Disclaimer: BTVS is not mine and will never be mine. I wish upon a star that it was but alas its not. So please don't sue me, Im poor anyway!

Note: This story has been posted before but I totally changed the entire thing. I have been thinking about it a lot and finally I am satisfied with the outcome. Well sort of. Anyway please read and review, and if you plan on flaming me then go right ahead, Im still kind of pale and could use a tan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A New Youth

By: Faith McKay

Chapter 1 ~ I Wish You Never Told Me

Slowly Buffy's eyes opened and let in the sunlight of a new day. It was only yesterday that she thought she would never experience this feeling again. Her body ached as she sat up in her bed, longing for some sort of body massage. She headed straight for the bathroom and found herself stepping into an ice cold shower. She stood there and let the water run down her body as she replayed yesterdays events over and over again. It was hard to imagine Willow losing her sanity but after all it was Sunnydale and they were centered on the Hellmouth. She should have seen it coming about four years ago. She stepped out of the shower and dressed herself.

' Poor Willow ' she thought as she headed downstairs for something to eat.

It didn't seem possible that Tara was actually gone. Well when it came to the very grim anything was possible, but this was Tara, caring, friendly and ever so powerful. Buffy sighed and shook her head which was spinning in circles as she thought of the situation.

' Is this what it felt like when I died? Empty………unreal……….' Her thoughts kept drifting as she entered the kitchen and plopped down next to Dawn who was already eating a bowl of cereal.

"I wanted to make Willow some breakfast this morning so I got up extra early," she stopped for a second and shoved a spoonful of cereal into her mouth, " but then I realized who really wants food at a time like this? " she sighed softly and carried her bowl to the sink.

" Its ok Dawn it's the thought that counts, besides Im sure Willow will be down any minute for breakfast." Buffy gave a weak smile and poured herself a glass of juice.

" No she won't…..She's going to stay up there forever, if you were here last night……….. you should have seen her when we brought her home. She curled upon the floor right where Tara's body was……." Dawn trailed off at the end realizing what she had just said. " ……….sorry………"

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment before telling Dawn to go get dressed. Rolling her eyes slightly Dawn listened to her sister, which she rarely ever did, and hurried upstairs.

' If you were here last night………'

Yet Buffy didn't come home right away last night. Yes, she helped Xander carry Willow to the house but she never went inside. She had gone for a walk to the cemetery……….a walk to the crypt. Why she did, she wasn't entirely sure. She wanted to believe that it had nothing to do with Spike but she couldn't lie to herself. She wandered around that cemetery hoping to catch a peek of him. She wanted to take out her aggression on him………..she wanted to scream at him………. she wanted to hate him……… but she loved him. No matter how hard she tried to get it out of her head she truly had feelings towards him. She would of course deny it directly to his face but she knew what she wanted. A forbidden love she could never taste.

There was a soft honk out front which broke Buffy from her thoughts.

" Daawwwnnnnnn , come on lets g--………" but before she finished her sentence Dawn came running down the stairs.

" Ok Im ready for a big day of learning." she smiled meekly and headed to for the door.

" Are you feeling all right, I havent heard those words come out of your mouth since………..well since never. " Dawn only smiled and the two rushed out the door and down the driveway. Buffy laughed to herself as she saw Xander.


" Nice car Xand" Buffy laughed.

Xander was driving his father's old hunk of junk because of the serious damage Willow had caused his yesterday.

" Well thanks Buffy. " he unlocked the door " Its good to know when I save the world everyone can start cracking jokes the very next day. " he shifted the car and the pulled away from the house. Buffy looked back over her shoulder and mentally waved good bye to Giles and Willow whom that had left within.

**********************


The three men gazed through the window at the Summer's house. It was very early, and they weren't sure if anyone was even awake yet.

" How could this have possibly happened?" One of them muttered.

" Its quite easy" said another, " We just didn't know the Wiccas were so powerful………..who would guessed."

" It doesn't matter anymore, we still know what we have to do. It is our duty and it must be followed through. And I pray to God that everything will turn out all right. We have experienced problems before but I feel that this time the right decision was made." The man glanced at his watch and then back at the house.

