Nagisa, the assassin with a mouth
Plot: The one thing Nagisa had to remember his father were Deadpool comics. After his friends are kidnapped, the blow to his head reawakens his memories of these comics, and now that he has some assassin skills….
OC! Nagisa & Kayano, maybe a harem….Will take ideas. Co-writing welcome!
Chapter 1: The Snake becomes the Mouthy Merc
8 years before the first chapter of Assassination Classroom
"Daddy, what're you reading?" Nagisa asked his father one night while mommy was out with…some people she knew. They weren't friends of her's, but she knew them from several years ago and had made him wear one of her dresses while they were picking her up, so they must be important people.
Nagisa had thought wearing mommy's dress the first time was funny and made him look pretty as she was, but now it felt yucky, He didn't like it. But she made him keep him doing, saying that she wanted to pretend he was a girl.
"Only the best comic book ever, little buddy." His father, a man with blue hair smiled.
"Comic Book?" Nagisa asked in confusion as he looked at the manga that was done all wrong. "You mean manga, right daddy? Why's it done wrong?"
"It's a manga from the West, they read from left to right." Daddy explained "Anyway, I'm reading about Deadpool."
"Dead…Pool?" Nagisa asked. "A pool that's dead? Why're you reading about that, daddy?"
"No, Nagisa, that his codename." Daddy explained. "He's an assassin bounty hunter
"What's that word mean?" Nagisa asked, pointing to a standalone letter. "I don't recongize that kanji."
"Its not a kanji, sport." Daddy smiled, an idea popping itno his head. "Say, when you go to school, you're going to be learning this language. How about this? I read these stories to you and you try and follow along. How's that sound?"
So Nagisa had a hero growing up; a funny mercenary who wisecracked and made references his daddy had to explain to him. It was also were he developed his love for the English language, so when he finally began learning the language in school, it was his best subject, par none.
Whenever mommy wasn't looking, he and daddy would surf through Deadpool comics, marking down the funniest one-liners and breaking the fourth wall. It was their little secret, and they treasured sharing these stories together.
And then; one sad, rainy day, daddy died.
"Can we skip this part?" Nagisa ordered. "As Karma would say, I think everyone would prefer if they saw me when I graduate from pansy to badass."
Yeah, this is getting hard for me to write, anyway.
XXXX
Pain and a spinning world filled Nagisa's head.
"Hey, readers! You try getting hit in the back of the head by anything and see how it feels."
Am I going to have to let you tell the story?
"Like Naegi in your Hardboiled Dangan Ropa fic?" Nagisa asked, thinking for a minute. "No, but can we crossover with that fic? Come on, you got to admit it'd be a great versus; a vengeful sin city monologuing detective and a wisecracking assassin? I'd pay to see that!"
I'll consider it.
"Cool. Back to the story please."
Memories flooded Nagisa; Kayano and Kanzaki had been kidnapped and someone punched him and Sugino unconscious.
This is just like Deadpool issue #...
…..
He hadn't thought of Deadpool in years. Not since dad died.
Happy memories filled Nagisa's head; reading, laughing…dad being alive….Tears began to drip down his face.
He then remembered something' a little thing he'd always carried it with him, despite the occasion to wear it never coming up. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a bundle of cloth that he unfolded to reveal…
"Holy…I can't believe it's still in one piece!"
It was the Deadpool mask dad had bought on a business trip. A little faded, but still good.
Nagisa then remembered the situation and turned to the fellow Class E student on the ground.
"Sugino." Nagisa tried to move his classmate to no avail. He'd have to leave him, as much as he hated doing so; Kayano was in danger, no telling what those punks would do to her….
The worst thoughts filled Nagisa's head.
If they'd hurt so much as a hair on Kayano….he'd have an actual kill on his file.
Oh, and Kanzaki too.
"Rest it off, buddy." Nagisa whispered to his friend. "I'll bring them home safely."
Remembering the book Koro-Sensei had given him, Nagisa began looking for the nearest abandoned building, slipping the mask on as he did so, but not pulling it down.
"Let go!"
It was faint, but he heard Kayano and rushed to the gate of an empty buldiing. He saw her glaring at the kidnappers, who laughed and stared at her and Kanzaki's….
"Okay." Nagisa said. "I'm bashing their brains in."
As if to catch his eye, he caught sight of a glint; an old concrete bar, the ones that look like nails: it was broken in half, giving it a sharp end.
It was no katana like his idol used, but it seemed to call to Nagisa. He then swung it through the air several times. A little heavy, but he'd get used to it.
"From here on out, you shall be known as….Soy sauce."
