Pistols or Pencils
Fiona Robinson
Synopsis: Amanda has several decisions to make when Lee tells her he wants to leave the field.
The characters in this story are the property of Shoot the Moon Productions, Ltd. and Warner Brothers Television. The story itself is copyrighted to the author.
Wednesday
"Hey, Amanda, you'd better get a move on. We're going to be late," Lee Stetson said, peeking in the doorway of her bedroom.
Amanda King stood in front of her closet, her arms crossed over her chest, trying to choose an outfit. She was still wearing her bathrobe, her hair was still damp from a recent shower, and although she'd put on her makeup, Lee could wager a guess that she still had about half an hour's worth of getting ready to do.
She sighed. "Yeah, okay....I'm just having a hard time deciding what to wear."
Lee chuckled. "It's only me, and it's only dinner."
"That's not the point."
"You look beautiful in everything. Why is it so hard?"
"Because suddenly I hate everything. I hate all of it." The edge in her voice surprised him, and she reached out to him, apologetic. "I'll try to hurry up," she said, kissing his fingers. "I'll settle for something, then burn it all when we get home."
"Oh," he laughed, "you'll have better things to do when we get home. Trust me." He kissed her cheek, lightly. "I'll wait for you downstairs, okay?"
"Perfect. Be down in a minute."
She watched him disappear, and sat down on the edge of her bed, towelling her hair. Amanda knew what was making her so irritable. It wasn't difficult to figure out. All anyone had to do was look at a calendar. Any time she thought about the fact that she was two days late, her stomach knotted up and all she saw in her future was one problem after the next. On one hand, it was all silliness - she and Lee were married, after all, and perfectly entitled to have children. On the other hand....no one knew about their relationship. Her mother was constantly hinting about the two of them setting a date, and they were constantly dodging the issue. They were both reluctant to go public while they were on active field duty.
And there was the other problem. Their jobs. She loved her job, she loved Lee, she loved her kids. Amanda was torn in a million directions, and she had no idea which one would take her where she needed to go.
It was raining outside. She stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Black. She didn't wear black very often, but right then it seemed to suit her mood. She turned on her hair dryer and blasted her head, watching herself in the mirror. A fluff, a rake-through with her fingers, a little more lipstick, and she was ready. They'd miss the movie if she didn't get downstairs right away.
***
Lee looked at her over dinner, wondering what was on her mind. Amanda was just picking at her food, she hadn't seemed to care what they ordered, and she was hardly listening to him tell her about the bike he'd seen for Philip. Since she was normally the most attentive person he knew, this baffled him, and he wasn't altogether sure how to handle her.
"Are you all right?" he asked her, finally, and Amanda simply shrugged.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She suddenly straightened and leaned forward in her chair. "Do you think we could tell my mother?"
"About the bike?"
She rolled her eyes. "About us."
Lee chuckled. "Are you kidding? It'd be all over the neighborhood in two seconds."
"That's not fair," Amanda protested. "Mother can be very discreet when it's called for."
"Is she bugging you to set a date again?" he wondered, sipping his coffee.
"No...I think she's worried, is all. That I'm going to get into a rut with you the way I did with Dean, and then....Well." She smiled suddenly, slowly. "You know what happened with Dean."
Lee laughed. "Yeah, I do. Do you think you'd have married him if you hadn't met me?"
Amanda bit on her lip. "Nope," she said, finally. "I was meant to meet you, so there was no getting around it."
"Destiny, huh?" She nodded and he reached for her hand. "Anyway, I think I have a solution to the setting a date problem."
She raised her eyebrows. "You do?"
"Bob Macahan called me today," he said. "He's recruiting a new team for Section 25. They need new people over there, and he thought we'd be a good fit."
Amanda leaned back in her chair, stunned. "But those are desk jobs."
"Well, I guess. But not your traditional desk jobs. And the field work is much lower risk than what we're doing now." Section 25 was responsible for amassing profiles of known terrorists and criminals, sorting the results of field work into an endless database that was rapidly becoming pivotal to Agency operations. There would be a lot of interviewing, visits to crime scenes, and tedious legwork, but there would also be regular hours and a minimal risk of making enemies.
"What did you tell him?"
"That I'd talk to you, of course. So what do you think?" Lee wanted her to be happy, but she didn't look happy. She looked like it was the last thing she wanted to do.
"I'm...not sure. I think I need to think about it a little more. Why would you want to leave active duty?" she asked.
"Well, so that we can have a bit of a normal life, for one thing," he said, suddenly on edge. "So that you can wear that wedding ring on your finger, instead of around your neck. I thought that would be obvious."
"Do you want a normal life?"
"Amanda, I want to be with you. The only way I can do that properly is to have a normal life. So yes...I do." He peered at her across the table. "You don't seem very happy."
"I told you, I need to think about it a little more." She looked at her watch. "We're going to miss the movie if we don't get going."
***
Thursday
Amanda sat in the Q-Bureau, shuffling papers and trying to concentrate. She hadn't answered Lee about the jobs in Section 25. She wasn't sure she wanted to, because she felt like they might argue about it and she didn't think she could handle that right then. She thought of spending her days doing exactly what she was doing then, and the thought started a little flutter of panic in her chest. It rose up, like a butterfly in the back of her throat, and she took a gulp of cold coffee, trying to tame it.
