I should've been expecting something to happen. All day I have the feeling that something was off, and the downpour of rain outside isn't helping. The already gloomy atmosphere introduces a whole twist of knots into my stomach. But I go to school anyway, even though I can barely pay attention to anything, not even what my teachers were saying. It's a good thing I don't have any tests or quizzes today, or I'll fail them for sure.

I'm jittery all morning, something I'm not normally. My teachers have to ask me multiple times to stop tapping my pencil against my desk, but I can't help it. I feel like something is constantly tugging at the back of my mind, a feeling I can't shake. The only things I don't know are what the feeling is and what it's called.

Hikari, my best friend, can tell that something is off. She knows the entire situation- our parents are close enough for her to know everything. I refuse to talk to her about this, though; all information she got was from her parents, secondhand information. It's not that I don't trust her; I would trust her with my life. I just don't want to talk about it at all. Maybe if I don't talk about it and ignore the problem, it would miraculously go away. Wishful thinking, I know.

"Mei, talk to me. You know you can," Hikari keeps telling me over lunch. The noise of our classroom blurs in the background, leaving her words the only ones I can hear. We've known each other for as long as we both could remember. Hikari practically knows me better than I know myself. And yet, I'm still keeping my feelings away from her. It makes me feel awful, but I don't want to burden her with everything. I can handle this alone, without anyone's help.

Or so I keep telling myself.

"I know" is my constant response. It's never accompanied with a smile like it normally would be. I feel like I haven't smiled in weeks.

The dread and anticipation keeps building inside me, bubbling and making me sick to my stomach. The smell of the rain mixing with my lunch doesn't help at all. I barely eat anything at all, even though Aunt Erika was kind enough to make me lunch. Hikari looks at me with concern laced in her eyes, but doesn't say anything. She's too soft-spoken to directly say anything about it. She probably doesn't even know what to say, and I can't blame her. I wouldn't either.

Right after lunch is math class. Especially then, I'm out of it. Math is my favorite class, and yet I can barely concentrate enough to copy down the notes. It's a miracle I even got my homework done last night. My eyes don't stray from my paper. The words and numbers blur together, hardly distinguishable. Why can't I concentrate? This isn't like me. I'd usually be done with the entire worksheet by now.

My grip on my pencil tightens as I try to focus on one of the problems. This is just simple polar coordinates, nothing I can't handle. I know that I know this. Plot the point (3, 5π/6). Easy. Name three other names for that point. I can handle that, it's not too difficult. Translate it into rectangular coordinates. Simple, really, if I can only remember how to work through this problem.

Point (3, 5π/6) is also (3, -7π/6) and (-3, 11π/6) and (-3, π/6). Or is it (-3, -π/6)? Slow down, going clockwise is negative and counterclockwise is positive. Or is it the opposite? How do I translate that to rectangular?

"Mei."

If r2=x2+y2, then r=√x+y, right? That makes sense, doesn't it?

"Mei!"

I just need to focus, then I can finish this problem and start the next one. Methodical work like this is all I need. No matter if I'm already a couple questions behind-

"Mei Akamatsu!"

My head snaps up as my math teacher's voice booms across the room. All of my classmates are looking at me with mixed expressions; some are holding in laughter at my distractedness. Among them is Hikari, giving me a look that says I tried to call you before she did.

I gulp down my anxiety and meet my teacher's eyes. "Yes?"

He gestures at one of the secretaries from the main office, who's standing at the front of the room with her. I didn't even notice her come in. What else didn't I notice? "Please go with Ms. Suzuki. Bring your books with you."

My classmates' eyes remain on my as I rise slowly from my seat, collecting my work and slinging my bag onto my shoulder. The bubble of dread worsenes, almost making me want to throw up. I've never been called to the headmaster's office before. Hikari's eyes don't leave my back as I follow Ms. Suzuki out of the room; I can feel them the entire way. It barely registers in the back of my mind that my teacher didn't tell me what the homework is for the night. Hikari will let me know later, I'm sure. I refuse to be behind in my work.

Ms. Suzuki brings me into the office, holding the door open for me since my hands are full of notebooks and papers. The window is open just a crack, letting in the scent of fresh rain that does nothing more than worsen my nausea. "Please take a seat," she says, sliding into her desk chair. The other secretary is at her own desk, trying not to pay attention to the two of us. "Your fathers should be here any minute to pick you up."

