Another story. A short one, since TRS is starting to get me pissed and I'm starting to lose motivation to continue that fic. This is probably just two chapters long.

I wanted to do a Len/Rin one, but I figured a Luka/Gakupo one would be better. Spread the love, guys.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't sue.

Plain Jane

"To look almost pretty, is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain the first fifteen years of her life, than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive." – Jane Austen

Day one

Location: Outside a house

12 30

Megurine Luka ogled at the god-sent beauty from heaven from behind the bushes. He was astonishingly beautiful; he had gorgeous eyes with long and well-defined eyelashes, and silky soft violet hair that was just about as long as her's, and that was saying something… especially since her hair length reached all the way down to the end of her hips.

The only difference between her hair and his hair was the contrast in colors; she had dark, plain black hair without any shine on it while he had this amazing shine to his purple hair. He had also oh so delicately tied his beautiful mane up in a high and long ponytail while hers was in a complete, disheveled mess… in fact, in all her years of living, she had dubbed her hair to be known as the ultimate "haystack".

She was salivating. Well, almost. Probably because she couldn't contain the flush on her face, and the fact that she was heads over heels for this man. Oh, yes… in other words, she was, simply put, "stalking" this man secretly while he could not see her. At all.

Wait—Stalking sounded like she was part of some random paparazzo stalking an idol. He wasn't an idol. He was a god-sent beauty. A Perfect man. Idols weren't perfect. Idols had flaws. He hadn't.

She wasn't stalking him. She was merely… following him to attend to his needs. Ah, yes, that sounded more like it…

Wait, so you must be thinking, how did Megurine Luka come to the state she was in right now?

It all happened this morning when she was going to her workplace.

Day one

Location: On some random street

07 00

Megurine Luka was late for work, as expected once again. Once she woke up, she had just hastily grabbed the piece of doughnut sitting down comfortably on the surface of the cool glass table in her room, and dashed out of the house after changing. Yes, just like that.

Which explains the predicament she was in.

Her hair was in a dark and complete mess. She didn't bother to comb her hair, and as such, most of the strands of hair were blotted with oil and tangled all over the place. Her clothes—a t-shirt and a plain pair of shorts—were wrinkled and looked like they had just been picked up straight from the laundry. No prior evidence of any ironing done could be spotted.

Luka hated those sticks of color and palettes of paint most people put on their faces. Blue, yellow, green purple—she had seen them all drawn on her colleague's eyelids, cheeks and even on the lips. She told herself she'd never succumb to torturing her face—coloring faces was something only a kid would do. She was not a kid. She would not put those nasty things on.

And it so happened that while she was deep in thought about how she was going to be very, very screwed up with her work (Possibly fired by her boss for the, what, 456th time this year?), she had cluelessly wandered off to the middle of the road. No, don't ask why, but she just did so. Unknowingly.

Somehow, Luka was still oblivious to her surroundings. There were voices calling out to her for crossing the road when the traffic was heavy, and horns sounding here and there, but Luka… didn't seem to hear any of it.

That was until she turned and miraculously saw a green car speeding towards her like a madman. Or an ox. Either way, it was travelling almost at the speed of light. Which was kind of impossible, but hey, you get the point—it was going fast. And it was sounding its horn repeatedly for Luka to move out of the way, and you guessed it—she didn't.

She just stared, mouth agape and surprised, at the approaching car. She couldn't move. It was just like those movies, you see… she could only stand there and stare like an idiot.

Then there was this hand that bravely reached out and pulled her in as quickly as possible. She could feel herself being twirled around and around like it was like some ballroom dance steps, and she got a little stunned by it, but she paid no mind to it… that is, until she had seen the man who had saved her.

He was beautiful. Charming. Absolutely gorgeous. Like a prince. He was so beautiful, so attractive, so… so manly and so perfect; Luka couldn't believe that such a godly being would actually exist in this world.

And hence, she allowed herself to fall and collapse onto the arms of this man willingly. Her eyes were sparkling like some lunatic, but… but this was the feeling of first love. Ahh, yes, and first love it is.

The man had pulled her into an upright position. He had shot her a strange look, with his brows furrowed (and even with his brows furrowed, Luka could still safely say that he still looked absolutely dashing), and then struggled to shove Luka, who had been holding tightly onto his hand, away from him. But yes, Luka was not an idiot—she latched tightly onto him, all the while rubbing her face desperately onto the smooth and pretty skin of this stranger.

It was like a fairytale. It was so dreamy, so classical… well, almost.