She hardly looked up when Lee came into the office. He'd been downstairs with Billy and Francine, trying to put together a list of criteria for profiling some of the more active perpetrators of their yet-unsolved cases. Profiling, she realized with a jolt, was the kind of thing they wanted Lee to do all the time, in another area.
"Hey," he said, tapping the desk in front of her. "Have you had lunch yet?"
Amanda looked up at him, smiling briefly. "No. You?"
"Nope. I'm starved...feel like heading over to Nedlinger's?"
She nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good. Anyone else coming along?"
Lee grinned at her. "Just us. And then there're some errands Billy wants us to run this afternoon - a few people to talk to and stuff Okay?"
"Yeah. Fine."
Amanda sat across a table from him and tried to make conversation about what he'd been doing that morning. She felt crazy and tense, waiting for him to ask if she'd thought about changing jobs, but he never did. In the car, on the way home from the movie, she had asked him to give her until Monday, and he'd agreed to that. He wasn't pushing her, and she appreciated that to no end.
They had to stop at the Q-Bureau to pick up a few files, and both were surprised to discover Dr Smyth sitting at Lee's desk, puffing on his customary cigarette. "Hello, kids," he greeted, as they stood gawking at him.
"Dr Smyth," Lee finally said. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"
"Thought I'd pay you a little visit, Scarecrow. To see if you're thinking about trading in pistols for pencils."
"We...uh...haven't decided yet," Lee said, casting a glance at Amanda.
"I haven't decided yet, is what Lee means," Amanda said, looking back at him.
"What's the holdup, Mrs. King?"
Amanda looked at him with her clear brown eyes. "There's a lot to consider, sir," she said. She wasn't afraid of him, and she wasn't sure if he respected or hated that. At first, he had flustered her, now she had the sneaking suspicion his arrogance hid something else - something she couldn't bring herself to be flustered by.
Dr Smyth shrugged, rising from Lee's chair. "Don't take too long," he said. "Opportunity's knuckles get tired after a while."
When the door shut behind him, Lee and Amanda turned and looked at each other. She let out a sigh. "My goodness," she said, and Lee just nodded.
"No pressure," he chuckled, crossing the room to his desk. "We'd better get going, huh? We're late."
Amanda stood still for a moment, looking at him. "I'm sorry," she said. "He's giving us a hard time because of me."
Lee just shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I said I'd give you until Monday, and that's got nothing to do with what he says. Just think about it all, okay?"
Amanda nodded. "Okay." He reached out and squeezed her hand as he walked back toward the door, a file folder in his hand, and she followed him, closing the door to the office and wondering if Section 25 had so many interesting characters in it.
***
Friday
Amanda came down to breakfast early Friday morning to find her mother sitting at the dining room table, surrounded by recipe cards.
"Morning, Mother," she greeted, pouring a glass of orange juice. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to find my recipe for peach cobbler," Dotty said, rooting through her recipe box. "I'm playing cards over at the Garrisons' this afternoon and I said I'd take something, and of course she suggested my peach cobbler. She can't get enough of it, she says, and of course I can't find the recipe. You haven't seen it, have you?"
Amanda shook her head, her stomach doing a slow flip-flop at the thought of dessert. She took a gulp of orange juice and tried to steady herself.
"You all right, dear?" Dotty asked, looking at her daughter over the rims of her glasses. "You seem a little peaked."
Amanda opened her eyes. "Just the thought of dessert at seven o'clock in the morning, I guess."
Dotty considered that for a moment, stacking cards and putting them haphazardly back into her recipe box. "Amanda," she said after a moment. "You'd tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you?"
"Of course, Mother. What makes you say that?"
"You hardly touched your dinner last night. Are you sure you're all right?"
"I'm fine. I've just been a little…under the weather…lately."
"Have you been working too hard? Maybe you should take a day off…"
"I don't need a day off, Mother. I'm fine. I probably have some kind of little virus or something."
Dotty continued to appraise her daughter. "Hm."
"Hm - what? What 'hm'?" Amanda wanted to know, dropping a slice of bread into the toaster. She glanced at her watch, went to the bottom of the stairs and called up the staircase to her sons. "Philip, Jamie - you'd better be up. You only have twenty minutes!"
No sooner had the words left her mouth than Philip came scooting down the stairs, shoes and backpack in hand. "I'm biking to school today, Mom," he said, shoving his feet into his sneakers. "I've gotta be there early."
Amanda's toast popped, and she stood scraping butter onto it and watching her son toss pieces of fruit haphazardly into his bag. "Are you going to take the lunch your grandmother made for you?" she asked him, gesturing to the bag on the counter. "Or are you just going to clean out my fruit drawer?"
"Uh, yeah. Thanks." Philip grabbed the bag, then turned and grabbed Amanda's toast as he passed the counter. "See you later!" he called, biting into it as he ran out the door.
Amanda turned and looked at her mother as the door shut. She picked up another piece of bread and dropped it into the toaster. "Might as well make Jamie breakfast, too, while I'm at it," she muttered.
