I've had a weird feeling for some time now. And believe me when I say that I've been trying to just ignore it or forget about it, but it's hard to just do that with an honest feeling. How to describe it… It's an intense and uncomfortable longing for the little genius. When I'm awake, I can control myself and my feelings. I'm aware enough to convince myself that what I'm feeling is wrong; that it's just a strange phase I'm going through. But when I fall asleep at night, I can't deny it. There's no obstacles in the way to twist my feelings around, and every time I wake up in the morning – or in the night, for that matter -, I feel disgusted by myself and my own feelings and inner thoughts.

I think that's the reason I started to escape out in the streets during night, kicking some ass and then coming back to the lair in the morning just to sleep all day, and then repeat the whole procedure. Just to… Get away for a few hours, and get exhausted enough to just crash when I finally returned home again. It worked for a time. It worked great, to be honest. I didn't think about genius that much and I almost never saw him – except when he waved at me every morning, yawning loudly and finally turning off his computer.

Then there's that night when I got my butt kicked by some Purple Dragons.

I tried to be quiet, but I guess brainiac managed to hear my almost non-existing groans. He came rushing out from the lab and had a worried expression placed on his face. I tried to wave him off, telling him that it was nothing. I almost laughed at myself; my arm was bleeding, the area around my eye was turning blue, I couldn't walk properly and it hurt to breathe. Yea, sure, it was nothing.

- S'rsly Don, I'm alright. I just wanna go to bed, 'kay?

Brainiac shook his head and carefully pushed me into his lab, and I didn't even bother fighting back. My whole body hurt like hell, and hopefully I could get some morphine or something to numb the pain a bit. That's a chance I was willing to take, even if it meant being near the person I was avoiding at the moment.

- What exactly happened this time, Raph?

He gently pushed me down in a chair, and then went to get some bandages and a liquid that looked like it was going to sting like a bitch. I shuddered.

- I was just checkin' the area and got surprised by sum Purple Dragons.

I shrugged at the skeptic look Don sent me, and in the end he seemed somewhat pleased with the answer. He turned around with a tiny piece of cotton in his hand, drenched in that creepy liquid, and stepped up in front of me.

- This is going to sting a bit.

Of course. I groaned loudly.

- I think I hate this part even more than gettin' beat up.

Genius smiled warmly and caught me with surprise, which made me shut up. I honestly thought he was going to lecture me or at least tell me to be more careful. I sat silent and kept my eyes away from meeting his glance – at least until I felt that sting from the liquid in my whole arm.

- Ugh, Don, that fuckin' hurt dammit!

I flinched and gave brainiac a death glare, but only received another warm smile. What the..?

- It's supposed to. Sit still, I'll have to clean the wound either way.

I groaned once again, and became even more confused when I heard a soft laughter which made my body freeze for a mere moment. I bit my lower lip. Guess this wasn't such a good idea after all.

- There, we're done! Just let me…

Genius didn't finish the sentence, but wrapped my arm up with bandages and got me a plastic bag with ice, out of nowhere. I pushed it against my eye and rested my head on my other hand, then peeked up at the purple bandana wearing turtle. He went back to the table and put everything back to order, and I couldn't resist actually staring at him. I know, creepy. But I couldn't help it.

I followed the fabric of the purple bandana down to his neck, which looked muscled but still so tender, and down to the upper part of the shell. I swallowed. My eyes traced down the shell, down to those thighs. Those thighs that I've been dreaming shamelessly about, only to wake up with a mixed feeling of disgust and arousal. I imagined those thighs tightly wrapped around my waist, around my shell. Oh god.

I let my body decide on its own, and soon found my eyes glued to his slightly wiggling tail. I couldn't count the number of times I've dreamed about that. I knew how sensitive it was, and the thought of pinching brainiac's tail was just too much. I felt my own heartbeat race, and I tried to swallow only to find my mouth completely dry.

- You okay, Raph?

I blinked and looked up into two clueless - still questioning - eyes, and nodded silently. Actually, no. I wasn't okay. I was sitting in a chair in my brother's lab, checking his ass out while getting a boner just by looking. I pushed the bag with ice harder against my face just to keep my eyes from tracing down that body once again.

Don stepped in front of me and tried to remove the ice, and didn't really care about me protesting.

- I just want to take a look. I'll let you go to sleep in a minute, promise!

He smiled at me and eliminated all my chances to ever tell him "no". I gave up, sighed and gave him the ice.

- That's it, good boy.

I flinched at those words that awkwardly turned me on in a strange way, and Don seemed to notice.

- What?

I shook my head. Maybe I just noticed stuff I've never thought about before because I've been feeling weird. Maybe I was too aware about the whole Donnie-thing and therefore overthought the whole situation. Whatever it was, I knew that I had to get the fuck out of there before I totally exposed myself. After all; every word genius spoke made my body shudder within, truth to be told.

I stood up and gently but determined pushed Don aside, and was careful not to have physical contact with him for too long. I didn't trust myself alone in a locked room with him, not at all. Not in this condition. Not when all I wanted to do was to throw him into a bed and do God knows what with him.

- Raph, what are you doing!

I met Don's eyes for a few seconds, and could spot a slightly hurt feeling in them. I bit my tongue.

- Sorry Donnie, I gotta... I gotta go to sleep. Real tired, ya know.

I faked a yawn, laughed awkwardly and then began to walk towards the door. I needed to get out, quick. Then, I felt a hand grip around my wrist. I closed my eyes; Don, you're in so much trouble right now, and you won't even realize.

- Raph, hold on. Wait.

I waited.

- Stay.

I stayed.

- Can you… Sit with me?

I slowly turned around and clenched my fists as hard as I could, then looked down at the smaller turtle. He actually begged; puppy-eyes and all. And, once again, eliminated all my chances of turning him down. I was silent as Donatello slowly sat down in the chair, putting his hand to his forehead. I stood still, eyes glued to the roof.

- Raph, I'm not stupid. I know you're doing this to get away.

I growled loudly inside.

- Doin' what to get away from whom?

Don peeked up on me and made my heart skip a beat.

- I know that you're not stupid, either.

I shivered uncontrollably for a short moment. Genius sent me serious, unmerciful glares and made me feel like I was an open book, easy for him to read.

- You know what I'm talking about. You run away at night.

Don suddenly stood up and took a step towards me, still staring me blindly in the eyes.

- To get away from me.

I raised my head a bit so that I could look down at brainiac – pure instinct -, and crossed my arms in front of me.

- And why would I wanna get away from you?

I was a good actor, I knew that. I could fake confidence, and I could fake advantage. I could fake almost anything to the point that I believed in the act myself. But there's something about Donnie that makes my defense drop dead. For the first time ever, I felt like I was actually faking.

Genius looked up at me with analyzing eyes.

- Raph. Stop it.

I raised my head a bit more, determined to win this argument.

- Please.

And just like that, with a single world, he made me drop every thought of rescuing my secret.

I growled out loud and shamelessly threw my arms around his waist, literally lifted him up off the floor and buried my face in his neck just to breathe in the wonderful scent. I couldn't really think clearly, and I certainly didn't care about what Don thought of the whole situation. I just held him close to my body.

I felt two arms around my neck and heard a soft, relieved sigh.

- Why can't you just assume that I feel the same way, for once in your life?

His mumble was so silent; I could barely hear it. But the words made my heart race and my knees almost began to shake.

I could fake about anything. But I couldn't fake not to have feelings for my lil' bro.