff happens way to early in the fic!
Taking the warning, the group scurried towards the light and stepped inside. At first, nothing happened. They stood in silence for a bit...
Okay, for a half an hour...an hour...hour and a half...
"It's way to early for this!" Yuan yelled skyward. "Just transport us there already!"
What? Oh, right, forgot, I was supposed to transport you to the new world.
"You forgot! You can't just forget that!"
Oops.
"Oops! That's all you've got to say!"
The light interrupted the argument, lifting the group off their feet. They swam in midair, surprised with the floating. With a flash the party disappeared and there was silence. Ahhh, silence...
Um, anyway, back to the party. A bright light, again, shines above a grassy field. Suddenly Yuan falls from it, landing with an "oof" on his stomach. The light next spits out Raine, who lands on Yuan's back, followed by the rest of the party, landing sickening on Yuan's back. Genis, of course, lands on top.
"Ugh," Yuan groaned. "Can't...breathe..."
Genis walked off the party, leaving them to try and untangle themselves. Lloyd was pushed out by his dad and Zelos, landing on his back. Yuan wasn't moving anymore until the other two angels managed to escape, and he began to breathe again without the weight-
"We're not that heavy!" Yelled Zelos to the sky.
Well, 4 ½ guys are pretty heavy...
"A half?"
Genis, duh. No offense.
"Gee, thanks," the half-elf muttered.
Anyway, the rest of them get off Yuan. Kratos and Presea pulled the poor angel to his feet.
"Suzu, I hate you," he whispered, glowering daggers at everyone.
I can hear you fine. Welcome to a world like ours, only a bit more crazy and...um...wrong.
"Now what?" Lloyd demanded.
Uhhhh...go explore or something. Go get into mischief. Trouble. Go wreck stuff!
"Okay!" The boy ran along a road into a town, which just happened to be there.
"Perfect," Raine said, arms crossed. "Who knows what kind of trouble he can get into..."
"I can guess." Genis received a smack on the head. "Ow!"
"Maybe we should go chase him," Sheena said. "We should split up and come back here in an hour. Let's split in half, Kratos, Yuan, Zelos, and Regal go one way. Me, Raine, Presea, Genis, and Colette go another. We'll split in the city."
"Who died and made you in charge?" Zelos snorted, sitting on the ground.
"Shut up, you idiot chosen, or you'll be the one to die!" Sheena kicked Zelos in the stomach. He groaned miserably and fell to his side. She closed her eyes and dusted her hands off.
"You didn't use your hands at all," said Genis. Sheena gave him a death glare, and he fell silent.
"Let's hurry! Lloyd may be in danger!"
Regal rolled his eyes. "I think he would cause more danger for others than himself, Colette."
As Sheena's group ran off towards the town, the three angels and Regal looked at each other.
"What a convenient mixup," Yuan commented.
An evil laugh is heard from, well, me. Muwahahah! Yeah, like that.
"She did this on purpose," said Kratos. "All four of us hate each other."
Yes! Get along! (Crazy laughter)
With a huge sigh, the four of them stood up and lazily shuffled towards the city. Town. Whatever the hell it is!
And soooo...time passes...
"He disappeared," Zelos pointed out, for some reason sitting in a shopping cart and playing with a dead fish skeleton, spinning it between his fingers.
Yuan rolled his eyes. "Aw, thanks, couldn't guess!"
Suddenly, a loud boom was heard. The four glanced at each other.
"Crap," Zelos said. "That's defiantly Lloyd."
A loud whirling noise erupted, causing the four to wince.
"What the hell is that!"
Sirens. It's the police. The "good guys" that arrest people when they commit a crime. Then the people go to jail.
"Like in Meltokio?"
The only place with a jail.
"Ah, hell," Kratos muttered. "So if he goes to jail, we'll probably go to jail?"
I guess...that gives me an idea!
The other three glower at Kratos, who looks unfazed. They lower their glaring, seeing that the angel isn't effected by it. Kratos laughed, being the glaring champ.
Meanwhile...
"Ow!" Sheena yelled, clapping her hands over her ears. "That's really loud!"
Meet sirens.
"I've heard of these!" Raine shouted, in her "studious mode". "So these are sirens! I must...perform...experiments and stuff..."
On sirens? That's kinda weird...
"That's Raine for you," the smaller half-elf muttered. Luckily, Raine didn't hear.
"Yes, on sirens! Let's go!" Raine ran towards the sirens, and the rest reluctantly followed.
Yeah yeah, and so...
"Pretty lights..." said Zelos, not able to pry his eyes from the lights on top the cop cars. In his mouth was the fish skeleton without the head (like Sanosuke in Rurouni Kenshin!), and he left the shopping cart behind. "Distracting..."
"Look, there's Lloyd." Kratos pointed in the direction of his son, who was being pulled and tugged by cops.
"Lemme go! Lemme go I tell you! That damn tomato had it coming! Lemme go!"
"I can't imagine what he did," said Regal. Yuan shrugged.
