I apologise for the poor updating of my fics during the past year, following a difficult time for my family my grandmother passed away on December 21st and for this reason I shall be putting Starting Over on hiatus as I'm not able to continue writing about Brooke's grief process at this time. This is also why there have been no updates to Broken or Are You Happy Now? as I have not been in the right frame of mind to write. I am beginning to think of my fics now and hope that I will begin writing again soon. Thanks to those of you who are sticking with me despite the poor updating.
Heard this song on the radio today and just had to write this fic. Based the beginning of season four after Brucas break up. The song is by John Wait and it's called Missing You. I may consider making this a two-part fic depending on whether you guys want more.
Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I'm wondering why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
He stared at his door long after she'd walked out of it. For a guy who prided himself on his ability with words he had failed spectacularly in finding the ones that would make her stay. He could barely bring himself to go to school the following day. He was standing at his locker when he first saw her, a part of him still believed that she would look at him and rush over just like any other day. Instead he watched breathless and frozen the expression on her face as she opened the locker he'd so carefully decorated for her. he thought maybe he imagined the sadness on her features because in an instant she was hard again, resolved even some may say and he watched dejectedly as she ripped all remnants of him from her locker. Despite the fact she was stood just a matter of feet away from him he felt he was suddenly miles apart from her. He felt like the last year and a half had been erased and he was the poor boy from the river court and she was the popular head cheerleader. Only back then he'd not loved her like he did now. Back then he'd noticed her only because he'd had a crush on her best friend.
"Hey you don't look so good. Are you fighting?" He blinked and tried to focus on the girl stood next to him. He shook his head.
"We're not fighting," Was that really his voice? He sounded so unlike himself. "She broke up with me." Peyton seemed beyond shocked and he briefly wondered if Brooke was cutting herself off from all her friends for some reason other than what he knew. His theory dashed when he saw her smile warmly at Nathan and Haley walking toward her. He could see the exact moment where she revealed to them that she had ended their relationship as both pairs of eyes whipped across to him.
"Did she say why?" He forced himself to focus once more on the blonde beside him. He wasn't sure how to answer that, she'd said a lot of things but none of them seemed to add up to a reason for him.
"She stopped missing me." Peyton looked almost relieved at his words and a bolt of hope struck him. Perhaps Peyton thought there was still hope for them, after all her reason didn't seem like much of a reason.
HH
I hear your name, in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time, thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
A month and he still sits glazed over sometimes, his focus has improved but still his friends complain it sometimes feels like he's not really there with them. He spends most of his time with Peyton because right now it feels like she's the only one resolutely on his side. He tries not to make things awkward for Nathan and Haley knowing how they still love Brooke, still see her. As he tries to drag his attention back to the other three occupants of the cafeteria table he hears Brooke's name and almost unconsciously a smile tugs at his lips.
"I don't like it Nathan."
"Hales Brooke is a grown up and if she chooses to spend her time with Rachel then so be it."
"But she can't possibly be classed as a good influence. Peyton, why on earth would she leave your house to move in with that skank?" Lucas has wondered the same thing himself because after all he had thought it was the kiss on the day of the school shooting but she hadn't known about it until he'd said something.
"She's changed." It was the only answer Peyton ever gave as to what caused the split between the two best friends.
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone, away
I ain't missing you
No matter, what I might say
He walks the corridors and sees her, she's giggled with Rachel and the red head is the one to notice him watching them first.
"Get over it Lucas, stop the stalker like staring." In typical Rachel fashion she latches on to the hurt of others and seeks to amplify the suffering.
"I'm over it. Trust me seeing you coming into school looking like last night's leftovers does nothing for me." He can't quite believe he actually said that but for some reason he can't stand the idea that she's out there having fun and meeting guys while he's pining for her. So the only thing he can do to salvage a little pride is to make sure she doesn't know that's what he's doing. He walks away before her stunned and slightly hurt expression can have an effect on him and for the first time since their break up he begins to feel good.
There's a message, in the wires
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know, how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand
And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
He flops back on his bed and hurls his cell phone against the wall. He hates the way he dials her number to hear her voice knowing that she doesn't answer just because it's him. He knows it makes what he said to her about being over her null and void but he just prays that at least maybe she won't tell Rachel. From what Haley and Nathan say she's been seeing someone new. Someone Rachel approves of so Haley automatically doesn't. Peyton has been spending even more time with him and he does consider that maybe that's not helping his cause. The fact she's found someone new hurts him more than he can say. The fact that she's moved on and he no longer means a thing to her burns him.
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone, away
I ain't missing you
No matter, what my friends say
He sees her at the beach and it feels almost exactly like the night he told her he was the guy for her. It pisses him off just a little that he's always fighting against her to make their relationship work and yeah maybe he does spend a lot of time with Peyton and maybe that does make Brooke insecure because of last time but if he can forget Chris Keller why can't she do the same because he's honestly not the same guy that did that to her. And he finally thinks maybe he said ask her that exact question. Only when he attempts to make her see that she dismisses him and all he can say is that he was wrong and he isn't the one for her. She laughs and Rachel steps in once more to attempt to hurt and humiliate him.
"I hear you're still pining for Brookie so maybe it needs to be her telling you that you're not the guy for her."
And there's a message that I'm sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload
When he sees her that day she looks so different, she looks kind of defeated and he wants to ask her who gave her that look because he wants more than anything to hurt the one who did it to her. He's stopped thinking he can be responsible for her moods and something about the very fact that she looks directly at him for the first time since she walked out his life seems to tell him more about her spirit that day than anything else. He wants to reach out to her as she walks past him, to hold her and make her see that everything is okay that he stills loves her as much as he ever did.
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone, away
I ain't missing you
No matter, what my friends say
I ain't missing you, I aint missing you
I can lie to myself
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I aint missing you at all
Since you've been gone, away
I ain't missing you,
No matter, what my friends say
Aint missing you
I ain't missing you, I aint missing you
I can lie to myself
I ain't missing you
I aint missing you