Dave runs a hand through his hair in agitation after he finishes changing into his pajamas.
"I know… I know you hate me right now. But you don't understand what is happening to me. It was easy for you…"
He doesn't turn around to look at Kurt, and although he doesn't expect a reaction from the boy, the silence in his room makes him wish that the other would say something. Anything, really.
"I mean… I'm not saying that everything was fucking rainbows for you either, but… You have your dad, and you have your fancy little glee club and now… even Finn and his mom. And I just got so damn jealous when I saw the two of you dancing together that it isn't funny anymore."
He finally works up the courage to face Kurt on his bed. The boy looks at him with a smile that makes him relax slightly, makes him believe that everything can turn out alright.
"I never thanked you that you kept your promise, did I? I know that it's too late, especially since you're transferring to Dalton, but I'm really grateful, Kurt. It's just… I can't be gay, you know? It's unfair, and it's sick and it's all kinds of wrong…"
He thinks that maybe he's imagining the way Kurt's brows have knitted together, but it makes him realize how he might have sounded.
"Don't get me wrong! You… you are nothing like that! You are so… proud and somehow… shiny? Well not in a glittery, Twilight way… but people simply can't not take notice of you, you know? Like, wherever you are, everybody around you looks gray… Fuck, I'm not good with words, but you get what I mean, right?" He asks nervously, and just as he hopes, the light is back in Kurt's eyes again.
"It's me. I'm the problem here, not you. I know it's hard for you to believe this after everything that I have done to you, but I am sorry, even though it's too late."
Dave sits down on his bed, keeping a bit of distance between them. He needs to see Kurt's face when he tells him what he wants.
"I… I think I love you." There is no answer. Nothing but silence.
"I know you don't feel like that, but I need you to know. I fought against it. I really did. And I have to be honest with you; I would rather be blind, or crippled, or anything other than gay, but… This is the way I am. I can't change it."
Dave buries his face in his hands, not wanting Kurt to see the tears that he can't keep back anymore.
"It's so unfair. Like some huge, cosmic joke. I wanted to have a normal life. I wanted to get out of here, find a nice girl, and have a bunch of kids… Just to show that I can be a… good man, a good father. To show that I can be someone… worthy."
Finally he risks a glance at Kurt, and he breathes a sigh of relief that he isn't judging him. He lies down beside the boy, turning him to see his face, touching the fashionista's hair with a shaky finger.
"I know you don't understand me, and that's okay. You don't have to. I'm not even angry that you're leaving. Maybe that's the best for the both of us. I… really love you, but I have to… no, I need to forget about you. And you will clearly be happier without me… Guess, there is nothing much more I can tell you, is there?" He asks with a shaky laugh. It doesn't matter. He said everything he wanted, and it's already easier, he just had to get these things off his chest. And he knows that it's time to get to bed, no matter how much he dreads to go to sleep. Sleep means dreaming. Dreaming means things he can't have.
"Good night." He whispers, kissing Kurt's forehead, then closing the yearbook and hiding it under the bed, like he does every night.