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May 7-16, 01.
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The inevitable had finally arrived. Doug placed the telephone back into it's cradle at the nurses station. He bowed his head and tuned out the sound of the ER bustling around behind him. Carol, who had heard his end of the conversation, watched him, growing more worried every second.
"Dammit." He murmured.
"Doug? You alright?" Carol asked. Doug looked up at her, studying her caring face.
"No. Everything sucks." He said grimly, looking away from her again and staring out towards the exam rooms.
"What happened?" Carol asked, turning to him and giving him her full attention.
"Nothing." He muttered, bowing his head once more.
"Doug..." Carol trailed off. He sighed inaudibly.
"My Dad got thrown in jail for loosing control at a bar. Luckily, no one is pressing charges, but he can't get out without bail. And for some reason I have to go bail him out. First of all, I have to go up there, they won't let me do it over the phone. And secondly, according to him, I'm the only person he knows who will bail his ass out." Doug said, growing angrier by the second. Carol's face softened slightly. She didn't know the whole story behind him and his father, but she did know he had not seen his father since he was 12 years old. "Why in the hell he wants me to come bail him out even though I have not seen him for twenty some years is beyond me. And to top it all off, I've got no car. I can't afford a round ticket there and back and his bail right now because of the jeep. Dammit!" Doug cursed again, his fists clenching at his sides.
"Where is he?" Carol asked gently.
"Ohio." Doug said.
"Where exactly in Ohio?" Carol asked, her heart pumping a beat faster.
"Up near Toledo." Doug replied, his voice curt. Carol hesitated greatly, weighing her option in her mind.
"Doug?" She asked quietly.
"Hm?" He asked, not really listening to her. He was trying to figure out a way to get to Ohio.
"I'll take you." She said. Although he wasn't completely listening, this brought his attention completely back to her.
"What?" He asked, his voice surprised.
"My sister lives up in Toledo. I was taking the weekend off to go visit her and my nieces. I was leaving tonight and stopping at a motel and driving all day tomorrow. I could take you up there." Carol said.
"Oh Carol, I don't know." Doug said, hesitantly. He didn't want to intrude on her trip, on her life.
"It wouldn't be so bad, would it?" She asked, smiling slightly. No, he thought, it would be wonderful to spend some time alone with her, regardless if anything important happened or not. Still, he hesitated. Even if he did go, he wasn't sure he wanted Carol to be there when he bailed his father out. But he had no other options available to him.
"I..." He paused. "I'll go. I promise I won't be a nuisance, but I have no other way of getting there." He said. She smiled.
"You won't be a nuisance, Doug. I just hope you don't mind spending a few days with two little girls." She said. He chuckled.
"How bad can they be?" He asked, referring slightly to his job. She caught the hint lying beneath his comment.
"Wait and see." She said with a grin. He chuckled.
"I've gotta go talk to Mark or Kerry. I'll catch up with you when I am done to see what we're doing, okay?" Doug asked. She nodded and smiled slightly.
"Sure." She said. He nodded and turned off down the hall. She turned and saw Lydia who was raising an eyebrow at her. Lydia had just heard the last thing Doug had said about seeing what they were doing. Carol sighed and looked at Lydia. She wanted to diminish the rumor that was already forming in Lydia's mind, but she knew she couldn't tell her about Doug's dad. He wouldn't want her to, therefore, she would have no reasonable explanation for why they were going on a road trip. She kept her mouth shut and wished to God Lydia hadn't heard anything.
Carol knew there would be talk about the two of them being gone all weekend, especially now that Lydia had heard his comment. She sighed and reminded herself as long as she knew what was really the case, she shouldn't worry about what her friends and colleagues said about them. She sighed deeply and placed the chart she had been holding into it's correct slot.
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Carol's hair was tied in a ponytail, away from her face. The music played softly in the background as wind from the open window blew softly against her face, making her want to smile but she didn't because of the passenger in the car beside her.
Doug was leaning back against the seat, taping his fingers against his jeans softly in time to the music. He glanced at Carol and nearly smiled. She looked so beautiful with the wind blowing around her, sending tendrils of her hair dancing about her face. Her hand was out the window, letting the wind blow through her fingers and her other hand was on the steering wheel, keeping the car steady on the road. She looked free, he thought.
"So, Doug, what did Kerry say when you asked her about going?" Carol asked.
"Well, she said something about you being gone and it would be hard to run the ER without a pediatrician and without the head nurse and yada yada." Doug and Carol both smiled, knowing exactly how Kerry was. "You know her talk. Finally I had to tell her the reason and Mark stepped in and they discussed it briefly, in front of me, as if I wasn't there, and Mark convinced her to let me go." Carol smiled.
"Last week Kerry told me to take some time off because I had a lot of time added up and she thought I looked exhausted." Carol smirked. "It was also the day last week where we had the five car pileup and every other sick person you could think of came in. Plus other traumas. I was exhausted that day." Carol said.
"She actually said you could go? Wow. I probably have close to the same amount of days piled up as you do and she wouldn't let me go. Goes to show who she favors." Doug teased. She grinned.
"Can't argue with you there." She said, smiling back. He grinned. A familiar song came on the radio, making them both pause. Carol stiffened slightly but when she looked at Doug he was smiling.
"Well, look at that. I haven't heard this song in forever." He said, turning to smile at her. She relaxed and smiled back at him before looking back out at the road. Then she leaned down and turned the knob on the sound control and turned the volume up.
The song playing was Doug and Carol's old song they had had together. One night, Carol remembered, Doug had been completely sober. He had taken her out to eat and to dance at this restaurant he knew. They were dancing in the midst of other couples, but she only had eyes for him, no one else mattered. Everything else was just a blur behind her. He had whispered in ear, sending shivers throughout her, and asked her if she liked the song. She had nodded and he had told her that it was their song now. She remembered smiling up at him, before they kissed, which had nearly turned her into a puddle on the floor.
He remembered it also. He had fallen in love with her that night, but had never told her. Had never realized it until it was too late. But, he knew, he wouldn't have told her even if he had known. He glanced at her and saw she was mouthing every word silently, as she looked out the window. He wondered if she was actually seeing what was outside, or if her mind was replaying the past, like his was.
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"This looks like a nice place." Carol said, pulling up to a small bed and breakfast. Doug didn't reply, so she looked at him. "If you want to go somewhere else.." She trailed off.
"Oh no, Carol, this is great. Really." He smiled genuinely and opened his car door. She watched him get out before she reached over and pressed the button that popped the trunk. Then she opened her own door and got out, her feet hitting the dusty ground. She sneezed.
"Bless you." Doug said, grinning. She shook her head.
"Dusty place." She said, rubbing her nose. He nodded and pulled the trunk door the rest of the way up and gazed inside. Doug had one suitcase and Carol had a suitcase and a small duffel bag. Doug reached in, picking up his brown suitcase and her blue suitcase. "Doug, I'll get it." She protested as she saw him hauling both suitcases out of the trunk.
"I got it." He said.
"Mr. Macho." She muttered under her breath and when she looked up, they exchanged smiles.
"It's a man thing." Doug said. She nodded and shut the trunk behind her, after getting her duffel bag.