XXXX
Someone knocked on the door to the room the punks were holding Kayano and Kanzaki
"Who is it?" The leader asked. "Guys that you?"
A loud voice he didn't recognize answered with….
"OH LUUUUCY, I'M HOME!"
The door swung open, and the friends the punks had been expecting were knocked to the ground, unconscious. Their attacker; a short young man with a red and black mask that should've revealed his eyes, but just showed white.
"Nagisa!" Kayano cheered in joy.
"Nagisa's out for the moment ladies. Call me Deadpool." The figure smiled. "It rhymes with Old School. Too Cool, Ain't no fool and, my personal favorite…"
He made bunny ears behind his head.
"…I'm the best there is at what I do…ool."
He then poked the punk in the eyes and leapt in front of his classmates still holding onto him.
"YOU INTERRUPTED THE MONOLOGUE!" Nagisa roared, kicking the punk with every word he said next. "NO! BODY! AND! I! MEAN! NO! BODY! INTERRUPTS! THE MONOLOGUE!"
He then punched the punks to the ground, where he crashed and dropped the bar he'd been carrying.
"Except the Incredibles. They're awesome." Nagisa said aloud. "And Syndrome sucks as a villain when you think about…oop! I'm rambling. Sorry about that. New to this whole 'saving pretty girls and wisecracking while beating the ever living snot out of punks' "
"How the hell did you…"
"Uh, this is the closest abandoned building." Nagisa said in a 'what are you, an idiot' voice. "What, did you think I'd check the ritzy hotel you guys'd be staying at if you actually put thought into this instead of thinking with your little punks?"
"I hit you!" Another said.
"Yeah, and my head still hurts, asshole!" Nagisa hissed, making Kayano gasp in shock. "I'm sorry, but it really does! I'm pretty sure he broke something! I don't know what exactly...but I'm pretty sure it's something in the cerebellum. Heh. I said Bellum. Bellum. That's a word you don't say often enough."
"You're a wordy little bastard." One punk said.
"Dan ku Shun."Nagisa smiled. "Habala Estupido?"
"Oh great, he talks multiple langaues!" Another punk shouted.
"What you expect!" The leader said. "These rich kids and their special…"
"NERRRRD!" Nagisa shouted.
"…wait…what?"
"…Nerd?" Nagisa explained. "Team4Star reference? Only I…Never mind I'm not explaining the joke. Well okay, I used it because you're angry at the loser kids of a prestigious school….Who're the morons who KIDNAPPED girls and…."
He then turned to his classmate and second closest friend.
"Did they do anything to you?" Nagisa asked.
"No, we're fine Nagisa." Kayano smiled. "Where are the others? What are you wearing?"
Nagisa looked at his friend's neck and saw…handprints.
"I'll explain later." The blue haried boy promised, turning back to the punks and unsheathing Soy Sauce. "Anyways, in the immortal words of Roddy Piper…I have come to kick ass, save pretty girls and chew bubble gum. And I don't even have bubble gum. But, you can prevent that."
He then pulled out a button.
"I set up a few bombs before I got in. And there's a few in this room. You let us out, and I won't blow you sky high."
"Yeah right, kid!" The leader hissed, his pals laughing at the threat. "Not even you brats are smart enough to…"
"Do that?" Nagisa asked. "You sure you want to take that risk? Of course you are. Well then, tell you what; I'll give you the first shot. Make it count"
The punks all rushed towards him thinking he'd be a quick fight.
They were wrong.
Nagisa bobbed and weaved between punches, kicks and sticks, laughing the whole time.
"Jeez, you guys are out of shape." He mused, unsheathing Soy Sauce. "If a stick like me can avoid your attacks…oh well."
He then entered a stance he'd seen in a movie.
"Who gets his balls crushed first?"
The punks renewed their charge, so Nagisa leapt into the air and did a somersault, reaching into his pockets and reading himself like a ninja about to throw shuriken.
"I learnt these moves from Karma, enjoy!"
Nagisa leapt through the air, flinging pebbles and elastic bands at the punks, blinding them and breaking noses. He then landed safely on the ground and used Soy Sauce to toss a rock into his hands.
"Batter up, assholes! Kanzaki! This is from Sugino to you!"
He threw the rock and swung Soy Sauce with such force it sent a punk flying into several others, ramming them into the way. The Class E students cringed at the sight, because the rock hit the punk in… a very important place.
"Ooooh." Nagisa winced. "He going to feel that in the morning!"
By this time, Karma, Koro-sensei and the others had arrived.
"Sesnei, shouldn't we…?"