He managed to get rid of her by pulling her off him forcibly. She let out a small whine of protest, but she didn't do anything else (She was really tempted to hug him right and then or maybe give him a sweet, "hello, baby" kiss) immoral to him. The next thing she knew, she was staring intensely at him with eyes like that of a fool in love.

He was about to say something…

Then there was this strange and unknown girl who had just popped out of somewhere from the crowd to stop him from doing so. She had this beautiful blond hair like the sun's, and pale skin like a porcelain doll's. A white ribbon was placed on the center of her head like some wannabe from an unknown country… and the way she pouted her lips and dragged that beautiful man away from her beloved arms annoyed her to the core.

That shorty was pulling her beautiful darling away from her deliberately. Was that his girlfriend? No, she looked rather short to be his girlfriend… or could it be that he actually preferred shorter and cute people?

"Watch it," She had uttered, and to whom, Luka didn't know—she was facing both people at that point of time.

She watched with weary eyes as that crazy shorty dragged that beloved beauty away from her sight.

Then it occurred to her… She didn't have a chance to ask for his name yet.

Day one

Location: "All STAR" Head Office

09 00

"What happened, Luka?"

"You're… actually smiling?"

"Hey—are you crazy? On crack, maybe?"

All sorts of questions were thrown onto Luka when she exited from her boss's office. True, she had just been sacked and fired, but… but it didn't really matter—she had a new goal to accomplish from now onwards. That man… yes, that man was the source of her dreams and the source of her drive. She had to have that man. Nobody else could have him.

She was grinning. Then smirking. Then frowning. All at once. You'd think it was impossible for a human to be feeling that many emotions at once, but for Megurine Luka, well she was abnormal and hence she was quite remarkable in achieving this feat.

"Hey, Luka." One of her colleagues, Teto, had walked up to her and patted her on the shoulders. "What happened? Did he give you another chance for reporting late to work?"

Luka grinned. Of course not… he hadn't. "'Course not. If he were to be this kind then I wouldn't have to work now would I."

"But you're grinning." Teto stated. The smile on her face fell.

"Look, I have a new agenda in life from now on," Luka explained, "and this job—well, screw this job. It sucks. You guys should just resign from it—it's a horrible piece of crap."

Teto nodded. "Mmhm, and what might your agenda be? Making money? Well, you can't make big bucks when you don't have a job, Luka dear… Money doesn't fall from the skies—"

Luka shoved Teto gently into her office, and locked the door pronto. She turned around to face Teto with a rather… sneaky look, and leaned her back against the door. Luckily the door was not made of transparent material—it was opaque.

"What's the big deal?" Teto questioned with a curious look on her face.

"See," Luka joyfully said, "I have just realized that I have always been wasting my life away all these years. My life has never been good—it is always about work, work, work. I wake up late, get fired, and change jobs. That's what I have been doing for the past few months and… and I'm sick of it. It's stupid. Useless. Crap. I could do better.

"And now, I finally know what I can be capable of. I don't need jobs. I don't need money. I don't need fame or rankings. I don't care about superiority. I want a man."

Hearing this, Teto blanched and burst into a hilarious fit of laughter.

Luka eyed her with a condemning look. What was she laughing about, really? Oh, yes, it's true that the way she had said it sounded like it was stupid gibberish, but it was the truth, wasn't it?

"You want a m-man," Teto echoed, mimicking the tone she had been using just now, "Do you know how stupid and ridiculous that is?"

"Yes," Luka said, feeling a strange determination surge through her, "and you'll help me get him."

Teto stopped laughing. "H-how?"

"It's easy. I need you to locate this man for me." Luka smirked.

Victory was already in her hands.

Day one

Location: Outside a house

12 45

That would explain why Megurine Luka was able to locate this… this beloved darling of hers. Teto was an informant. Teto was capable of locating strangers… she told her she had her own ways when Luka had asked her how she was able to do it, but she didn't explicably explain how she was able to track most people down with just mere descriptions of their looks.

She watched excitedly as the man entered his own home with small and gentle steps. Once he had opened the door, he didn't bother to lock it or close it—in fact, he had left the door wide open. She didn't question why he had done that, but that loophole was enough to give her a chance to sneak into that humble abode of his.

She waited for him to climb up into the second level of the floor before she came out of hiding. With moves as fast and creepy as a cat's, she crawled all the way to the opened entrance, and invited herself in.

Yippee, she thought, Mission partly accomplished.

Now, all she had to do was to locate his room—where on Earth could it be? Was it on the second floor, or the first floor?

No matter, Megurine Luka would use her sense to locate his room. She sniffed the air with her powerful and sensitive nose—there was a distinct male's scent, probably cologne, in the air—and she followed this trail all the way up to the second level of the house and into one of the rooms along the corridors.

