With A Face Like Heaven

by cosmoroc5

Shane loved Rick from day one. Knew him inside and out. His entire being intrinsically, his mentality as well as his own. So, when he appears like a ghost at the quarry, Shane knows exactly what he has to do. And, he does it without hesitance, because maybe one day Rick will realize. Shane has never stopped loving him. Not even the day Rick drove a knife through his heart.

Back then when you looked like heaven and I felt like hell and our dynamic was as easy and effortless as two teenage boys helplessly in love could be. Back when you loved me. Back when those stars we watched on late nights all alone under the cover of night was nothing compared to how bright your eyes were. Back when you'd curl into me and press your forehead into my neck and carve out a spot against me like you were made to be there. Back when I could call you mine. Back when you were mine.

And, maybe I don't actually know what happened. Maybe I really don't know what I did to make you leave. Maybe I am lonely and a mess. Maybe I am as bitter as you say. But lately my thoughts have been a storm plagued by only you and my chest is empty and I know that the only time I've ever been good was by your side. Was under those stars. Was with you pressed against me, making me whole again. Picking up all my slack and being everything I ever needed and never was. Everything I can never be. And, maybe I don't know when I fell for you. Maybe the date doesn't matter. Maybe it never mattered to begin with. This thing. This 'us' thing that seems more like a cruel joke then the best years of my life followed by the worst. All I know is that I've never been better then when I had your head in my lap or your hand in mine or with your legs tangled with mine in the sheets.

But nothing changed but your feelings for me. You still look like heaven with the face of an angel that's sending me to hell. A smile that cuts through me like the sword of the righteous, hitting just were it hurts and splitting me open and leaving me vulnerable and bare for everyone to see. Showing me exactly what I can never be and what you always wanted.

I knew it would come to this. This one moment. This last stand. This…last chance. And, I knew. Fuck, I knew you wouldn't choose me. I never could've pulled that trigger. I never could have hurt you. I'd watched you grow up. Fall in love and out of it. Twice and then again. Watched you play baseball and win championships and go through the academy. Watched you become a man. Watched you leave. Watched you die. Watched you come back. Watched you get married and have a kid and watched the way you changed and flourished just out of my reach. But, I knew. You needed a reason to get rid of me and I couldn't just leave. So, I gave you a reason to finish it. To end it. To make it easy for you.

I knew you'd do it. I knew you'd finish me off. And, I accepted it long before you drove that knife through my heart. It had been yours for a long time anyway. It was just a matter of time until you took it for yourself.

And, still. Even then there you were. Kneeling over me all shrouded in moonlight and tears and wild curls. Looking like heaven and putting me through hell.