"I think Nagisa has this." The octopus smiled, a green circle surrounding his face.
"KILL HIM!" The leader shouted. "KILL HIM, KILL HIM, KILL HIM!"
"Wait….did I remind mom this is a weekend trip?" Nagisa said, paying no attention to the guys running towards him. "..I don't think so. Man, she's give me such a tonguge…Oh! A hundred yen bill!"
The punks all leapt toward him, but gave themselves a massive headache when Nagisa lent down to take the bill.
He then absent mindley kicked one guy in the crotch, making him drop the pipe he'd intended to bash Nagisa's brain in with.
"Oh…Thanks, guy! I think I'll call you 'I Can't believe it's not Soy Sauce!'" He then turned to the leader and leveled the two pipes at his face. "Now…what do you have to say to Kayano and Kanzaki?"
The leader swung his fist and Nagisa, who merely swung I Can't Believe It's Not Soy Sauce onto said fist, breaking it.
"Need I remind you who has the pipes?" Nagisa growled leveling the sharp end of Soy Sauce at the punk's jugular. "On little push is all it'd take."
"W-what the hell are you?" The punk asked.
"…Did you not hear my intro two pages ago?" Nagisa sighed. "Well, I'm not repeating myself. The name's Deadpool, driving people crazy is my game."
The leader gave up, and was then knocked out by Karma.
XXXX
"Well, I'm proud of all of you." Koro-sensei smiled on the way back. "You all handled yourself extremely well. Especially you Nagisa; bluffing those punks, even if it didn't work."
"Who said I was bluffing?" Nagisa smirked after removing the mask, pressing the button. From the building came screams of shock and pain.
"NAGISA!" His classmates (minus Karma, who just laughed it off) shouted in horror.
"Oh relax, they're only flashes." Nagisa smiled. "I burrowed them from Karma."
"Classic." Karma smiled as he high fived his old friend. "You owe me 6,000 yen."
"Only 6,000?" Nagisa asked.
"They were Yen store brand."
Nagisa rummaged through his wallet.
"All I got is 4,000."
"Save it and buy me ramen when we get home." Karma shrugged it off. "Then we'll call it even."
"So, what's with the mask?" Rio asked.
Nagisa looked at the mask again and stuffed it under his shirt.
"All I got of dad."
No one pushed the question further, instead going back to the hotel.
XXXX
After another unsuccessful assassination attempt on Koro-Sensei, Nagisa snuck away to look at the crescent moon, the Deadpool mask in his hand.
He was not going to lie…
"Is this were I have one of those angsty superhero or shounen hero moments?" Nagisa cut in. "Because the real Deadpool would have none of that and you know it."
This is actually kind of an important scene for the story, you know. And not just for your character development….
"The scene with mom isn't for another two and a half pages." Nagisa pointed out.
And the shipping.
"Oh." Nagisa realized what the author meant. "Well then, continue. Just…don't make Kayano or any girl I end up with a damsel distress or show it like a reward just because I saved them. I hate Rescue Romance."
That was not my intention. Now….
Nagisa was not going to lie; taking down those punks…it'd felt good. He was starting to see why Karma did it; they deserved their come-uppance and he got an adreline rush beating them up. He could honestly see himself doing that for a liv….
Oh, right.
The whole, kill teach in a year or the world will blow up.
"Yen for your thoughts?"
He turned to see Kayano walking up to him.
"Aren't you kind of scared of me now?" Nagisa asked. "I mean, I did a Karma back there. Not a lot of people are cool with that kind of stuff. Don't tell Karma I said that, he'd break me in two."
Kayano shook her head.
"You're still way nicer than him, no worries. So, what're you thinking about?"
Nagisa looked at his mask, then the moon.
"Just realized that I may have found what I wanted to do with my life and unearthed some happy memories I buried away, then remembered we have a year left to live unless we kill the best guy I've ever known."
He handed Kayano the mask.
"My dad bought me that for my 8th birthday." He explained, remembering that birthday as one of the best he'd ever had.
"He and I read these old comics he got while studying abroad in America; Deadpool, the…"
"Merc with the mouth?" Kayano finished. "I almost had a role on a TV pilot about him. Fell through, thogh probably for the best, they'd been planning on making him normal and more serious."
"What?" Nagisa hollered. "Who was in charge of that?"
Kayano shrugged.
"Anyway, we read them whenever mom wasn't around…it's how I learnt English; the adventures and hijinks of a wisecracking regenerating assassin who could break the fourth wall. And to think, the best teacher we've ever had is actually teaching us the tricks of my hero's trade."
Kayano noticed her friend's mood change, a frown on his face.
