AUTHORS NOTE: This is a one shot because I was bored and couldn't have any motivation for Silent Night (but there shall be a chapter up soon, I promise) and this idea hit me. Like all my one shots, I'm not promising anything amazing but I had much fun writing it. It's based a few years further down the line and the team have all moved on. Sorry about that. it was a bitch to upload this but thankfully I got it up AND it's rated a little higher too... because my sister complained. lol. I'd also like to thank Lauren (my sister) for telling me how lame the title actually is but still struggling to think of a better one. Thanks sis! DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Taggart team but I do own Ewan and the other OC's. ***
The brunette woman stood in front of the full length mirror, her hands trembling at her sides as she stared at her reflection. She'd been staring for about thirty minutes and she was desperately searching for every flaw possible so that she could amend it so that no one at the party tonight would be able to pick faults. She'd always been this unconfident in herself but recently it seemed to be getting worse and she knew Stuart blamed it on the breakdown of her marriage but she just laughed it off not wanting Stuart to think that she'd depended on her husband.
Tonight was a big night for Stuart and she didn't want to ruin things for him. She looked mesmerising in the little strapless black dress and a pair of simple black heels. Leaning down, she plucked at the tights and realised that Stuart didn't realise how lucky he was that she was wearing these god damned things. She hated them and yet here she was looking simply elegant. Her brown hair was now past her shoulders and she'd added the odd teasing curl to give it volume. The fringe swept to one side in a dramatic statement and she'd always believed that growing it out was probably the best decision she'd ever made in a long time apart from the decision to leave the force and become a writer. That had probably been one of her wisest decisions to date.
As she moved through her small, luxury apartment she found herself looking around at how cold and loveless the place was compared the lived in feel that her last apartment had had. Here she resented the idea of coming home because she knew there was no home waiting for her. She remembered what had happened at the last nightclub opening she'd attended with Stuart and she couldn't help but think that had been what dramatically changed her life. It was nearly two years ago now but god, how it like yesterday!
She saw him walking towards her, that predator gleam in his eye and she turned to look at the guy that she was talking to. She tried to say his name but stopped because she realised she hadn't been paying attention to him at all, she'd been too focused on watching him prowl around the club. She'd watched him stop and laugh with Stuart and Ewan, she'd watched as he'd granted a pretty blonde woman a dance and she'd even watched as he'd posed in a photograph with a group of young eighteen year olds. She'd watched and wished that he'd at least walk over and give her two minutes of his time but she knew that wasn't going to happen. "This is where you've been hiding!" His voice boomed as he came to stand next to her, his fingers immediately lacing through hers as he looked down at her. "I invited you to this as my date and you've not even come over to say hello!" "You normally find a gentleman picks up his lady on the eve of a date, sir." The guy she was talking to filled in and Robbie just looked over at him, his eyebrows raising as he bit back the urge to say something insulting about the man's thoughts and context of today's society. The slight pressure that Jackie applied to their held hands also warned him off. "That might be correct but I came here straight from work whereas Jacqueline here went home to prune herself up for tonight and she does look like she's worth every minute she spent." He drawled bringing her hand up to his mouth and allowing a small kiss to her knuckles, the tip of his tongue flicking over them in an unusual sexual way but she felt her knees buckle anyway. "I'm actually more excited about taking you home then staying here with these people..." "Yes. Well..." The man stammered before excusing himself and then Jackie couldn't help but laugh as she hit Robbie on the shoulder with the hand that she'd just yanked free from his grip. "You're completely unbearable!" She laughed before flicking her hair back as she turned to watch the man away. "I could have secured a date with him and don't call me Jacqueline." Even though there was something about the way he said her name that made her heart do little catapults and made her just want to pull him close to her. "My conscience would never have allowed that to happen!" Robbie quickly commented as he turned to look at him too. "I think your best chance is to stick with me. I can promise you the world and I'll even remember your name, babe." He winked and Jackie just looked at him with a bored expression, her teeth gritting together which just made him laugh even more. "I won't let you regret it." He promised leaning down and taking hold of her lips.
Even now, nearly two years later, she could still remember how much she enjoyed that kiss. How much she enjoyed being pulled tight against his chest, her hand flat on his chest where she could feel his heartbeat. She could taste the sweet lemon taste of his alcopop and even the weakening taste of mint meaning he'd been chewing gum at some stage of the night. Even more importantly, that heart stopping taste that was purely him. Her fingers had moved up and buried themselves in his hair and when they'd finally broke away from each other, they'd both been breathless, and their eyes had darkened with passion. Her breasts felt tight with pleasure, her heart was dancing in its cage and her knees were still refusing to support her.
