Sharpay's Christmas Carol
The Musical
(Act 1. Scene 1. The set opens up to the halls of East High wherein Sharpay, Ryan, Troy, Chad, Gabriella, Monique, Kelsey, and Zeke are staring out the window at the scenery outside. It is a barren scene, with a cactus faintly off in the distance.)
Ryan: You know, just once, ONCE, I wish it could snow in New Mexico.
Gabriella: Not going to happen.
Kelsey: Well…you never know…it could…
Sharpay: It's waaaay to warm to snow, besides, why would anyone want snow? It's so…white and stuff. Eww.
Ryan: (To Sharpay) You don't want to get that extra Christmas boost? The one only a nice blanket of snow can make?
Sharpay: Ha! Christmas boost. The presents I get are the only boost I need.
Monique: Come on, you don't ever feel happy around Christmas?
Sharpay: Happy because I get presents.
Monique: …That's it?
Sharpay: Uh-huh.
Monique: But what about-
Sharpay: (Cutting off Monique)-Nope.
Troy: Well, don't you-
Sharpay: (Cutting off Troy)- Never.
Gabriella: (Beginning to set a rhythm)-And how 'bout when-
Sharpay: Shh.
Chad: Then what-
Sharpay: Nothing.
Kelsey: So you never-
Sharpay: Nu-Uh.
Zeke: Well have you ever-
Sharpay: STOP! (singing "Don't need no Christmas Cheer")
No-way, not ever, you can't make Christmas better
You try your best to feel all happy, I say come then go, make it snappy
I can't take this season anymooooooore!
I can't see why you like it!
Chad: But-
Sharpay: I don't see why it's great!
Troy: What-
Sharpay: I don't see what you see!
Monique: Then-
Sharpay: It's something I won't appreciate!
You try your best to be the happiest we've seen
All year it seems to me, I'm happy as can be!
And I don't need some Christmas cheer,
No thankfulness, no, not even fear!
I try to understand why you all have fun!
Ryan: You-
Sharpay: Let's go through the season, one by one!
Zeke: Shar-
Sharpay: On Christmas Eve, What happens?
Kelsey: How-
Sharpay: All you do is stay!
Waiting for Santa Claus to bring you whatever his elves made,
On Christmas Day, What happens?
Was it really worth the wait?
It comes and goes that quickly.
It's something I won't appreciate!
You try your best to be the happiest we've seen
All year it seems to me, I'm happy as can be!
And I don't need some Christmas cheer,
No thankfulness, no, not even here!
So it doesn't snow at Christmas?
Boo-hoo! You'll all live,
Christmas only takes our money like a sieve/
So it's the greatest time of year?
Woo-Hoo! But I don't see it so!
It turns your bodies lazy and your minds into dough!
So why is it worth the wait?
It's something I won't appreciate!
You try your best to be the happiest we've seen
All year it seems to me, I'm happy as can be!
And I don't need some Christmas cheer,
No thankfulness, no, not even with Christmas so near!
(The Singing Ends.)
Sharpay: (To all) Does that answer your question?
(Ryan, Chad, Troy and Zeke nod. Gabriella, Monique and Kelsey look away slowly as the bell rings and starts Christmas break.)
End Scene.