"I'm guessing these memories don't have a happy ending?" She asked. "You don't have to say anymore
"…Dad died shortly after that birthday." Nagisa confessed, wanting to get this out of the way and knowing Kayano would find out eventually. "Mom sold everything remotely related to Deadpool to some rich collector so she could stay at home while I went to school. The mask is the only thing she never found; I've carried it in my back pocket for years."
He the sighed.
"So, yeah. That's why I'm up here having an emo moment and thinking about what to do with the last little bit of my life…and just realizing that, as weird as it is, Koro-sensei's becoming like a new dad to me."
He had not expected a hug. And not just a calm, warm and comforting hug either; this was a hug that told him a lot about his friend:
Kayano, always smiling and pudding loving Kayano, was tightly hugging him, desperate to comfort him…and then there's what she said next.
"You're not the only one who lost someone they loved, you know." Kayano admitted.
Nagisa, shocked by that revelation, tenderly returned the hug. They stayed there in silence for a long time.
"I won't make you talk about it." He promised.
Kayano just kept hugging him, but Nagisa got a feeling she was grateful.
Eventually, they parted ways, and turned their attention to the night skyline.
"We used to look up at the stars together." Kayano admitted. "My sister and I."
Nagisa looked over at his friend; her eyes teary, but remembering.
"I forgot how pretty the night sky can be." Nagisa used outloud. "Almost as pretty as you."
Kayano blushed and stood up, looking at Nagisa with a serious look on her face.
"Wait…" Nagisa realized. "Did I say that out-loud?"
Kayano nodded, motioning him up. He did as ordered and waited for a slap or punch…
"I really wish I had regenerating powers now." He said to himself.
Instead, he felt two warm objects touch his cheek. Opening his eyes, he saw Kayano pulling away from his face, her eyes opening up and her smile returning to the warm one he was so fond of.
"Goodnight Nagisa." Kayano smiled as she hopped back to the girl's room. Before getting off the room, she waved coyly at him, still smiling as she did so.
Nagisa felt his cheek. It was warm…as was he…and it wasn't from the hotel's air conditioning.
A goofy grin crossed Nagisa's face and his eyes began to shine.
"BOO YEAH!" Nagisa hollered. "A pretty girl kissed me! I'M NEVER WASHING THIS CHEEK AGAIN!"
"SHUT UP, TRYING TO SLEEP!" Terasaka and some of his friends hollered.
"MAKE ME, I AIN'T YOUR LITTLE BITCH NO MORE!" Nagisa hissed back, leaping down onto the ground and walking back to the boy's room. Terasaka and his goons were waiting.
"Need I remind you fellows who has the pipes, here?" Nagisa grinned, pulling Soy Sauce and I Can't Believe It's Not Soy sauce out from his sleeves. "And that I just took down punks by myself?"
"Lay off him guys." Karma commanded as he walked beside his friend. "Nagi here's the hero of the night. Saved the girls, beat the crap out of high schoolers and had fun doing it."
He then whispered into his friend's ear.
"You and I got to start sparring soon."
Nagisa noticed Sugino seemed down and sat down next to him.
"Hey Sugino," Nagisa hollered, getting the athlete's attention. "I put in a good word for you with Kanzaki; the baseball attack I did, modeled it after you. She'll looking your way soon. How's the head?"
"Smarts, but I'll live."
The athlete then realized what Nagisa said.
"Hey, bros help each other out, right?" Nagisa asked. "Kanzaki's super pretty and all, but you got dibs. Sides, you'd make a great family together. Almost like Karma and Manami."
Karma blushed at his friend's words and took him into noogie.
"I just call it as I see it." Nagisa smiled as eh fixed his hair.
"I like you more like this, buddy." Karma admitted. "Not there was anything wrong with you before or anything…"
"Cool it, Karma, its fine." Nagisa smiled.
In short Class E enjoyed the rest of the trip, especially their soon to be golden boy.
XXXX
Home.
"Oh god, I hate going home." Nagisa mumbled, already dreading what was going to happen his mother would tell him he was later, make him slip into a dress and let his hair down, where she'd ta;k about how pretty he was, make hi lie about the trip…
Wait. That was the old Nagisa…who said he had to stay that way?
"NOT ME, THAT'S FOR SURE!"
Okay, one more outburst and you wait 10 chapters before getting anything else from Kayano. And you know my updating history…..
"…I'll be good."
Thank you.
"But you know someone eventually will write a lemon…Hey, considering what happens later in canon, is tentacle porn an option?"
Nagisa…
"Shutting up, continue."
