This story is an idea of mine. It takes place after the season 9 finale. Hope you like it and please be gentle if you leave a review. It's my first fanfic and English isn't my first language.

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Kensi couldn't take it anymore. Deeks has been in the block for hours now and the angst she was feeling waiting for him was killing her. Not knowing if her everything was going to survive was already hard but the fact that her fiancée or ex-fiancée ( she doesn't know anymore) would die after their biggest fight was defenitely worse. She had crushed all his hopes for their future together in an instant and she truly regretted that they had this big conversation just before they went to save Mosley's son. They were too stressed and emotionally unstable to have this talk at this moment. It was almost destined to end like it ended : with two broken hearts.

Nell was sitting with her in the waiting room of the hospital giving comfort to her friend and trying to rassure the federal agent at her best when the doctor came:

Family of Martin Deeks, asked the doctor scanning the room.

Kensi immediately jumped off of her chair and ran to the doctor presenting herself as her fiancée. Nell joined her soon after, preparing herself for the worst. She knew that if the doctor annonced that the detective hadn't made it through the operation Kensi would break down and she would never be the same. Of course the team would be there for her but they wouldn't be able to stop her from retreating into herself and rebuild her walls higher than

before.

How has it went ? He, he isn't, he hasn't... , the voice of her friend cracking brought the redhead analyst back to reality.

No, Mr.Deeks is still with us and alive but we lost him once on the operation table so we'll have to watch him closely for the next few days ,because there's still an high risk of complication. We were able to stop the bleeding in his brain but we don't know what will be the extent of his sequels. It can goes to an important headache to amnesia, said the man.

Can we go to his room?, Nell asked the man who saved his friend. She tought that Kensi was going to ask him this exact question as soon as he had stopped talking but she just stood there too shaken by the doctor's news to speak.

Only one at the time, the doctor replied. Mr. Deeks had a big day and he's too fragile for more visitors. I'm sorry but I have to go. His room is the first one at your left.

The two women thanked him and watched him go. Kensi turned her head in direction of the room and stared at the door. She knew she needed to go see him. The only way to diminue the hurt she felt in her chest was to be beside him and take his hand in hers, because only then, she would have the proof that he his still alive, that her everything is still there, under her eyes. But the brunette wasn't sure that she would be able to see him looking so weak and so bad. She knew it would only add to the guilt she was already feeling for bringing him to Mexico. If she had agreed to leave with him when he asked her to maybe her lover wouldn't be in that critical state.

Kensi, Kensi?, the analyst said to catch the attention of the agent. When she saw her friend nodding and retaking her minds, she continued: Are you going to go see him or you want me to bring you back to your house?

I'll, I'm going to his room. I need to see him and I know I won't be able to stay home and sleep in our bed without him if I go home. It wouldn't feel right, Kensi replied.

Ok. Then, I'm going to go see Callen and Sam before I head back home. Stay strong, Kens. He'll need you and he won't want to see you suffering or acting like you hadn't slept or eat in a week, Nell said.

The federal agent nodded and thanked her friend for her precious support during the last few hours. She truly couldn't think she would have been able to restrain herself from assaulting all the doctors that had passed in the room when she had been desperate for answers on her fiancée's condition if Nell hadn't been there to keep her under control. The redhead squeezed the brunette's shoulder before leaving the agent alone. She would have stay if she had the chance to but only one person could go in Deeks one and it was only fair that Kensi was this person.

Kensi finally got up from her chair and went in direction of her lover's room. Each step she took made her a little bit more nervous than the previous one and the few meters that had separated her from the door had seemed more like kilometers with all the time she took to reached the closed door. She finally opened the door and entered the room. The agent hasn't been able to stop the gasp that has escaped her lips when she saw him. The man who was lying in that hospital bed didn't look like her lover. Actually, he didn't even look like he was still breathing. Only the constant beeping in the room was telling the brunette that Deeks was still alive.

Oh Deeks, what did we do?, murmured Kensi to the sleeping form of her fiancée in the small bed. She knew he couldn't hear her or even respond to her but she needed to talk to him. She grabbed the closest chair and brought it close to the hospital bed. Then the federal agent sat on it and she gently brushed her fingers over his hand afraid of hurting him.

You scared me, baby, she said while the tears she had fought back all day finally ran down her cheeks.

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That's it for the first chapter. I'll try to post at least once a week and if I can't I'll post two chapters the week before or the week after.

Thanks for the reviews