There was the sound of the tap running. There was a closed door just opposite of the entrance of the room. It didn't take her much to figure that Gakupo (It was the name of the lovely darling of hers; Teto had managed to find that out… somehow) was bathing inside the toilet. And this thought somehow sent an excited chill down Luka's spine.

Her mission was already halfway done… she just had to look for what she had came here for. Her eyes scanned the room, in particularly empty slots and holes that would be capable of fitting a man… and there it was, on the bed in the side of the room.

She had found it.

Finally.

She dashed across the room, to the bed, at a high speed, and bounced on top of the bed as soon as she spotted it. She grabbed it and quickly flung it over her head, treating as if it was a piece of article of clothing to be adorned by women. Well, it was a piece of clothing, but…

It was a pair of boxers. With eggplants imprinted on it.

Not meant for women. Obviously.

But obviously, Megurine Luka didn't quite care about that gender thing with the pair of precious boxers. Yes, with that pair of precious boxers, Luka could finally use it to blackmail him into dating her! Oh, how perfect the plan was… if only Teto was here to savor the taste of victory she had in her hands!

Just imagining it made her euphoric—what kind of a man on earth wore a pair of boxers with eggplants on it? Surely he wouldn't want anyone to find out about that… Oh yes, she should also locate and write down the size of his boxers so that she could use it to blackmail him further…

Just as she was about to remove the pair of boxers on her head, the familiar sound of the door creaking open made her freeze.

She turned and started to bleed. From her bloody nose.

Standing in front of her was the much-obliged great Gakupo in all his manly glory. He was adorned in another pair of boxers with similar eggplants imprinted on it, but he was half-naked. Yes, that's right… Meaning that she could actually see those wonderfully trained and well-toned chest of his with those abs—

"Kyaa! ~" She shrieked, her inner fan girl starting to take over her supposedly calm self.

And the next thing she knew, Gakupo had ran out of the room with a phone in his hands.

Day one

Location: The Police Station

02 15

She didn't know how she ended up here and she hadn't had a slightest clue as to why she was here, but she was here, in this eerie place.

They'd call this a police station or something. Hmm, those police actually had the guts to tear her away from her beloved honey, hmm? She'd make them pay dearly, oh yes she would… not to mention they had stolen the pair of boxers she had oh so painstakingly gotten from his house.

"So." One of the men in the navy uniform cleared his throat. "What's this case all about, ma'am?"

"Case?" She questioned with a look of bewilderment. "What case? I have no case."

"What I meant was…" He cleared his throat again, and began speaking—actually, he sounded like he was squeaking—as if it was a goddamn chore. "What were you doing… inside somebody's house… and stealing that pair of underpants—"

"Pfft," The man in similar navy uniform beside the interrogating guy suppressed his laughter. He seemed like he was choking. His cheeks were puffed up in a failed attempt to try to conceal his laughter and amusement. "Pwwh…"

Megurine Luka shot him a glare that would kill innocent little kittens left in the alleyway instantly, as yes, as expected, he jerked upright and stopped laughing.

"I wasn't stealing underpants, mind you," She explained, pointing an accusing finger at the guy who had that pretentious stern look on his face—she could tell that he wanted to laugh oh so very badly. "I had them with authorized permission from its rightful owner. You guys took the pair of underwear away from me—now that's what I would call stealing!"

"Did you hear her—" One of them said, "—she said I stole a pair of undies! Ahahahah!"

Luka glared at him. He didn't seem to understand her perfectly made-up logic, didn't he? In her mind, she was devising of ways to torture and to personally murder the heck out of that poor little chap. She'd make sure that he'd become a human punch bag, or maybe she'd turn him into minced meat.

"Return those underwear to me," Luka threatened with a growl, "Or I'll have you up in that torture chamber of mine!"

The Policeman stopped laughing and quirked a brow with an amused expression. "Oh? Are you threatening a cop, lil' missy? Do you know that you could be charged for it?"

He then folded his arms neatly across his chest with a huff. "You know, we haven't had a case as strange as this for ages now already. Well, in any case, someone is going to press charges against you for entering—"

There was a knock on the supposedly closed door, and then when it opened, another fellow cop stepped inside the confined little space. He had a timid and a puzzled look on his face… obviously it was one of those cadets or newbies in training. He crept up to one of the policeman's side, and whispered a bunch of mumbo jumbos to his ears. Luka couldn't make out any of its contents, but she could hear him shooting a bunch of nonsense like a machine gun.

She rolled her eyes. Another dimwit. Once she got out of this place, she'd be sure to set the police station on fire.