"Is Lee picking you up this morning?" Dotty asked.
"Yeah. He should be here any minute." Amanda leaned her elbows on the counter and looked at her mother. "Do you think it's selfish to be dedicated to your career?"
Dotty raised her eyebrows. "You're asking me?"
Amanda smiled a little, then nodded. "I'm asking you."
Dotty leaned back in her chair. "Well," she said, "I think it probably has to do with perspective."
"Perspective." Amanda chewed on the word, thinking about what her mother was saying. "What kind of perspective?"
"Well...I guess it means certain things might be important to you, and others might not. Like…like running off to Africa might be important, but Little League might not."
"Oh, Mother," Amanda said, suddenly understanding what Dotty had just said, "I'm not talking about Joe. And his career wasn't the cause of every problem, either. I just mean - is there a point where it's selfish to…hold off…on making certain decisions because you want to pursue a career?"
Dotty gave Amanda a long look. "Is this about setting a date?"
"What?"
"You and Lee - is his job getting in the way of setting a date?"
Amanda let out a small laugh. "His job? Not at all. He's more than ready to set a date, Mother."
Dotty was silent for a moment. "So it's yours, then."
Amanda didn't answer. She suddenly became very interested in the newspaper.
"Amanda."
"Hm?"
"Is that what's stopping you - your job?"
Amanda looked up at her mother. "I guess. In some ways. Maybe."
"Is he asking you to quit?"
"No...no, of course not. He's never asked me to do anything I wouldn't want to do." She sighed. "It's complicated, is all. I shouldn't have brought it up." The doorbell rang and Amanda straightened. "There he is. Not a word, Mother," she called as she bounded toward the door.
Lee grinned at her from across the threshold. "Hi. Are you ready to go?"
"I'll just be a minute," she said, kissing him. "Come in and have a cup of coffee and an interrogation."
***
Lee sat in the Q-Bureau, watching his wife across the room. She'd been unusually quiet all day - all week, actually, and he didn't know what to make of it. He wasn't sure if it was the possibility of changing jobs, or if she was just overworked, but he knew without a doubt that she wasn't herself.
He thought of an interview they'd conducted that morning, and how she had hardly paid attention to any of it. She'd simply sat, idly swinging one long, slender leg in a way that distracted him. Normally, he could see her sensors going off through an entire meeting with a suspect, and she'd sit in the car with him afterward and share all kinds of theories. Today, she had been almost completely silent on the ride back to the Agency, looking out the window and sliding her wedding ring back and forth on its chain around her neck.
Lee had to admit he couldn't really understand why Section 25 was such a difficult decision for Amanda to make. To him, it seemed cut and dried. They were both finding it increasingly difficult to keep their lives secret, to hide their affection for each other in the presence of their coworkers. Amanda wore her engagement ring at home, but kept it hidden at work. Telling the Agency about their relationship was bound to result in one of two things: they'd be split up, or they'd both be retired from active duty.
And if Lee was certain about one thing, it was that he didn't want to be on active duty without Amanda. Once he had become used to working with a partner again, he had quickly realized that going back to his old, solitary life was not something he wanted. He had been good at his job alone, but with the right partner he had become even better. Amanda always asked the right questions, she paid attention to things that went on in the world around her - the real world, where no one hid in the shadows - because that world so often reflected things that went on in the intelligence universe. "People are people," she'd say, "and there's only so much about a person's life that can be different."
He knew Amanda was good at what she did - Billy had reminded him of it for years before he had accepted it. But he was also sure, at the same time, that she'd be a huge asset to Section 25 - just because she could see and understand things that other agents sometimes didn't. He didn't understand why she thought the job would change that much, since she loved the investigative work but had never really warmed up to the danger they often faced.
His stomach growled, loudly, and she smiled at him from her desk. "Hungry?" she teased, laughing.
Lee looked at his watch. "Of course. Want to get out of here for a while?'
"Of course. What were you thinking of?"
"Today…" Lee looked out the window. "Lunch in the park."
They sat on the grass, under a big tree, and ate the sandwiches they'd picked up at a nearby delicatessen. Amanda was still quiet, and Lee watched her out of the corner of his eye as she kept track of a game of tag some kids were playing nearby.
"Are you okay?" he asked her, finally, and she turned to look at him, surprised.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"You don't seem yourself."
"I'm a little tired," she admitted. "It's been a long week." He shifted closer to her, leaning against the tree trunk, and Amanda settled in against him, closing her eyes as he planted a gentle kiss on her cheek. The sandwich sat in her stomach like a lead weight, and the anxiety she'd been feeling for the last week fluttered in her chest, making her feel as if she was always dropping from a great height.
"This is nice," Lee said after a few minutes. Amanda nodded. "We need to do things like this more often."
"Yeah, I know." She thought about being pregnant, and that if they had a baby there'd never be time for things like this, stolen moments under a tree at noon on a Friday. She immediately banished that thought from her head. "You're full of good ideas, Stetson."
"I know." He grinned. "One of them got me you."
Amanda laughed, suddenly. "Oh, and modest, too. What a lethal combination."
Lee chuckled, burying his nose in her hair. "You know it."
"I do. It's gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion."
