---- Hi, it's me! Axl! Taking a quick break from GONM to write something silly. I know what you're thinking, "She's taking a break already! What's wrong with her, besides being completely daft like Jack?" Believe it or not, I've been writing that thing for a very long time. Anyway. . . ----

Axl is walking around her school building, skipping class. As she's walking down the hall, she gets inexplicably sucked into locker 777, the number that seems to follow her around. (Seriously guys! It's. . . everywhere o0 ) Suddenly, she's falling from the sky and lands in a shallow bay in Port Royal, Jamaica. Jack Sparrow just happens to be hanging out on the dock at the time, and sees her fall.

Jack: Oh, crap. Not again! --Jumps in water to save Axl--

Axl opens her eyes to see Jack staring down at her. He's all soaking wet. Yay!

Axl: Hi. Anyone ever tell ya you look just like Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow?

Jack: Johnny who?

Axl: Ne'r mind. Where am I? One second I'm skipping class, the next I'm . . . doing whatever this is.

Jack: Okay. . . well . . . Since you're here, how 'bout you some around with me until you find your way back to. . . Where are you from?

Axl: Some town smeared on the bottom of Illinois's sneaker where nothing ever happens.

Jack: Oh. Okay. --Helps her up-- And it's Captain Jack Sparrow.

Axl: Sure. Whatever.

Jack takes Axl to meet his friends Will and Elizabeth.

(In blacksmith shop)

Jack: Axl, this is Will.

Will: Hello there. And how do you explain these ridiculous clothes? --Points to Axl's blue jeans, black t-shirt, and camo jacket, all of which have not been invented yet.--

Axl: --Looks down at her clothes.-- Hmmm . . . I don't know. How do you explain your baggy pants?

Will: --Glaring at Jack-- Would you stop spreading those rumors about me?

Jack: --Smug-- What rumors? Who's spreading rumors? I haven't heard any rumors! Whispering to Axl I'd rather call them lies.

Will: I heard that!

Jack: Not caring. Let's go see Elizabeth now!

(At the Governor's mansion)

Liz: Hi, Axl.

Axl: Hi.

Awkward silence

Jack: So, what say we all go party in Tortuga!

All: TORTUGA!

(The Faithful Bride)

Axl: --Playing piano and singing-- . . . Hear the dogs howling out of key to a hymn called "Faith and Misery," and bleed, the company lost the war today. I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies. This is the dawning of the rest of our lives. . . On Holiday!

Jack: This "Green Day." They're a band from your time?

Axl: Yeah. Green Day rocks.

Jack: Sure.

Liz: Hey, me and Will are gonna go somewhere now, so you two can be alone.

Will: We are?

Liz: Yeah. That's the really cliche thing that happens in every story like this, right? Two people are left alone and share a special moment so that the readers know that they're going to fall in love, then they stop reading coz they already know how it's going to end?

Will: Oh. Oh, yeah! Okay, then. Let's go to. . . the. . . place! Yeah, we gotta go to the place and ask a guy about a. . . thing.

Will and Liz leave. Axl sits down next to Jack. There's a long moment of silence.

Jack: So. . . D'you like. . . um. . . food?

Axl: Yeah. I like food. You like food?

Jack: Mm hmm.

Axl: Ah. . . --long pause-- . . . Y'know, I ate some food once.

Jack: Cool. Was it good?

Axl: It was ar'ight.

Jack: Awesome.

There's another freakishly long pause.

Jack: --clears throat-- . . .so. . .

Axl: . . .So.

Jack: Well?

Axl: Well what? --realizes what he's suggesting-- Oh, right! This is the part where we're supposed to try and kiss, but it's tragically interrupted!

Jack: Yeah! That's it!

Axl: Oh. A'righty, then!

Jack and Axl lean toward each other until they are an inch apart, then Will and Liz burst in.

Will: Jack! Axl! Help! Gibbs has a hangover and he barfed all over my new designer coat that I stupidly left lying in the middle of the floor! Dry-cleaning! I NEED DRY-CLEANING! --falls on floor in a fetal position and sucks his thumb--

Liz: Oh, sorry. Are we tragically interrupting anything?