It was at this moment Buffy exited the house with Dawn and headed for a car that had pulled up. As it pulled away from the curb no one noticed the oddly dark car following them.



***********************



Willow looked at the ceiling closely. Had it been only yesterday she was lying here with Tara? Holding her after so long? She looked over at the blood stained curtains…………Yes it had been yesterday.

She reached out next to her and felt air nothing but air. A small cry escaped her lips as she buried her face back into the bed. She cursed herself for losing Tara but most of all she cursed herself for turning to black magics. Tara would have never agreed to that and through the entire night she continually apologized to Tara praying that she would understand.

The air around her had become quite cold and Willow checked the door to see if Giles was standing there. Although she has almost killed him he stayed with her the whole night. However now, when she looked at the door there was no one there. Sitting up she looked around the room.

" That's odd" she stated to herself, " I could have sworn someone was here"

"That's because I am here silly" Willow spun around quickly and her eyes met with the one person she never expected to see again.

" But………but your……… you died ……… how here" But before she knew it Tara was embracing her.

" Oh God I miss you so …." Tara backed away from Willow. " What Tara, what is it?"

" I can't stay here Willow, I came to tell you to put away your magic for good. I love you too much to see you waste away………...please………." she grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes, " Willow promise me that you will stop, tell me that you will live for me. Give me that and I will be at ease"

Willow looked out the window and then back at Tara. " For you I would do anything. I promise my magic is gone. No more………. Wiccas honor"

" Another thing Willow…. there is going to be a lot of trouble during these next few days………you must be there for Buffy…………she was there for you………..remember that………...I love you" She pulled further away from Willow and like an angel from the skys, disappeared into the air.

" TARA ………….TARA……… wait please don't leave me……...don't leave me" Willow sank to the floor and cried.

************************


It wasn't until Buffy got home that she realized Willow had yet to come downstairs. She took in a deep breath and headed for her best friend's room.

" Will? " she whispered, " Will……..you awake?"

A soft voice sounded from the room" Im here, at least I think I am" Willow managed to roll over to look at Buffy. " Buffy Im sorry, you have to understand that it was Tara……… and she was mine and now she's not and it hurts Buffy it hurts ………..my heart hurts……….. why didn't you just let me die?"

" Hey………Come on now……..you didn't let me die, what makes you think you're an exception?"

" Buffy she came to me today "

" Hmm?………don't follow?"

"Tara was here and warned me of trouble………said you would need my help? Are you ok?"

" Im fine, just about as fine as fine can be , but Im dealing. At least Im not whigging out over where Spike……….is……...anymore……...oops" Buffy looked at Willows face which was full of disgust but curiosity. " I wasn't supposed to say that……….at least not out loud"

" Buffy please tell me you're not serious " Willow looked at Buffy with a pleading face.

" Will, unfortunately I have never been more serious. After everything that happened yesterday I can't get my mind to stray away from him."

" Buffy you have to get realistic here, there is no way Spike is any good for you. You might as well stake your claim in some flesh-eating demon ……….ooh oh no pun intended………but you know what I mean……….hes not safe."

" I don't need any lectures from you right now Willow. I know what he is, I know he isn't trusting or safe or……….even alive but…………."


Buffy walked slowly towards the window. Why couldn't she feel what Willow felt? She could see that Spike was bad for her. That was so beyond obvious , but she couldn't get past the feelings.

" Buffy " Willow was now at her side staring out the window as well., " Why were we cursed with such bad luck? Did you ever notice how nothing ever works out the way we would like it to be? I mean we fight day after day against beasties and what not and we don't get any recognition and by far do we get any luck………. Well there was that award you got at school when our class saw how much you did……….heh that was kinda neat."

" I know Will it looks as though my life is going to be a life time of bad luck and slay festing."

The doorbell downstairs chimed suddenly making both Willow and Buffy jump.

" COMING"

They headed downstairs together now, Willow feeling a bit better knowing that she wasn't the only one facing the pain of lost love.

"………..besides Willow there is nothing in the world that could possibly make me worse off then I already am. I mean come on Ive killed demon things and ghosty things and thing things. Nothing in the world could possibly be that bad to shock me…..unless I saw Giles naked or something. That would definitely put me over the edge." Buffy continued to the door and opened with a swift motion.