She stood now alone in the living room to her apartment and felt her cheeks blushing at how steamy that kiss had been in the nightclub. She'd remembered Stuart ringing her the next morning and laughing about how he was worrying that he would have to turf his two best friends out because of indecent exposure in a public place. She'd just blushed and blamed it on the alcohol even though she knew it was much more than that. The pair had been flirting for a while and maybe it was thanks to the alcohol that they'd finally succumbed to their feelings because if they hadn't, hell then their life would probably be very boring now.
The night was drawing to an end and Robbie hadn't left Jackie's side all night, his fingers constantly laced with hers as they mixed with Stuart's guests. The one time he released her was when Ewan had walked over and asked Jackie to dance. He'd only allowed her that moment because he knew that Ewan was gay and because he knew that Ewan enjoyed Jackie's company because she was his lover's best friend. However the minute the song ended, Robbie was wading through the masses and finding himself right beside Jackie again. "Come back to mine, Jackie." His warm breath tickled her ear as he held her close to him, his hand respectfully on the small of her back but she'd felt it waver once or twice. She looked up at him and knew she should say no but that obviously didn't happen because here she was at his front door, her hands all over him and her lips secured to his as they made out passionately. Robbie was mumbling against her lips about needing to open the front door so that he didn't get arrested which was probably a good idea because Jackie was more than ready to take him out here, if he didn't get a move on. The door opened and she took hold of his shirt, her teeth teasing her lower lip as she pulled him through the apartment that she knew well even in the dark. Opening his bedroom door, they both walked the few steps to his double bed, looking into each other's eyes, before falling down in a heap and she laughed against him as she caught his face in her hands so that she could press a kiss to his lips. He immediately sobered up from his laughing, his hands moving to take hold of her hips as he rolled her round so that she was straddling him. The discarding of clothes was slow, erotic and definitely frustrating because Jackie wanted him inside her, she wanted to feel him crashed up against her but he was taking too much time exploring her body because he wanted this night to last because he knew she'd put down the rule that it was a one night stand. He found all her ticklish spots, a scar from where she'd had her appendix out and then there was a beauty spot on the top of her right thigh and he couldn't help but wonder how many men knew it was there. He felt some kind of sick pride knowing that it was there but he decided that was just man thinking. He pressed a kiss just underneath her belly button and wasn't surprised to find that she was finding it hard to breathe by now. He also knew her body was now alight thanks to his small, innocent caresses. He moved over her, ready to move inside of her when he pressed a sweet loving kiss to her mouth and whispered, "Are you ready for me?" "Yes..." She breathed out on a sigh, her lips hungrily attacking his again as if fearing that she'd never be able to kiss him again. "I don't think I can wait any longer." She begged against his lips, her hands running through his hair before she wrapped her legs around his waist and made the first move herself. He groaned into her neck as she started the rhythm and he could see that small smile on her face. They were nearing the end and he was finding it hard to think or breathe but he knew that this was something he wanted for forever and he stopped moving. He heard her gasp with disappointment as she turned to look at him, her nails digging into the tender flesh of his shoulders. She was about to ask why he'd stopped when he drove into her again before he whispered, "Marry me." It was now her turn to stop the movement as she looked into his eyes, bewildered. She started to shake her head and was about to yell at him for picking a very bad time to pull a sick joke on her but his lips plunged down and took hold of hers so that no words could escape her. He continued the pace again and she couldn't help but moan against his shoulder as she reached that highest point and she knew that if she ever felt this again, she wanted to feel it with only Robbie. His own end came shortly after her and his weight fell down on her body but she didn't complain because she enjoyed knowing he was there. "Marry me." He repeated and she pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
That was the one day that Jackie let her heart take lead for a change because if she'd been allowed to think about it a bit longer she'd have surely realised that marrying a playboy like Robbie was going to be a nightmare. However, she'd always loved him and she knew that deep down he loved her even if he did struggle to say the words to her when they were having a romantic moment. She knew one day, he'd break down and say the words. How stupid she'd been because she was still waiting for that day.
Checking her handbag to make sure she had her house keys, money and more importantly pepper spray because now that she'd made her name, she was always being harassed by paparazzi and even worse, crazed fans. You'd think that being a writer would be a quiet life but then again being friends with the most famous gay couple would probably put a stop to that. She sighed as she shut her front door and started down the corridor, grimacing as her heels clacked against the cold marble. Oh how she missed carpet.