"Obviously." She said. He chuckled slightly and she headed towards the small little office on the side of the small motel. The room smelled of cigar smoke and older people. Carol sat her bag on the ground and Doug rested his arms by placing the suitcases by the bag. She rang a small bell that was on the counter and craned her neck towards a room where she heard a TV blaring.
"Hold on a minute." They heard a man call out. A chubby old man with a cigar poking out of his mouth came into the room. He smiled at them.
"Well, hello." He said.
"Hi." Carol replied.
"We need two single rooms for a one night stay." Carol said.
"Alrighty young lady. I think I can do that." He said, walking to a small cash register. A equally chubby old lady came out behind the old man and smiled politely at them.
"Good evening." She said.
"Hello." Doug and Carol replied.
"Where are you folks from?" She asked.
"Chicago." Doug replied. The woman nodded.
"That'll be thirty dollars for a double room." The old man said, peering up at them.
"I said two singles, not one double." Carol said. The man behind the counter raised his eyebrows with an amused look on his face.
"Harry! Give the poor girl two separate rooms like she asked." The old woman said. He grinned and turned back to the cash register. An amused smile twitched at the corner of Doug's mouth. "You'll have to excuse Harry. Sometimes he tries to do a bit of matchmaking." The elderly woman said.
"It's quite alright." Carol said. She'd dealt with stranger old men then he.
"I'm just trying to help the children out, Mable." Harry said. She raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes at Doug and Carol who both grinned. "It'll be forty dollars for two single rooms. I placed them beside each other." Harry said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Harry!" Mable exclaimed. Carol and Doug couldn't help but laugh slightly.
"Thank you." Carol said, handing him the money for both rooms.
"Have fun." Harry said, despite Mable's protests. Carol and Doug laughed as they picked up their luggage and walked out of the small office, the door shutting behind them.
"Horney ol' bastard." Doug said, chuckling lightly. Carol grinned.
"They seem nice, other than that." Carol said. He chuckled.
"Yeah, I'm sure they are." He commented.
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"Wanna come hang out?" Carol asked. They had just finished settling into their separate rooms.
"Hmm?" He replied, glancing up at her.
"I'm not tired, it's not too late yet. Do you want to come hang out and talk or whatever?" Carol asked.
"Sure." Doug said, following her back into her apartment. She flopped down onto a chair in the small room and leaned over the air conditioner.
"You'd think for this time of the year it wouldn't be so warm." Carol said. Doug sprawled out on the edge of the bed.
"We're use to Chicago weather." He replied.
"It was so dusty out there. You know what would be nice?" She asked.
"What?" He replied.
"A nice cold beer to wash it all down." She said. He glanced at her before turning back to his study of the ceiling.
"Nah." He replied. She looked at him, raising her eyebrows.
"No?" She asked. He shrugged.
"I haven't had a drop of alcohol since," He paused, "Nadine died." He said.
"Oh...Wow." She said. He smiled.
"It's not that big of a deal." He murmured.
"Yes, Doug, it is a big deal. That's like 8 months. I'm really proud of you." She said. He shifted uncomfortably as he scratched his head briefly. She didn't know how nice it was for him to hear those words from her. She was really the only one he needed or wanted to hear those words from.
"You know that night...after...At the El?" He asked. She nodded, somewhat embarrassed by the way she had treated him. She had just left him out to rot.
"Mm." She nodded in acknowledgement.
"That was when I finally realized I'd hit the bottom. You didn't think so highly of me anymore. No one did. I knew if I didn't do something, I was never going to okay." He paused, swallowing. "It wasn't so hard to stop drinking, I wasn't really addicted to the alcohol, I was more or less addicted to the numbness it brought." He paused and smiled wistfully. "I stopped going out to bars at night, therefore I stopped taking different women home all the time." He paused again. "I guess it gets kind of lonely." He said quickly, immediately moving on. "It's amazing the things you do when you stop drinking." He paused. "I can actually remember things that normally I wouldn't remember." He smiled again, ashamed of himself. She sat silently, feeling he needed to tell someone, tell her this.
"I thought about a lot of things. My past among other things. I realized how much I hurt you, Carol." Doug turned to look at her. She stared directly into his eyes before he smiled softy and turned his head again. "I'm sorry I did. I know that doesn't...justify things...But I truly am." He said. She nodded, gazing down at her locked hands.
"Why, Doug?" Carol whispered. He swallowed.
"I don't know..Carol. I...Yes, I do know why." He said. He had to tell her, she needed to know the reasons.
"Why?" She repeated. He glanced at her briefly and cleared his throat.
"You won't believe this if I tell you." He said. She stayed silent. He sighed. "You know how the song came on the radio earlier?" He asked. She nodded.
"Yeah." She murmured.
"You remember the time we went to that restaurant and we danced to that song?" He asked.
"I remember." She smiled wistfully.
"Well.." He sighed. "I realized things that night and I....got scared, basically." He sighed gruffly and rubbed his hand over her cheek. "I was really getting in deep, Carol and I knew you were too. I could..I could see that." He paused. Dammit, he didn't want to tell her this. "So I cheated on you." He sighed and closed his eyes, as if his own memory was painful. She was watching him calmly, more calmly than she thought she ever would have in that position. He opened his eyes. His hands were linked together and resting on his stomach. "I was screwed up, Carol and I knew I was. I wasn't a good person back then. I drank a lot and I was a womanizer. Once I found out what I was getting into with you and how much you really meant to me, I freaked out. I know this will sound ridiculous to you and I don't expect you to believe me but I cared so much about you and I knew I couldn't give you what you wanted. I purposely tried to ruin things between us because I thought you deserved better. I never laid a hand on a woman but I was just like my father in every other way. I saw what my Mom had been through with him and I didn't want to mess up your life in that way." He said. She hesitated before speaking, her heart hurting.
"Don't you think I was the one who should have made that decision?" She asked. He paused and didn't say anything for a few moments.
"Probably. But I'm still glad you decided it was over. I'm not glad that I hurt you in the process, but I do know that if you had stayed with me, I would have hurt you more and you would have ended up hating me...worse than you already did."
"Oh Doug, I never hated you." She said. He stayed silent, chewing on the inside of his cheek. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, not for herself, but for the man lying on the bed in front of her. She sat in silence herself, knowing if she said anything she would start to cry.
"Why'd you do it, Carol?" He asked. She froze. He didn't have to clarify, she knew exactly what he was talking about. "Was it because of me?" He asked. She swallowed.
"No, Doug. It was never about you or because of you. There were so many things." She closed her eyes and tried to loosen her tense fingers. "I just....There was the pressure from Tag and my mother to get married and I wasn't ready. Or rather, I didn't want to. I felt unworthy of my job. I felt stupid and like I didn't mean anything to anyone."
"Oh Carol, that's not true." He said. She nodded.
"I know that now. It took me a lot to realize it." She paused, biting her lower lip softly. It still upset her to talk about it. "It wasn't because of you, Doug." Carol said.
"Maybe it wasn't because of me, but I sure as hell didn't help. I'm sorry I hurt you as badly as I did." He said. He sighed deeply. "It was what I thought was best for you and I'm sorry I didn't let you make the decision for yourself, I just didn't want to hurt you the way I knew I would, even though I ended up hurting you anyway." He was thinking really low of himself right now. She sat in silence, not sure what to say.
