Why Severus Snape Never Washes Hair

Actually, this really isn't true. I must protest, because I regularly wash; I would stink otherwise, and that might affect the potions I brew. In fact, I wash every night, it's not my fault that the grease won't come out… well it is my fault. Let me tell you why…

When I was younger, my father was far too stingy to spend money on the bills. So he solved this problem by ordering us, that is, my mother and I, to 1) never wash and 2) never use electricity. That's what candles are for, he claims. So when I was 11, I was relieved to receive a Hogwarts acceptance letter, to get away from my father.

After hearing so many tales of baths and showers from my mother, I was looking forward to when I could experience the forbidden luxury of it all. When I first walked in to the Great Hall, mutters of "Look at that greasy-haired bloke. Has he ever heard of a shower?" only fueled my desire for a bath. After enduring many snide comments on the way to the Slytherin common room and dormitory, I dove for the bathroom.

When I was safely inside, and the door was locked, I began what I thought was going to be the most exciting moment of my life. Sadly, I was mistaken. First off, I didn't know how to turn it on. After many failed attempts, the shower was going. Secondly, I didn't know there was a hot and cold. I merely thought that it would happen on its own. So I suffered scalding water then icy torrents. I finally got the water to a comfortable temperature. Then, I used the soap and shampoo. I was ignorant then, so I used the soap in my hair and the shampoo on my body. After drying myself, I dressed in my night clothes and went to sleep in the most comfortable bed I had ever slept in. I fell asleep happy and clean that night. In the morning, I was to have a much different opinion.

In the morning, I rose, fully rested. I went to the bathroom. Because I had to use it okay? That is the most obvious reason, seeing as I showered before and I only brushed my teeth after I ate. As I went out, I happened to glance in the mirror. What I saw stopped me in my tracks. My hair had frizzed out. It literally stood on end. I looked like I had, what was it those muggles called it?, afroos? afnoos? Ah yes, afros.

I tried everything to keep it down. I brushed my hair, I dumped water on it; my hair just wasn't used to the moisture and would have probably sorted itself out in a few days. But I was desperate and unthinking. I finally grew so desperate, that I grabbed my wand and performed I spell I made up on the spot (which was foolish, I could have blown my head off) to calm my hair down. I, ah, was a little too enthusiastic; my hair was now dripping grease. I ran into the shower to get it off, but it remained greasy. After breakfast and first class was over (and the soap and shampoo gone) I was forced to concede defeat. I could have asked a teacher to put it to rights, but I was ashamed.

I could do it now, but am used to my hair, and despise change. And no, this is not a reason why I hate Sirius Black; I don't care if he has perfect hair that has girls sighing all over him and makes him good-looking and no one calls him a greasy git. Oh what the heck. Maybe I am jealous. Just a little.

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Hola, peoples! I was struck by this idea while trying to go to sleep and decided to write it. Hope you enjoyed it!

Until we meet again,

nsisdazl