Disclaimer: Hey, all I own is a yoyo-so do you think I own this?!?!
A/N: Hello all! Well, once again I am back with an insane fic. And, um…yeah! Wow, I actually don't have anything to ramble on about here…Shocking like a lightning bolt…Anyways—enjoy!
How Argus Met Mrs. Norris
It was a dark night, but then again, all nights are usually dark-aren't they? So that was a useless comment. Anyway, it was a dark night that was illuminated by the glow of the full moon. The moon shone over Diagon Alley, in which a young man with tousled, long brown hair was walking. An odd man he was, fore he was walking in an alley in which all the stores were closed, in the middle of the night. Who knows what his reasons were for being there. All that is important is that he was there, walking past Ollivander's.
He continued walking down the alley when he saw a most peculiar thing. Okay, so maybe it was not that peculiar, but it was peculiar to a poor, deprived man like himself, whose life was about as dull as an extremely old professor giving a long, boring lecture about a typical day in the life of a rock.
The peculiar thing that this young man by the name of Argus Filch saw was a box.
Now, remember-this young man lived a horrible life. He had no friends, found out he was a squib, and basically lead a life that would probably turn him into a cranky, ill-tempered man when he's older. So, of course he was fascinated with such a simple thing like a box.
It was your ordinary, everyday, cardboard box and his pale eyes stared at it as he jaunted up to it. With extreme care, he pulled open the two flaps on top of the box, and then proceeded to open the other two. Inside the box he had discovered a bundle of hair.
Well it was more like fur. Multi-colored fur. Most of it was a sepia color, while parts of it were black and gray.
He eventually found out that this bundle of fur was actually a creature. (Hey, he was a bit of a dimwit too, to add to the list of Why His Life Is Awful) He examined it. It had a long tail, four legs and pointed ears. It indeed was a cat.
The cat had been lying in the box, staring intently at the cardboard wall in front of it. Argus reached out his hand and touched the dear cat. The cat instantly looked up at him with her bright red eyes.
They looked into each other's eyes.
And it was love at first sight.
An instant connection sparked between them.
They felt a special bond between them.
Argus suddenly began to feel happy. He had never felt this happy in his entire life. For the first time in his life, he had found a friend.
A friend to have and to hold…A friend to cherish and love…Oh god, this sounds like a wedding ceremony…
It also seemed like Argus was the cat's first ever friend, for the cat leapt right up into his arms. Argus cradled the dear cat in his arms, making sure he would not drop her because this cat was his treasure and he did not want her to be damaged.
After he himself discovered that the cat was indeed a female, he continued to hold her as he sat up against the wall. Petting her ever so gently, he figured that he better give his new friend a name, considering she did not have one or if she did, how the heck was he supposed to know?
Then it dawned on him.
What if this cat belonged to someone? Someone else that was not by the name of Argus Jasper Filch! A pang of terror went through Argus's body.
He did not and would not let his new friend go. He was determined to keep her all to himself. Since finding this new companion, nothing was going to ever tear them apart from one another. The pain would be just too much to bear.
He also thought that if someone really did own this cat, why the hell would they leave her in a box in Diagon Alley? They were not a proper owner for her.
So there you have it, Argus said to himself, I will be the proper owner for this darling cat…this cat needs me!
Suddenly, Argus remembered that the cat still needed a name.
So Argus thought and thought and thought. He thought so hard it almost looked like it was killing him.
And then the light bulb flashed on in his head.
He picked up the cat and held her up so that her face looked into his and their noses almost touched.
"My dear lovely cat," Argus began, "I have come up with a superb name for you, but before I tell you what it is, I feel that I must tell my reasoning for it and the background of it. Now, you may not know that I love my mother very much--So much, that others would make fun of me for it--calling me a Momma's boy –if only I was able to curse them into oblivion- . But anyway, she means a lot to me…So then I thought I SHOULD NAME YOU AFTER MY MOTHER! So I took my mother's maiden name and then slapped on a title to it…So your name is Mrs. Norris!"
Mrs. Norris did not seem thrilled about the news, but Argus was too elated to take notice. He got up off the ground and began to twirl around as if he were a ballerina.
After a few minutes of this dancing in the moment, Argus pulled Mrs. Norris into a hug.
They would go through life, side by side-as if they were a famous duo like Batman and Robin.
And they would be together forever.
The End
A/N: I have a wacky imagination, don't you think so? This didn't turn out as funny as I intended it to be…but oh well I guess! Anyway, the whole 'Jasper' middle name thing…well I felt that he should have a middle name and Jasper just kinda fit lol.
So I feel I should tell you how I came up with this…because it's actually kinda funny…So I was trying to think of what to write for another HP crazy oneshot when I recalled a conversation I had with my friend (Caitlin) a few months ago, and we were watching an HP movie on TV while we were on AIM…So here's our conversation—read it carefully…(HAHA Caitlin—I'm so embarrassing you! But what you said is just too funny not to share!)
Caitlin: i -heart- filch
Caitlin : and his cat
Caitlin : if they cry i will die!
Caitlin: few minutes later i mean die i will cry!
Me : ...
Caitlin: LOLLLLLL
Me: LOLLLLL
Me: i cant stop laughing LOL
Caitlin: LOL ME NEITHERRRRRRR
Ok, so maybe you had to be there…but it was funny! Haha So then I thought I should write a fic about how Filch met Mrs. Norris! And so like…YEAH!
Anyway, hope you liked…and pretty please review!
-Love Nicole