"At least I know why you did it." She said at last. She didn't believe him, he thought. He could tell by the way she was talking.
"Well, it's getting late, I really should probably head to my room." Doug said. She nodded and hugged her elbows to her side.
"Okay." She said.
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Carol sat and leaned against the wall of the motel. She pressed her ear to the wall and listened to Doug rustling around on the other side. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She listened for a few more minutes before she started to get a crick in her neck. So she buried her face into her knees and sat silently as tears began to trickle down her face, falling onto her arms.
"Oh Doug." She murmured and wiped her tears away. She sat for a few more minutes before she stood and made her way to the bathroom to take a hot shower.
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Carol stared out the window of the passenger side in the car. Doug had insisted on driving and she had finally agreed. Now she was letting the wind blow around her when a thought occurred to her.
"Doug?" She asked.
"Hm?" He replied, glancing at her briefly.
"I just thought of something. What are we going to do with your father after we bail him out?" Carol asked. Doug grinned slightly.
"I was wonderin' about that myself last night. I called the police station and they informed me that they took his car from the parking lot at the bar and parked it at the police station, so he'll be able to leave from there." Doug answered.
"Okay." She said and sat back in her seat, relaxing. She looked out the window and thought about the night before. There was a few words nagging her, that had been nagging her since he had left her room last night and she felt an overwhelming urge to tell him. "I forgive you." She murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
"What?" He asked. He'd heard her plain and clear but he was a bit confused.
"For the past, for everything." Carol said quietly. He sighed and tightened his hands on the steering wheel.
"I don't deserve your forgiveness, your apologies." He said softly, turning his neck slightly to locate a car before he switched lanes. He settled back into his seat.
"Maybe you don't think you do, but you do."
"Why?" He asked. He knew he didn't deserve it. He'd hurt her entirely too bad.
"Last night you explained things. It's justifiable." She said. He had just as much self-esteem as she did back then, which was about none. He shook his head. She settled back in her seat, staring out the window, both of them lost in their thoughts.
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Doug pulled the car into the parking lot of the jail. He turned the car off and sat, staring at the building where his father was being kept. It was larger than he had expected it to be. Carol looked at the jail before she turned her head and gazed at Doug. He stared for a few more seconds before unbuckling his seatbelt.
"You can stay here." Doug said. Carol hesitated. She had planned to go in with him. He said she should stay in the car, but his eyes betrayed him.
"I'm going in." She murmured softly and unbuckled her seatbelt. Their eyes locked before he nodded.
"Okay." He said. He was relieved, he didn't want to go in by himself. But he also didn't want Carol to see his father. He wanted her to go on thinking that his father was just an image, someone from his past. But he needed her beside him. They got out of the car and she walked to his side, shoulder to shoulder. He stopped outside the door and turned to her.
"Carol." He sighed. "I don't know what he'll say, what will happen." She cut him off with a gentle touch on his shoulder.
"I know, Doug. I know." She smiled. He smiled weakly in return.
"Thank you." He said. She smiled and took his left hand into her right and opened the door, nudging their own relationship slightly forward with silent acknowledgement on both their parts. She pulled herself through the door, pulling him in behind her.
A man in a police uniform sat behind a desk. When they entered, he looked up at them, studying them silently.
"May I help you?" He asked. Doug stepped up to the desk. Carol came up to his side, but stayed silent.
"Uh, yeah. You called me early yesterday and told me that my father was in jail here and needed bailed out." Doug said, his voice clear and controlled. But Carol knew him well enough to detect the nervous tint in his voice. She squeezed his hand reassuringly and was pleased with his answering squeeze.
"Oh right, Dr. Ross." The man said. Doug nodded as the man picked up a phone. He barked an order into it. He turned back to Doug and Carol.
"We'll be right with you." He said, smiling grimly. Doug nodded and turned away from the desk a bit and glanced briefly at Carol.
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Doug stood out in the parking lot. Carol was on the other side of the car but she wasn't getting in, in case somehow she needed to intervene with Doug and his father. The men hadn't spoken a word to each other in the jail. Now as they stood outside, facing each other, Carol sensed a storm brewing.
"Doug, look, I'm really sorry I had you come out here and..." Doug cut his father off with a motion of his hand.
"Ray, I don't want to hear your bullshit. I just want to know why you called me down to bail you out. Why me?" Doug asked. Ray shrugged and looked down. "It was money wasn't it? You think now because I'm a doctor, I'm going to have money coming out my ass, right?" Doug asked, his voice harsh. Carol winced and looked away, pretending she wasn't listening, as if they didn't already know she was.
"No, Doug..I.."
"Just to let you know, you emptied my bank account. I had to have Carol drive me here because I couldn't afford a plane ticket and your bail." Doug said, motioning towards Carol when he mentioned her name. Ray winced and looked down.
"You owe me money, Ray. I expect to get every penny back and more to pay Carol for her trouble. She paid for my hotel room." Doug said, his voice hard. Carol winced again. She didn't want the money back, it didn't matter. "I'm not a child anymore, Ray. If I don't get the money from you within two months, I'll find you and get the money."
"I'll have it for you, I swear."
"I don't trust your word any longer Ray. But we both know that you owe me. I expect it." Doug said. Ray nodded and turned, heading towards his car. Doug stood by the side of his car. Carol walked around it and touched his arm gently. He wanted to hit something but knew he wouldn't hit her.
"Doug.." She said.
"Just give me a minute." He said, trembling in anger. He walked away from her a bit. She stayed put and watched Ray drive the car from the parking lot and down the road.
"Doug." She murmured again and walked to him this time. He looked at her and she saw the trouble in his eyes. "C'mere." She murmured and pulled him down to her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and buried his face into her shoulder. She held him comfortingly.
"I hate him." He whispered fiercely. After the encounter she had just witnessed, she believed it. She held him for a few moments before she pulled away.
"C'mon. I'll drive. We'll make it to my sisters in time for dinner and she can awe you with her wonderful cooking skills." Carol said, smiling. She began to back away from him but he grabbed her hand.
"Carol, I want to thank you for everything. For your support and all." He said. She smiled and resisted the urge to brush her hand over his hair.
"You're welcome." She said and turned, heading towards the car.
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Carol stood in the kitchen with her sister, Beth. Doug was in the living room entertaining Beth's two young daughters, Kylie and Megan.
"Carol, he's gorgeous." Beth said quietly as they cut vegetables for dinner. Carol grinned.
"That he is."
"Please tell me you're not dating him. I want him." Beth said. Carol giggled.
"No, I'm not dating him. Beth?" She said. Her sister looked at her. "Doug Ross." Carol paused. "The Doug Ross." She said. Her sister looked at her, her face blank before suddenly it lit up. Beth lay the knife down gently.
"Doug Ross, the cheating bastard, Doug Ross?" Beth asked. Carol sighed.
"You've been talking to Mama too much. But yes, that Doug Ross." Carol said. Beth sighed.
"I'm trying to be mad, but he's just too adorable." Beth said. Carol laughed.
"Now you know why I stayed with him so long." Carol joked. Beth smiled and picked up the knife and resumed chopping.
"Remind me why he's here with you again?" Beth asked. Carol sighed.
