Disclaimer: I do not in any way own or claim to own any rights to Harry Potter. Characters, places and other stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Entertainment.

AN: This is my first try to write a FF. I've only leached of others for way to long, and finally felt that I should try to ad to the wounderful and addictive universe which FanFiction provide. I hope you'll enjoy it :) But if you don't, then I would suggest that you stop reading this and read something which actually can claim to contain some kind of established quality. Like a nice crossover by esama or perhaps Theri Verdict of Vagaries by Angstier. Or even better: Google Maldoror and read some of her enthralling FF. Or Mabye Caecelias Elective Affinities. For those who like Gundam Wing I could also recomend In2lalaland, a fellow swede who knows what she likes to write about..

They all inspire my efforts to write and I will try to keep a high standard in this fic for that inspiration. I apologise beforhand on all the misstakes which may have crept in, please report them, and I'll see if I can have them fixed. Unless if their acctually suposed to be there :P I can not make any promisses on regularity on future chapters but I will try not to make it go to long betwen chapters.

Warning: This story will contain slash in time and other ordinarily strange things. Have fun!

This have been Betaed by Degenerate

Fighting for your reward

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Chapter One: Trying to remember

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Harry...

His name was Harry.

It was hard to hold on to the thought in the tunnel of light. His name, all the other things were slipping away, but somehow his name was more important. But not in his own voice. It was important when someone else spoke it. A voice containing... something...

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A baby was left on the front porch of Privet drive No.4. A baby that was still struggling to assemble his thoughts when Mrs. Dursley opened the door to fetch the newspaper. Her surprised scream cleared away some of the fog that invaded his brain, and one thought occurred.

I know her! I've done this before! Why..?

As the woman brought the child inside and read the letter that had been in the baby's blanket, the baby kept quiet. When the woman started to cry, he was surprised, and then he was surprised that he was surprised. Apparently something was wrong with the picture, yet he didn't know what. He did the first thing that came to his mind. He reached for her with his arms, but they didn't reach. He then tried to unravel the blanket that was secured around his body, in order to walk closer to her. But somehow his limbs didn't want to obey his command, which was infuriating, but somehow he knew that this discomfort wasn't what made her cry and he didn't like to see a woman cry. Some part of him wondered if he liked to see men cry, but it didn't seem important right now. Since he was trapped, he tried to convey his intentions with words, but what should have sounded like: "Don't Cry", instead came out as;

"Wahguwa!"

Which seemed to at least get her attention. She reached for a paper napkin from a stand on the kitchen table, and tried to collect herself while she dried here tears and things that were not ever mentioned pouring out of a lady's nose. He held his arms in her general direction and tried a different approach:

"Ughie!"

Somehow he felt a deep shame for not being able to control his voice. It was as if he failed in every intention and that he would become a burden if he didn't straightened up, very fast. He didn't like to be a burden.

The woman however didn't seem concerned for that and still sniffling; she unwrapped him from the blanket. She held him close as she felt around his bottom, which he didn't appreciate. He gave of an indignant sound, that is to say that his mouth still didn't want to cooperate with him, and that was the best he could do in these circumstances.

"Nope," the woman said. "Your diaper is clean. Are you hungry?" She went for the saucepan that stood in the plate rack. With expertly moves, she began to prepare babyformula, now for two boys instead of one, while still holding in the child that desperately tried to figure out what was going on. He knew this woman and he felt that this scenario was wrong, but in what manner he didn't know. There were many pieces to this puzzle. First, he was dead sure that he really should be better at controlling his body. Second, he knew that this woman was not supposed to cry in grief, nor hold him like if she was his mother...

Another part of him told him that the size definitely matched that of a baby in the woman's arms. Which was disturbing somehow, but he couldn't say that he didn't like it, he most definitely did. He felt like if he hadn't been embraced in a lifetime, and now he practically swam in it. But if he wasn't supposed to be in this size, what size was he supposed to be in normally? He certainly hoped that it wasn't a smaller one. Being this small compared to the woman, he just seemed so vulnerable. Was he supposed to be strong and protective? Was he supposed to protect this woman and had he somehow failed? Was that why she cried? Was his present condition a result of his failure? Somehow he didn't think so. Or perhaps that was just his ego, telling him that he of all people couldn't fail. That thought was most disturbing.

Not before long the woman had put the babyformula in two feeding bottles. She then placed the child in a high chair next to the table.

"Now be a sweet boy and wait here. I'll just go and wake your uncle Vernon, and fetch your cousin Dudley. And we'll all eat breakfast together. Be back in a minute."