Three men stood in the doorway looking rather old, tiresome and very British.

" Hello Buffy we are from the Watchers Counsel."

" Great, " she chimed with a dry sarcastic tone, " What are you guys here for. Giles is sleeping he needs rest you can come back another time………lets say about……….10-15 years. "

" Buffy we have some very important news to share with you." they looked nervously from one face to another.

" Yes? Come on I don't have all day."

" Buffy, when you died we thought it was for good we never expected…….…."

" Oh come on you guys should know by now when I die I always come back." she shook her head and laughed.

" Buffy please………..there is a new slayer that we wish for you to train."

" Me? " she looked at Willow who shrugged her shoulders, " You want me to train the newbie? " She looked at the three men in question, " All right what's the catch?"

" The catch is that you teach her what needs to be taught, she already has a great deal of knowledge about the hellmouth and she is very powerful." The men looked at each other with harsh expressions.

" Is she gonna turn all Faith like on me?" Buffy turned to each one of them and then back to Willow who in return looked right back with the same confused face.

" Well Buffy" the man said moving slightly to the side, " Why don't you be the judge?"

Out from behind the men came a girl still holding her backpack from a rough day at school but beaming with a huge smile.

" Hey Buffy, isn't this the coolest thing"

Buffy stared hard into the face of her new partner, the new slayer.

" Dawnie?" Willow questioned

Buffy laughed for a brief moment before the initial shock hit her and then everything went black.

************************

Buffy opened her eyes and looked around the room. She couldn't remember exactly what happened but judging from what she remembered it was by far the strangest dream she ever had.

" Ahh, I see one of those whacked out dreams " She sat up slowly and yawned. " How could I have been so stupid" she thought to herself, " I mean really now, Dawn the slayer hahaha " She rose to her feet and headed for the stairs.

" Buffy I see that your awake now."

Not recognizing the voice Buffy whipped around and spotted one of the men who had been in her dream.

" Wait a minute, I thought you were ………oh God" gasping for air Buffy dropped back down on the couch. " Its not possible……….you cant just make her slayer , you cant just make me train her it doesn't work like that ………besides she's to young she's my little sister. " Buffy was breathing harder now as Willow came downstairs and sat at Buffy's right side.

" Buffy " the man reached into his pocket for a handkerchief, " We understand that you are confused and troubled but let me try to explain this more to you "

He walked over to the armchair and sat down on the ottoman.

" When you died we were summand to locate the new slayer and inform her of her duties. However when we got to her she wasn't what we had expected. She was living on the streets, abusing drugs, pregnant…….. obviously not slayer material. So we decided to do searching of our own."

He looked up at Buffy and then over to Willow who had been covering her face in disbelief, he continued

" We looked in at possible fighters and then Wicca's, but in the process we came across one individual who already knew of the Hell mouth and the evils that occurred. We found that indeed she was very powerful and she could easily be trained from friends of the slayer. And that's when we came here to inform Dawn, that's when we realized that you were alive again."

There was a glimmer in Buffy's eye as she looked at the man across the room.

" So then you don't have to use her now, you know Im alive that's all that should matter, right?" Buffy tried to smile as Willow grasped her hand tightly.

" Unfortunately Buffy the information was already sent to England, Im afraid it is to late." he rose from the chair and towards the staircase " Buffy I know you will train her well." He turned briskly and walked up the stairs.

" Well at least you wont have to worry about Dawn taking care of herself, she will know how to fight" Willow said with a slight smile. Buffy looked at her and rose quietly.

" I just need to be alone for awhile" With that she stepped towards the door and left the house .

**************************

Dawn said good-bye to the Watchers Counsel that evening feeling strong and powerful. She could not believe that she was to be trained as the new slayer. Of course Buffy would be furious but this was out of her control. Forever it seemed that she wanted to fight alongside of her sister and now it finally was going to happen.

Dawn walked to the kitchen and sat at the table contemplating what to eat but at the same time was worried sick about her sister.

