Missing You
By: michi-bee
"Nothing beats the life I've had here. I missed everything."
A gush of cool wind embraced me as I stepped out from the train. I smiled at how nostalgic that felt. How long had it been since then? Two years, perhaps. Two long years that I've been away from this place and on this day marked my short but simply memorable visit to where I grew up and once called my home.
I noticed nothing had changed since I left. It was the same as before and I'm glad about it. I wouldn't want anything to be different.
I shifted my purple shoulder bag onto my other shoulder and tied my auburn hair in a neat ponytail. Today's spring and windy and it'll surely blow my hair off.
So I started walking to my destination. I haven't visited Jee-chan for quite some time now and I hope he's not mad.
On my way, I've passed by a flower shop and thought; maybe he would want some irises since those were his favorite. He once said to me when I was like 8 or 9 that I was like an iris, both innocent and pure.
I really missed grandpa. I was in his care for a whole bunch of years. That was after mom worked in a very far place and she had to leave me at his humble home.
I entered the boutique and was welcomed by the scent of different flowers blending together and a few good mornings from the people working there. I walked ahead to the counter and waved hello.
"Mikan, dear, you've grown to such a pretty young miss." Mrs, Igarashi, owner of the flower shop, said.
I giggled and looked at her. She still had that wrinkled smile of hers and her skin remained pale and smooth. She'd been running this shop for as long as she remembers. She's 78 and kicking. The last thought made me chuckle.
"How have you been, Oba-chan?" I asked in my sweetest tone and with that tinge of respect, of course.
"I'm still the same. How about you, sweetie? You're 18, am I correct?"
I nodded. "I'm doing great and mom is, too."
"How's life in the city?"
"Good but nothing beats the life I've had here. I missed everything."
"Ahh. That's good to hear. This town missed you, too, that I am sure and a certain someone does so, too."
I blushed and she held my hand and pressed it gently. "Where has the time gone to?"
"No one wanted that to happen, Oba-chan. If I had another option, I wouldn't have resolved to that. But you know how emotionally unstable I was back then."
My smile faded and that got Mrs. Igarashi worried. She patted my shoulder and it lightened me a bit.
"I shouldn't keep you here longer. Irises, again, I presume?"
She knew me too well. She knows it already. It was what I always ordered.
Irises…
"I'll give you a fresh batch and give my regards to your grandpa, alright, dear? The shop misses our best customer."
"It would be my pleasure. I'm sure he misses you, too, Oba-chan."
After our short talk, I left the shop and walked a little faster. I shouldn't keep him waiting. I've got tons of things to share but with so little time.
We're the only family that he has and it's just a shame to have left him all alone here but like I said to Mrs. Igarashi, it wouldn't be like this if we had another option.
From afar, I could already see it, white tombstones and crosses.
I walked on the grassy field, stopped and knelt down. I opened my bag and took out three candles and lit it. The irises were placed neatly down and I smiled with a tear trickling down my cheeks.
"Grandpa…" I whispered. I fought not to let another tear stray from my eyes. I want to be strong for him, for grandpa. I touched the tombstone and I had goose bumps all over.
"Sorry for the long wait, grandpa. I'm happy to be with you today. Mom and I are doing just fine so you don't need to worry. Mom couldn't make it and she wanted you to know that she's sorry. She also said that sooner after she's done with her contract, we'll be moving here again and I can visit you more often. That's good news, right? You won't be lonely anymore and I wouldn't miss you like hell.
"I'm doing well in school. I've never let you down and so as my studies. You taught me a lot of things and you know what? It did help me in a million ways. Your words inspire me at all times and like what I always say to you, you're the best philosopher to ever walk in this small town.
"By the way, I came by to Oba-chan's flower shop. She's still the same, sweet and gentle. I missed her, too. I ordered those freshly picked irises and she wouldn't let me pay for them. Of course, I said thank you sincerely. I'm glad this town is full of good citizens and I'm glad I had lived in a year to have met these kind people.
"Grandpa, thanks for everything, okay? I wish I could have spent time with you longer. It would've been nicer. You know I love you and I'll always will. This girl right here is still the same little Mikan you knew and I won't change, only if necessary. You taught me how to be humble and chaste and that's exactly how I'll live my life to be. I hope you're okay wherever you are. Guide me always. I won't forget you. I love you…forever."
I had a good cry after those words burst out of my mouth.
A little while after, rain stared to pour softly. Somehow, grandpa is crying with me. I know he's been with me all along, somewhere, watching over me.