With that she left him. Once again he was trapped in something that his body just couldn't get out of. His mind circled around 'Uncle Vernon' and 'Cousin Dudley'. A part of him wanted to hide at the mention of these. The same part that were confused over the woman's behavior, but he didn't know why. Had he meet them all before? At least the woman?

He decided that these feelings concerning the woman weren't nice and he didn't like them. She might not understand the message that he was trying to convey, but in all fairness neither did he. How could she understand what he was trying to say if it didn't even came out as words! It was clear that some basic exercising was in dire need here. So he began by looking at things and as he searched his mind for the identification of the various objects around him, he tried to pronounce the words. A few words weren't too far off mark, but not close enough. Once again he began to wonder if he'd been hurt somehow.

It didn't take long thou, before a surprised sound came from above and he could hear hurried steps. And in the opening, a monster emerged. A man. A huge man. Some part of him wanted nothing more than get away, but he couldn't do more than wriggle in the highchair. So he faced the man instead and tried to intimidate him like you did to an inferior being; but highly and clearly state a firm 'sit!'

"Gahh!"

Had he been sitting closer to the table, or at least sitting more freely, his head would've hit the table-top in shame. Instead he had to settle by burying his head in his hands. This was beyond embarrassing. All the things he tried to do, despite his intention, nothing went the right way. That part of him that tried to escape just seconds ago, now conveyed the need to not let the man see him cry. But he did anyway. This was wrong! Everything was wrong...

The man stood there, agape, starring at the crying infant as if it was a monster sitting there. To the boy, who had yet to understand that he actually were an infant, this made a few things clear as he sneaked a peak through his fingers. Something was horrendously wrong about him, he was not supposed to be here... And these people didn't know either.

This was in all a terrible realization. He felt his throat clogging and his eyes burned even worse. What was going on? Why didn't he know something! If he now were an infant he would have a mother at least!

...Mother...

No, he couldn't remember a mother... Or a father... But... Not because he couldn't remember! But because there wasn't supposed to be any! He was beginning to remember!

A rush of excitement died just as fast as it had arrived. He was someone who was supposed to be alone... That felt...

...Empty...

...Lonely...

...Sad...

The man was shooed away from the opening by the woman who were now holding a pudgy baby in her arms.

"Vernon, can you feed Dudley while I feed Harry?"

Harry!

I am Harry!

How could I forget!

The man called Vernon grabbed the baby called Dudley from the woman while glaring suspiciously at Harry. "Petunia dear, do you really think it's a good idea to have Dudley so close to... that?"

This made the woman turn to Vernon and she shot him a disapproving look.

"Vernon dear, are you saying that you think me, growing up with Lily damaged me in some way?"

The man shrank back from Petunia who walked towards Harry in order to feed him. The boy didn't know what to make of these people, but apparently they actually did know what he was! And he were not the first of his kind whom they meet. The woman had after all grown up with another one, one named Lily...

...Lily...

But the man,Vernon feared his kind. Were he, Harry, evil? Or just dangerous? The woman, Petunia, didn't seem as bothered by him, other than the way she were manhandling him as she pulled him out of the highchair and put him in her lap. Which were bothering him instead!

"No, Petunia, my dearest! I would never say anything like that!" Vernon hurriedly said," You are the most beautiful and gentlest in the world, I'm just not so sure that it's good for a... a wizard... to grow up in a neighborhood like this! Anything out of the ordinary and both boys could be bullied by the other children, and you yourself mentioned the other day how Mrs. Stanton next door are like a vulture. Practically spying on the neighborhood to find something to gossip and discredit people with... It would be best if a wizarding family could take care of him. And what if he accidentally happen to magic something up that could hurt both boys? Something that a normal doctor couldn't help with... Don't you think that we should let relatives of Mr. Potter take care of his son? Someone who knows how to raise a magical child?"

This speech were extremely informative for Harry. First of all: he were a child. Second: he were a magical child, and these people didn't know how to handle magical children. But there were families of magical people, who was supposed to know how to handle/raise him! But why wasn't he in that kind of home? He eagerly listened to Petunias answer as he settled down and eyed the babyformula in a contemplating way.

Petunia sighed and looked down on the small boy in her lap. "I know that we aren't well equipped in raising a magical child, but neither were my parents and they didn't even know what Lily was." She tried to make Harry take the gruel, but he tried to take the bottle away from her instead and drink it by himself. Embarrassing enough his body were hungry and he wanted the babyformula, but watching how Vernon tried to feed Dudley and seeing the dull look in Dudleys eyes as the fevery now and then ended up on his cheeks, he could guess that this was the norm. Harry were much too proud to end up like that, at least not by the hands of another. He would feed himself, and properly at that.