Axl: Nothing unanticipated by the readers, no!

Jack: Right. C'mon, drag 'im onto the Pearl. We'll get him and his precious coat to the dry cleaners in 20 minutes tops.

(On the Black Pearl during a romantic sunset. Go figure.)

Axl: Well look at that, whadaya know! We're all alone again.

Jack: Yep. All alone.

Axl: Uh huh! Just you, me, and this cliche sunset.

Jack: And we won't be interrupted this time, as Liz is below deck, tending to Will. . .

Axl: Mm hmm. --more pausing-- Oh, let's just make out already!

Jack: Heck, why not?

So, Jack and Axl finally do some spit-swapping.

Axl: Okay, now what?

Jack: Well, I think this is where you forgive me for something I didn't even do.

Axl: Oh, right right right! Okay, um. . . Yeah, I forgive you now. For that. . . thing that. . . um. . . Will! Yeah, that thing that Will convinced me that you did!

Jack: Oh. But I didn't do. . . whatever it was.

Axl: How dare you lie to me! --slaps Jack, stalks off--

Jack: Yeah, that was unexpected. NOT!

(At dry-cleaner's)

Liz: It's okay, Will! Your coat'll be okay.

Will: --sucking thumb-- HOLD ME!

Axl: --To Jack-- I'm still not speaking to you ever again! Nyeah!

Jack: Oh, I have to do the passionate "can't live without you" speech, now, don't I?

Axl: Yeah, I think that's what usually comes next.

Jack: Oh, alright. --on knees-- Axl, before I met you I thought I would never be able to love. But you broke my heart when I thought it couldn't be broken anymore!

Axl: Don't you listen to HIM? "Hearts were made to be broken by love!"

Jack: Uh. . . yeah! Sure! Whatever. . . So will you come back to me now?

Axl: Hmm. . . Aw, what the heck!

More smooches.

Jack: I knew we were meant for each other the moment I saw you. See, look. --takes out compact mirror he stole from Will to sell on the black market-- We have matching eyeliner!

Axl: Uh, Jack?

Jack: What, love?

Axl: Y'know all that sentimental stuff? Yeah, that's over now.

Jack: Huh?

Axl: The fic's over. We can stop acting and go backstage for doughnuts.

Jack: Buteveryone's still reading. And what about you getting back to your own time?

Axl: Doughnuts first. Ending later.

Everyone goes backstage for doughnuts.

Axl: Okay, let's finish this puppy! So, turns out I need to learn the value of a good education in order for me to go back. Ditching class is what got me into this dookie pile in the first place.

Liz: Ooh! How 'bout this! If you don't get a good education, you'll end up like Will.

Will: Hey!

Axl: Gasp! You mean I'll be a eunich?

Jack: More like a . . . eunichette.

Axl: NOOOOOOOO! Wait. Can girls be eunuchs?

Jack: How would I know! Look, just go back and learn junk, okay?

Axl: Well, I guess that works, too. See y'all later! --starts drifting back up into the sky--

Jack: Don't forget meeeeee...

Axl: Duh! I'll see your picture every time I open my locker.

Axl suddenly wakes up in the middle of the class she was dreaming about skipping.

Teacher: Axl! Are you paying attention, or are you too busy dreaming about Johnny Depp to get a good education!

Axl: What? Huh! I'm sorry, what was the question?

Teacher: Sigh. . . Who was the 18th president of the United States?

Axl: Uh. . . I. . . BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG!

Teacher: That's funny. Last week when I asked you that same question, you said it was Toby Mac!

Axl: Well, I'd vote for 'im.

Teacher: --taps foot impatiently--

Axl: --thinks carefully-- . . .James Norrington?

Teacher: --smiles-- Correct! See, I knew you could do it.

Axl: --winks to readers. Yeah, you knew it was coming!--

---- Yay! Okay, break's over. Back to GONM for me. ----

Axl

PS Yes, I really do know how to play Holiday on the piano. You can find the four chords on my blog, a link to which should be in my profile.