She stood in the registry office waiting room and smiled over at Stuart, whose eyes were already threatening to water, before twirling. "How do I look?" She'd picked an off white dress. The sleeves just slipped off the end of her shoulders, the thick breast band emphasised her small breasts and it nipped her in at the waist giving her an hour glass figure to die for. When she and Stuart had gone shopping for the dream dress, she'd first seen this one and decided that "mutton dressing as lamb" came to mind but Stuart had been insulted and told her that she wasn't even old enough to be feeling like that. He'd forced her into trying it on and together they'd stared in awe at how she'd transformed into a beautiful bride. "You look breathtaking." He promised holding out his arm to her as he handed her the simple bouquet of white lilies and red roses. Robbie had teased that the white lily was to symbolise the death of her single life, she'd teased it was symbolising the death of her sanity for agreeing to marry him. Walking down the aisle, she realised that the dress had been pointless because she'd have married Robbie in a bin liner as long as she'd been able to walk away knowing that she was his wife. They'd only invited Matt, Stuart, Ewan, Gemma and Jamie because they wanted it to be a small do with people who meant the most to them. "You may kiss the bride," was said and Robbie turned to look at her with a wolfish grin. She reached up and caressed his cheek before accepting his kiss, her hand never moving because she liked the feel of his rough cheek and couldn't help but laugh at the fact Robbie Ross hadn't shaved for his own wedding! The scruff. The reception was much bigger with their families, friends and colleagues they'd shared their time with. She couldn't help but smile at the fact Robbie never left her side once and if he had the chance, he'd touch her somehow or press his lips against her and by the end of the night her body was so wired it had felt as if they'd taken part in foreplay.
The wedding had been three weeks after the proposal and Jackie didn't know why'd they rushed but she knew that if they hadn't rushed, she'd have probably changed her mind about it because she wasn't the type to take big risks. Sighing, she moved down to the main road and searched for the taxi that she'd booked and noticed that it hadn't arrived yet. She grumbled to herself about punctuality before pulling out her mobile and phoning them to see where their damned driver was because she couldn't afford to be late to Stuart's big night. He hated people being late and he'd not let her know forwardly that he was disappointed but he'd drop bitchy hints. He'd sure as hell changed since he'd left the police force.
The taxi firm told her that the driver would be there for her in about ten minutes, would she be okay waiting? She sighed but agreed that she could wait and she hung up.
Ever since she'd become famous, Jackie had got used to people jumping into action at her name but it seemed in good old Glasgow that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. She moved to sit over in the old bus stop, checking the hard seat for chewing gum before sitting down and smiled at the mother next to her. "Your daughter is beautiful." The woman a murmured a thank you in response before looking away, no one talked to strangers in this area.
Jackie moved into the doctor's office and smiled at her GP. He'd always be the one to look after her even when something went wrong on the job. "Now, what can I do for you Jackie?" He asked as she sat down in the chair across from him. She went on to explain to him how she'd been feeling dizzy recently, she'd been throwing up first thing in the morning and sometimes foods like eggs and gherkins were making her want to hurl. She was still unsure if Robbie was going to forgive her for ruining his memory of his MacDonald's breakfast. The doctor just looked at her before asking her to hop on to the bed and pull up her tee shirt. She did as asked and gasped when he applied some very cold gel against her stomach. Her muscles quivered and the doctor just chuckled, "I've been told one too many times that this thing needs to come heated." "It would help..." She laughed uneasily because she had a groggy feeling of what the result of this little test was. He put a stick onto her belly that was connected to a machine and eventually, he stopped moving the wand around and smiled before turning back to look at her. "I'm sure you and your husband have something to celebrate tonight, Jackie." She looked at him in confusion. "You're 9 weeks pregnant." She looked at him knowing that she'd only been married six and cursed the night of the party. Not only did she find herself engaged, she found herself with child and she didn't know what to feel.
The taxi finally arrived and Jackie smiled at the mother before moving into it, ignoring the man's apologies for being late and curtly telling him where she wanted to go. He whistled because he knew that where he was taking her was a swanky place but he kept his opinion to himself. The woman must have friends in high places to get invited there was his only thought.