"Except for the magic part, they're just like every other child. And as for the Potter family, James was the only child and his parents were well in their sixties when they had him. There are no one left from that side of the family."

Oh...

I am Lily's son... And I probably know that she is gone.

...As well as James...

"But what if the other children will bully Dudley because of his 'freak' cousin? Magic might protect... Harry... but, Dudley is completely normal."

Harry starred at his cousin. If Dudley were normal, he himself were truly a freak. And according to him, he were left with a better deal. Unless that dull look was plastered on his own face as well, then it were only one of many bad consequences that came with being a ... baby...

All pointed to him being an infant.

Petunia glanced at her husband before she let her eyes rest on Dudley. "That can happen even if there were no Harry, and I don't want to hear you call him that again I might add, but I have to agree that it would be more convenient to raise the boys in a less... appearance depending environment. When we moved here we hoped that it would provide our family with a stable upbringing, but do you remember in the beginning of my pregnancy?"

Vernon started to look grim; "Yes..."

"There was nothing but viciousness in the old hags!" Burst Petunia; "They had no reason to walk around and spread those lies. They just want to destroy other peoples happiness! You remember how you wouldn't believe me until I had a fatherhood test to prove that Dudley were yours and first when that ridiculous PI that you had following me, became one of my 'many lovers' according to Mrs. Parks that you began to trust my word! It almost destroyed our marriage!"

Harry was shocked to hear this, his mind were beginning to settle and he understood the context. There were people in this area that didn't prefer the truth to the drama that could be. And if he were all that different as he suspected, he would most certainly become a target. And so would Petunia, Vernon and Dudley. He could agree with Vernon's arguments, when thinking logically. And that part in the back of his mind wanted Petunia to give in. To give him away. But when he listened to Petunia, who now had the upper hand and had managed to get the rubber tip in between his lips, he felt that she wanted to take care of him. Something that he really wanted...

She won't be my mother, but she will do her best...

He gave in and started to suck some baby formula.

"Perhaps we should rethink our living here."

Vernon spluttered when he heard this. Clearly upset.

"B... But Petunia dear! We have mortgages! And we only moved here three years ago, saying that it would be the last!"

"I know... Let's not talk about it now, but I want you to consider it. Anyway, lets get you fed, and see you of to work. I'll handle the boys just fine 'til you come back, but you'll need to by a few things on the way home. We're not equipped to take care of two little boys as it is."

Since Harry seemed capable to feed himself, she left him with the bottle while she began to put the breakfast on the table for the adults. In Dudley's defense, much of the gruel that ended up on his cheeks were because of a distressed Vernon. Now he placed all the attention span that a one year old possessed on The Other Kid. It wasn't certain if Dudley would like to share his parents with Harry over a long period, but right now he stared and reached for his cousin as if he considered him a new toy. When Vernon held him back with a frightened glance at Harry he began to protest. Harry, in turn, seemed quite frightened himself for he leaned back, like if he was trying to get away. In fact a distinct echo inside his head told him to eat fast and not let the other kid take the bottle away.

Petunia and Vernon had almost gotten halfway through their breakfast he was done eating. Dudley had calmed down and were now satisfied to play with a napkin. Although it was more the ripping-apart thing he was interested in. To Harry this time had seemed quite peaceful, even when Vernon and Petunia occasionally argued over things that were put down on the shopping list. Petunia constantly jabbed at her husband with a pen. Every now and then she added or crossed a word on the notepad that she had placed next to her. Harry's mind became clearer and almost constantly now he seemed to know something more about the world. Small things, like the fact that Petunia liked purple and Vernon wanted a classic old car. After a few moments he even figured out what a car was. It made him wonder: It was almost like if he had just popped into existence right there on the porch and now received the info about his actual life.

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In the end Petunia took good care of little Harry and Vernon accepted the child in a few months as something that was there to stay. Harry and Dudley grew in to brotherhood. Occasionally fighting, but also cooperate against other coalitions, like the adults and the other kids in the neighborhood. In the end Petunia got her will through: After the speculations of Harry's origins began to buzz in the rumor mill. After hearing that Harry probably was Vernon's bastard child with a female employee in the drill company; Vernon found the idea of moving to be quite appealing. They soon moved to a little village called Little Hangleton. And Harry was truly a special child.

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