Thanks. Now, where was I? Oh right….
The second he walked through the door, Nagisa's mother unloaded on him a whole bunch of her problems and how he should've been born a girl…the same old, same old. Did this woman have anything interesting to say?
"Mom." Nagisa said. "Put a sock in it."
Wow. That felt good.
"…what?"
"Hard of hearing?" Nagisa smiled. "Okay, how about this? Shut up. Take your sass and shove it up your ass. Silence. Shush. Quiet. Zip it. No talkie! Unless it's something that doesn't have to do with crossdressing, your fantasy life or whatever."
She then reached to slap him and expected it to hit and send Nagisa to the floor for his disobedience. A few months ago, she would've succeded.
But watching Koro-sensei and fighting those kidnappers had changed Nagisa; who caught her hand and flipped over her.
"Don't ever do that again." Nagisa commanded, making his mother shrink a little bit.
Oh wow. That felt REALLY good.
His mother began ranting, but all Nagisa, who was using his hand to follow along, herd was:
"Blah, blah, me! Blah, blah, wear a dress! Blah, blah, I wanted a daughter! Blah, blah, you're an embarrassment! Blah, blah, Class A means a perfect life! Blah, blah, you're doing what I wanted to do as a kid!"
Wait.
Run that last one by him again?
You're doing what I wanted to do as a kid.
Everything finally made sense to him.
And it pissed him off.
"I'm your son." Nagis hissed. "Not a dolly. I have done your little dress up crap for eight years. Eight. Freaking, Years. I have followed your rules to a T, I study hard and until recently, no teacher actually gave me a crap's notice. I have a life to, you know. I thought if I indulged in your fantasy, you'd wake up and realize what you were doing was wrong. Well, no more."
He then glared at her, not realizing he was letting out killing intent…which his mother saw as a snake wrapping around her and getting ready to take a bite out of her.
She was in shock for so long, Nagisa raided the fridge for his favorites, packed up his school supplies and bounded out the door.
"I AM A BAMF NOW, MAMA!" Nagisa said as he leapt downwards off the apartment raling. "CATCH YA ON THE FLIPSIDE!"
It was then that Nagisa realized something very important: while he'd been able to dodge the punks that had held the girls prisoner and beaten the crap out of them with little to no training…
He still had a fairly weak body, and of Willie E. Coyote cartoons taught him anything…
"OW!" He screamed
Gravity is a cruel mistress.
"Kami that smarts! Need to train! Why did I do this? I should've walked out! What the heck is wrong with me? I'm smarter than this!"
XXXX
A few more minutes of screaming in pain later (to which he was surprised no one called the police), Nagisa picked himself up and walked all the way back to school
"Mental note;" he told himself. "Being the main character of a fanfic based off Deadpool does NOT mean I get his badassery right off the bat."
"It should, though."
What did I say?
"What, other fanfic writers do it!"
I'm not other fanfic writers. May I countinue? Thanks.
Once he finally made it up the hill, he opened up his backpack; some leftover takeout, curry, microwave sandwhiches, microwave buns, noodles, rice, some candies, pop, his blanket, his jacket and one box of Deadpool Comics he hadn't read yet.
"Better save this food to last." He thought, looking into the cabin where the kitchen was….and Koro-sensei supposedly slept. Not finding his teacher here, Nagisa checked the fridge and finding it worked, put his stuff in and wrote up a note.
Dear Koro-Sensei or whoever finds this note,
I had an argument with my mom and will be living here for a while, no negotiations. I'll stay out of your way as much as I can and will not ask for too much help in homework. Help yourself to any of the drinks I brought, but the food is mine.
Nagisa
As he closed the door, his stomach rumbled.
"Haven't eaten since the train ride…" He said to himself. He should've endured his mom's ranting long enough to have a bite to eat; if she did anything right it was feed him.
He then heard a buzz. Looking behind him, he saw a bee hive that had caused a few of his classmates and Bitch Sensei grief.
Bees meant honey. Honey was a food. All he had was his Anti-Sensei knife. His rubbery, unable to cut anything
"Perfect."
It may have been dumb, but Nagisa simply threw the knife at the hive over and over until it crashed through to the floor. Miracoulsy, he was only stung 6 times before he found his golden prize.
"Worth it." Nagisa smiled as he slurped honey and, for nostalgia's sake began singing. "I'm so rumbly in my tumbly, time for something sweet."
Once he'd licked the hive clean and satisfied not only his stomach, but his sweet tooth for a while, he fell into a deep sleep.
Read and Review, I'll try to upload the next chapter later today. A warning, I may change the order of some events.