This was the Amanda he knew, he thought, feeling her hand rest gently on his knee, her other arm curled around his back. He thought of the few nights they got to spend together, and how she slept facing him, one hand always touching him in some way, closed in a gentle fist. He would never get tired of that feeling - the sensation of her warm, always-soft fingers brushing against his arm or his chest as she slept. The feeling had at first comforted and terrified him all at once - he had wanted her there with him for so long that for her to actually be there, for her gentle, slender presence to be beside him twenty-four hours a day, had been almost impossible for him to imagine.
"You know what would be nice?" he said, suddenly, breaking the silence.
"Mm. What?"
"The afternoon off, and then dinner together…and then breakfast together."
"That would be nice," she agreed, "but Mother's leaving tomorrow morning, Philip's getting on a bus at six a.m., and you promised to take Jamie to that game."
Lee sighed. "Yeah."
"Although, all that really negates is breakfast. Well, and part of the night together. The rest of it is all still possible."
Lee shook his head. "No…it isn't. We have another interview to do this afternoon. And it'll probably go on forever, so even if I make dinner reservations, we'll miss them."
He sounded frustrated, and Amanda tilted her head to look at him. "We still have the weekend together."
"I'm just tired of this," he muttered.
"I know. I am, too. But we don't have to make dinner reservations. We can have a quiet dinner at your place tonight, even if it's just for a couple of hours."
Lee grinned at her, suddenly. "You're right," he said, pinching her cheek lightly. "You're always right about things like that." He leaned in to kiss her, drawing her close against him, and her mouth touched his for only a second before she pulled away, abruptly.
"Hey…what's wrong?" he asked, watching her turn away from him. She was gasping for air, and when she looked at him he could see her cheeks were white. "Are you okay?"
"I'm…" Amanda nodded as nausea rose up in the back of her throat. "I must have eaten something…."
"I hope it wasn't my kisses," he joked, reaching out to smooth her hair away from her forehead. "Jesus, Amanda, you're white as a sheet."
"I'll be okay. I'm just…queasy." The only thought that ran through her head was that she had to be, had to be pregnant. She was never sick like this. Amanda tried to take a deep gulp of air, and willed the nausea to subside. Eventually, her stomach went back to the fluttery feeling she'd been fighting all week.
Lee watched color return to her cheeks, and rubbed her back with a warm, comforting hand. "Feel better?"
She smiled, wanly. "A little. Not much."
"Want to go back?"
"Yeah. I'll be okay in a minute. I'm fine." She stood, felt the park swim around her. "Oh…maybe we could, um, sit for a minute, huh? I need a…a breather."
Lee's forehead creased with worry. "Maybe you shouldn't go back at all. Maybe you should take the afternoon off."
She shook her head. "Won't be the same without you."
"Amanda. I'm taking you back to my place. We're only a couple of minutes away. And I'll go do the interview on my own."
She let out her breath in a rush. "Lee. I'm fine. I've felt like this on and off all day."
"All the more reason for you to take it easy."
"It'll go away."
"What were you thinking, eating that sandwich?"
"I felt fine then. I was hungry." She had a sudden feeling of deja vu, and remembered sitting with Joe in the cafeteria at UVA, watching him eat Bootlegger Stew and thinking she'd be sick any minute. Her pregnancy with Philip had largely consisted of her creeping around a darkened apartment, trying to do housework in between bouts of morning, afternoon, and evening sickness. Now, she felt a chill that was unrelated to anything else, and she suddenly nodded at him.
"Okay," she conceded. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I will go lie down for a while."
As they walked to the car, Lee slipped his arms around her shoulders. Amanda settled against him, resting her head on his shoulder and letting out a deep sigh. As warm and solid and close as he was, she couldn't help feeling he was still a million miles away, on the other side of her secrets.
***
The smell of food woke her, hours later, and she felt her stomach give a familiar lurch. Lee had covered her with a light blanket, and a look out his living-room window told her that it was fairly late.
Amanda sat up slowly, stretching and feeling a strange ache in the small of her back. Lee was standing in the doorway to the kitchen - he smiled at her and came to sit beside her.
"Feeling better?"
"A little...maybe." She blinked. "What time is it?"
"Almost eight. You slept a long time."
"Yeah. Too long, I think."
"I called your mother. I thought she'd want to know why you hadn't shown up for dinner."
"Oh." Amanda smiled. "Thanks."
"I've been cooking. Feel like a little something?"
"Um...I'll try, but I'm not sure."
He looked worried. "Still nauseated?"
"A little. I should probably eat something, though. Or at least have some water."
Lee nodded, watching her, concern written all over his features. She pushed the blanket off her legs and leaned over to kiss him.
"Are you going to be okay?" he wondered.
"Yeah. I'm sure I'll be fine. The boys probably brought home a virus or something."
"How about some plain toast?"
Amanda nodded, leaning against him for a moment, enjoying his solid warmth.
"Did Mother say if Philip had gone yet?"
"No.…Not yet. Did you want to give him a call?"
"I think so. He's going to be gone all weekend. I should really wish him luck."
Dotty picked up after the first ring. "Oh, Amanda, darling. Are you feeling better?"
"Much, thanks. How are you, Mother?"
