Count On Me.
Disclaimer: I do not own the A-Team or anything you recognise.
A/N: Sorry for the sad ending, I didn't expect it, it crept up on me when I was writing.
Warnings: Mentions of self harm.
'If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep, I'll sing a song beside you. And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me; Everyday I will remind you.' – Count On Me, Bruno Mars.
Face has changed, I can see it, Hannibal and BA can both see it, although I'm sure they don't know why. It's not obvious that I'm the cause, a few blank glances when I speak, ignoring me when he can get away with pretending he hasn't heard me. But I'm sure Hannibal at least has an idea by now, it's been three weeks. He probably thinks it's something to do with Ellen, I wish it was, an argument over a girl would be so much simpler to solve.
We've stopped in a small, discreet bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere, staying under fake names for one night before we move on once more. Hannibal has some crazy plan to set a fake trail, it's unorthodox, as usual, but that seems to work for him. He's worried about Face, you can see it in his eyes when the Lieutenant starts to speak; monotone with no feeling. He thinks that a few days without the MPs on our tail will do us all good; of course I know that it will do nothing for Face.
It was BA's idea to book each of us separate rooms, saying simply, 'We all need a bit of space'.
I hear a knock at the door and I'm suspicious for a moment before the little logic I posses tells me that the MPs probably wouldn't knock. Nevertheless I check the spy hole, and I see Hannibal, his head enlarged by the lens, with BA standing beside him.
I open the door with a fake smile, "Heya Colonel, BA," I step back to let them in and close the door behind them, "I was just feeding Billy." It's an effort to appear normal; in all honesty I haven't seen Billy in weeks. I was too distracted by the whole 'Face' situation. I think he might have run away, fed up of being ignored. It makes me sad to think I may have lost two friends at once because of my actions.
"There's no dog fool," BA replied, but his heart wasn't in it.
"Aw BA, you'll hurt his feelings," It's the customary exchange. I'm keeping one eye on Hannibal; waiting for the conversation I knew was coming.
"Murdock we need to talk," Hannibal tells me seriously.
"About what Colonel?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
"It's Face," Hannibal states, "We all know he's acting out of character," He looked up, staring me straight in the eye, "Especially with you."
"Not sure I know what you're talking about Hannibal," I lie pointlessly.
"Captain."
It's stern, a reminder that he is still the leader of our unit, even if we aren't technically part of the army anymore.
"I thought we'd solved it Colonel, we talked about it...obviously I knew he'd be angry, he deserved to be really. But I didn't know what to do...I mean what would he have done? What could I do? What did he expect me to do? It was more than a flippant decision, I agonised over it...and..."
"Murdock," BA snapped, cutting off my babbling, "Stop it. Just tell us what's goin' on."
"Bancroft," I stated, taking a deep breath before opening my mouth to continue.
Hannibal got there first, "Please tell me this isn't about Ellen." Just as I thought.
I shook my head, "Well a bit, but she's not the main part of it all. AJ Bancroft, he, he was," Another deep breath, "He was Face's father."
BAs jaw dropped, even Hannibal hadn't seen that one coming.
"It's a long story," I continued hastily, "I saw that Bancroft had a picture of Face, and he confessed that he was his father. I wanted to tell Face, really I did, but Bancroft said he wanted to tell him; a dying mans wish."
"And Face's angry because you didn't tell him," Hannibal stated, still looking shocked.
I nod, hanging my head.
"It's not your fault Murdock," BA told him, and I look up in surprise.
Hannibal nodded in agreement, "You should talk to him Murdock."
I shake my head, "He doesn't want to talk to me."
"I don't care. For this unit to operate properly we all need to trust each other completely. This rift between the two of you puts us all at risk."
"But Colonel..."
"Murdock," BA interrupts, "Do what he says, he's right."
There's a pause.
"Now?" I ask.
"Now." Hannibal repeats.
I grudgingly nod in agreement, we all head to the door, leaving the room and I lock it behind us. BA and Hannibal give me sympathetic smiles and then we head in different directions, they go back to their own rooms, and I head to Face's.
I knock lightly, casually, if a knock can be casual.
"Who is it?" Face's weary voice calls, obviously I think, Face has got the idea that MPs wouldn't knock, down.
"It's me," I reply hoarsely, not feeling the need to say my name, I'm sure he can recognise my voice.
There's hesitation, I can feel it, and then slow footsteps muffled by carpet. They stop for a moment as he reaches the door, and I hear him unlocking the bolt, and then he slowly pulls back the door.