" God Buffy please come home. " She threw her head down onto the table with force and concern.

" She will be home soon Dawn, don't worry" Dawn turned to face Willow.

" I hope so" She stood up and hugged Willow hard, just waiting for Buffy to return home.

*******************************

" Helloooooo…………vampires? Where are you vampire, vampire? Please come and get me……….Im waiting for you ……..….God this is pathetic." .

It was over three hours now that she had been searching for something ---- anything to fight.

The constant circling was boring her and the night was quickly diminishing. But it wasn't all that bad. In fact it had given her ample time to think things over. She had become calmer then she was before and for a few seconds felt almost at ease that Dawn was her new partner. Besides she didn't have to worry about her going all Faithy on her. But still it was her little sister , the same sister whom cant even pass a test in school, how will she handle vampires and demons let alone an apocalypse. It was at this moment she was hit hard from behind.

" Its about time" she round housed quickly and nailed the vamp right in the head. He was up quickly however and returned the blow. She fought with ease taking out her aggression and anger. She moved out of the way as the vamp ran in with force, and found herself backed up against a tree. She pushed off into a back flip which landed her directly behind the vamp.

" Come on at least give me some kind of a fight. "

He lunged at her but wasn't quick enough, she jumped over him and countered his attack. It was time to sieze the moment. She reached for her stake and proceeded to punch him in the face, taking his left arm she threw him over her head. " Good night " she said as she plunged the stake into his heart. The vamp reached to stop her but became a poof of dust in a matter of seconds.

" Well that helped a little bit " she said pulling her top down and adjusting her belt.

She found herself being hit in the back hard, and continued to fall by tumbling down a hill. She could not make out her attacker but tried desperately to reach for her stake. Her head throbbed with pain as she hit rock after rock. Finally she began to slow down and decided that it was here that she would try and grab her attacker. She reached out for him and pulled him closer, until finally she landed right on top, straddling the figure. She raised her hand ready to strike but stopped herself suddenly.

" Hello pet, miss me ? " There was Spike lying directly underneath her.

Buffy looked down into the eyes of Spike. She rapidly searched for words to say but became over come in silence. She could not make out any sort of solid feeling. One part wanted to stake him into a dusty hell but the other part wanted to pull his face to hers and kiss him. She quickly rose to her feet and brushed off her clothes.

" Miss you? I loathe you, you disgust me. " she glared into his eyes and almost lost the stern expression she had so carefully put on her face.

Spike cringed at the remark. He had been hurting these past days just at the thought of what he did to Buffy, and now with a soul his emotions strangled him from the inside and clawed there way to the surface.

" Buffy " he looked at her with the most sincerity, " Buffy I would never, could never hurt you. For my whole miserable existence I waited to find something like this. Someone to make me feel alive again. You have opened places inside of me that I thought would be closed forever. " He moved closer to her and inhaled the scent of perfume that had lingered from her body," Buffy, I love you."

She looked away when he said this. God how it pained to hear him speak those words, but he didn't deserve her, she was better then that.


" Spike please spare the sappy talk. We don't exist, we never will. Everything is over. When will you get it through your head? Or is it possible that the chip has begun to erase your brain. " She looked at his face expecting some kind of harsh look but instead was almost certain she saw a tear form in the corner of his eye.

" Buffy there is no chip anymore, " he swallowed hard and continued, " Buffy I regret each moment what I have done in my time here on earth but most of all I regret what I have done to you. "

She was positive now there was defiantly a tear in his eye.

" Buffy, something happened while I was away. I never expected to know what it felt like but it hurts me, it haunts me every second, even as I stand here now with you. Buffy Ive been given back my soul, " he dropped to his knees and began to cry, " Believe me Buffy Im sorry, Bloody Hell, I cant control my own emotions anymore. I can feel the sorrow I caused surge through me. I feel what Angel must have felt when it happened to him. Im like him now you know. Angel and I are the same." He looked her hoping to strike some kind of sympathetic nerve.

Buffy gasped at what he said. Could it be possible? A soul? She retracted into her own thoughts and searched for an answer. Something to inform her how to react, some kind of reaction.