She watched them intently, and after the cadet stopped whispering some gibberish or, well, crap, the policeman frowned and reluctantly nodded his head. He looked a little disappointed.

He cleared his throat.

"Just your luck, lil' missy," He started, "Someone wants to bail you out."

A grin crept across Luka's face.

Bingo.

Day One

Location: Teto's mansion

03 35

"So," Said the girl who was desperately pacing up and down the floor, "Could you explain why on earth you… snuck into a house just to steal a pair of… underwear?"

Megurine Luka grinned devilishly. She had been granted bail, and charges against her had been dropped. In other words, she was free to do anything she could do right now. She could find a way to get into that house again, and maybe steal another pair of that underwear Gakupo had. Oh, yes… That sounded like the ultimate plan. She could then blackmail him, and they'd live happily ever after.

She gritted her teeth. She would of undoubtedly already have succeeded if it weren't for those meddling officers. They had confiscated and deprived those undies of their rightful owner… what a bunch of noobs. They knew nothing and yet, they pretended to know everything.

"Hello?" Teto waved her fingers in front of Luka's hazed eyes. "Are you even listening to me? Oh for God's sake, please concentrate and listen!"

"Sorry," Luka bowed her head, "I was thinking of something else."

Teto pursed her lips and sighed. "Mind sharing it with me?"

"See," She started, staring at Teto with a pair of eyes that plain screamed murder, "I want to burn down the police station."

Teto slapped her forehead with an annoyed squeal. She looked at Luka as though she was a mad psychopath with motives and goals that cannot be reached. "What's with you? Luka, you were never like this… Did someone or something manage to blind you or something?"

Well, if there was something that could blind Luka and made her go crazy… it had to be love. Yes, the love that she had felt for that man of her dreams. Gakupo.

"I almost did it!" Luka whined, covering her face with her hands, "I almost succeeded, but… but I failed! Oh, the horror! Why did I have to fail?"

"Fail?" Teto asked, "Excuse me, someone whom you've just robbed has pressed charges against you, and I… I had to fork out a bit of my assets to hire a lawyer to bail you out, and this… this is what you've been thinking all the while?"

"But Teto! You do not understand," She explained, spreading out her hands desperately to try and make herself clear, "I have been blinded by love! Oh, and this man of my dreams… My 'hero'… He already has a beloved princess with him. If I don't do something, he'll marry her!"

"Marry her?" Teto echoed, "Oh! You mean that Gakupo guy you asked me to check on a few hours ago? Is that it?"

Luka nodded with an exasperated look on her face.

Teto sighed again. "According to the information I passed to you, he is a man without any fiancé. How can he marry someone without being engaged with her? Really, Luka, you're thinking way too much."

"But I saw it with my own eyes! There is a girl! A small kid with that white ribbon on her head, and she is seducing him with her shortness!" Luka whined, pouting her lips like a child, "Tell me, Teto, what can I do to make myself shorter?"

Teto gave her an unbelieving look. "Did I hear it wrongly? You… You want to make yourself shorter?"

Luka gave her an affirmative nod. What, did it sound ridiculous? There were girls who wanted to be taller (Well, most girls do) but… but for once, she was asking to be a little shorter. Perhaps then, Gakupo would notice her instead of that… that yellow cucumber.

"He likes shorter girls," She said with a sad frown. It was obvious.

"You don't know that." Teto sighed and scooted closer to her.

"Help me, please, Teto," Luka begged, pulling Teto closer to her, "I haven't been in love before. I don't know how to please people. I'm… I'm like an old hag. You have many suitors, on the other hand. I'm sure you've got countless of experiences with men."

Teto took a seat beside Luka on the black leather sofa with cushions randomly and messily thrown about. She pursed her lips as if she was thinking.

"Please, please, Teto!" Her voice seemed to melt away into a low rumble; Teto could feel it reverberating in her lower belly. "Please help me, oh please! I will be indebted to you for life, I assure you."

Teto leaned back and casually shrugged her shoulders like an uncaring person. "I don't know how."

"Please, please Teto, please—"

"Oh, alright, alright, I'll help you already!" Teto shouted, extremely annoyed to the extent that all of this repeated shouting and begging was causing her to have a migraine, "Just stop begging!"

Luka inwardly smirked. She knew Teto best. Nobody could beat her when it came to acting; her acting skills were well-polished and refined in such a way that about all of the people she'd lied and acted in front of would fall for her tricks once she started to behave like a clueless idiot with the tendency to whine like an annoying child.

"Could you stand up?" Teto requested with a hum.

