I don't own iCarly, you probably know why ;)
Chapter 1
Carly's POV
"So…you told her?" my brother asked me. He sounded concerned. I couldn't look at him. Not because I was scared of him or because I was ashamed, but because I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want him to think she hurt me, though it's pretty obvious she did.
"Yes…I…I did…" I said with a crack in my voice. I felt tears stinging in my eyes, wanting to get out so badly, but I wouldn't let them.
"And…what did she say?" he asked, but I didn't answer him. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't. After three minutes of painful silence he said: "Carly? Carly, please?"
I looked up at him. What I saw in his eyes was way more than just the concern I heard in his voice. I could see he was hurt too, and I knew it was my fault, causing me to be unable to hold my tears back for any longer. I shot up from the couch and snuggled in the inviting open arms from my big brother. He began stroking my back. It calmed me down a bit.
It took him half an hour to stop my agonizing sobbing.
When I stopped, I realized I was exhausted. When I looked up at Spencer, he noticed too.
"How about you go to your bedroom to get some sleep? You seem really tired," he said. I nodded.
"And you don't have to worry about your homework. I'll write a note to your teachers tomorrow."
"Thanks, Spence," I said with a forced smile. It was a sad one. He shot me the same one back. I hugged him a last time and went upstairs.
I opened my bedroom door and walked through. How could I have been so stupid?! I hadn't even been planning on telling her. Let alone telling her today. Why had it been so hard for me to just have kept my mouth shut?!
I walked towards my bed and let myself fall on it. I started crying again. I couldn't blame her. How else was she supposed to react? Oh, what I'd do for a rewind button…
~ flashback ~
It was lunch time at school. Sam's favorite part of the day (along with breakfast and dinner). We just came out of the queue, after I had paid for both our meals.
We walked over to one of the empty lunch tables and settled down.
Sam looked at me with her 'thank so much' face to thank me for paying for her lunch. I do because her mother never buys food or gives her money to buy it on her own. Sam doesn't have a job or something like that, so when she does have some bucks to spend, they're either mine, or stolen from some poor kid at our school. For that reason, and…
…because I'm madly in love with her.
She makes me feel things I've never felt for anyone else. She can make my entire day with just one happy smile. She makes me happy when I'm feeling down, makes me feel special, and all those other clichés.
I smiled at her warmly and gave her my 'anytime' look. Right after that, as if I had given her permission, she started eating.
I grabbed one of my French fries, dipped it in the ketchup, and sent it on a journey to my mouth. But right before I wanted to take my first bite, Freddie came running up to our table.
"Hey, Carly!" he yelled.
I smiled at him. "Hey, Freddie."
"Hey, Sam," he said with a much smaller smile.
"Hey, mosquito," Sam replied with a smug look.
"Hey, mosquito?" Freddie repeated. "I thought you'd have thought of a way better nickname this time."
"I certainly have, but I thought 'mosquito' fitted you way better. You're the biggest parasite I know, and everyone wants to kill its offspring."
"Do you even know what a parasite is?" Freddie said with his arms crossed.
"Oh, you think you know it better?" Sam said annoyed and very provocative.
"Well, actually, I do," Freddie went on. "Parasites are animals that live on or in another organism and-"
"Why are you correcting me?!"
And they're fighting again.
"Guys! Stop!" I whisper yelled through cringed teeth. I've had more than enough of their constant arguments. They immediately stopped and looked at me.
"But he-" Sam started.
"No."
"Yeah, Sam. You-" Freddie began.
"No!" I cut him off too. "You both need to stop fighting. It's childish."
"But-" Sam tried again. I shot her the look. She fell silent.
After I had given them my speech about how 'friends' are supposed to act and God knows what more, we remained silent throughout most of lunch, until Freddie spoke again.
"Something completely different. I haven't even had the chance to tell you guys what I wanted to say when I came here. Do you wanna know what?"
"Sure, Freddie," I replied.
"Okay… I've wanted to tell you guys for a long time, but it never seemed to be the right moment. Not that it is now, but I just want to do it now… I'm gay."
Sam and I both sat there with our mouths agape, but what did you expect?
Freddie is gay? And I didn't notice? But I'm gay myself!
All of a sudden, Sam had turned her face towards me and Freddie stared at me the same way as Sam and I just did.
Wait… what!?
"Carly… a-are you a lesbian?" Sam asked. Now it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I had said my thoughts aloud. Both Sam and Freddie looked shocked. I turned bright red.
I couldn't think of anything else than to say: "But Freddie is gay too…"
"No, I'm not," Freddie stated.
"But you just told us…" I said confused. Sam turned to Freddie again.
"Yes, I did. But I didn't mean it. I had to for a project I'm doing." What kind of project!?
I wanted the floor to open right now and to disappear in it, to never come back. I stood up and ran out of the cafeteria. I heard that Sam had gotten up too, and was now chasing me through the hall. I had no other choice but to stop running, since I didn't know where to go anyway. I might as well face the truth.
I stopped and turned around. I had tears in my eyes. I looked around. No one else was around. It was only me and Sam now. I looked at her. Her face was straight. She was still shocked and confused, but it was clear that she knew what to say.
"Carly? Are you?" was the only thing that came out of her mouth. Her expression didn't soften, and that scared me. I nodded slowly. Still no changes.
"And… a-are you… you know… do you h-have a… crush… on someone?" I knew she was gonna ask. Of course I don't want her to know. I can't read her eyes like usually. It's like she closed them, even though it felt like she was staring right through me. There's no other option than to be honest. Let's get it over with…
"Sam… you're not gonna like this… and I don't either. I really hate to say it, but… yes… I do have a crush on someone… or rather… I'm in love with someone. I've been for a few years and I… she's who makes my life complete. I simply can't live without her…"
I fell silent. She still had the same blank look on her face. It was making me go crazy inside. After a few minutes, that seemed like an eternity, she spoke…
"It's me, isn't it?"
I was sobbing. Her voice was cold as ice. My biggest fear had now become reality. I stood there motionless. I was almost unable to keep breathing. Finally, I nodded again, slowly, shaky and uncertain.
We stood there for another few minutes. I didn't know there could be a silence worse than an awkward one, but I had been totally wrong. She just looked at me, still without showing any emotion. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my heart, thrown on the ground, and had fallen into a million pieces.
The bell rang, signaling that lunch was over and classes were about to start. She turned around and walked away without looking back at me a single time. I was left behind, frozen. People started walking past me and were probably looking at me, but I didn't notice. I was in my own world, where everything had turned into a nightmare.
~ end flashback ~
Eventually, I walked to class. I was late, but for once, I didn't care. The next period was one I had with Sam, but she seemed to have skipped it. It only made things worse. I still had two classes after that one but I had called Spencer to ask if he could come pick me up because I was feeling sick, which was partly true.
I yawned. I was really tired. I closed my eyes and fell in a restless sleep.
(A/N) So this is the first chapter of the new story. I have added a few of my own experiences. I hope you enjoyed it. If so, stay tuned :)