"His dad was in jail and needed to be bailed out." Carol's voice had dropped. She especially didn't want Doug to hear her telling her sister about it. "Doug couldn't afford a plane ticket and his bail because he just bought a new jeep." Carol said.
"Wow. Poor guy." Beth murmured.
"I feel so bad for him." Carol said. "Before today he had not seen his father since he was 12 years old."
"12? Wow." Beth murmured, her eyes wide. "I'm trying not to feel bad for him but.."
"He's had so much hurt in his life." Carol murmured.
"You're smitten." Beth said. Carol looked up.
"I am not."
"Yes you are. You're protective over him. You think he's gorgeous. And you like him enough to take him up here for the weekend even after how he treated you in the past."
"The past is the past." Carol said. Beth raised her eyebrows.
"Tell me why you suddenly changed your mind." Beth said. Carol sighed.
"He explained things to me. I don't want to get into it." Carol needed to keep some things private. "But I believe him. He's stopped drinking 8 months ago. Stopped womanizing. And he told me why he had done it. And I know he's not lying. Believe me, when he lies, I know. Experience paid off in that area."
"You love him." Beth murmured.
"No, I wouldn't take it that far." Beth nodded. She knew her little sister well enough to know she was in love.
"Okay then, you care for him, deeply." Beth said, even though she knew better. Carol nodded and blew a piece of hair out of her face.
"You should have seem him today, Beth. He was so angry and sad. When we bailed his father out, Doug demanded to be paid back. And he wanted extra too because he wanted to pay me for everything. I bought his hotel room. It was only 40 bucks for both rooms, so he only owes me 20 dollars, but he told his father he expected the money. How can you not care for a man, who knows you don't care about the money, but is gentleman enough to get it?" Carol paused. "After his father left he was trembling like a leaf in anger. He told me he wanted a minute but I couldn't let him close himself up like that. So I held him." Carol said. "Not for long, just a minute or so, but I felt like he needed it."
"You're amazing, Care." Beth said. Carol smiled. Beth stayed silent for a few moments before speaking again. "Do you want to have another try at a relationship with him?"
"Maybe. I don't know, Beth. I'm not sure if I'm ready to have another relationship yet. And to top it all off, I'm talking like I know he wants one and it's up to me to decide. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship with me."
"You always were blind when it came to men." Carol looked up at her sister. "He loves you, Carol. I've seen the two of you together for about a half an hour and in that short time I could tell he's gaga over you." Beth said.
"He is not!" Carol exclaimed, astonished. Beth shakes her head.
"Whenever you're not looking at him, he stares at you. When you smile, he smiles. When you do that thing where you bite your thumbnail, he smiles. When you laugh, he smiles or laughs with you depending on what you're talking about. But he is always staring at you."
"I've never noticed." Carol said softly.
"You never were one to notice things like that about men who are interested in you." Beth said. Carol glanced at her. "You should look really hard at Doug sometime when he's looking at you. Look into his eyes and you'll see."
"You're full of shit." Carol said, placing her knife onto the table and moving to the sink. Beth rolled her eyes.
"If you want a relationship with him, you're going to have to take that first step. And if what you need is reassurance, look into his eyes." Beth said and gathered up the vegetables on the chopping board. Carol sighed and thought about her sister's words.
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"Do you wanna take that walk now?" Beth asked her daughters and Doug and Carol. Megan nodded excitedly.
"Yeah, Mama, I'm ready." She exclaimed. In the course of two days, both the girls had fallen in love with Doug and he was now dubbed Uncle Doug. Carol and Doug nodded their agreement. They had decided to go walking after dinner, even though it was getting dark. The neighborhood was safe enough for the girls to be out so late.
"Okay then, let's get your coats." Beth said, getting ready to herd the girls to their coats.
"Mama?" Kylie said weakly. Doug saw the look on her face and he knew what was coming.
"Uh oh." He said and scooped her up into his arms, covering her mouth with his hand. He ran to the bathroom and sat the young girl in front of the toilet as she puked, barely missing his hand. Beth rushed into the room.
"Oh no. Oh baby." She said and dropped to her knees beside Doug. Carol and Megan stood in the doorway.
"Mama." Kylie croaked uneasily.
"C'mere Ky." Beth murmured and pulled her away from Doug. Kylie curled into her mother's arms weakly. Doug reached up and got a glass that was on the sink and filled it with water, handing it to Beth. She took it and let Kylie sip it as Doug dampened a wash cloth. He handed it to Beth.
"Thanks Doug." Beth said. He smiled.
"No problem. Just an advantage of being a pediatrician. I knew it was coming." He said. Beth nodded and wiped Kylie's mouth.
"You two go ahead and take a walk. The girls and I will stay here." She said.
"Oh no, that's okay." Carol said.
"Go." Beth insisted.
"We could take Meg with us." Doug suggested.
"No, she can stay here with me. I don't want you two watching her. Go." Beth ordered them in a motherly tone. Doug and Carol looked at each other before stepping out of the bathroom.
"Whenever she talks with that voice, you do what she says." Carol said, grinning. Doug chuckled under his breath as they headed for the front door.
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As they walked, Doug and Carol each thought silently. They had made small talk for awhile, but had fallen silent and were lost in their separate thoughts, until Doug spoke.
"Carol?"
"Mm?"
"I just want to thank you for everything. For giving me a ride, for listening to me, for uh, y'know, everything at the police station. And uh, for asking your sister to let me stay. I know I'm just a burden." Doug said, his hands were in his pockets and his head was down slightly as he talked. Carol stopped and turned to him. He turned to look at her.
"Doug, you're weren't a burden, you aren't. It's nice having you around." She smiled and he smiled in return. "You don't owe me anything. I don't want your or Ray's money." Carol said, referring to his comment to his father.
"I want Ray to pay for everything. I wouldn't have had to come with you and make you pay for my room if I had the money to get there myself. So, I want him to pay you back."
"I don't want.." He cut her off.
"I know." He smiled. "But I need to do it. For me." Doug said. Carol nodded, she understood. She gazed into his eyes for the first time since her and Beth's conversation in the kitchen last night. Carol hadn't been confident enough to look him in the eyes, but now that she was, she was lost in them and she couldn't turn away. Then she saw it. Beneath it all she saw exactly what Beth had said was there.
Her breath was coming faster now, shallower. She finally managed to force her hand up to his face. She ran her finger over his cheek and up to his hair, her gaze following. She ran her fingers through his bangs before her gaze slid back to his eyes. They had darkened in that brief moment she had looked away, she realized. Her gaze slid further along his face and she studied the contour of his lips. Carol looked into his eyes as she pressed her lips to his gently. He responded by sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her close.
Beth was right, Carol thought, she did have to make that first move. Carol murmured incoherently under his lips and leaned in, her eyes fluttering shut. The kiss was soft, slow, and sweet with a hint of desperation blended in. Their foreheads touch as their mouths twined.
When Carol pulled away, her hands were on his shoulders and neck, holding him close. She rested her forehead against him as she swallowed slightly and opened her eyes to gaze straight into his. His mouth was turning up at the corners. She suddenly broke into a huge smile and kissed him quickly, happily. He laughed slightly as he brought his hands down, pulling hers with his, and entwining his fingers with hers.
===== ====== =====
May 7-16, 01.