"Oh, I'm just fine. I'm just packing."
"What time are you leaving?" Amanda asked, settling back on the couch.
"At seven, I think. Will you...be back by then?"
Amanda laughed, nervously. "Of course, Mother. I'll be back well before then." She cleared her throat. "Is Philip there? I wanted to wish him luck in the tournament."
"Oh...yes, he's here. I'll get him for you." Amanda could hear her mother, calling Philip, and then the click of the telephone as her son picked up the extension in her bedroom.
"Hi, sweetheart."
"Hi."
"I just...wanted to wish you luck with the tournament this weekend."
"Oh. Thanks." Philip paused. "Are you working?"
"Um, no....No. I'm at Lee's."
"Oh...oh, yeah. He called, earlier. Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Feeling much better." Amanda hesitated, suddenly at a loss for what to say next. "Are you leaving in the morning?"
"Um...yeah. But I was going to stay at Chris's house tonight. Grandma said it was okay with her," he added quickly, before Amanda had a chance to protest. "We're leaving at six tomorrow, so we thought it'd be easier."
"Sure. That's fine. Will you call from the road?"
"Will you be home?" There was a hint of accusation in Philip's voice, and Amanda drew back from it involuntarily.
"Yes. I should be home all weekend."
"Okay. I'll talk to you then. Look, Mom, Chris's dad is here. I gotta go."
"Okay. Well, good luck."
"Thanks. See you Sunday."
"See you Sunday." Amanda set the receiver back down in the cradle and leaned back on the couch, her head in her hand. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Lee watching her, framed in the doorway to the kitchen.
"Everything all right?" he asked, a dishtowel in his hand.
Amanda smiled at him and nodded. "Oh, fine. Everything's fine."
He didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"
"Mm-hm." She reached out a hand, and he came to sit beside her. "So what did you make for dinner?"
"You're not hungry, are you?"
"Not a bit. I just wondered if you could sit here for a while, or if you had to serve it up right away."
"I made stew," he said, kissing her forehead. "So I can sit here as long as I want. Your toast, on the other hand, won't really keep."
Amanda laughed. "That's all right. I don't mind cold toast."
Lee sighed. "I'm glad it's the weekend."
"Me, too."
"We don't have to think about work until Monday."
Amanda lifted her head and looked at him. "Lee," she cautioned, before she saw the completely innocent look on his face.
"Oh – I didn't mean that," he said, quickly. "I was thinking about how much you need a day off."
"You do, too."
"My stomach isn't doing somersaults, like yours is," he retorted, and Amanda just shrugged, smiling a little.
"We both need a couple of days," she agreed, and promptly began them by falling asleep again.
***
Saturday
Amanda was pouring juice when Lee knocked on the back door and poked his head through. She had a momentary lapse and was about to hush him - the habits of four years were difficult to break, even now - when he stepped into her house and planted a firm kiss on her mouth.
"Hey, you," he greeted, grinning.
"Hey, yourself."
"You're looking pretty chipper, for someone who snuck out of my place not four hours ago."
Amanda laughed, stroking his face. "Can't help it. I knew you'd be coming over here to pick up Jamie."
"Is he ready?"
"Getting there. Want some coffee?"
"That would be great. Are you feeling better?"
Amanda nodded. "Much," she lied. She had convinced herself that the tricks her body was playing on her were purely psychological. "He's really excited about the game."
"Good. I am, too." He leaned his elbows on the counter, looking at her earnestly. "I think I'm really making some headway with him."
Amanda smiled, putting a cup of coffee in front of him. "I know you are, sweetheart."
"I can't tell you what a relief that is."
"Oh," she laughed. "I have a pretty good idea. Anyway, we all know that the way to Jamie King's heart is through baseball."
"Yeah," Lee laughed. "I guess that's true."
They heard Jamie come down the stairs then, his steps heavy and fast, and he appeared in the kitchen holding his high-top sneakers in one hand.
"Hi Lee," he greeted, dropping his shoes by the back door. "Do I have time for a glass of milk?"
"We've got tons of time. The game doesn't start until noon."
Amanda's forehead creased. "Then how come you're leaving so early?" she wondered, looking at the clock. It was only ten-thirty.
"We…uh…we've got a couple of errands to run, first," Lee said, suddenly very interested in his coffee. Jamie had wanted to show him a potential gift for Amanda, even though her birthday wasn't for another couple of months. Lee had said he'd help Jamie buy it - that Jamie could pay him in installments and they'd find a place to hide it.
Amanda just nodded, knowing she'd find out what it was, sooner or later. "Uh-huh," she said, putting the juice back in the refrigerator. "I see."
Lee gave her a mock-stern look. "And don't you even think about trying to find out what they are," he said. "I'll know you're following us."
Jamie laughed. "Yeah, just like spies."
Amanda and Lee both looked at him, startled, before grinning at each other. "Which spies?" Amanda asked.
"You know, James Bond, all those guys," Jamie said, taking a gulp of his milk. "The kind that look in their rearview mirror and say 'we've got company, you'd better step on it.'" Jamie put his glass down and picked up his basketball, which Amanda had gently nudged toward him with her foot, and took off up the stairs.