"My dads? Did they say why?" Even hearing the vagueness of Ms. Suzuki's words sent my stomach plummeting even further. I'm dangerously close to panicking now. This could be for any number of reasons, good or bad. I hope desperately that it's the former, but I can't think of any other reason than the latter.

Ms. Suzuki's lips form a thin line, but a shade of pity enters her eyes, one that I detest. This is why I never told anyone about this except for Hikari and Tadaaki. "I was not told the details. Please sit tight."

This is it, then. I know what that means, and I know my dads wouldn't pick me up in the middle of the day for a routine visit. I fold my hands on my lap after putting my notebooks away to stop them from shaking. The only thing I can focus on now is the clock on the wall opposite me. The seconds tick past slowly, turning into minutes, though they feel like hours. The rain pounding on the roof is an interesting backdrop to my fears creeping up on me. Any other day, it may have been soothing. This proverbial race against the clock leaves me physically exhausted.

My heart nearly leaps into my throat when the door opens, revealing my stepdad's short figure. Ms. Suzuki gestures him over to properly sign me out, but I'm already on my feet with my bag and umbrella, ready to leave as soon as possible. I know exactly where we're going, and I want to get there quickly.

Kokichi barely says a word in the office, but I can see that the usual cheerfulness in his expression is all but gone. I want so much to ask what's wrong, but I dread the answer. I already know the answer.

"Do you have everything you need?" I nod mutely, noting that Kokichi's voice sounds dull, not light and bubble as it usually does. It's unnatural, and I hate it. "Good. Shuichi's waiting for us in the car."

My umbrella covers both of us on the way out. Kokichi must've forgotten his own, because his long purple hair is already damp and dripping from the rain. My eyes connect with Dad's as I climb into the car. His hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. That does nothing to calm my own nerves, but I don't dare say anything. Knowing the destination and what's likely waiting for us tells me everything I need to know.

The hospital is only twenty minutes from school, but the silence makes it stretch out impossibly long. I'm used to my dads chatting about any little thing, cracking jokes and having a good time. Then again, I'm also used to my mom being with us. Silence makes everything seem that much more tense.

My hands are still quivering in my lap, the tremors increasing the closer we get. I don't lift my gaze off of them, silently willing them to stay still, but they protest each time. My nerves don't even get this bad before concerts, but circumstances like this will do that to me. I think the last time they shook this much was four months ago.

I barely wait for Dad to park completely to jump out of the car, dragging my backpack with me. I never even set it down in the car. I need to get in, I need to run, now. I don't bother to open my umbrella, letting the rain fall on me and drench me.

Dad and Kokichi catch up with me before I can get past the reception desk. At this point, all of my muscles are tense, waiting to spring me forward at a moment's notice. I wouldn't be taken out of school if something isn't wrong; I usually visit after school. The receptionist's words don't register with me apart from the number I already have memorized. Room 211. Hospice section.

If it wasn't for Dad's hand firmly on my shoulder, and Kokichi at my other side, I would've sprinted the whole way there. The only control I have right now is focused on tugging the straps of my backpack, tightening and loosening them over and over and over and over.

"Mom's okay, right?" The words slip off my tongue before we can see the sign for the right hallway. I wish we could pick up the pace a little more than a tentative speed walk. My voice sounds small, like I haven't talked in weeks. Maybe I haven't.

There's silence for another moment before Dad sighs. "I don't think- I don't know. Your aunt just called us to pick you up and come over." His voice is shaking as much as my hands are. No doubt this puts an unhealthy amount of stress on him and Kokichi as well. But I catch the stammer in his words. I know what this means.

I can see Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori already inside through the door's window, but they're blurry background images as soon as I step in the room. All I can see now is Mom laying on the hospital bed- not her bed- with her eyes barely open.

I panic. I drop my backpack near the door and shrug out from under Dad's grip, getting to the bedside as fast as I can. "Mom, you're okay, right? You're going to be okay, aren't you?"