===== ====== =====
The inevitable had finally arrived. Doug placed the telephone back into it's cradle at the nurses station. He bowed his head and tuned out the sound of the ER bustling around behind him. Carol, who had heard his end of the conversation, watched him, growing more worried every second.
"Dammit." He murmured.
"Doug? You alright?" Carol asked. Doug looked up at her, studying her caring face.
"No. Everything sucks." He said grimly, looking away from her again and staring out towards the exam rooms.
"What happened?" Carol asked, turning to him and giving him her full attention.
"Nothing." He muttered, bowing his head once more.
"Doug..." Carol trailed off. He sighed inaudibly.
"My Dad got thrown in jail for loosing control at a bar. Luckily, no one is pressing charges, but he can't get out without bail. And for some reason I have to go bail him out. First of all, I have to go up there, they won't let me do it over the phone. And secondly, according to him, I'm the only person he knows who will bail his ass out." Doug said, growing angrier by the second. Carol's face softened slightly. She didn't know the whole story behind him and his father, but she did know he had not seen his father since he was 12 years old. "Why in the hell he wants me to come bail him out even though I have not seen him for twenty some years is beyond me. And to top it all off, I've got no car. I can't afford a round ticket there and back and his bail right now because of the jeep. Dammit!" Doug cursed again, his fists clenching at his sides.
"Where is he?" Carol asked gently.
"Ohio." Doug said.
"Where exactly in Ohio?" Carol asked, her heart pumping a beat faster.
"Up near Toledo." Doug replied, his voice curt. Carol hesitated greatly, weighing her option in her mind.
"Doug?" She asked quietly.
"Hm?" He asked, not really listening to her. He was trying to figure out a way to get to Ohio.
"I'll take you." She said. Although he wasn't completely listening, this brought his attention completely back to her.
"What?" He asked, his voice surprised.
"My sister lives up in Toledo. I was taking the weekend off to go visit her and my nieces. I was leaving tonight and stopping at a motel and driving all day tomorrow. I could take you up there." Carol said.
"Oh Carol, I don't know." Doug said, hesitantly. He didn't want to intrude on her trip, on her life.
"It wouldn't be so bad, would it?" She asked, smiling slightly. No, he thought, it would be wonderful to spend some time alone with her, regardless if anything important happened or not. Still, he hesitated. Even if he did go, he wasn't sure he wanted Carol to be there when he bailed his father out. But he had no other options available to him.
"I..." He paused. "I'll go. I promise I won't be a nuisance, but I have no other way of getting there." He said. She smiled.
"You won't be a nuisance, Doug. I just hope you don't mind spending a few days with two little girls." She said. He chuckled.
"How bad can they be?" He asked, referring slightly to his job. She caught the hint lying beneath his comment.
"Wait and see." She said with a grin. He chuckled.
"I've gotta go talk to Mark or Kerry. I'll catch up with you when I am done to see what we're doing, okay?" Doug asked. She nodded and smiled slightly.
"Sure." She said. He nodded and turned off down the hall. She turned and saw Lydia who was raising an eyebrow at her. Lydia had just heard the last thing Doug had said about seeing what they were doing. Carol sighed and looked at Lydia. She wanted to diminish the rumor that was already forming in Lydia's mind, but she knew she couldn't tell her about Doug's dad. He wouldn't want her to, therefore, she would have no reasonable explanation for why they were going on a road trip. She kept her mouth shut and wished to God Lydia hadn't heard anything.
Carol knew there would be talk about the two of them being gone all weekend, especially now that Lydia had heard his comment. She sighed and reminded herself as long as she knew what was really the case, she shouldn't worry about what her friends and colleagues said about them. She sighed deeply and placed the chart she had been holding into it's correct slot.
===== ====== =====
Carol's hair was tied in a ponytail, away from her face. The music played softly in the background as wind from the open window blew softly against her face, making her want to smile but she didn't because of the passenger in the car beside her.
Doug was leaning back against the seat, taping his fingers against his jeans softly in time to the music. He glanced at Carol and nearly smiled. She looked so beautiful with the wind blowing around her, sending tendrils of her hair dancing about her face. Her hand was out the window, letting the wind blow through her fingers and her other hand was on the steering wheel, keeping the car steady on the road. She looked free, he thought.
"So, Doug, what did Kerry say when you asked her about going?" Carol asked.
"Well, she said something about you being gone and it would be hard to run the ER without a pediatrician and without the head nurse and yada yada." Doug and Carol both smiled, knowing exactly how Kerry was. "You know her talk. Finally I had to tell her the reason and Mark stepped in and they discussed it briefly, in front of me, as if I wasn't there, and Mark convinced her to let me go." Carol smiled.
"Last week Kerry told me to take some time off because I had a lot of time added up and she thought I looked exhausted." Carol smirked. "It was also the day last week where we had the five car pileup and every other sick person you could think of came in. Plus other traumas. I was exhausted that day." Carol said.
"She actually said you could go? Wow. I probably have close to the same amount of days piled up as you do and she wouldn't let me go. Goes to show who she favors." Doug teased. She grinned.
"Can't argue with you there." She said, smiling back. He grinned. A familiar song came on the radio, making them both pause. Carol stiffened slightly but when she looked at Doug he was smiling.
"Well, look at that. I haven't heard this song in forever." He said, turning to smile at her. She relaxed and smiled back at him before looking back out at the road. Then she leaned down and turned the knob on the sound control and turned the volume up.
The song playing was Doug and Carol's old song they had had together. One night, Carol remembered, Doug had been completely sober. He had taken her out to eat and to dance at this restaurant he knew. They were dancing in the midst of other couples, but she only had eyes for him, no one else mattered. Everything else was just a blur behind her. He had whispered in ear, sending shivers throughout her, and asked her if she liked the song. She had nodded and he had told her that it was their song now. She remembered smiling up at him, before they kissed, which had nearly turned her into a puddle on the floor.
He remembered it also. He had fallen in love with her that night, but had never told her. Had never realized it until it was too late. But, he knew, he wouldn't have told her even if he had known. He glanced at her and saw she was mouthing every word silently, as she looked out the window. He wondered if she was actually seeing what was outside, or if her mind was replaying the past, like his was.
===== ====== =====
"This looks like a nice place." Carol said, pulling up to a small bed and breakfast. Doug didn't reply, so she looked at him. "If you want to go somewhere else.." She trailed off.
"Oh no, Carol, this is great. Really." He smiled genuinely and opened his car door. She watched him get out before she reached over and pressed the button that popped the trunk. Then she opened her own door and got out, her feet hitting the dusty ground. She sneezed.
"Bless you." Doug said, grinning. She shook her head.
"Dusty place." She said, rubbing her nose. He nodded and pulled the trunk door the rest of the way up and gazed inside. Doug had one suitcase and Carol had a suitcase and a small duffel bag. Doug reached in, picking up his brown suitcase and her blue suitcase. "Doug, I'll get it." She protested as she saw him hauling both suitcases out of the trunk.
"I got it." He said.
"Mr. Macho." She muttered under her breath and when she looked up, they exchanged smiles.
"It's a man thing." Doug said. She nodded and shut the trunk behind her, after getting her duffel bag.
