So I don't know how happy I am with this one. I was watching the football at the same time as I was writing it, so got sort of distracted/wasn't really in the right mood. But excuses excuses…I wanted to post, because I haven't posted anything in ages. So here we go:

Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural. Don't own the song "Love will tear us apart", which is where the title is from.

Sam comes first, he comes above everything else. It sounds corny and melodramatic, but that's the way it is. How it's always been and how it always will be. And Sam knows it. He knows thathe's the most important thing in Dean's life (despite all the ridiculous and insulting nicknames he's had to injure over the years, all the pranks, the countless jabs at his geekiness/hair/height etcetera etcetera). Sam knows it, but he doesn't understand why. Why is he so important to Dean? How can he be? He friggin' left Dean, just upped and left him, left him all alone to deal with a father who lived and breathed nothing but revenge; left him to deal with being the sole provider for said wonder dad. He completely and utterly abandoned and betrayed Dean (although he didn't realize it at the time. He was too self-absorbed to think of anyone but himself), so how can his brother still love him?

Because it is love. No matter how hard Dean tries to brush it off, or however much he tries to hide it, Sam knows that what his brother feels for him is love. A love so strong that Dean sold his soul to Demons, just to get Sam back. If that isn't to spit right in John Winchesters face, than what is. Just another testimony to how far Dean would go for his brother. And it's so unbelievably ridiculous. So unbelievably wrong.

"Dean" Sam clears his throat. His brother hasn't responded in the slightest, hasn't even lifted his eyes from the book that he's reading. Which is probably because Dean isn't really reading the book (Who the fuck is he kidding, Sam thinks), he's actually staring intently at the copy of "Busty blondes of the 80s'" that he's hidden behind the book (Why does he still bother with that? Sam wonders. I'm not ten). And really nothing can get Dean out of the trance that he seems to fall under when he enters the land-of-porn. Still, Sam really needs to talk to his brother. So he presses on.

"Dean…hey, man, can we just…talk? I need to talk to you."

Dean looks up. Apparently something can break Dean's porno-trance – Sam's slightly desperate voice. Dean does not look happy though. His lips are pursed, his right eyebrow raised. Dean's got his bitch-face on (although of course Dean has never admitted to said bitch-face, and Sam has learned the hard way never to call it that out loud). But Sam really needs to talk to him. About the deal. About his sacrifice.

It's not that Sam doesn't understand why Dean did it. Sam knows and understands the type of love that Dean has for him, the type of love that is so strong that it governs everything, trumps everything. Sam is everything to Dean, so of course the price of his soul seemed a small price to pay to get that everything back. Sam understands that, because he felt that way about Jessica. She was his everything, his all, back in the Stanford days. He would have done everything for her. And that's the problem, Sam realizes. Sam may be Dean's everything, but Dean isn't everything to Sam. He's come to realize that, during his countless hours of reflection (what Dean has dubbed Sam's "gloomy periods") after Jessica's death. Dean is only half of him. That's what's bothering him. And he needs to tell Dean. So that Dean will see that his brother isn't worth what Dean thinks he's worth (his soul). So that Dean will start fighting against this thing, start looking for a way out of the deal, instead of sitting back on his haunches and just accepting it. Something that he's done because he loves Sam. Which he won't do at the end of this. At least not as much.

Hope you like! Posting part two later tonight. Please R&R

SC