Lee looked at Amanda. "Man, I'm going to have to stop saying that."
"Saying what?"
"We've got company, you'd better step on it."
"Yeah, well…" Amanda started laughing, taking a sip of her coffee. "Along with 'freeze', 'hands where I can see them', and 'what's his MO?'"
"I have never said that."
"What?"
"'What's his MO?' I have never said that."
"Oh…I don't know. I think you might have, once or twice." Amanda leaned toward him, her elbows on the counter. "After all, I've been watching and learning all these years."
"You've been hallucinating, too," he said, leaning to kiss her.
"Freeze, Stetson," she said, hearing her son come down the stairs. "And keep your hands where I can see them."
Lee laughed, softly, and kissed her quickly. "What's his MO? That's what I'd like to know," he said, gesturing to Jamie, who had apparently forgotten something and gone running up the stairs again.
"He's thirteen."
"And?"
"And he's thirteen. That's it."
"I guess that's formidable enough," Lee conceded, as footsteps came toward them again.
Amanda watched as Jamie tugged on his jacket, stuffed his wallet into his pocket, and turned to Lee. "Okay," he said. "I'm ready. Let's hit the road."
Lee nodded, swigging the last of his coffee and picking up his car keys. "Great. See you later," he said, kissing Amanda's cheek. "Take it easy, huh?"
Amanda nodded - she had forgotten about the knot in her stomach for a few minutes, and he had just reminded her of it. "Bye, sweetheart!" she called, as the back door swung shut behind them. She could hear both of them call "bye!" back in her direction, and she laughed, trying to decide whether to clean the kitchen cupboards, water the lawn, or take a long, hot bath.
She opened a cupboard, felt her stomach give a sudden twinge, and closed the door again. "Bath," she said aloud, and headed for the stairs.
***
Later, that afternoon, Amanda sat in her oddly silent house and thought about calling her doctor, she thought about keeping it all a secret from Lee until she was sure, and then she thought about everything that would change if her suspicions were right. Then Amanda did something completely unusual for her - she did absolutely nothing. She picked up her purse and went to the supermarket.
As she chose loaves of bread and carefully selected fresh vegetables, she thought of other things. The diamond ring on the finger of her left hand; the wedding ring hanging on a fine gold chain, around her neck, that made the diamond seem ridiculous. The identification badge in her purse that gave her access to the Agency. The other identification badge, in an envelope in her bedside table, that gave her access to places like firing ranges and labs that no one who lived at her house knew about. She liked having all those things in her possession, but she disliked and perhaps resented that all but one of them were secret.
She chose tomatoes and picked up a pregnancy test, and thought of her mother and father, who had never had secrets from each other, and of herself and Lee, who kept secrets from everyone but each other. She was keeping a secret now - was it a secret if it was only a hunch? She suddenly wasn't sure what the rules of the game were anymore. Probably because the rules had changed so much she didn't recognize them. She had changed so much that the game was foreign to her.
Amanda caught a glimpse of herself in the window of the supermarket, as she loaded bags into her car. She stopped what she was doing and stood looking at her reflection, thinking. She had changed. Her appearance wasn't that different, but she wasn't the same person she had been five years ago. Before she had met Lee, her world had revolved around motherhood; her focus had been on bringing up two boys without their father. She hadn't given a great deal of thought to herself, and what she wanted, beyond seeing her boys happy. She had become involved in the PTA and Junior Trailblazers and Little League because it had always been in her nature to be involved in something, and it was a way to support Philip and Jamie. And she had enjoyed that - she had liked watching Philip score his first goal in soccer, and teaching Jamie to throw a baseball. But when Lee Stetson came along, and opened her eyes to a world outside everything her mother, friends, and children had known, Amanda found herself hungry for not just excitement, but knowledge that let her make a real difference in the world.
Maybe she was being selfish, but when she thought of the person she had been in college, and the person she was now, she wondered what had happened to her for the fifteen years in between. Had she been asleep? Hibernating? What had stopped her from pursuing her goals once she'd married Joe? Why had she stopped wanting all the things she'd wanted while they were dating? She was closer now to finding the person she wanted to be than she'd ever been, but it had taken her so long to get there. She wasn't sure she could give any of that up.
She shook her head, turned back to her car, and closed the trunk. She'd never figured anything important out standing in a supermarket parking lot, and she didn't think she'd start now.
***
Back at her house, Amanda went straight upstairs and hid the pregnancy test way in the back of her bathroom cupboard, hoping that her mother wouldn't need to dig around in there on one of her cleaning rampages before Amanda had the courage to use it. She left it inside a brown paper bag, just to be on the safe side, then sat back on her heels and looked at the open cupboard. If the test was positive, how would she and Lee deal with it? The diamond ring on her finger assured her mother and sons that their relationship was as close to permanent as it could get, but pregnancy before marriage wasn't exactly the example Amanda wanted to set for her sons, even if the example she was setting was a false one. She wasn't altogether sure why, since it wasn't an unusual thing to see these days. She just knew it didn't sit well with her - maybe because she was already keeping so many things from them.
She heard the front door open downstairs, and Lee and Jamie came in, laughing. Amanda got up to meet them, coming slowly down the stairs and smiling at her youngest son and secret husband. "Hey, you guys. How was the game?"
