Title: Stop
Pairing: Lila/Reid
Rating: T
Summary: Lila finds Spencer's drugs.
Spencer scratches his head as he stumbles through the dark. He rubs his eyes as he pauses before he squints.
"Lila?" He asks, his voice thick and his words slurred with sleep. "You in here?"
She tucks her knee into her chest as she watches him. He's still half-asleep. She can tell the way he drags his feet as he walks towards the couch, by the way he didn't turn on the light immediately.
"Yeah, I'm up." She says, softly as she moves so he can rest his head in her lap. She smiles down at him as he brushes her nose about her thigh.
"Why out here?" He asks in broken sentences, but she knows he doesn't really want the answer. He just wants to sleep. She doesn't answer, her fingers moving through his hair. He's been talking about cutting it again, but she doesn't want him too. She wants him to grow it out longer than ever before, enough where she can wrap the strands around her fingers and tug him closer than ever before. Her fingers scratch at his scalp and he breathes out in a sigh, his hand moving over her knee, his thumb brushing against bone. He nuzzles against her thigh again and she leans over and leaves a small kiss against his skin.
"Come back to bed." He mutters. "S'late."
"Can't sleep." She explains as her fingers move around his ear, tucking his hair underneath. She debates whether she should lead him back to the room and lay with him until he falls back into dream-filled sleep, but he turns to his back and opens his eyes before she can begin to move. She smiles at her and leans over to kiss his forehead again. His eyes close at the touch, the sleepy smile on his face that she loves so much. It's the first thing she sees when she wakes up before him and gets him up. Brown eyes and that beautiful smile.
"You okay?" He asks and begins to move, to sit up, but she pushes her hand on his shoulder, telling him to stay. He listens but his bottom lip juts out slightly in a worried frown.
"I'm fine." She says, fingers brushing over his forehead against the hair that is close to falling in his eyes. "I just didn't want to disturb you."
He breathes out again in another sigh. "You should have woke me. I-"
She shushes him. "You need your sleep, Spence. It was nothing."
This time he moves, sitting up and turning on a light so he can look at her. He's awake now, profiling skills at their best as he studies her. She looks back at him, her best acting-face, trying her best to fight his abilities with her own.
"Tell me what's wrong." He asks, eyes alert for anything that will tell him her secrets.
"Nothing." She says as if she's reading a script.
"Stop that."
"You stop it." She says. "I'm fine. Go back to bed."
"A fine person does not sit alone in the middle of their boyfriend's living room at 3 in the morning." He offers, an eyebrow raising in challenge. She tries her best to not smile at the look, but she can't help it. She smiles before it fades into an uneasy grin and she sighs, resting her head against his chest.
"I found it, Spence."
"found what?"
"The vials." She says, and he tenses, the muscles in his chest tighten against her forehead and she knows that all her biggest fears are true, but still she hopes.
"Please tell me you aren't using." Her voice cracks with sadness and his silence fills her with chills. Her hands move against his chest and her fingers dig into his shirt as she shakes her head.
"How long?"
"23 days."
Her eyes close in pain and she knows he's looking at her, lost. He doesn't know why it affects her as much as it does. She hasn't told him about her brother's addiction and depression that followed after joining the military. Her bother had been visiting her in New York when the planes hit and promised to protect her and went to war, but never came out. A shell of a man in his place that sits with a needle in the same city she strives in. She shakes her head against his chest as he tries to wrap his arms around her. Her hands push against her chest as she makes herself move against the warmth. She gets up, shutting off the lamp before moving through the living room back to the bathroom.
"Lila." He calls out, trying to follow her, but he's clumsy in the dark and he hits his foot on the coffee table. She hears him swear as she locks the door. She holds her breathe as her chest heaves with sobs she won't release.
He knocks once. Twice before he calls her name again.
"Lila, it's not what you think."
Her fingers clench against the marble of his sink, jaw and eyes clenched closed. She doesn't understand why that's always their first words. She found her brother after filming her first episode with rubber tubing around his bicep, syringe in hand. Blue eyes looking up, shocked and his words the same that Spencer tells her now. Did everyone think she was stupid? She opens her eyes to look at her own reflection. She wishes she was. She breathes out through her nose before she turns to open the door.
He looks up at her, eyebrows raised in a worried expression. He studies her face, looking for an explanation. She doesn't give one. She walks past him towards his bedroom. She sits on the bed and looks at him.
"Let's go to bed." She says, softly.
"Lila…"
She holds up a hand. She doesn't want to fight anymore. She doesn't want to think about it at the moment.
"I just want to go to bed, Spence." She says, pleading with her eyes. He frowns and he looks more ashamed than she's ever seen from him.
"Okay." He says in a whisper before crawling into bed. She lays down and he pauses before he rests his head on her chest. She stares at the ceiling until his breathing slows and steadies. She can't push it down. She can't forget. She slips out of the bed and grabs her keys and shoes.
She knows he'll wake up in the morning confused to see her gone. She knows that she'll have to call and explain and ask him to stop and give him an ultimatum which that she was sure she would have won before she found drugs in his sock drawer. But right now, she doesn't care. She can't sleep and she can't stay here anymore.