A/N: Written by the two of us quite a while ago. May be continued at a later date. Also this is humor story so I don't want insane Bartimaeus or Inuyasha fans giving me threatening emails.

Disclaimer: We do not own the wizards (thank God) or the demons (too bad). We also don't own the mysterious voice. Or maybe we do, you'll have to figure it out by reading the end.

Bartimaeus

In ten seconds all of the demons in the world would be free. Free from those damn (I would like to say more, but young demons might read this someday) wizards. All who were serving wizards in this moment would be free. Free to spend all of our vacation time in a tropical dimension. Can you say 'roast imp and a luau'?

Five… (So close) Four… (Even closer) Three… (Closer) Two… (Hurry up already!) One… (Please?) Zero! (Yes!) Hahaha! Goodbye all you damn wizards! Woo-hoo! We're out of here!

I wonder what Farquarl would look like in a hula skirt?

Nathanial

Stupid, stupid, stupid superior-ranked magicians! Always acting so… superior. Okay, maybe they were. But did that give them any right to give him such a stupid assignment? he wondered. This had to be the work of the notorious Marmaduke Fry. Okay, maybe not exactly notorious. More… fat. And obnoxious. Although he has a good taste in names. Marmaduke. Like the dog in the comic strip. Fry. As in deep-fried. It fit him.

Nathanial lit the candles and wrote the ruins on the floor with practice precision. He had done this so much, mostly for summoning foliots and minor djinni, although this djinni was much stronger. But he needed a strong servant, one worthy of his greatness. The only one ever efficient enough was off-limits. But that didn't matter. Nathanial would break the deal between him and his first servant, Bartimaeus.

You're always breaking deals, you slimy, cheating, no-good wizard! Someday, I'll make you pay, just like I did to the boy with the glasses!

He didn't know who it was, but, assuming it was Bartimaeus, Nathanial didn't care. Reciting the incantations, the young wizard summoned his first servant.

Inside the second pentacle, an obnoxious, excuse me, noxious, cloud of gas appeared. Two white dog ears and a cough that was definitely not Bartimaeus' poked out.

Ever the brave wizard, Nathanial did what any man would do in that situation. He screamed like a little girl.

Inuyasha

Inuyasha was baffled as he stared down at the pathetic looking boy. This boy was too unimportant looking to be very powerful, but what if he was one of Naraku's human puppets like Kohaku? At the very thought of this he whipped out the Tetsusaiga.

"Listen boy if you're in league with Naraku I want to know. You'd better not lie to me because if you do, your gonna experience an even worse beating than you can even imagine."

The pathetic one yelled out some words and flame shot towards Inuyasha. This maneuver was easily blocked by the Tetsusaiaga.

"You bastard, you're going to pay for that." Inuyasha yelled as he drove his sword towards the stupid one.

The really stupid boy cried out "Demon, do not slay me!" The boy said this in the noblest words he could think of, considering his tiny brain was under so much pressure.

For some unknown reason the dog demon managed only to mildly slice the kid's wrist.

"Listen demon, I am John Mandrake, your master. You will do any whim that I bid you to do. For it is the law that demons must obey their masters," John said as he realized the power this demon would have.

"Listen stupid, for starters I am a half-demon and a very powerful one at that. So I ain't gonna be taking any orders from a little pathetic, stupid moron like you," The half demon said as he bopped John something or other over the head quite hard.

"Owieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Uh, I mean, demon, your first task is to kill Marmaduke Fry, but make sure all the clues point to someone else. Be off with you, and if you do not finish the task than you shall pay," he commanded through tears.

Inuyasha, at that moment realized that because he was a half-demon, he only had to half follow the instruction. So he could kill this Marmaduke and let all the signs point to John Mandrake. Though he doubted the boy could make him "pay". Inuyasha almost put his fingers in the sarcastic movement that Kagome sometimes did, but decided against this because then the stupid boy would ask why he had done that.

He jumped out the window to only half follow instructions.