Hey readers! I decided to write another oneshot because I was driving home last night from a Twilight marathon (Breaking Dawn part 1 definitely was a good movie) and I heard this Dutch song on the radio that I hadn't heard in a while. When I started paying attention to the lyrics, I felt a small oneshot bubbling in my head. I hope you like it, and for my readers who are waiting for the update for Fight For Her Life, that one will be up this weekend! Oh, and guess who's birthday it is today?
It's taking over
feels like familiar regret.
It gets me started
there's many things
I should have said.
I find it hard but
I'll try, I'll try
Santana had plopped down on her bed, face forward in to her cushions. She sighed deeply and lay very still for a while. Then suddenly she rolled over and sat up again. She was feeling very restless, and inwardly cursed herself for being such an ass.
She had been on a date with Brittany, which had been great. Together the two girls went to Breadstix, because Brittany knew how much Santana loved the breadsticks they had at that place and that would probably have Santana in a good mood all night. Fact was, Santana had loved the buttery sticks of bread, but she had almost jumped up from the table when Brittany had taken her tanned hand in her own pale one. Sure it was what Santana wanted, but it didn't mean she wasn't scared. Instead of wrenching her hand out of Brittany's, she had thrown a napkin over their hands so no one would see. The rest of the date both girls acted like nothing had happened and enjoyed their date.
They had planned to have a sleepover at Brittany's place, because it was almost her birthday and they wanted to talk through some plans Brittany had for her party. Lot of it involved pink drinks and unicorns somehow.
When the two girls sat on Brittany's bed watching a movie, the taller blonde suddenly cuddled up in Santana's side, with her head on the Latina's shoulder. She planted a kiss under jaw and let her lips linger there for a moment. Then she spoke up.
'San, what happened back in Breadstix?' she asked tentitavely. 'I noticed you were scared that I took your hand.'
Santana swallowed. She didn't feel like talking about this because it would definitely ruin their night together. 'What are you talking about, B?' she said.
'Oh come on, I saw you look around frantically to see if no one was looking when I held your hand. You have to talk to me when you're scared you know? I'm really trying my best, but I can't help but feel scared that you don't want to be with me anymore,' Brittany pouted.
Santana broke free of Brittany's embrace and stood up from the bed. 'Why would you think that Britt? Of course I want you! I told you how scared I still am and you just grabbed my hand over dinner in a restaurant full of Ohio homophobic dickheads! I don't want them to shout at us that we're nothing, we're those 'stupid dykes' and stuff. And that will probably only the beginning of things. You don't even understand how scared I am, do you?' Santana ranted, raising her voice. At that moment she knew she had said the wrong thing. Challenging Brittany in understanding something always brought them back to the fact that Brittany wasn't the brightest kid in Ohio, and Santana hadn't meant to say it in the way she did.
'Oh shit.. That must've sounded worse than I meant it.. C'mere B, I'm sorry,' Santana tried to hug the girls, but Brittany shrugged her off, tears in her eyes.
'You think I don't understand how difficult this is? For your information, I'm going through the same thing YOU are going through. I know that it freaks you out how people will judge. There will be a lot of bad things said about us, we will be laughed at, we will be teased and who knows what else? But you know what? I thought you of all people would understand that for me it would be worth all the pain and stuff to be with you. That's why I held your hand in Breadstix Santana. I want to be with you, because I am sure I can handle all the bad stuff that will probably happen to us because I can face it together with you,' Brittany almost shouted the last few words, a few tears in her eyes.
Santana stood still and looked at Brittany like she had just seen a ghost. Her eyes were wide and a few tears were brimming at the corners.
'I know you are, I'm sorry..' Santana almost whispered, looking down at her feet now. 'I should go now I guess'. She glanced up at Brittany one more time and then left her room.
So that's how Santana got back in her room, frustrated with herself. She stood up and threw a cushion through her room in frustration. Then she had an idea, which would surely scare her to her wits, but it was probably the only way to show Brittany that she really cared and felt the same way. Brittany's speech didn't change the fact that Santana still was so scared to be with her in public, but it had changed a lot any way. Santana knew that Brittany was right, in fact she always was. However scared their trip to being with each other in public would be, she wouldn't have to face it alone.
For all the times
for all the cries
for all the pain, I've caused.
I apologize
lay down my pride.
Give me one more chance
before you walk away.
Santana knocked twice on Brittany's front door. It had been three days since the two girls had seen each other, and it was the day before Brittany's birthday. She looked down at her feet and waited for the door to be opened. In her hands she held a single red rose. Screw being cheesy, this will probably be my last chance, Santana had thought.
The door opened and Brittany looked up at Santana. The blonde girl saw the Latina girl staring at her shoes and fiddling with something behind her back. Santana took a deep breath and looked up at Brittany.
'Hey,' she said softly. 'Can I come in?' Time goes by now
but you can't seem to forget.
I took for granted
all of the things that I had.
I know I hurt you
hear me out, hear me out.
'Okay,' Brittany said, but she didn't sound convinced. She stepped back and let the other girl in and closed the door behind her. Santana stood fiddling in the hallway, her emotions storming through her again. She knew she had to be brave for the girl in front of her. She knew how much she had hurt her and she deserved a proper sorry. She took another deep breath and looked up at Brittany.
'B, I'm sorry. I could say it a hundred times, a thousand times and more, but it wouldn't be enough for the stuff I've put you trough. You've helped me so much, stuck with me all along and still I'm such a freaking coward. When you held my hand in Breadstix, I felt something that I can't really explain. It felt so good and it made me so incredibly happy. And still I was such a coward and I made you sad.
But I've been thinking these past few days. I don't want to hide anymore B. I still am scared as hell for the ways how people will try to tear us down when we're together, but you were right all along. No matter how much shit people will pull with us, we will go through it together. I'm sorry, B' Santana finished, a lone tear trickling down her face. Then she handed Brittany the rose and gave her a weak smile.
'This one's for you B. I hope we can work on this. Will... will you go on a date with me? I'll show you that you were right and that I'll do whatever I can to show you how much I want to be with you. I thought it should be a nice present for your birthday.'
Brittany looked at the rose, but instead of accepting it from Santana, she tackled the girl in a bone crushing embrace. She nuzzled her nose in Santana's hair and inhaled deeply.
'You're so brave San, I know how scared you are,' Brittany said. 'But I'm so glad you want to work on this. I really thought that you maybe didn't want me or something..'
With that Santana wriggled a bit out of Brittany's embrace, but only to shut Brittany up. She closed her eyes and leaned in to place her lips softly against Brittany's. They stood there in the hallway, kissing slowly and savoring the moment of happiness that they only felt when they were together.
For all the times
for all the cries
for all the pain, I've caused.
I apologize
lay down my pride.
Give me one more chance
before you walk away.
Song was called 'I Apologize' by the Dutch band Krezip. You should really pull it up and listen to it while reading. Please leave a review!