"Great," Jamie told her. "You should have come, Mom."
"Oh, no." She shook her head. "It was Lee's treat for you, Jamie. Guys' day out. Right, Lee?"
"Exactly. And we had a good time."
"Yeah," Jamie nodded, grinning at Lee. "We sure did."
"Did you eat?" Amanda asked as Jamie ran upstairs and Lee followed her into the kitchen. "I just got back from the store...."
"Jamie wanted to order a pizza. Are you up for that?"
Amanda shrugged, finishing putting away the groceries she'd abandoned in her haste to hide one purchase. "Fine with me. No anchovies, though. Okay?"
Lee slid his arms around her from behind, kissing her neck. "Anything for you....You okay?"
"I'm fine, why?"
"You look a little pale."
Amanda shrugged, holding a package of cream cheese. "Just tired. Looking forward to a relaxing evening, for a change." She wondered how Lee couldn't see right through her.
"Long day?"
"Yeah, a little." She leaned back against him for a moment, then patted his hands and moved away. "Can we talk about that later, after Jamie's in bed?"
Lee nodded. Jamie came back into the kitchen and Amanda reached to tousle his hair as he walked by her. Jamie ducked out of the way. At thirteen, he was drawing away from his mother in a lot of ways, turning to his father or, occasionally, Lee, with his questions and comments.
Lee sometimes wondered if Amanda wished her boys were still small. She had worked so hard to raise them, it seemed like such a huge part of her life that he couldn't imagine her giving any of it up. When he had first met her, and they were still relatively little, he had felt uncomfortable seeing her take care of them. His own memories of having a mother were so distant and blurry, but there was something in her expression or the way she spoke to the boys that made him want to remember more.
It had occurred to Lee that he almost wished she wanted the boys to stay small, because he knew they wouldn't and maybe - just maybe - Amanda would feel that because of that, she'd like another child. Children. They had only discussed it superficially, before their marriage, but at that point it had seemed so distant and out-of-the-question that it had been easy to say "yes, of course I want children" without giving it the kind of thought it deserved. But now, he understood why people did everything in their power to have children. He wanted them. It was a secret wish, sitting deep inside, that drove every decision he made. He watched television with Amanda, and commercials for four-door family sedans made his heart beat just a little faster.
This, besides making his head spin and his knees grow weak, was what Amanda King had done to him.
***
Amanda had decided, over dinner, that she was going to tell Lee what she thought. And then, in the middle of dessert, she changed her mind and decided she wouldn't tell him anything until she was absolutely sure. She'd try not to make any kind of a decision until she saw the little blue sign on the pregnancy test, which would then decide her fate for her.
Philip called, from the road, and told her how the team had won the first round of the tournament. She was proud, asking him about the hotel, the bus ride, the game. He gave her details about everything, sharing more over the crackling telephone line than he ever did in person, until one of his pals came to get him. Amanda hung up the phone not wanting to contemplate what her fifteen year-old son was doing, two hundred miles away from home.
Jamie left them after supper, and Lee and Amanda basked in the rare silence that floated through the house. They sat on the sofa, his arm around her shoulders, and talked about planning a trip. It seemed to Amanda that they were always planning trips - actually going on them was another matter.
"It's so quiet," she said after a while, stretching against him, and Lee pressed a kiss into her hair.
"We could spend evenings like this all the time, if we wanted," he said, and the meaning, though only implied, was more than clear to her. She pushed away from him, frowning.
"You said you wouldn't bring that up until Monday," she said, edgy.
"Hey....I'm just building a case, is all," he protested, drawing her back toward him. "You know, stacking the deck a little...You can't blame me for trying."
"Well, when you put it like that," she said, laughing a little, "I guess I can't blame you. Keep convincing me...."
***
Sunday
Amanda opened her eyes to a gritty taste of nausea and the realization that she had fallen asleep before Lee had gone home - and before Jamie had come back. Her back ached again, and she thought groggily that this was the day - she had to do the test now or not at all. She couldn't go on like this any longer.
She paced the bedroom, watching the minutes tick by on her alarm clock. Half an hour, half an hour. It seemed like forever. And then the alarm went off and she tore into the bathroom, standing over the counter and staring at the result.
It took her a moment to understand what it meant - she had to check the instructions again to make sure - and then she let out a little laugh. "Negative," she said aloud, just to hear the word. She let out a long breath and stared at herself in the mirror, so relieved she was shaking.
And then the relief turned to something else, and she thought of her husband, asleep in his apartment fifteen minutes away. She felt guilt gnawing at her, bit by bit, as she imagined what he'd feel if he knew how happy she was to not be pregnant, if he understood how relieved she was her life wasn't changing just yet.
She sat on the edge of the tub, feeling like the worst person in the world. And then the telephone rang and she jumped up to answer it, stuffing the test back in its brown paper bag and shoving it deep in the garbage can.
"Hi," Lee greeted from the other end of the line. "Did I wake you?"
"No, not at all. What time did you leave?"
"Just after midnight. Jamie got home around eleven-thirty, but...You were out like a light."
She laughed, but it stuck in the back of her throat. "Well, you know. You tired me out."