Mom tries managing a weak smile, but it looks more akin to a grimace. Her hair has lost its luster in the past couple months, and is limp instead of voluminous now. She looks nothing like she used to, like she should. Damn it, why does she not look like she used to? "Mei, you know I'll always love you, right?" Her voice is horribly soft and weak, barely audible at this point. I can tell that she's pushing to get that much out.

"Mom, don't- don't say things like that, you're going to be fine, aren't you?" My throat feels like it's closing just listening to her. I'm used to her always having a bit of positivity to share, always something to say to lift my spirits. This is not my mom, it can't be. My mom would never give up so easily.

A few beats pass. "Not this time." I choke back a sob as Mom struggles to continue. How is it that I can feel so sad and angry at the same time? This shouldn't be happening, I shouldn't be here, she shouldn't be here. None of this should've happened. "Mei, remember the recordings I made you?" I can't speak, so I nod, reaching out to take Mom's hand. Her grip is weak, but at least it's still there. For now. "Keep those with you."

All of my CDs are back in my room at home, stacked in a box in my closet. I don't listen to them often, but that's because Mom plays live music so much that I don't need to. Why listen to a recording when I can hear it live, and sometimes even play along?

Now I guess I won't have a choice between a live performance and recordings.

Tears slip down my cheeks as I draw my thumb back and forth over the back of Mom's hand, this one free of IVs. I didn't think I'd have to say goodbye so soon after the diagnosis; it's only been four months. Mom wanted to fight, and she did for the first few months, but nothing slowed this stupid disease down. There was nothing any doctor could do but get her comfortable and let us know when it's time to say goodbye. Just like it is now.

Mom looks past me, looking at my dads. "Shuichi, Kokichi. Take care of her?"

"Of course." Dad sounds like he's moments away from crying himself. He's never been one to hide his feelings, but I can tell he's struggling to try now.

"You know, Kaede, you were never boring. I'll miss that." Even Kokichi sounds like he's struggling to keep himself from crying, even though I know he has no problem spouting crocodile tears whenever I beat him in a game. Ironic how the tables have turned, from game-playing to this.

Aunt Erika comes forward, taking Mom's other hand gingerly. "Love you, sis," she chokes out. Her eyes are already red, and I realize how much both of them have changed. Usually they look so much like each other, but now Mom's face is sunken, thin, and Aunt Erika's is thick with tears.

"Love you, too." Mom's eyelids slowly slide shut. Her hands are cool, not warm like they usually are, and her grip slips away. A few more shallow breaths and she's gone.

I hear Aunt Erika start to cry more, and in the corner of my eye I see Dad sit on one of the small couches in the room. He hides his face in his hands. Uncle Hatori embraces Aunt Erika from behind as Kokichi slips out of the room. Beyond that, I'm numb to everything. I can barely breathe myself, my throat is so choked up. My vision blurs as tears build up, and I try to keep them in, I really do. Still they fall, staining the pale blue sheets an ugly dull shade.

I must stay there for a while; I don't know the exact amount of time. At one point, Kokichi comes back with a nurse. She has me get up and away from Mom, and guides me so I'm sitting on the couch where Dad was just moments before. I don't feel like my movements are my own. It's like an out-of-body experience, or like I'm not the one moving at all. The nurse starts talking to the adults, and maybe I should've paid more attention, but all of my concentration is thrown out the window, drowning in the pouring rain. This can't actually be happening. This is a dream, isn't it? A nightmare, more like.

Back when Mom was first admitted two weeks ago, I read up on hospice care. The calming colors, furnishings, features to make it feel like a home, do nothing for me. Every single time I come, I can't help thinking about how fake it all feels. This isn't her home. This isn't where Mom is supposed to be, and this isn't how Mom is supposed to die. This isn't when Mom is supposed to die. She shouldn't be dead.

I hear Dad and Kokichi offer to take me to their house for the night, to let Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori get some rest before everything has to be taken care of, but I still end up going home with them. Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori are both staying at my house, have been since Mom was admitted, and I need to be in my own room. Well, I have my own room at Dad's house, but it's not the same, not right now.

Throughout the car ride home, I'm quaking. My phone is blowing up with messages and missed calls from Hikari and Tadaaki, and I know that if they keep it up they'll both get in trouble for ignoring their classes and having their phones on them during school. Tadaaki especially, since he probably only knows because Hikari texted him. His parents probably don't even know he has his phone; the thought crosses my mind that he's supposed to be grounded. I turn my phone off swiftly after that. It's not like I can respond with my hands shaking so badly, anyway.