"Obviously." She said. He chuckled slightly and she headed towards the small little office on the side of the small motel. The room smelled of cigar smoke and older people. Carol sat her bag on the ground and Doug rested his arms by placing the suitcases by the bag. She rang a small bell that was on the counter and craned her neck towards a room where she heard a TV blaring.
"Hold on a minute." They heard a man call out. A chubby old man with a cigar poking out of his mouth came into the room. He smiled at them.
"Well, hello." He said.
"Hi." Carol replied.
"We need two single rooms for a one night stay." Carol said.
"Alrighty young lady. I think I can do that." He said, walking to a small cash register. A equally chubby old lady came out behind the old man and smiled politely at them.
"Good evening." She said.
"Hello." Doug and Carol replied.
"Where are you folks from?" She asked.
"Chicago." Doug replied. The woman nodded.
"That'll be thirty dollars for a double room." The old man said, peering up at them.
"I said two singles, not one double." Carol said. The man behind the counter raised his eyebrows with an amused look on his face.
"Harry! Give the poor girl two separate rooms like she asked." The old woman said. He grinned and turned back to the cash register. An amused smile twitched at the corner of Doug's mouth. "You'll have to excuse Harry. Sometimes he tries to do a bit of matchmaking." The elderly woman said.
"It's quite alright." Carol said. She'd dealt with stranger old men then he.
"I'm just trying to help the children out, Mable." Harry said. She raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes at Doug and Carol who both grinned. "It'll be forty dollars for two single rooms. I placed them beside each other." Harry said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Harry!" Mable exclaimed. Carol and Doug couldn't help but laugh slightly.
"Thank you." Carol said, handing him the money for both rooms.
"Have fun." Harry said, despite Mable's protests. Carol and Doug laughed as they picked up their luggage and walked out of the small office, the door shutting behind them.
"Horney ol' bastard." Doug said, chuckling lightly. Carol grinned.
"They seem nice, other than that." Carol said. He chuckled.
"Yeah, I'm sure they are." He commented.
===== ====== =====
"Wanna come hang out?" Carol asked. They had just finished settling into their separate rooms.
"Hmm?" He replied, glancing up at her.
"I'm not tired, it's not too late yet. Do you want to come hang out and talk or whatever?" Carol asked.
"Sure." Doug said, following her back into her apartment. She flopped down onto a chair in the small room and leaned over the air conditioner.
"You'd think for this time of the year it wouldn't be so warm." Carol said. Doug sprawled out on the edge of the bed.
"We're use to Chicago weather." He replied.
"It was so dusty out there. You know what would be nice?" She asked.
"What?" He replied.
"A nice cold beer to wash it all down." She said. He glanced at her before turning back to his study of the ceiling.
"Nah." He replied. She looked at him, raising her eyebrows.
"No?" She asked. He shrugged.
"I haven't had a drop of alcohol since," He paused, "Nadine died." He said.
"Oh...Wow." She said. He smiled.
"It's not that big of a deal." He murmured.
"Yes, Doug, it is a big deal. That's like 8 months. I'm really proud of you." She said. He shifted uncomfortably as he scratched his head briefly. She didn't know how nice it was for him to hear those words from her. She was really the only one he needed or wanted to hear those words from.
"You know that night...after...At the El?" He asked. She nodded, somewhat embarrassed by the way she had treated him. She had just left him out to rot.
"Mm." She nodded in acknowledgement.
"That was when I finally realized I'd hit the bottom. You didn't think so highly of me anymore. No one did. I knew if I didn't do something, I was never going to okay." He paused, swallowing. "It wasn't so hard to stop drinking, I wasn't really addicted to the alcohol, I was more or less addicted to the numbness it brought." He paused and smiled wistfully. "I stopped going out to bars at night, therefore I stopped taking different women home all the time." He paused again. "I guess it gets kind of lonely." He said quickly, immediately moving on. "It's amazing the things you do when you stop drinking." He paused. "I can actually remember things that normally I wouldn't remember." He smiled again, ashamed of himself. She sat silently, feeling he needed to tell someone, tell her this.
"I thought about a lot of things. My past among other things. I realized how much I hurt you, Carol." Doug turned to look at her. She stared directly into his eyes before he smiled softy and turned his head again. "I'm sorry I did. I know that doesn't...justify things...But I truly am." He said. She nodded, gazing down at her locked hands.
"Why, Doug?" Carol whispered. He swallowed.
"I don't know..Carol. I...Yes, I do know why." He said. He had to tell her, she needed to know the reasons.
"Why?" She repeated. He glanced at her briefly and cleared his throat.
"You won't believe this if I tell you." He said. She stayed silent. He sighed. "You know how the song came on the radio earlier?" He asked. She nodded.
"Yeah." She murmured.
"You remember the time we went to that restaurant and we danced to that song?" He asked.
"I remember." She smiled wistfully.
"Well.." He sighed. "I realized things that night and I....got scared, basically." He sighed gruffly and rubbed his hand over her cheek. "I was really getting in deep, Carol and I knew you were too. I could..I could see that." He paused. Dammit, he didn't want to tell her this. "So I cheated on you." He sighed and closed his eyes, as if his own memory was painful. She was watching him calmly, more calmly than she thought she ever would have in that position. He opened his eyes. His hands were linked together and resting on his stomach. "I was screwed up, Carol and I knew I was. I wasn't a good person back then. I drank a lot and I was a womanizer. Once I found out what I was getting into with you and how much you really meant to me, I freaked out. I know this will sound ridiculous to you and I don't expect you to believe me but I cared so much about you and I knew I couldn't give you what you wanted. I purposely tried to ruin things between us because I thought you deserved better. I never laid a hand on a woman but I was just like my father in every other way. I saw what my Mom had been through with him and I didn't want to mess up your life in that way." He said. She hesitated before speaking, her heart hurting.
"Don't you think I was the one who should have made that decision?" She asked. He paused and didn't say anything for a few moments.
"Probably. But I'm still glad you decided it was over. I'm not glad that I hurt you in the process, but I do know that if you had stayed with me, I would have hurt you more and you would have ended up hating me...worse than you already did."
"Oh Doug, I never hated you." She said. He stayed silent, chewing on the inside of his cheek. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, not for herself, but for the man lying on the bed in front of her. She sat in silence herself, knowing if she said anything she would start to cry.
"Why'd you do it, Carol?" He asked. She froze. He didn't have to clarify, she knew exactly what he was talking about. "Was it because of me?" He asked. She swallowed.
"No, Doug. It was never about you or because of you. There were so many things." She closed her eyes and tried to loosen her tense fingers. "I just....There was the pressure from Tag and my mother to get married and I wasn't ready. Or rather, I didn't want to. I felt unworthy of my job. I felt stupid and like I didn't mean anything to anyone."
"Oh Carol, that's not true." He said. She nodded.
"I know that now. It took me a lot to realize it." She paused, biting her lower lip softly. It still upset her to talk about it. "It wasn't because of you, Doug." Carol said.
"Maybe it wasn't because of me, but I sure as hell didn't help. I'm sorry I hurt you as badly as I did." He said. He sighed deeply. "It was what I thought was best for you and I'm sorry I didn't let you make the decision for yourself, I just didn't want to hurt you the way I knew I would, even though I ended up hurting you anyway." He was thinking really low of himself right now. She sat in silence, not sure what to say.
