"Who?"

"Captain Jack Harkness" Jack repeated with a sneer and a lecherous look up and down at that suit that goes forever. Black and severe, the white shirt and matching black tie also severe but unlike the others milling around, this one had a splash of colour on his lapel. A small red dragon pin that showed the Welsh accent was genuine.

Phwwwwwwor

Ianto was not sure if he had the time for this shit and he leaned back to take in this man in the Great Coat that knew damned well how delectable he looked in it.

"RIIIIIGHT" Ianto said slowly "T3. Cardiff, right?"

Jack's smile slid slightly as he now looked at someone who knew damned well how delectable he looked in that three piece suit. He said slowly "Maybe."

Subtle.

Ianto's eyebrow moved slightly then his eyes moved past him to focus off to the left and Jack swung to see the bright orange Tergoratons storming towards them. "Ah. There they are."

Ianto took a bored stance, his features schooled on to that of a butler … or maybe a tourist operator with a group of overdue tourists to lead around pointing out the sights. Jack blinked and looked back at the large beasts bearing down on them who were barking "Dea Do Are!"

"Well now, are you all there? You know you should all stay together!" Ianto snapped as he folded his arms, even Jack hesitating as Ianto stared down the bloody thirsty Viking things who all stopped in their tracks "Well? Who is in charge? Do a bloody head count for the love of god!"

One turned and pointed to each one, counting as told.

Jack looked back at Ianto again, now asking the question "Wait a minute. Who are you?"

Ianto ignored him and stepped closer to the aliens "Right. All there? Now, if you want to see one of our most amazing natural wonders of this planet you all need to provide me with your credits."

"Wait a minute!" Jack blustered "You are going to charge them?"

"This way" Ianto continued to ignore him "The bus over here will take you to a local military installation where you will be shown all the mod cons we have."

"Unit?" Jack tried.

Ianto waved the group to the 'bus' that resembled some sort of troop carrier and as they neared, several people appeared in matching suits with their dark glasses and clipped haircuts. Jack watched the orderly operation then waited patiently, hooking Ianto's arm as he went to step away.

"Hang on here a second. Where the hell are you lot from?"

Ianto turned to look at him one last time "You are Captain Jack Harness, galactic sex fiend, ex-Time Agent and sometime companion of the Doctor and you are now the Director of Torchwood Three Cardiff. Do you really need to know how I can fix little mess the rift spat out? Or I let me get it cleaned up? Clearly you couldn't handle it. I can teach or I can do. Even an old dog like you might learn something."

"I beg your fucking pardon!" Jack spluttered.

Ianto seemed to consider then said "no."

"What?"

"I do not pardon you" Ianto said calmly "You sir … are a cad."

Jack knew he was gaping as the man swung to walk away and he yelled after him "Yes? Well you are….are…."

"Immortal right? Is that true? You cannot die?" Ianto cut him off.

"Yes." Jack frowned "How do you know all this about me?"

"Good. I can't find my zapper"

"Zapper?"

As Jack tried to understand this man who knew him inside and out he saw the group of soldiers in the background being spoken to by one of the suits and a small ball point pen was being held up, then a red flash.

Jack pointed. "Like that?"

Ianto glanced over. "Yeah, I usually have one like that. Good boy."

"Then take hers" Jack pouted "What. It probably doesn't work on me anyway. What is it?"

"You ask that every time. She doesn't share. A real cow that one. Oh well" Ianto smiled "gotta go"

Jack smiled and opened his mouth to speak when he saw the weapon appear in his face.

"Is that alien?"

"And it's ours" Ianto agreed. "Oh bother. I like you now. OK. A do-over. Once! Piss me off and it's zap…zap. Deal? They have to think there are no witnesses….awwww…you are always so cute with that deer in the headlights thing, OK. OK. I will give you one chance. Yes?"

Jack did not understand but nodded, Ianto's smile sweet enough to let him know he had decided on the right answer.

BANG

.

.

.

Jack came back with a gasp and sat up looking around with surprise to find it daylight and no one around. An empty field like nothing had happened and he rose to pat himself down as he always did, finding a card in his pocket.

He read what was written on the back of the MIB card with a slow growing grin.

STILL LIKE THE COAT THOUGH

AGENT I