I Remember



Author: Megan

Disclaimer: All things 'Buffy' belong to Joss and friends.

Feedback: Yes, please: shy_grrl@hotmail.com

Spoilers: General season 5. Lots from 'Blood Ties'.

Summary: Buffy remembers. A lazy summer day at a beach with Dawn, so many moons ago.

Author's Notes: Set in the prezzy scene of 'Blood Ties'. Picks up from Buffy's sad comment 'I remember'. The story might seem a bit confusing at first. Every other paragraph is from the memory, and the rest are 'real' moments from the real scene.



***



She rips off the paper from the present to reveal a photograph. With frames and all, "It's from when we visited dad that summer in San Diego. I put the shells on myself", the girl tells her, "We picked them off the beach."

A brunette girl spinning around in waist deep water.

"I remember", she says distantly.

The sun is at its peak, and there's not another soul on the beach, besides the two girls.

She runs her finger across the smooth surface of the shells, and lets her mind wander back in time. And space. It never happened. Not in this reality. It couldn't have happened, since her sister didn't exist at the time. But still the memory is as clear in her head, as any other. As clear as the memory of yesterday.

"Buffy!", the girl screams.

But only in her mind. In real life, her sister is standing there, in front of her. Fidgeting about.

"Come to the water!", another shout.

This one startles her slightly. How can it be a fabricated memory, when it feels so real? How can it not be real, when the shells are? And the picture is?

Dawn is throwing water high up in the air around herself. And she's laughing, the way she does sometimes, when she hasn't got a care in the world. And everything is sunny. These are the times, Buffy is most proud of her work. The times, when her own sister can enjoy life, without having to worry about demons, or other nasties. The moments are few and far between, but all the more precious.

She smiles back at her sister. In the memory, and in real life. But in here, it's a sad smile. In here, everything is tainted by doubt. Everything has to be questioned, and she can trust nothing to be real. Even the girl in front of her, every fiber in her body is screaming that it's her sister, but her brain is telling her otherwise. It knows better. It knows, that it's only a blob of energy, in the shape of a young girl.

"Soon!", Buffy calls back. She's sitting on a towel, and the sun feels so good against her skin, she doesn't want to move. Not yet. There are times, when she just wants everything to freeze up. She wants this feeling to stay with her. It's not that she feels perfectly happy, but that she feels comfortable. She feels safe, because she and her sister are the only people in the world, "Sooner!", Dawn yells back, and sinks down, so that only her head stays above water, "I'm drowning, Buffy! Save me!", the girl disappears completely out of sight. Buffy stands up, and starts to walk towards the waterline.

"Well... geez. Don't go all movie of the week on me", the brunette girl chirps, and pulls her back again. The voice sounds so real. It's the exact same voice, than in her memories. And that one is fake. So this voice must be too. Everything about her sister is made up. And yet, everything about the girl feels more real than anything else. Closer than anything else. More important than anything else, "I was just too cheap to buy her a real present."

Dawn splutters to the surface gasping for air. And Buffy's relieved. Of course she knew the girl was only joking, but that doesn't mean anything. Things might still happen. And she couldn't stand it, if her sister got hurt. Dawn is wiping her eyes dry, "Aww!", Buffy grumbles, and smirks, "You got me in here all for nothing?", she goes on, and keeps wading towards the girl. Dawn opens her eyes and grins back, "You came!", the girl yelps, and bounces up a little. Buffy just keeps smirking, and advancing towards her sister. The grin on Dawn's face fades slightly, "Buffy?", the girl asks a little uncertainly, and takes a step back.

"Thank you", the real her says.

"I came to finish the job", she tries to sound menacing, and picks up speed. Dawn shrieks, half out of terror, half out of joy, and tries to escape. But Buffy is quicker, she is the slayer after all. There is no escaping the slayer. She jumps from the distance, and grabs Dawn from the waist, bringing them both splashing down in the water. Dawn gets up on her feet first, and pushes Buffy back down from her shoulders. And she agrees to fall, even though her little sister's weak arms could do nothing to stop her, if she truly wanted to get up. But she doesn't. She lets Dawn get away. The girl spurts a few feet, and then turns back towards her again. Buffy slowly stands up. The water reaches her just above the waist. And her sister is laughing, and there is no end in sight to it. There is no end in sight to the summer. And that's the way Buffy wants it. Cause there's a good chance, it's gona be their last happy summer together. There is no telling what the future in Sunnydale brings.

She hesitantly gets up from the chair, and envelopes her sister into a hug. She wants it to be real. She'd give anything for this girl to be real. For her memories to be real.

The two sisters stand apart for a good time. Facing each other, separated by a body of water. And some ten feet. Dawn finally manages to stop giggling, and instead takes a quick glance at the beach, "When do you think dad is coming?", she asks, and immediately a shadow falls over them. Buffy also glances towards the beach, and finds it empty. She doesn't care that her father isn't there, even though he promised. But she cares that Dawn cares. She cares that her sister isn't worry-free anymore, "I'm sure he'll be here soon", Buffy says, and turns an encouraging smile towards the girl. Dawn smiles back, but it isn't a convinced smile, it's just a smile in lack of a better response. A smile born out of many past disappointments, "Yeah", the girl comments, and nods once, before bowing her head.

Looking over her sister's shoulder, she sees her mother looking back. With the same sad look. With the same sad thoughts. How can something that isn't even real, evoke such strong feelings of love and compassion?

Buffy looks at her sister for a few moments, and then decides their father isn't worth ruining the day over, "Besides, it's better that he isn't here", she says grinning again. Dawn lifts her head, and looks confused, even a little angry, "Then I'd just have to drown him too", she adds, with the low threatening voice. And the girl's eyes light up again, "Buffyy...", she starts drawing out the name, "You are evil!", she adds, when Buffy takes a step closer. Her grin just grows wider, and she lifts her arms up in front of her, like a zombie, "Yes. Must kill Dawn!"

She closes her eyes, and pulls the girl into a tighter hug, "I love it", she whispers into her sister's ear, "Like I love you", she adds, "My sister."

The younger girl is running away again, and laughing as hard as she's ever laughed. Buffy is chasing her sister, and laughing herself. When she catches Dawn, both girls again go tumbling down, this time in shallow water, that barely even softens the blow. It hurts, but it doesn't matter.

She clenches her eyes shut even tighter, and tries to hold onto the memories for as long as she can. They are real. This girl is real, this girl is her sister. And she doesn't even want to consider a world without her sister.

Pretty soon they grow tired of wrestling, and just lay there side by side, staring at the sky. Perfect blue sky. Not a cloud up there. Not a thing can ruin this moment for Buffy. She's happy, she's satisfied. She's the luckiest girl in the world to have such a sweet sister. It's easy to forget all her problems in such a girl's company.

"Okay", her sister whimpers after a while, "You can let go now", but she really can't. Cause she's afraid, that when she does, the girl will disappear into thin air.

Dawn has scrambled up to her knees, and is looking towards the beach, "Daddy's here", she says, "And he brought a camera", Dawn goes on, and waves her hand a little. Buffy also pushes herself up from the ground, and turns around, "How cool", she states, when she finds herself being photographed from the distance.

Finally she's had enough, and agrees to pull away. Opening her eyes, she returns to full alert. The memory is gone now. But it doesn't bother her too much. There are plenty of them still left. They may be made up, but they feel like the real thing. Sometimes even better than the real thing.

"Look, Buffy!", her sister chirps, and picks up something from the ground, "A shell!", Dawn enthuses with shining eyes, and lifts the thing up for all the world to see. Buffy smiles at her sister, and takes a hold of her free hand. Together they walk up to meet their father.



end