"At least I know why you did it." She said at last. She didn't believe him, he thought. He could tell by the way she was talking.
"Well, it's getting late, I really should probably head to my room." Doug said. She nodded and hugged her elbows to her side.
"Okay." She said.
===== ====== =====
Carol sat and leaned against the wall of the motel. She pressed her ear to the wall and listened to Doug rustling around on the other side. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She listened for a few more minutes before she started to get a crick in her neck. So she buried her face into her knees and sat silently as tears began to trickle down her face, falling onto her arms.
"Oh Doug." She murmured and wiped her tears away. She sat for a few more minutes before she stood and made her way to the bathroom to take a hot shower.
===== ====== =====
Carol stared out the window of the passenger side in the car. Doug had insisted on driving and she had finally agreed. Now she was letting the wind blow around her when a thought occurred to her.
"Doug?" She asked.
"Hm?" He replied, glancing at her briefly.
"I just thought of something. What are we going to do with your father after we bail him out?" Carol asked. Doug grinned slightly.
"I was wonderin' about that myself last night. I called the police station and they informed me that they took his car from the parking lot at the bar and parked it at the police station, so he'll be able to leave from there." Doug answered.
"Okay." She said and sat back in her seat, relaxing. She looked out the window and thought about the night before. There was a few words nagging her, that had been nagging her since he had left her room last night and she felt an overwhelming urge to tell him. "I forgive you." She murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
"What?" He asked. He'd heard her plain and clear but he was a bit confused.
"For the past, for everything." Carol said quietly. He sighed and tightened his hands on the steering wheel.
"I don't deserve your forgiveness, your apologies." He said softly, turning his neck slightly to locate a car before he switched lanes. He settled back into his seat.
"Maybe you don't think you do, but you do."
"Why?" He asked. He knew he didn't deserve it. He'd hurt her entirely too bad.
"Last night you explained things. It's justifiable." She said. He had just as much self-esteem as she did back then, which was about none. He shook his head. She settled back in her seat, staring out the window, both of them lost in their thoughts.
===== ====== =====
Doug pulled the car into the parking lot of the jail. He turned the car off and sat, staring at the building where his father was being kept. It was larger than he had expected it to be. Carol looked at the jail before she turned her head and gazed at Doug. He stared for a few more seconds before unbuckling his seatbelt.
"You can stay here." Doug said. Carol hesitated. She had planned to go in with him. He said she should stay in the car, but his eyes betrayed him.
"I'm going in." She murmured softly and unbuckled her seatbelt. Their eyes locked before he nodded.
"Okay." He said. He was relieved, he didn't want to go in by himself. But he also didn't want Carol to see his father. He wanted her to go on thinking that his father was just an image, someone from his past. But he needed her beside him. They got out of the car and she walked to his side, shoulder to shoulder. He stopped outside the door and turned to her.
"Carol." He sighed. "I don't know what he'll say, what will happen." She cut him off with a gentle touch on his shoulder.
"I know, Doug. I know." She smiled. He smiled weakly in return.
"Thank you." He said. She smiled and took his left hand into her right and opened the door, nudging their own relationship slightly forward with silent acknowledgement on both their parts. She pulled herself through the door, pulling him in behind her.
A man in a police uniform sat behind a desk. When they entered, he looked up at them, studying them silently.
"May I help you?" He asked. Doug stepped up to the desk. Carol came up to his side, but stayed silent.
"Uh, yeah. You called me early yesterday and told me that my father was in jail here and needed bailed out." Doug said, his voice clear and controlled. But Carol knew him well enough to detect the nervous tint in his voice. She squeezed his hand reassuringly and was pleased with his answering squeeze.
"Oh right, Dr. Ross." The man said. Doug nodded as the man picked up a phone. He barked an order into it. He turned back to Doug and Carol.
"We'll be right with you." He said, smiling grimly. Doug nodded and turned away from the desk a bit and glanced briefly at Carol.
===== ====== =====
Doug stood out in the parking lot. Carol was on the other side of the car but she wasn't getting in, in case somehow she needed to intervene with Doug and his father. The men hadn't spoken a word to each other in the jail. Now as they stood outside, facing each other, Carol sensed a storm brewing.
"Doug, look, I'm really sorry I had you come out here and..." Doug cut his father off with a motion of his hand.
"Ray, I don't want to hear your bullshit. I just want to know why you called me down to bail you out. Why me?" Doug asked. Ray shrugged and looked down. "It was money wasn't it? You think now because I'm a doctor, I'm going to have money coming out my ass, right?" Doug asked, his voice harsh. Carol winced and looked away, pretending she wasn't listening, as if they didn't already know she was.
"No, Doug..I.."
"Just to let you know, you emptied my bank account. I had to have Carol drive me here because I couldn't afford a plane ticket and your bail." Doug said, motioning towards Carol when he mentioned her name. Ray winced and looked down.
"You owe me money, Ray. I expect to get every penny back and more to pay Carol for her trouble. She paid for my hotel room." Doug said, his voice hard. Carol winced again. She didn't want the money back, it didn't matter. "I'm not a child anymore, Ray. If I don't get the money from you within two months, I'll find you and get the money."
"I'll have it for you, I swear."
"I don't trust your word any longer Ray. But we both know that you owe me. I expect it." Doug said. Ray nodded and turned, heading towards his car. Doug stood by the side of his car. Carol walked around it and touched his arm gently. He wanted to hit something but knew he wouldn't hit her.
"Doug.." She said.
"Just give me a minute." He said, trembling in anger. He walked away from her a bit. She stayed put and watched Ray drive the car from the parking lot and down the road.
"Doug." She murmured again and walked to him this time. He looked at her and she saw the trouble in his eyes. "C'mere." She murmured and pulled him down to her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and buried his face into her shoulder. She held him comfortingly.
"I hate him." He whispered fiercely. After the encounter she had just witnessed, she believed it. She held him for a few moments before she pulled away.
"C'mon. I'll drive. We'll make it to my sisters in time for dinner and she can awe you with her wonderful cooking skills." Carol said, smiling. She began to back away from him but he grabbed her hand.
"Carol, I want to thank you for everything. For your support and all." He said. She smiled and resisted the urge to brush her hand over his hair.
"You're welcome." She said and turned, heading towards the car.
===== ====== =====
Carol stood in the kitchen with her sister, Beth. Doug was in the living room entertaining Beth's two young daughters, Kylie and Megan.
"Carol, he's gorgeous." Beth said quietly as they cut vegetables for dinner. Carol grinned.
"That he is."
"Please tell me you're not dating him. I want him." Beth said. Carol giggled.
"No, I'm not dating him. Beth?" She said. Her sister looked at her. "Doug Ross." Carol paused. "The Doug Ross." She said. Her sister looked at her, her face blank before suddenly it lit up. Beth lay the knife down gently.
"Doug Ross, the cheating bastard, Doug Ross?" Beth asked. Carol sighed.
"You've been talking to Mama too much. But yes, that Doug Ross." Carol said. Beth sighed.
"I'm trying to be mad, but he's just too adorable." Beth said. Carol laughed.
"Now you know why I stayed with him so long." Carol joked. Beth smiled and picked up the knife and resumed chopping.
"Remind me why he's here with you again?" Beth asked. Carol sighed.