" You and Angel will never be the same " her tone was cold and dead and she was shaking. Fighting back the tears within her she turned her back to him.

"Buffy please, " he reached for her but she moved away. " I know it, you love me. "

" I don't have time for this, not now. Dawn is the new slayer I have to train her. "

"Nibblet?" he questioned. But she was already leaving him alone in the dirt.


************************




Anagra stood at the edge of the lake. She looked at the perfect placement of the moon. A smile formed on her cold dark lips as she looked back down at the water, her reflection was prominent on the surface. It seemed like centuries had past since her last attempt to call forth her Lord. However all the failed attempts had only made her stronger.

" Soon my Lord, you will walk the earth again " she curled her fingers around the small dagger she had stolen from the last sacrifice. Turning around she saw the witch struggling to free herself from the harness that she had so cleverly devised.

" Ahh don't worry, it won't hurt much…..….Wiccas honor. "

She dragged the dagger slowly across the girl's chest creating a pentagon. Sensing that the cuts were deep Anagra rose her hands out over the girl's body, she did not want to give her lord a dead sacrifice.

" I summon thee oh Lord, receive this sacrifice and flourish in its blood. Receive her powers and engulf her strength. I summon thee"

The air grew silent and the lake grew still. The helpless witch, agonizing in pain, struggled to free herself. It was no use, Anagra's powers were stronger and she could not escape.

The body flew in the air and plunged deep into the lake. Anagra smiled and bowed her head. Soon she thought to herself. Soon she would be at the right side of her Lord. She looked at the surface of the lake closed her eyes and vanished into the night.


**************************





Buffy fled quickly from the cemetery without once turning around. She was shaking violently now and the tears had blinded her from seeing where she was going. She stopped herself and fell to the grass in an outburst of tears. Why did her heart hurt so much? How was it that Spike, William the Bloody, captured her heart? God how it hurt her to hear him compare himself to Angel. How could he? The thought made her furious………. But what if he was serious, what if his soul was returned to him? Could she find a way to be with him and get past the response of her friends? No, she couldn't. Even as a vamp with a soul they would never approve. Hell, Xander still hated Angel. Buffy threw her face into her hands and sighed. It was better off like this. They couldn't be together, it just wasn't right. She wiped the tears from her face and gathered her thought.

" No Buffy, that's it, everything is completely over. " she whispered to herself.

It was her life now that came first, and she would be damned to let him mold her heart into something she didn't want it to be. Her sadness quickly turned to anger and she hit the ground harshly.

" Im sorry Spike, but the 'pet' that you so dearly love is gone." She smiled to herself as a whole new feeling of strength rose from the pit of her stomach. There would be no more crying over him. There would be no more mushy feelings of sympathy or love.

" Your dead to me Spike, completely dead. " she thought about what she said and laughed. And with much dignity and pride she rose from the ground and continued her walk home.




********************************




Xander sat tiredly on the couch. He had sent Dawn to bed over an hour ago and promised he would wake her when Buffy got home. He was kind of scared though. She had been gone all day according to Willow and she had not even called to inform them where she was. He couldn't blame her though, Dawn was going to be the new slayer. God he thought, all the times we have put our necks on the line to save her and now she will be saving us. There was a knock at the door.

" WHOS THERE? " he yelled, but no one answered. He got up from the couch and went to the door. He could see Anya standing on the other side of the door.

"An?" he said as he opened the door. She stood there and looked at him before throwing herself around him in a giant embrace.

" Oh Xander Ive missed you so much, and Ive missed our house and Ive missed sex and………."

" What?"

" After all that happened I realized I need you. "

Xander kissed her deeply and hugged her tightly. She returned his kiss graciously, never moving position. He stepped back to look at her and there was no one there. Well, that is except Buffy who looked highly confused.

" I don't even want an explanation." She walked in and closed the door and headed straight to her bed.



All right well that's it for now. Do you think I should continue? I have lots of ways this story can go, but I don't know if it is worth me writing. Please voice your opinion, and if you didn't like this story then go ahead and flame away, but remember to flame the story not the writer, Im just going off my ideas, don't be mean. Ok thanks a lot for reading.

Much Luv

~*~Faith~*~