I walk right past Aunt Erika and Uncle Hatori and collapse on my bed as soon as I get into my room. Any appetite I might've had on a normal day is gone, though it's only two in the afternoon. My bag is dropped on the floor, and I stuff my face into my pillow as more tears fall from my eyes. I can't hear anything in the house apart from my own sniffling, which would've been okay, but I need background noise. I don't care where it comes from. I can't be in more silence.

It takes me a few minutes, but I manage to push myself off of my bed. I feel like a zombie as I go into my closet and take out the box containing Mom's CDs. None of them are marked apart from the date she recorded them, so I choose a random one from the stack and pop it into my CD player. Back on the bed I go after pressing play. The opening strains of Clair de Lune, of one Mom's favorites to listen to and play, circle around me. It's supposed to be a calming piece, but now it feels more mournful than anything.

I squeeze my eyes shut, hot tears rolling sideways down my face and onto my hair and pillow. I'm unsure how long it takes- maybe a minute, maybe an hour- but eventually I tire myself out and fall into an uneasy sleep.

I wake up several times throughout the night, almost at even intervals- once or twice an hour. I can't count how many times I replay my CD, always falling asleep before Clair de Lune ends and the next piece begins. I feel sick, sick enough that I can't bring myself to go into the bathroom on the chance that I throw up. And I know, chances are I will if I even try to get up. I toss and turn, but I can't get comfortable. Maybe it would be better if I just stop trying to sleep.

But eventually, I do have the window of opportunity to get consistent sleep. I know it won't be restful, not by a longshot, but it's all I have. So I listen to the first few measures once more, the fifth or sixth time, and close my eyes, ready to at least stay asleep.

X-X-X

"Mama, what this word mean?" Little Mei pointed at a word in the picture book Kaede was reading to her. It was still light outside her window, and the lamp on next to Kaede is redundant, but it's on anyway.

"Beautiful?" Even at three, Mei already enjoyed learning new things, and Kaede couldn't be happier to support that. "It means really, really pretty." To put it in words she would understand, at least.

Mei nodded, her soft blond hair brushing against Kaede's arm. "So the moon is boo-ti-ful?"

"It is." She couldn't help but smile at Mei's pronunciation of the word.

"And flowers are boo-ti-ful?"

"They are."

Mei screwed her face up, likely thinking of more things that could count as beautiful. After a moment, her expression lights up. "Mama, your music is boo-ti-ful."

She laughed, brushing Mei's hair behind her shoulder so it wouldn't get in the way of their reading. "Thank you, Mei. But don't ever forget-" She cut herself off, snaking her hand behind Mei's back so she could tickle her from the other side. Mei's bubbly laughter fills the air, and Kaede laughs along with her. "You, my dear, are the most beautiful of all."

Mei grinned up at her, her eyes bright and happy. Kaede closed the picture book, stretching as best as she can. "And now, beautiful, it's time for bed."

"Aww." She pouted as Kaede put the picture book on the nightstand. But she snuggled under her covers as Kaede adjusted them for her. "Night, Mama."

Kaede kissed her forehead gently and turned off the lamp, leaving just a tiny bit of light from the window after she closes the shade. She could tell that Mei was already falling asleep. "Good night, Mei. I love you."

"Love...you…"

She shut the door quietly behind her, not wanting to disturb her daughter. She still had a few hours until she would go to bed herself, but she knew that she would only be watching the news until then. Fine by her, actually, since she would have the opportunity to call Erika and her parents like she did every night. Depending on how much time she had, she might be able to call one or two of her friends, who were interested in how she and Mei were doing.

She looked back at Mei's room once more, her lips quirking up into a smile. They were all eager to know more about Mei, since Kaede was the first of their high school class to have a child. And honestly, she wouldn't have it any other way. Mei truly was one of the best things that's ever happened to her.

I got this prompt on my tumblr a while back, and I've gotten quite a few headcanon requests ever since. I really fell in love with this AU, and thus this story (and these fankids) were born. I hope you all stick around for the ride, and please don't forget to leave a review, as those go a long way in boosting my motivation. Thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you all soon with the next chapter!