"Hell, I can. And you don't want to hear it."
Zelos was still staring at the lights, so was unable to make a stupid/funny comment back. "Must...have them...pretty..."
Kratos ignored the chosen. "Excuse me," he said, walking up to the cop. "That's my son, and if he's done anything wrong, I'll take care of it."
"So this is your son?" The cop said. He was holding the back of Lloyd's collar of his shirt. "I'll tell you what he's done wrong. After mowing down crops of tomatoes with his swords here, which are illegal in the first place, he threatened the farmer guy with his illegal weapons and chased the chickens screaming 'death to tomatoes and their chicken slaves!' We were thinking of sending him to the mental institute, but what the hell, let's just lock him in jail."
Kratos hid his sword behind his back as Yuan and Regal ran up. Yuan frowned. "I don't see any farms around here."
"Shut up, young'un!" The cop snapped at him. The corner of Yuan's mouth twitched. "Now, it seems that there is a sword too! Is it yours?"
Kratos shook his head. "No it isn't."
"You sure? Are you Kratos Aurion? It's got your name on it."
"No it isn't."
"What is your name, then?"
"Ummm..." He looked around for a hint when his eyes fell on a sign in front of a fish shop where Zelos had gotten the fish. "Tod Tucker," he said, reading "Tod's Fish" on the sign and a truck not to far away reading "Tuckers". The three stared at him with disbelief, and laughter from me is heard in the distance. The cops can't hear it, and the cop holding Lloyd shrugged.
"Okay, then. I'm arresting you anyway."
The three (not Lloyd) face faulted, anime style, and jumped back on their feet.
"That's not right!" Regal yelled. "Don't we have rights or anything?"
"Rights? Oh, yeah. You do. So get in the car."
Lloyd stopped fighting and looked excited. "We're going for a ride? Yay!"
The three sighed. Yuan whispered "This'll be a long trip."
"Is he with you?" The cop asked, pointed at the now drooling Zelos who was still staring at the lights. Kratos glanced at the chosen. He was starting to look drunk, the fish skeleton hanging limply from his mouth as he stared wide eyed at the lights.
"Um, no?"
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty much."
"Positive?"
"Yes..."
"Crystal clear?"
Kratos was getting annoyed. "Transparent."
"Really?"
"He's not with us!" Yuan yelled, hands in fists of rage, his eye twitching in absolute anger as he resisted with all his might to kill this man.
"Then he's arrested too!"
"Why!"
"Because you're lying to us!"
Forgot to tell you, cops know all. Gotta be respectful to them.
"Crap! You could have told us earlier! Now we are all arrested!"
You just better hurry and get in the car before the other half of your group get arrested...
"And if we don't?"
No one can pay the bail. So you are stuck.
"Are you telling the truth?"
Do I ever? Don't answer that. Just go already.
"Who are you talking to?" The cop asked Yuan suspiciously.
Yuan sweat dropped (Imagine Yuan sweat dropping). "Umm...myself! I do that a lot!"
The cop shrugged, and shouted orders to the other cops. "There's Tod Tucker here, with this crazy blue haired freak, a guy already cuffed, this tomato killing kid, and a weirdo drooling over the lights." Everyone was handcuffed, and thrown into the cop car, squished in the backseat.
"I got window seat!" Lloyd exclaimed, seemingly forgotten about the strange crime he just committed. Kratos rolled his eyes.
"This isn't a field trip, you know."
"Pretty lights..."
"Handcuffs are annoying as hell," Yuan said. He glared at Regal. "How do you cope with them?"
"Amazing skill."
"How are five grown men able to be stuffed in this car?" Kratos wondered out loud.
Yuan meant to shrug but couldn't move. "Hell, who needs breathing?"
"Pretty pretty lights..."
"Chosen, shut up!" The Renegade leader snapped. He glowered at the redhead, and blinked, puzzled. Zelos looked like he was in a trance.
"Pretty lights, so dazzling..."
"What wrong with him?"
Lights, Yuan. He almost gets...possessed by the lights. Staring into blinking lights for too long can leave a person a bit head dented and drugged for a while. He may act very very scary and strange for a bit, so cope with it.
"Hey, Yuan!" The redhead said slowly, eyes half open as if he was drunk. "Did you know that renegade is actually a word? It means a person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles, or having treacherously changed allegiance. Hahahah, that's so ironic..."
"This is just perfect," Kratos muttered.
The cop in the front seat tapped the glass window, annoyed. "Keep it down-hey! We've got a light-influenced problem! Let's hurry and get to the jail!" With a lot of force, the car took off, jolting the five back due to inertia! Hahahah, I love inertia. Hate physics but love inertia. Ironically, as the cop car zoomed out of sight, Sheena and the others appeared only seconds after.
"Dammit!" Sheena shouted. "I swear those lights were right here!"
"How?" Genis asked.
"My ninja sense was tingling." She gave a shiver.
Genis frowned. "Ninja sense?"
"Alright, actually, I lied. I saw a bright flash over here."