Megurine Luka did as told; she stood up and walked into the middle of the empty space in between the sofa and the television. What was Teto planning now? Oh, well, that wasn't important, anyway; she was going to win this time because Teto was assisting her, and Teto was a professional seductress. Well, that was why she'd have so many suitors going after her heart, right?

"Twirl around." Luka complied and did a clumsy twirl; she was never good with any dance steps.

"Okay." Teto snapped her fingers. "I'll give you a makeover first—your hair is too dull. Black is boring. I'll help you dye it into some nice color—preferably neon—and your shirt and shorts are boring. In short, you look like a pathetic nerd out from the garbage dump. Or a vagrant. Maybe a hobo."

Wow. Luka winced at the type of adjectives the girl was using. It had hurt a little; it wasn't everyday that you'd be called a 'pathetic nerd' or a 'vagrant' and a 'hobo'. She was willing to endure all of those hurtful words, though, as long as she'd get to be together with that lovely Gakupo of hers.

She knew she didn't have the talent to be a beautiful lady; she didn't know the basics of dressing up properly. While everyone would be dressed in glamorous and expensive silk dresses, she'd be the only one wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Occasionally she'd wear glasses, though she'd personally preferred contact lenses.

Day One

Location: Outside a house

06 05

Luka was hiding behind the bushes with a peculiar notepad in her hands, and a pen beside where she was squatting on. Well, yes, this scene is a little familiar, but this time, she wasn't outside that special someone's house, per se. She was outside that yellow cucumber's house, waiting for her to strike.

She had already planned everything beforehand. She made sure that she would definitely succeed this time… and this time, she aimed not to steal anything, but to grotesquely murder that cucumber via a couple of ways that she had oh so painstakingly devised with Teto.

Ways to kill "Shorty"

Make her trip

Hammer her so she'd become shorter

Sneak up from behind her and rob her

Chop off her boobs—

—Wait, what? Luka was sure she didn't add that last resort into her list, though it did sound like a good plan… Now that she thought of it, she was already better than her in a way—she had bigger boobs than her flat pancakes.

The door opened and Luka immediately stopped reading her list. Her jerked upright and crouched lower down. Someone walked out of the house—it was that brat with the light blonde hair, as expected—

Now all was going well. All she had to do right now, was to wait for that stupid idiot to walk by the bush, and then she'd… she'd attack from behind without her knowing anything. She could attack her with her pen, or maybe her notepad, well, yes, that would certainly do.

"Hey—" That girl seemed to have spotted her. "—What are you doing behind the bushes?"

This was impossible! She had been spotted! And that shorty was able to see her from afar, no less! How was it possible? The bushes seemed to be taller than her; she'd make sure to pick the bushes with more evergreen leaves for her to camouflage easily!

She heard footsteps approaching her, and her heartbeat steadily became more erratic; don't come closer, don't come closer, don't come closer—

"Your pink hair is obviously the one that doesn't belong," The girl said.

Luka mentally cursed herself for being careless; she had dyed her hair a shade of pink a few hours ago. Didn't she remember?

It obviously didn't blend in with the surroundings.

With a curse, Luka stood up and came out of hiding. She was surprised to see that blonde kid a few heads shorter than her; she didn't expect her to be that short.

"Why were you hiding behind the bushes?" The shorty asked with a disgusted look on her face. Oh, how Luka wished to destroy and ruin that pretty face of hers right there and then…

"Hiding?" Luka feigned ignorance, "I wasn't hiding. Where in the world did you get that idea from?"

"You were hiding," She repeated, "Don't give me that shit of yours. I know more than you do, you twit."

What a rude little kid, Luka thought, cursing and swearing at such a young age. She must have sad and disappointed parents.

"I was not hiding. Get your facts right," Luka blurted with a displeased frown.

"Why you—"

"—Stop fighting, really," A voice made Luka turn, and when she did turn, she let out a shriek of horror.

The sight startled her.

A/N: A weird fic from an incredibly weird person. Also my first fail attempt at writing humor. I don't have the talent to make people laugh, see, so don't worry if you didn't laugh when you read this fic; it's not that you're dense or anything, it's just that I fail at humor.

Chapter 2, also the last chapter, would be out soon, if I have the time.

Please review, it motivates me somewhat. I'd like to see how I fare for a light-hearted story like this instead of the usual dark and angsty story I always do. Cookies for whoever that manages to guess what Luka saw.

Side note: D. Gray-man is starting to intrigue me. Chapter 203 is interesting. I'm waiting for 204 anxiously. Anyone reads it?

MQ - Medusa Queen
Formerly "Flyingcrane"