Robbie looked at her in horror and she felt her heart sink. She feared that he was going to tell her to get rid of their child and she also knew it was something that she'd never be able to do. "I understand that this isn't something you wanted and I'm sorry." She whispered standing up and heading to the kitchen but was stopped as he took hold of her wrist and brought her down on to his lap. His hand caressed her abdomen as he looked into her eyes. "What are you sorry for? Do you not want this child?" "What? Are you crazy?" She asked as she looked at him. "Of course I want this child!" She protested not sure how he'd got that idea from her apologising. "I know having more children wasn't in your game plan." "Jackie, when you get married you tend to find the next step is children. True, I wished we'd waited a while but who cares!" He laughed before looking at her. "You've made me a daddy." "You're already a daddy. You know that son of yours?" She teased before stroking his hair and pressing a kiss to his lips because she understood what he meant. She knew deep down that if she'd ever wanted children they'd have been Robbie's. She knew that in a way she'd always loved him right from the start but had been afraid to say anything. Now she knew that was stupid because they'd have had so many more years together but then again, maybe they needed the time to grow up. "You realise this means you're going to have to stop working?" He whispered against her lips and she immediately moved away. "Now how do you work that out?" She asked looking at him as if he'd just swore at her. "I'll be working until the day I'm rushed into labour." He'd looked at her as if he wanted to argue but couldn't so he took hold of her lips with his and realised that in the short space of two months this woman had made him the happiest man alive.
The taxi driver pulled up outside the nightclub and she handed him the fair with a generous tip before straightening her dress, her hold on the clutch bag tightening as she heard people shouting her name. So there were a few fans in Glasgow but not enough to write home about. She smiled before moving towards Ralph who had been given special permission to host the door tonight because she bet he'd asked to do it.
He nodded his head in a hello before ticking her name off and as she passed she squeezed his arm in a friendly way as her hello because it was safer not to talk to each other because god knows what would happen.
"Jackie!" She heard Stuart shout before hearing a wolf whistle and turning round to face Stuart and his partner. She moved over and accepted both their embraces before moving back. "I love what you've done to yourself!" He said in a tone of voice that hinted he was unimpressed that she'd allowed them to lose contact in the past few months as she'd been travelling on her book tour. She just smiled.
"It was definitely time for a change." She whispered holding onto Ewan's hand as she looked around the new club."It's very nice."
"God, the woman is a writer and the best word she comes out with is 'nice'." Stuart mocked before smiling at her. "Don't hold back on my account or anything."
She simply laughed,. "I don't want to inflate your head anymore than it already has, Stuart darling." She commented knowing that this Stuart she loved a lot more. He was confident, vibrant and he wasn't afraid to show his love to Ewan in public where normally he'd shy away and just accept the odd hug but would cough manly afterwards. Now that their names were known over Scotland, it wasn't surprising he'd found all new confidence.
"Your husband should be arriving soon." Stuart made a point of saying ignoring Ewan's pleas of him just to drop it. Jackie just nodded before excusing herself to go to the little girls room because she had to "powder her nose" when really she just wanted to escape Stuart's questions that she knew would follow about her failed marriage.
She screamed as she held onto Robbie's hand, her face red from the strain and her fringe sticky from the amount of sweat she'd released. The baby was coming and she was really struggling with the pain. Robbie was starting to lose all feeling to his hand but he didn't complain because from her face, he was afraid that she'd probably lamp him or something for even suggesting that she allow his hand a moment to recover. When she pushed like the doctor asked her to, Robbie swore he felt as if hand was going to explode straight off but thirty minutes later when he held baby Lily in his arms, he realised that the bandaged hand was totally worth it. He looked over at Jackie with pure love and adoration before moving over and sitting next to her on the bed so that her head could rest on his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her temple before showing Lily to her mother. "I really do think that Lily is going to look like her mummy when she's older because she has your eyes!" "She hasn't even opened her eyes yet." Jackie laughed as she linked her fingers through his spare hand and smiled at their baby that was curling closer into Robbie's chest as if sensing that he was the one that was going to keep her safe for many years to come.
Standing in the fancy bathrooms, Jackie splashed her face with water and was grateful that she'd decided to go natural tonight because that action would have completely destroyed any make-up that she'd put on. She sighed as she realised that she couldn't hide in the bathrooms all night even though they were probably the one place in the world where Robbie wouldn't come looking for her. She didn't even know why she was hiding anymore, they'd both moved on.
Lily had been home for three weeks now and adjusting their timetables around hers seemed to be more of a struggle but it made Jackie realise that her decision to leave the force and focus on her writing was a good idea. She also got to be a sit in mum but sometimes wished that Robbie didn't have to do so many hours because they'd struggled to fill in her vacant spot. Sitting at her laptop, she looked down at her watch and realised that Lily was being too quiet comfort so she stood up and moved towards the nursery. Her heart stopped as she was greeted by a blue Lily and she felt warm tears slip down her cheeks as she picked up her daughter and held her close to her as she searched for a pulse even though she knew it was too late. She phoned for an ambulance and then phoned for Robbie but he'd struggled to understand because of her tears, he just heard the word Lily every so often so he'd told her he'd be home straight away. He arrived to find the paramedics wrapping their daughter up and he looked at Jackie. He could see her pale eyes, her hands clutching her cardigan as she stared at them with an empty expression. He moved over and took her into his arms, his lips pressing against her temple as he allowed his own tears to fall. He didn't even need telling what happened because he could feel that something bad had happened to her daughter. "Cot death they say." She whispered before moving out of his arms and heading into the bedroom, not following the paramedic.
