D.S.W.N.F.O.S::. Good morning, good afternoon or good night depending on wherever you are reading this in the world. I don't know how this will turn out, but I'm giving it a shot and I would like it if you, as the reader, would review and tell me what you thought about it and if I should keep on going. This fic is basically a collection of letters between Denmark and Norway throughout the years. I'm planning to go in chronological order, but in case I decide to talk about something else I'll put the date at the top. I'll also place any important events if needed (example; if the letters are being written during the midst of some type of war then I'll put the event at the top as well). I'm hoping this will turn out fine, but who knows, shit happens a lot and things fail. Anyways, I would still like you to review even if it sucks big time. Please enjoy
~Year- 874~
Dear Norge,
Heyyyyyy, Norge! Man, when are you coming back home, you've been gone forever! I'm so bored and I don't feel like hanging out with Sverige; he's all rock-ish and he gives me this scary look all the time. I swear there is something wrong with him, Norge, something is really, REALLY wrong with him.
Things are still the same in old Scandinavia without you. Sverige's still creepy looking, but at least he has something to do in his spare time now that he has that Finland kid with him. I actually met him the other day when Sverige came over for dinner. I'm surprised he hasn't run away from him yet, ha! Still, Finland's a good kid; I bet he wouldn't even hurt a fly being as sweet as he is. God, how did he end up living at Sverige's house? In a few years Fin might turn out as stone-faced and stubborn as Sve. I pray that the thought will never happen.
I've decided to wait until you get back home before going on anymore journeys; it's just not the same without you hanging around on the ship with me. The guys and I actually built this incredibly, awesome ship the other day and, hells yeah, I can't wait to sail that bad boy and go on the greatest adventure ever recorded in history! Maybe we'll discover new riches; new lands and we can finally build that house that you've always dreamed of on a warm, sunny coast far away from all those other crazy European countries (especially France, that sex-crazed bastard. Did I tell you about how he almost raped me last time I went to his house to get some more wine? Never follow Francis when you see handcuffs out in the open in his house). Maybe we'll find dragons and unicorns on our next adventure, wouldn't that be awesome, Norge? I'll make sure that this next voyage will be the best that you've ever been on :).
You're going to have to tell me when you'll be back so I can make you a big dinner (I'll be sure to make my scrumptious Aeblekage that you love so much). Even more importantly, I have a surprise for you! So you better come back as soon as you can before Sve tries to strangle me again (he thinks I'm too loud, pssh!).
Kærlighed, Danmark 3
Dear Danmark Anko,
As you can see I got your letter. If it makes you any happier, I'll be home in maybe….. I'll say two weeks, so you better find someone else other than Sverige to annoy before I get home. By the way, the reason Sve is like that is because he's mature and is more of an adult; being scary and rock-ish and having creepy eyes are just side effects (Along with him losing his vision. That reminds me, you or someone else needs to take him to an optometrist before he falls off the edge of a boat and drowns). You two should spend more time together anyways, you know? The two of you are like brothers almost and it would be best if you guys could actually get along so we can stop having these random brawls.
I'm glad to hear that Finland is adjusting well to our….unique Scandinavian family. Sverige will take good care of him, don't worry about it (Also, I doubt that Fin would turn into our dear Sve. Fin has his own personality and I don't think it will be changing anytime soon unless, that is, if Sverige doesn't completely occupy him and they become one country). I just hope he doesn't get caught up in one of your little disputes. You'd think that he would run away when he heard your voice (Have I ever told you how annoying your voice can be at times?). Whatever, tell him and everyone else that I said hi and that I'll be back soon to control the airheaded blonde.
What's gotten into you, Danmark? Usually you're the one who can't stand being on the land for too long and want to start a new journey before anyone else is ready. This must be a really nice boat if you're going to save it for me when I get back. However, I highly, HIGHLY doubt that we are going to discover unicorns and dragons on our future adventures, but then again I guess you never know until you actually see it to believe it (I still don't think so). The most magical living organism that you will probably ever see is my fairy and Thor, so you can brag to your drinking buddies that you've seen a floating winged person and a troll. Still, I'll believe you for right now about the next trip being the greatest ever. That also means that I have high expectations of you, my obnoxious friend.
Also, yes you have told me about France seeing as how I was the one who told you to stay away from him in the first place. I was also the one who saved your ass before he could take off your pants (Thank Thor that you brought me along. If I didn't know about France's ways and what your rape yell sounded like then I would have left you there and kicked you sorry ass later).
Aeblekage sounds pretty good right about now; fish, bread and rum is getting a little old right about now (Several vikings have drowned this week while trying to catch fish on our trip). Can you….umm….can you put extra apples in it for me? Not that I love lots of apples on my Aeblekage or anything of that sorts…..it's more of if you don't I'll be disappointed and I won't eat any of it no matter how much I like it…..
By the way, I have a surprise too, but I don't know how you're going to take it.
Se deg snart, Norge
Dear Norge,
Hello again! Still nothing's changed except that I tried to befriend Sverige the other day. May I say that it failed miserably? I tried to be as big brotherly as I could, but he continued to act like an asshole to me :(. What am I doing wrong, Nor? Am I just too awesome for him to handle or something? Will we ever become a happy Northern Europe family? It seems like everyone has a happy family or they're trying to create one. I heard that England and France are some type of thing now and are looking for children, but aren't having luck so far (I got this from Poland, so I really don't know if I should believe it or not).
