Sirius is a pimp
Buckling his belt, Sirius Black chucked at the sleeping form next to him. After pulling his boots back on, he left, hoping Harry wouldn't be too devastated by the one night stand...they usually weren't. Harry's chest rose and fell in time with his breathing, no doubt exhausted after their previous endeavors, and there was a tiny trace of a smile on his lips, as well as a fine coating of sweat and lubricant most everywhere else. Sirius stood quickly, and taking precaution, closed the door silently after him, not wanting to wake the boy who lived. Briefly he recollected his thoughts, wondering exactly why he'd been taking such courses of action, but, as he realized, there wasn't a reason...all those years in Azkaban, the wizarding prison, had left him desperate for intimate companionship. The Sementors had kept them all so emotionless, he couldn't even sub to the bulky death eaters who wouldn't hesitate to bend him over and call him "Cherri". He supposed maybe all the lack of contact had driven him to this decision, or maybe the Dementors suggestive eyebrow waggles in his direction one too many times... Either way, he had a mission and he would not rest until he'd had his was with everyone on the list.
Pulling out a scrap of parchment, Sirius twitched a bit, his next on the list wouldn't be so easy..or compliant, as Harry was. Apparating with a loud crack, he found himself walking down the Hogwarts green, towards a shack by the border of the Forbidden Forest. Fang, the large boar hound, playfully barked and shook his tail so quickly it was a wonder it didn't fall off. Bending down to give the hyperactive dog a few pats, he mumbled, "You'll get your turn later". The dog just jumped on him, drooling on his face. Leaning back up, he lengthened his stride, past the pumpkin patch, and knocked briskly on the door of Hagrids shack. Muffled voices and an extreme amount of movement could be heard from behind the door, and several minutes later it cracked open, Hagrids beady eye peering out
"Blimey, Sirius, what're yeh doin 'ere?" He glanced out the door nervously, and Sirius heard a great deal of rustling about in the room.
"Words aren't going to do too much, might as well show you" Sirius said, obvious discomfort and mild horror in his voice, and he pushed the door open and barged inside.
Two hours later, the door was pushed open again, Sirius all but collapsing into it. Olympe giggled and waved goodbye, and Hagrid gave him a hand back up, gruffly pushing him out the door "Might do yeh good ter come back now an then, eh Sirius?" All Sirius could do was weakly nod, waddling out the door frame, his right arm clutching his extremely sore behind. Quickly performing a charm to ease the pain and restore the elasticity that his encounter with the half-giants had ruined, he consulted his sheet again, "Bloody hell, I've gone through my godson, Hagrid and Olympe, and now this?"