She walked out of the toilets and bumped straight into her husband, a forced smile spread on her face as she nodded her head before moving over to greet Matt. He'd long since retired from the force since medical reasons and he'd been bursting with pride when Robbie was chosen as his replacement because even though Burke had made Robbie's life a misery at times, Burke still treated Robbie like a son and was happy that Robbie was finally happy again.
"You can't be serious about going on that book tour?" Robbie ground out as he saw the suitcases cluttering their living room and the way she was running about the place looking for things she'd misplaced. "And why wouldn't I want to go on my book tour, Robbie?" She asked him seriously. Their daughter had been buried only a week ago and Jackie was already acting as if nothing had happened, as if Lily had never existed and it was annoying Robbie to the maximum. "My fans are waiting for me all around the world and I'm not going to let them down!" "I'm waiting for you and I'm stood right her but you feel happy enough to let me down." "Oh come off it, Robbie. You make it sound as if I've been neglecting you!" She guffawed even though she knew it was true that she had been neglecting him. She didn't sleep in their bed anymore in fear that they'd get pregnant, she didn't go near him because she felt like he would probably end up blaming her one day for what happened to their child because Lily had been in her care. A car horn pipped outside and Jackie ran to the window, waved at her editor and turned back to look at Robbie. "Wish me luck!" She cried before gathering her suitcases. "Jackie, if you go out that door our marriage will be over because you'll have shown me your priorities." He challenged and she merely looked over at him with her signature bored expression before walking out the front door. When she'd returned a month later, there was no sign of Robbie and whenever she tried phoning she was immediately cut off. She knew now that Robbie had been serious about the end of their marriage and if he wasn't prepared to fight than neither was she.
That had been almost a year ago now and as she watched Robbie move around the bar like she had done that night two years ago, she felt like running over to him and wrapping her arms around him and begging for forgiveness for that day when she'd walked out on their marriage. She'd been acting so brave when she knew she could avoid him but here he was, walking straight towards her and she couldn't help but feel her insides go like jelly.
"Jackie, you look amazing." He drawled smiling at her with such ease that she almost felt as if that year they'd been apart had never happened.
"I decided that a whole new me was needed if I was going to make an attempt at a new life." She whispered moving to the bar to order a drink and wasn't surprised when Robbie ordered one too and paid for both. "You're looking good too being a DCI sure has paid off."
"It's that or the fact I've enjoyed being a married man. There was no stress about having to get laid or remembering to phone girls because the woman I wanted to call was ignoring my calls and wasn't calling me."
She swallowed past the lump that was in her throat and looked at him, "You tried phoning me?" She whispered unsure if she should believe him or not but there was something in his expression that made her realise that something had gone wrong to prevent her from being able to get in touch with her too.
"Yes and then Stuart told me you had a new mobile and refused to give me the number. He said if fate wanted us to be together then we'd find a way ourselves to fix it. I swear to God that's the first time in a long time that I've felt like beating that guy from an inch of his death."
"Why would you want to get in touch with me, Robbie?"
"Because you're my wife and instead of running away from our problems, we should have been fixing them!" He protested and Jackie felt her heart sink. She'd really been expecting that to be the moment where he'd finally speak out those three magic words to her.
"Is that all?"
He looked at her with his wolfish grin and sighed. "No there is another reason and I know you're going to play cold with me until I admit this." He took her into his arms and took her chin into his hand. "I love you, Jackie Reid and I always will. This last year has been a living hell for me. The only time I ever saw you was on the television or that damned author photograph you have in the back of all your books."
"You bought my books?"
"Of course I bought my wife's books!" He laughed before shaking his head. "I felt as if I had something of yours to hold close to me when I had them on my nightstand but that's not important now, Jackie. What's important is..."
"I love you!" Jackie blurted out and he looked at her in surprise. "I've always loved you and walking out on you that day was the biggest mistake I've ever made. If I could turn back the clock, I would."
"No." Robbie said in a firm tone of voice. "That year gave us both time to grow up and realise that we need each other." He stroked her cheek before looking at her.
She took hold of him firmly in her arms and looked up at him, "Say it to me again, Robbie." HE smiled as he took hold of her lips in a soft kiss before leaning away.
"I love you, Mrs Ross."
"And I love you too, Detective Ross." She whispered reaching up and kissing him knowing that in these arms she was safe and had finally found the home she was looking for.