Training And Secrecy

by Kaz Gemcity

Just a one-shot. Michael has some thoughts that he wants to explain. The differences between the way civillians think and the way spies think and his problems with this. Could be character death depending on how you look at it. Sorry about that.

When you walk down the street, what do you see? Think about that for a minute.

Do you see what I see? As a spy, I see every possible exit, every possible danger, and some that aren't possible. What if the man behind the counter at Target is the Japanese assissin that Sam said was in town last week? What if the woman three people behind me a the store was a retired spook or an arms dealer?

No. I'm going to guess that's not what you see. You see the middle-aged woman walking her dog with a friendly smile. You see the cashier and you notice that he just got a hair-cut.

There is a reason for this small fact, though it may not seem like a big deal for you.

The reason is training. Training and secrecy.

I was trained to kill people, to gather information, to do bad things for good reasons. That is what spies are trained to do. And we do it all in the name of secrecy. Secrecy of the govenment to "protect the people of American from extreamists across the world."

You were schooled in one of the colleges of America to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher.

You see the best in people. I see the worst.

That is why I was, why I am, so surprised that I have found people who trust me. Sam, despite his SEAL training, has proven himself over and over again to be a loyal friend and a man who I can trust. And Fiona, she worked for a terrorist organization, she was and still is, a criminal. And she loves me.

But that's not the problem. The problem is that I don't trust them. I love Fi with all my heart, and Sam is my best friend, but I can't trust them and it has been a long time since I have trusted anyone.

Growing up, I hated my father and resented my mother for allowing him to do what he did. I protected my brother, but he was always able to talk himself out of anything. In my job trusting people was signing your own death certficate.

So I don't trust them, I can't trust them. I have seen too much darkness in this world, suffered too much pain. I couldn't keep leading them on. It was time for me to leave, and I was ready to go.

My name is Michael Westen and I used to be a spy.