Sverige, Finland and some of the other countries said hi back and that they hope you get back safely without any trouble (aren't they nice?).
I'm fidgety as I wait for you to get home. The land is so….boring and nothing happens; the sea is beautiful and it smells nice (it kind of smells like you, Norge). Yesterday I ordered these new white sails and I'm going to draw our flags on them, won't that be great? When the other countries spot us on the horizon they'll know who we are and that they shouldn't mess with us because we're the best! We're the toughest Vikings out there on the big blue seas!
Also, don't worry, I know you like a lot of apples in my dessert, so don't strangle me. You kind of sounded embarrassed when you said that you enjoy my desserts; do I sense weakness?
What do you mean a surprise that I might not like? It's a surprise, I'm sure to like it, kære!
Kærlighed, Danmark 3
Dear Danmark,
Den, you fail at almost everything that you do, please don't act surprised. With the comment about being a happy family, I just think we're a happy, dysfunctional family with a few problems on the side.
Do you think five days could be any slower? At least you have a large amount of space to run around and travel on land; when you're on a boat you only have a few yards or so and then the rest is water (it's not like you can swim so far). Hopefully Kari delivered this letter to you safe and sound. The waves have been a bitch lately and some of the crew members spotted dark storm clouds along the eastern horizon. Out of all the things to happen we just had to run into a storm. This might delay our homecoming, but I'm sure we'll all be okay. One of the Vikings, Trobjørn, thinks he can figure out a way to get around the storm safely without losing any time at all. However that's going to be close to impossible now that the stars are being clouded over. Don't worry, I'll be home no matter what, so don't be sending me letters non-stop asking me if I'm okay because then I will kill you when I get home.
I smell like….the Ocean? I guess that's a compliment so thank you very much…. I guess. Also for your information I don't think I look like a threat or look scary in anyone's eyes (I have a clip in my hair, soooo scary. Although, I probably could poke someone in the eye with it…I should try that with you the next time you act up, anko).
You can wait five more days my friend, only five more slow days (Or more).
Se deg snart, Norge
PS: Here's a hint to your surprise; it is almost just like me.
Dear Norge,
NORGE, ARE YOU OKAY AND NOT DEAD AND/OR DROWNING? I got your letter from Kari and it was a little wet, but not soaked. Just please be careful because I don't know what I'd do without my norske solskin! Also, wear lots of heavy clothing so you don't catch a cold or any other strange ocean sickness.
The first part of the last letter was kind of harsh, Nor, everyone makes mistakes I just happen to make a lot of them and that's what makes me special. It's like when you call me simple, but I know that really means I'm special :D. Personally, I believe that our family is nowhere near happy and it's all because of Sverige! He's has to be all "I'm Sve and I have a stone face and I don't want to do anything you say, mhm," and then tries to pick fights with me. ... I refuse to lose to him at anything!
So, I'm looking at your hint right now and I'm thinking of things that are like you….and it's not working. You're a mystery, Norge, and there aren't many things mysterious except your fairy and Thor. DID YOU GET ME A HORSE? Nah, you wouldn't be able to fit a horse on that boat of yours. Hmm, thinkin', thinkin'….
Wait a minute; the only way something could be like you is if….
ARE YOU FUCKING PREGNANT?
Hvad fanden, Danmark 3
Dear Faen Du Denmark,
I'm okay AND I'M NOT FUCKING PREGNANT YOU MORON! Maybe this is why Sverige hates you because you say/write stupid things before actually thinking about it. Haven't you learned by now, anko?
We got past the storm and I'll be back in about two to three hours tops. The "surprise" is getting antsy to get off the ship too, so we'll come straight to your house after unloading all of my crap and the "surprise's" stuff as well. You better start making dinner now because we're starving.
Remember, lots of apples and an extra spot at the table.
Jeg er nesten hjemme, Norway
PS: We all know that you're special, anko. Hopefully, you won't teach someone to be just like you.
It was a few hours later when Denmark got to meet the new member of the Scandinavian family; Iceland. Norway, however, nominated himself caretakers, but allowed Denmark to play and babysit Iceland every so often. Of course, Iceland did inherit some of Norway's harshness of Denmark, but Denmark still loved him the same (god, just picture a cute, little Iceland with a puffin that's about the same size as him. I believe that is truly epic cuteness). After noticing the distance between Iceland and the rest of the Scandinavian family, they decided to create a new family name; the Nordics.
D.S.W.N.F.O.S::. Well, I guess I can count this as a sample of what the rest of the fic will be like. Here are some translations and other notes:
Aeblekage- A type of Danish dessert that contains apples
Kærlighed- Love (I don't know if this is right, however)
Se deg snart- See you soon
Kære- Dear
Kari- This is the name of the bird they used to deliver their letters.
Hvad fanden- What the fuck (I just plugged it in translation for this part)
Faen Du- Fuck you
Jeg er nesten hjemme- I'm almost home
Well, I hoped you enjoyed and please rate and review. I will make another one (hopefully), but if you would like me to do a specific event all you have to do is ask.
With root beer and Swedish fish
D.S.W.N.F.O.S