"His dad was in jail and needed to be bailed out." Carol's voice had dropped. She especially didn't want Doug to hear her telling her sister about it. "Doug couldn't afford a plane ticket and his bail because he just bought a new jeep." Carol said.
"Wow. Poor guy." Beth murmured.
"I feel so bad for him." Carol said. "Before today he had not seen his father since he was 12 years old."
"12? Wow." Beth murmured, her eyes wide. "I'm trying not to feel bad for him but.."
"He's had so much hurt in his life." Carol murmured.
"You're smitten." Beth said. Carol looked up.
"I am not."
"Yes you are. You're protective over him. You think he's gorgeous. And you like him enough to take him up here for the weekend even after how he treated you in the past."
"The past is the past." Carol said. Beth raised her eyebrows.
"Tell me why you suddenly changed your mind." Beth said. Carol sighed.
"He explained things to me. I don't want to get into it." Carol needed to keep some things private. "But I believe him. He's stopped drinking 8 months ago. Stopped womanizing. And he told me why he had done it. And I know he's not lying. Believe me, when he lies, I know. Experience paid off in that area."
"You love him." Beth murmured.
"No, I wouldn't take it that far." Beth nodded. She knew her little sister well enough to know she was in love.
"Okay then, you care for him, deeply." Beth said, even though she knew better. Carol nodded and blew a piece of hair out of her face.
"You should have seem him today, Beth. He was so angry and sad. When we bailed his father out, Doug demanded to be paid back. And he wanted extra too because he wanted to pay me for everything. I bought his hotel room. It was only 40 bucks for both rooms, so he only owes me 20 dollars, but he told his father he expected the money. How can you not care for a man, who knows you don't care about the money, but is gentleman enough to get it?" Carol paused. "After his father left he was trembling like a leaf in anger. He told me he wanted a minute but I couldn't let him close himself up like that. So I held him." Carol said. "Not for long, just a minute or so, but I felt like he needed it."
"You're amazing, Care." Beth said. Carol smiled. Beth stayed silent for a few moments before speaking again. "Do you want to have another try at a relationship with him?"
"Maybe. I don't know, Beth. I'm not sure if I'm ready to have another relationship yet. And to top it all off, I'm talking like I know he wants one and it's up to me to decide. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship with me."
"You always were blind when it came to men." Carol looked up at her sister. "He loves you, Carol. I've seen the two of you together for about a half an hour and in that short time I could tell he's gaga over you." Beth said.
"He is not!" Carol exclaimed, astonished. Beth shakes her head.
"Whenever you're not looking at him, he stares at you. When you smile, he smiles. When you do that thing where you bite your thumbnail, he smiles. When you laugh, he smiles or laughs with you depending on what you're talking about. But he is always staring at you."
"I've never noticed." Carol said softly.
"You never were one to notice things like that about men who are interested in you." Beth said. Carol glanced at her. "You should look really hard at Doug sometime when he's looking at you. Look into his eyes and you'll see."
"You're full of shit." Carol said, placing her knife onto the table and moving to the sink. Beth rolled her eyes.
"If you want a relationship with him, you're going to have to take that first step. And if what you need is reassurance, look into his eyes." Beth said and gathered up the vegetables on the chopping board. Carol sighed and thought about her sister's words.
===== ====== =====
"Do you wanna take that walk now?" Beth asked her daughters and Doug and Carol. Megan nodded excitedly.
"Yeah, Mama, I'm ready." She exclaimed. In the course of two days, both the girls had fallen in love with Doug and he was now dubbed Uncle Doug. Carol and Doug nodded their agreement. They had decided to go walking after dinner, even though it was getting dark. The neighborhood was safe enough for the girls to be out so late.
"Okay then, let's get your coats." Beth said, getting ready to herd the girls to their coats.
"Mama?" Kylie said weakly. Doug saw the look on her face and he knew what was coming.
"Uh oh." He said and scooped her up into his arms, covering her mouth with his hand. He ran to the bathroom and sat the young girl in front of the toilet as she puked, barely missing his hand. Beth rushed into the room.
"Oh no. Oh baby." She said and dropped to her knees beside Doug. Carol and Megan stood in the doorway.
"Mama." Kylie croaked uneasily.
"C'mere Ky." Beth murmured and pulled her away from Doug. Kylie curled into her mother's arms weakly. Doug reached up and got a glass that was on the sink and filled it with water, handing it to Beth. She took it and let Kylie sip it as Doug dampened a wash cloth. He handed it to Beth.
"Thanks Doug." Beth said. He smiled.
"No problem. Just an advantage of being a pediatrician. I knew it was coming." He said. Beth nodded and wiped Kylie's mouth.
"You two go ahead and take a walk. The girls and I will stay here." She said.
"Oh no, that's okay." Carol said.
"Go." Beth insisted.
"We could take Meg with us." Doug suggested.
"No, she can stay here with me. I don't want you two watching her. Go." Beth ordered them in a motherly tone. Doug and Carol looked at each other before stepping out of the bathroom.
"Whenever she talks with that voice, you do what she says." Carol said, grinning. Doug chuckled under his breath as they headed for the front door.
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As they walked, Doug and Carol each thought silently. They had made small talk for awhile, but had fallen silent and were lost in their separate thoughts, until Doug spoke.
"Carol?"
"Mm?"
"I just want to thank you for everything. For giving me a ride, for listening to me, for uh, y'know, everything at the police station. And uh, for asking your sister to let me stay. I know I'm just a burden." Doug said, his hands were in his pockets and his head was down slightly as he talked. Carol stopped and turned to him. He turned to look at her.
"Doug, you're weren't a burden, you aren't. It's nice having you around." She smiled and he smiled in return. "You don't owe me anything. I don't want your or Ray's money." Carol said, referring to his comment to his father.
"I want Ray to pay for everything. I wouldn't have had to come with you and make you pay for my room if I had the money to get there myself. So, I want him to pay you back."
"I don't want.." He cut her off.
"I know." He smiled. "But I need to do it. For me." Doug said. Carol nodded, she understood. She gazed into his eyes for the first time since her and Beth's conversation in the kitchen last night. Carol hadn't been confident enough to look him in the eyes, but now that she was, she was lost in them and she couldn't turn away. Then she saw it. Beneath it all she saw exactly what Beth had said was there.
Her breath was coming faster now, shallower. She finally managed to force her hand up to his face. She ran her finger over his cheek and up to his hair, her gaze following. She ran her fingers through his bangs before her gaze slid back to his eyes. They had darkened in that brief moment she had looked away, she realized. Her gaze slid further along his face and she studied the contour of his lips. Carol looked into his eyes as she pressed her lips to his gently. He responded by sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her close.
Beth was right, Carol thought, she did have to make that first move. Carol murmured incoherently under his lips and leaned in, her eyes fluttering shut. The kiss was soft, slow, and sweet with a hint of desperation blended in. Their foreheads touch as their mouths twined.
When Carol pulled away, her hands were on his shoulders and neck, holding him close. She rested her forehead against him as she swallowed slightly and opened her eyes to gaze straight into his. His mouth was turning up at the corners. She suddenly broke into a huge smile and kissed him quickly, happily. He laughed slightly as he brought his hands down, pulling hers with his, and entwining his fingers with hers.
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