A/N: Because writing Alice in Wonderland stories seems to be my default setting, I decided a multi-chaptered story was the way to go, as opposed to continually posting new ones. The chapters may even end up having something to do with each other! Wouldn't that be, as they say, a turnip for the books? (Okay. They don't really say that. But it sounds like that's what they're saying.)
The Hatter Regrets
They were at tea.
"It's not funny," said the Hatter.
Regardless, the Hare and the Dormouse carried on tittering.
"It's not."
"It is, though," gasped the Hare, pointing a paw at the spectacle. The Hatter turned to look at it again, and turned the edges of his mouth down in disapproval. Perhaps it wasn't entirely her fault, and perhaps his disapproval wasn't entirely directed at the girl; there was certainly enough of it to go round.
"I hardly suppose she finds it so amusing."
"How do you know?" chirped the Dormouse. "Why don't you ask her?"
The Hatter regarded Alice impassively; she was still stumbling about, unable to get the teapot off her head. Mulish little noises were emerging from the spout as well as a repetitious, bubbly, "Glub glub glub." The teapot had been full when her head had been placed in it. But, he reasoned, most of the liquid had escaped down her neck, and she could probably breathe through the spout quite adequately.
"I doubt she could answer," he said. "And if she did, I couldn't understand her."
"Well, there's nothing new, then," said the Hare snappishly.
"Mm, suppose so," said the Hatter, somewhat distantly. He folded his arms, reaching up briefly to tug at his hat brim. "You know what's tragic, however?" he demanded.
"I do," said the Dormouse. The Hare whapped him one with the back of his paw.
"A little respect," he hissed. The Hatter remained oblivious, enraptured by the fact that Alice appeared to have stunned herself on a nearby low-hanging tree branch.
"It is a terrible waste of tea," he said, regretfully.