Then, something shielded me from the droplets of water coming from the sky and a shadow was cast upon my side. I looked up and I saw him, holding an umbrella. His crimson eyes still had that effect on me, mesmerizing and making me at loss for words.
He stretched out his hand and offered me his handkerchief.
"Natsume…"
"I heard from grandma."
I pursed my lips. Figures. Natsume and his grandmother are also like grandpa and I. He's also too attached to his granny.
I reached for the cloth and wiped my tears away.
"Thanks."
I stood up and looked away. I haven't spoken to him for those years that I've been away and suddenly, this happens.
"Hey, walk with me before you leave?" he said in his deep voice.
I smiled hesitantly but nevertheless, I nodded. I still got a couple more minutes to spare and it would be great to spend it with him.
He started to walk and I followed him. The day's so perfect and it just had to rain.
The silence between us is making me feel uneasy. I see he hasn't changed that part of him, being all silent and introverted. That's a good thing though. I wouldn't know what to say to him after two long years.
"Where are we going, by the way?" I asked.
He looked straight and then looked at me at the corner of his eyes. "You'll see."
He held my hand and it felt warm. Warm enough to make me all tingly inside and remember everything that happened between us. I didn't le go. Honestly, I never wanted to.
We walked and walked and then we he came to a halt. It was our place.
The sakura trees were blooming and the lake where we used to hang out and dip our feet in is still there. I thank him for bringing me here.
I dropped my bag under the shade of a tree and removed my shoes and dragged Natsume onto the lakeside. I want to feel that same feeling again, the time when I used to call him mine.
I grabbed the umbrella and threw it away and urged him to remove his shoes and just play with me in the lake, under the pouring rain like we're ten years younger.
I saw him smile and did give in to my small wish.
I ran and splashed him, getting all wet. I was feeling like a kid and it was just wonderful. Natsume removed his jacket and dipped his feet, sitting on the dry side.
"Awww, Natsume, you're no fun! Come here, you big dummy," I called.
He didn't move an inch. Guess I'll be the only one acting immature at the moment.
I was wet and the rain doubled it but I was having the time of my life and he was there with me.
Though Natsume is as silent as a sleeping child and would never admit that he had such a good time, I would still know it. I wasn't his girlfriend for nothing.
Then I got tired.
I sat next to him and hugged my legs. My heart pounded hard and I'm pretty sure my voice would be shaky when I start blabbing words out. It doesn't matter anymore. I just want to start a good talk with this guy right here.
"Thanks, Nat. You really made me happy." I said.
He extended his hand and made me lean my head on his shoulder.
"You know I still love you." He whispered softly, this time it had a little emotion and not his usual monotonous voice.
My eyes widened a bit. Where did that come from?
"What did you say?"
I heard him sigh. Typical Natsume. Must have mustered a lot of courage to say that. He's not expressive when it comes to what he feels.
"Don't make me repeat that. You heard me."
I bit my lip and squeezed his hand. "I guess I'm sorry is what I should say now. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry for breaking up with you after 3 years of dating only because I thought long distance relationships wouldn't work out. I'm sorry for not trusting you when you said that everything will be okay. I really wish things would go back to the time when there was me and you and undo the stupid thing that I did."
He kept silent as I said those. He didn't interrupt; instead, he placed his arm over my shoulder and pulled my closer.
God knows how much I've missed this. Everything felt perfect and the rain made it sweet, in some way. I wanted this to last but I had to leave…soon.
"I'll wait for you to come back and when you do, I'll make you mine again. Got that, little girl?" he said and made my cheeks blush a million shades of red.
I smiled genuinely and he kissed my forehead. We stayed like that for a couple more minutes and then I stood up. It's almost time for me to go. Curse the time for flying by too fast.
I was soaking wet and I don't have any extra clothes. I never expected any of this to happen, anyway.
We passed by quickly at his house and lent me Aoi's clothes. She's Natsume's younger sister. Good thing some were my size. Then, he threw me a jacket, his jacket. He said I might get cold during the ride back to the city. Sweet of him.
He accompanied me to the train station afterwards and it sucked to leave him. He hugged me tightly and messed my hair, just like what he used to do to annoy the hell out of me only this time, I let him mess it.
I entered the train and sat down comfortably. I glanced outside through the window and waved goodbye at him. He waved back and never left until the train started to move.
I'll miss him again and grandpa and everyone in town but we'll be together someday, somehow. I'll wait for that moment and I know it'll surely come in God's time.
Definitely.
-end-
What a way to end summer.
Mind reviewing? :)
xoxo,
michi-bee