Somewhere, deep in the forests of Konoha, and coincidentally near the only yaoi onsen in the world, a great pulsating orb of black lightning was forming. It increased in size until it had consumed almost an entire trunk of a tree. Electricity was shooting off of the oily black mass in huge bolts; striking down trees centuries old.

Then, as suddenly as it began, the disturbance stopped. The only thing that could be heard was the sickening crack of the body hitting every branch on the way down to the ground. With one last crack; the figure's vision gave way to inky darkness.

Ughhh………… wh-where the fuck am I? The figure slowly rose, shaking the grogginess from its eyes.

Thank god for these reinforced skulls. Otherwise I'd be sooooooooooooooooo screwed. Hmmmm…… Now where did I put that damn thing?

As the figure was checking its body for all its weapons, it realized that they were missing. Even the little gun lighter it had.

Dammit. And I could really use a cigarette right now. Wonder who took all my sh-

"Identify yourself!"

Well, that was easy. Slowly the figure stood, under the watchful eyes of Konoha's elite ANBU assassination squad. It was only when the figure stood did the ANBU get a full look at it. It was a man; that was for sure. And he was tall. Almost impossibly so, he towered over them at nearly eight feet. Most of his face was concealed by shoulder length black hair that he let hang free. One half of his face looked as it was constructed and blessed by the gods themselves. The other was covered in an intricate tattoo that gave him the visage of a demon. But on closer inspection you could see that it was just a mask to detract from the severe scarring that occurred many years before.

"I am Deucalion, and you better give me my shit back. Otherwise I'm going to get angry. And when I get angry, people get beat to death with their own limbs…" Deucalion watched as they all stiffened, their muscles going taunt, ready to strike. He watched them as his own rage swelled from a trickle to a tsunami that threatened all in its path. He smirked in anticipation.

"You are outnumbered and in our territory. You will come with us to see the Hokage. He will know what to do with you." Spat the ANBU leader, or what Deucalion assumed what was the leader. They all looked exactly the same, only with different porcelain masks. This one seemed to be a snake

"And if I should refuse?" Deucalion asked with barely contained eagerness. He would have an outlet for this rage after all. His hands twitched in anticipation.

"You will come with us of your own free will or by force. The choice is yours" the giant of a man could hear the smirk coming from the snake.

"Very well…" Deucalion sighed as he shrugged off his huge coat. Revealing a heavily muscled torso that was covered with scars; it looked as if he had not been born but rather pieced together from different bodies. "I choose force." With that he blinked out of existence.

"Fan out! Find him!" screamed ANBU captain, "He can't have gone far, and he barely has any chakra in him. So don't let his size scare you! Hurry your asses up! I want him fo-"Any further instructions were cut off by Deucalion's fist crashing through his white mask, through his face and through the back of the ANBU's head. Deucalion seemed less a human being and more a demon from hell, standing there with his arm through the shinobi's skull; brain matter freckling his body, when a vicious smile lit up his face.

"Who's next?"

Where am I? Ow…my head hurts. And my arm hurts… what the hell was that guy?

The door opened to reveal the Nidaime Hokage in all his glory. He slowly walked to sit down in the chair next to the bed. The Nidaime sighed as he picked up the clipboard that told his status.

"Kamizuki Tsuboi. Jonin and ANBU squad 4 member. You were out patrolling with your squad when we lost contact. Would you care to fill in the blanks?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama. We were on our way back from patrol when we came across this huge ball of energy just sitting there in the forest. We tried to get closer to investigate but Dan got too close and a stray bolt of lightning hit his arm. The suddenly the thing just ceased to exist. But it left behind a man. This guy was huge; and armed for war. While he was still unconscious we began to examine him, he had many weapons that we confiscated in the even that he was hostile." Kamizuki snorted, "A whole lot of good that did us. When he woke up we moved away so as to properly assess him. He was even bigger standing up and he had this amazing tattoo covering the entire side of his face. He told us that his name was Deucalion and he wanted his stuff back. We told him that he needed to come and see you. That bastard said that he didn't want to. So we 'politely' told him that he could either come peacefully or be taken by force. He chose force. Then he proceeded to take us apart. He killed Madara first and then moved on to the rest of us. It was fun for him." Kamizuki's hand gripped the sheets, threatening to rip them. "Where it was finally my turn, he ripped my arm off and used it against me. He broke a few ribs and then cracked it over my head. The force of the blow threw me into something and then everything went dark."

The Nidaime Hokage was quiet for a bit. Then he rose and looked out the window, his face completely blank.

"So you have no idea how you got back here, do you?"

"Sir? I thought another patrol found me and brought me back." Confusion was written clearly on his face. The Nidaime would have laughed if the situation was different. "No, I was doing my paperwork when a black shadow flitted across the room. Then you were there, on my desk, bleeding over everything." The Nidaime Hokage moved towards the door. "This matter is now classified. Never speak of this again."

And then he was gone.

A whisker faced boy of six, with sun kissed hair was running throughout the Village Hidden in the Leaves, laughing. He ignored the looks of disgust the villagers had whenever he was around. He was happy! He had been accepted into the Ninja Academy! Now people would have to respect him! But his laughter and running were cut short when he ran into a big stranger. And he was really big. The man looked down at the boy who had run into him.

"What is your name little one?" The boy looked up with an expression of wonder upon his face. Maybe this person would be his friend!

"Uzumaki Naruto! And who the hell are you?" Asked, no, screamed the rambunctious 6 year old. The man smiled, his handsome face threatening to split. The strange tattoo on one side of his face made the smile seem slightly feral. But Naruto decided that he liked it. It made him feel safe.

"Me? My name is Deucalion."

AN: Originally this was a plot bunny given to my by IEatChicken. But I killed that plot bunny and using my necromancy skills resurrected it but as a fucked up version of itself.