"Look," Presea said in her monotone voice, just like my boring science teacher. She was pointing at the road. "Tracks."
"You're right, Presea!" Genis said, blushing scarlet at talking with the girl. Presea just smiled at him as Raine observed the tracks.
"I wonder what they are," the professor said. She hovered her hand over the tracks. "Fantastic..."
Sheena was busy looking at a random car parked on the side of the street. "Look, these markings on this wheel are the same as on the road, or very similar."
Colette suddenly looked fearful. "Oh no! Maybe that thing turns into a monster with wheel feet and ate up our friends! Nooooo!" She burst into tears.
Sigh.
"No, Colette," said Raine. "This is an automobile. Look, you put a key in there..." She pointed beyond the glass at a small hole in the ignition. "And the mobile starts, and under your control."
It's a car. Just car.
"Oh." The chosen looked blissful, as if nothing happened. "Okay then!"
"But where are the others?" Said Genis. "I wonder if they found Lloyd."
"Dunno." Sheena shrugged. "We could follow the tracks to find them. I'm sure those four angels can defend for themselves, along with Regal. Even if two of them are idiots and the other two have short tempers."
Heheheheh. They only wish.
"This is such bullcrap," muttered Yuan.
The five of them were sitting in the jail cell, still in their regular uniforms, but a big number pinned to their backs. Zelos was still in his tipsy strange mood, which was overflowing the other two angels' patience.
"Sing us a song, you're the piano man!" Zelos sang, very out of tune. "Sing us a song, tonight!" (Piano Man, Billy Joel)
Don't ask how he knows that song by Billy Joel, he just does. XD
"Ba ba! Badada ba ba! Badada ba ba, bada ba baaa! Shades of grey, where ever I goooo..." (Shades of Grey, Billy Joel)
"Why!" Yuan complained, looking helplessly at the ceiling.
Cause Billy Joel rocks!
Kratos and Yuan whimpered. Regal was sitting up against the wall, dozing off, and Lloyd starting singing along.
"I don't need you to worry for me, cause I'm alll right! I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home!" the duo sang loudly. "I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life! Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone!" (My Life, Billy Joel)
"Get them to shut up!" Yuan hissed at Kratos, covering his ears. Kratos sighed.
"Hey, Lloyd, Chosen, could you-"
"Things are okay with me these days, I gotta good job! I gotta good office, I gotta good wife, gotta good life and the family is fine! Ooohhh! Lost touch long ago! Lost way, I did not know you could ever look so nice after so much time!" (Italian Restaurant, Billy Joel)
"Jeez, you gotta be firmer, Kratos."
"But..."
"Did you write the book of loving, do you have faith in God above! If the Bible tells you so. And you do believe in rock and roll? Does music save your mortal soul? And can you teach me how to dance reeeal slow?" (American Pie, Don McLean)
"You better shut them up before I kill them!" Yuan yelled over the singing.
"And before they do too," Regal said quite calmly, pointing at the other convicts in the other cells, who looked ready to kill them. Kratos growled and stood up, walking over to the singing duo.
"Lloyd! Zelos! Shut up!" Kratos yelled in their faces. Lloyd quickly fell silent, and Zelos lowered his voice to a hum. "No humming!" Zelos finally fell silent, eyes filled with fear.
"Whoa," was Yuan's only comment.
Kratos sat on the cold concrete, arms crossed, a scowl of annoyance on his face. "This really sucks. We better get out of here soon."
The jail doors open, and everyone else leaves.
"Where are they going?" Lloyd asked up to the ceiling, obviously to me.
Break.
"Convicts get breaks?"
Well, it isn't really a break. More like play time. Get it?
The five shrugged, and walked into a huge room. Facing them was a lot of convicts, all with murder written on their faces, each equipped with some type of weapon. They were all sneering.
Zelos gulped. "Oh snap."
Suzu: Whoo! Finito!
Yuan: Why always us?
Suzu: Dunno, for some reason, you four angels are fun to tease.
Yuan, Lloyd, Zelos, and Kratos: Perfect.
Suzu: Heheh. Well? RR! It may not be very funny, but I hoped you enjoyed it anyway. I tell you, humor fics now are hard to write. You'll soon see why they get sentenced to three days in a locked school, and the problems they'll face! Yay! So now to act like the DBZ announcer person. CAN THE FIVE ESCAPE THE CONVICTS' WRATH? WILL SHEENA AND THE OTHERS FIND THEM BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE? DID ZELOS REALLY JUST SAY OH SNAP? WILL THE CHICKENS COME BACK FOR REVENGE? AND WHAT WILL BE OUR HEROS' PUNISHMENT IF THEIR FRIENDS CAN'T PAY THE BAIL? FIND OUT NEXT TIME, EVEN IFTHIS STUFFISN'T IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, ON TRAPPED IN SCHOOL!
All: ...
Suzu: Umm...(quick look) I think I said everything.
Jet: Good, now end this.
Suzu: Of course. Ja ne!