His face is weary, bags building under his eyes. His hair is unkempt, a rarity for Face, and lines on his face suddenly seem more pronounced.
I don't say anything, opening and closing my mouth trying to get sound out; I'm sure I look like a goldfish.
"What is it Murdock?" Face sighs, not meeting my eyes.
I clear my throat, "We, um, we need to talk." I tell him boldly, attempting to get into the room.
Face frowns, blocking my entry, "I don't think we do."
"Come on Face, we can't carry on like this. Hannibal, Hannibal told me we need to sort it out."
"Hannibal?" Face's eyes widened, and he walked quickly back into the room, running his hands through his hair. I took the opportunity to slip into the room and quietly shut the door. He turns sharply, back round to look at me, "What does Hannibal know about this?" His eyes are wild, he looks out of control. I have to admit; I'm slightly scared. "You told him? You told him too; just like you told Stockwell. Didn't you even think to let me tell him in own time. BA knows too I suppose."
"Look Face, it was just now. He's worried about yo..."
"Worried about me, how sweet. Well there's nothing to worry about, I'm fine, I wish you'd all just leave me alone."
"Face it's been three weeks."
"Oh yeah, three weeks. That's enough time to get over the fact that the one chance I might have had to get to know my father is gone forever. Got the whereabouts of my mother hidden up your sleeve too?" His voice was rising, every word he took a step forward until he was right in my face, our eyes now inches apart.
"Face you know I would've told you. I thought we'd been through this, I thought we were ok."
Face stepped back slightly, "Apparently not."
Face glares, eyes piercing mine, and I take an unconscious step backwards.
"Please Face, what can I do to make it up to you?"
"I just," Face walked backwards and slumped down onto the bed, "I just want to be able to trust you again." He stares at me, straight in the eye, and I can see regret and sincerity there.
I sit down beside him, leaving a small gap between us, "You can always trust me Face, I was stuck, I thought we'd have more time. I know it's hard; you never got to know your father. Just, now please don't yell again, just try to look of the bright side."
Face looks up at me with disbelief.
"At least you met him," I explain, "At least you met Ellen."
"I'm sure she'd be delighted to know that her half-brother was the one flirting with her."
I shook my head, half smiling at him and waiting for him to continue.
"I have," He swallows and his Adams Apple bobs quickly up and down, "May be I have been a little harsh on you Murdock."
"It's not your fault; I think you're reacting well, considering the circumstances."
Face stares at the floor and I decide my next course of action is the only option. I shuffle across the bed and wrap my arms around Face in a tight hug. He stiffens for a moment, but soon relaxes into it and puts his arms around me. Minutes pass with no movement from Face, he's just clinging to me tightly like he's drowning and I'm a life ring. Suddenly I feel something wet on my shoulder, and glance up at the ceiling. There's no crack, no where a leak could come through, and then I realise it's Face, he's crying.
His entire body shakes with sobs that shudder through, I feel guilt wash over my in huge tidal waves and continue to squeeze him tighter. I don't speak, I know that would only embarrass him further.
Eventually he lets go, and moves away slightly. His eyes are red and bloodshot and he hastily wipes away the remaining tears, "Thanks Murdock," He mutters.
"I'm sorry Face," I smile sadly at my best friend.
"It's ok, I think...I think it's time to move on," He smiles back.
But as he stands he catches the sleeve closest to me and it pulls up slightly. Face doesn't notice, it's only for a second. But I see scars, a lattice of red lines at different points of healing, I inhale sharply, and I have to take a slow deep breath and close my eyes to try and prevent a panic attack.
Not Face, he wouldn't do that. I'd seen people do that in the VA, it was some sort of strange coping mechanism, I didn't know it was this bad. I take another deep breath, panic still rising inside me.
Face turns round, "Thanks," He tells me sincerely. "I think I'm gonna try and get some sleep, I haven't...haven't been sleeping well lately."
I nod, a huge pressure still building in my chest, ready to make me scream out. I follow him as he goes to the door, and opens it to let me out. We exchange small goodbyes, and then he shuts the door on me. I let out a breath that I didn't realise I was holding, I haven't said anything, I need to say something, I can't leave him doing this. I know how consuming it can be, unfortunately; I've been there.
But instead I hurry back to my room, collapse onto my bed and sob, the little voice in the back of my head repeatedly telling me, 'This is all your fault.'