What if nobody told Sam and Dean what was going on?

A/N In this version, the convent is closer to Bobby's, just for timeline purposes.

Dean and Bobby had been at Bobby's all day arguing over whether or not Dean should call Sam. "No, I told him if he left to stay gone and he left," Dean argued for the millionth time.

Bobby decided to officially give up. Winchesters could be a stubborn lot.

SSS

"I've been waiting for this for a very long time," Sam said to Lillith.

"Then give it your best shot," Lillith said. She knew that if she didn't sacrifice herself for Lucifer, her life would be worse than the worst place in Hell. Plus she was thousands of years old. Maybe it was time to go.

Sam put out his hand and began killing her. His eyes turned black, but he didn't know that.

Lillith was gasping and thrashing against the altar. Finally, she succumbed. Ruby smiled. That was the last seal. In 24 hours, Lucifer would rise.

"You did it," she said.

Sam turned and smiled. "Thanks, Ruby. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Let's go celebrate," Ruby said.

"No," Sam frowned. "I can't. I've changed for good. I need to kill myself, but first I need to talk to Dean."

Ruby couldn't let Sam kill himself. That would ruin everything. All this would be worthless if Sam wasn't around to be Lucifer's vessel.

"I'll go with you to see Dean," Ruby offered. That way she could keep an eye on him. She only needed to keep him alive for the next 24 hours and then serve him up to Lucifer.

Sam snorted. "Yeah, that would go over great."

"Sam, he's not going to be mad at you anymore, or me either. We saved the world." That was a bunch of bull, she knew. Dean might forgive Sam if he thought that he had succeeded, but Dean would always hate her for turning Sam into a monster. Who was Dean to decide what and was not a monster anyway?

"Right," Sam said.

"Look, Sam, in your new state, you won't be able to go more than a couple of hours without blood. You'll need me to make it to Dean. I know that it's important to you and you deserve it for what you've done and given up."

"OK, let's go," she didn't have to come in with him. And he could use the company.

SSS

Sam and Ruby walked up to the door. "Are you sure you don't want to wait in the car?" Sam asked.

Ruby had to make sure nobody killed Sam, himself included.

"No, I want to go in to support you," she said.

Sam shrugged. He knocked on the door and held his breath. Bobby came to the door. "Sam," he said.

"Is Dean here?" Sam asked.

"Who is it?" Dean asked, coming up to the door.

"I'm sorry," Sam said. "But I killed Lillith. It's over."

"Well, that's good, but it doesn't change anything. I told you if you left to stay gone."

"I know, Dean, I just wanted to apologize and say good-bye."

"You going to shack up with your little Hell buddy?" Dean asked.

"No, Dean. I know I've changed for good. I'm going to take care of it," Sam said.

Ruby waited to see what Dean would do. Dean trying to stop Sam would carry a lot more weight than her doing it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked.

"I'm going to kill myself," Sam said and backed away from the door. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He had come what he had come to say to Dean. No need to prolong the situation.

"Wait," Dean said and grabbed his arm.

Ruby internally breathed a sigh of relief. Dean was going to stop him.

Sam turned to look at Dean. "You can't kill yourself."

"Dean, I'm a monster. We kill monsters."

"Not if they're not evil," Dean said, remembering how Sam wouldn't let him and Gordon kill a nest of vampires that were surviving off cattle blood.

Sam sighed. "Dean, it's not the same. I have to kill myself. I would prefer not to do it in front of you." No matter what he had done, Sam knew that watching him die was not something he wanted to do.

"Sam, maybe there's a way to 'unchange' you," Bobby said. He had been silent until now, letting the boys work this out for themselves, but it looked like Dean was losing the argument. He knew Dean wouldn't be able to live with Sam killing himself so soon after they had had that massive argument.

"How?" Sam asked.

"We'll try detox again," Bobby suggested.

Sam shook his head. "That won't work. I feel it ingrained in me. I still have to drink it, but at the same time, it's permanent. I have to do this now. I need more and I won't be able to hold out much longer."

"You can have some," Ruby offered.

"No," Sam said and turned around to walk away.

Three pairs of hands reached out to grab him. "Let go," Sam said, but he was coming down off his latest high. He was no match for all three of them. Killing Lillith had really drained his system and he ended up passing out.

"Bobby, help me get him to the couch. Ruby, get lost."

"Hey, if it weren't for me, the Apocalypse would still be on," Ruby protested. OK, she admitted to herself. If it weren't for her, there would be no Apocalypse, but they would find that out soon enough.

"We could have found another way," Dean said as they got Sam onto the couch. "A way that didn't turn my brother into a monster."

"Why is he a monster? Because he has demon blood in him? You're such a racist. Like being pure human makes you better than him?" Ruby asked. "That's really the whole problem with your relationship. You've always felt superior to him. Always sacrificed yourself for him just so that he would feel in your debt."

"That's ridiculous," Dean said. Her knife was tucked into the back of his jeans. He could feel it and he wanted nothing more than to whip it out and kill her for what she did to Sammy. But on the other hand, she had a point. She did help stop the Apocalypse. And for all he knew, Sam would die without blood. Then he realized she was the one that put him in this position. He had never been so conflicted about anything.