"I do have a reputation to uphold, I guess," Lee said, and she could hear him pouring coffee. "Listen, I was thinking - do you and Jamie want to head out to the country this afternoon, maybe pack a lunch or something?"
"Oh…" He could tell, even over the telephone, that she was surprised by his suggestion. "I'd love to. I don't know if Jamie has plans for today. But we can go, even if he doesn't want to."
Jamie didn't want to go with them - he'd made plans to see a movie with a friend and was about to hop on his bike and ride away when he noticed there was something wrong with it. Lee was in the middle of suggesting to Amanda that they stay home for the afternoon and enjoy the quiet, when her youngest son came through the back door and asked Lee to help him fix the bike.
"I think it's just the chain," Jamie said, as they went through the door, "but Philip fixed it last time and I don't know how he did it."
"Philip fixed it?" Lee said, surprised. "I didn't know he was such a handyman."
"He had to fix it," Amanda said from the kitchen. "He broke it in the first place."
Not three minutes later, Lee came rushing back through the door, blood dripping from a deep gash across his right palm.
"What happened?" Amanda gasped as he held his hand over the sink. She grabbed a dishtowel from the drawer and wrapped it around Lee's hand.
"The pedal cut me," he muttered. "But we got it fixed - Jamie's on his way." He peeked under the dishtowel and grimaced. "Do you have any bandages?"
"Yeah, in the downstairs bathroom. You're going to need some disinfectant, too. It's upstairs - I'll just run and get it…."
"I'll get it," he offered. "I'm not dripping anymore, just oozing. Is it in your bathroom?"
"Yeah, in the medicine chest…front and center, I think. Will you be okay?"
Lee nodded, running up the stairs toward her bedroom. He stood in the ensuite, looking around and smelling her soap in the air, before opening the medicine cabinet and grabbing the tube of Polysporin. As he turned to leave the room, a sheet of paper, sitting on the vanity counter, caught his eye. Lee picked it up, and felt a chill run through him as he read the tiny, printed words. He stood, riveted to the spot, reading the paper over and over again.
When he didn't come down, after what felt like forever, Amanda decided to go upstairs and find him. "Am I out of Polysporin?" she called as she came through the bedroom. "I was sure I just bought some…" She stopped short in the doorway to the bathroom, watching Lee, who was standing stock-still in the middle of the room, the dishtowel still wrapped around his hand.
"Amanda…what's this?" he asked, holding out a piece of paper.
She saw what it was - the instructions to the pregnancy test - and her heart jumped into her throat. "Directions," she said, taking them from him.
"Are you pregnant?" He looked confused, and a little unsure about how to approach her.
She bit down on her lip, folding the paper back up into its tiny square. "No." Amanda cleared her throat. "I thought I was, but I'm not."
He nodded, looking at the square of paper in her hands. "Were you going to tell me?"
"I…I don't know."
Lee blinked, surprised. "Why not?"
"I don't know why not. I just know I wasn't sure about telling you…I didn't want to turn everything upside-down without a good reason."
Lee's brow wrinkled. "Without a good reason?"
"It was just a feeling…I was a few days late, is all, and I wanted to make sure. It…" She stopped, and cleared her throat again. "It happens sometimes, you know?"
Lee was silent for a minute, not looking at her. His hand was still bleeding, but he didn't seem to notice much. "Was it a good feeling, or a bad feeling?" he asked, slowly.
Amanda let out a long breath. "It was just a feeling, all right?"
"So it was a bad feeling."
"I never said that. Don't you dare say I said that," she snapped, suddenly defensive.
"Oh, come on, Amanda. If you'd been happy about it you would've told me right away. You've been edgy all week - you would never have been like that if this was something you thought was good news." His voice was hard, and when she looked at him she saw that he wasn't just hurt, he was angry, too.
"That's not true. You are not being fair."
"I'm being as fair as you are," he bellowed, and she took a step backward, surprised.
Amanda turned away from him, rubbing her forehead and collecting her thoughts before speaking again. "We are in no kind of position to have a baby right now, you know that," she said.
"We're married."
"And who knows that, aside from us and one justice of the peace?" she demanded, turning to face him. "My kids think we're going to get married in maybe a year, and there are certain examples I don't want to set for them."
"You have an opportunity to fix all that," he shot back. "We could stop all this lying and live like a normal family, if you'd just make up your mind about your career."
"You mean if I'd make up my mind to not have one," she said. "If I'd make up my mind to give up everything I've worked for, just because you want me to."
Amanda regretted those words the moment she uttered them, but there was no taking them back. They hung in the air between them, so tangible she could almost see them. Lee and Amanda stood, staring at each other, for what felt like forever before he pushed past her and headed down the stairs.
She waited a moment before following, but as she stood on the landing she knew there was no use talking to him. He was too upset, and so was she. She waited until the door shut behind him before she sank down on the bottom step, the square of paper still clutched in her hand.
***
She was washing the dinner dishes when she heard a familiar tap on the window, and she saw his face in the darkness outside. Amanda dried her hands and headed outside, not bothering to make an excuse to her mother.
Lee stood outside her back door, his hands shoved awkwardly in his jacket pockets. Amanda stood looking at him, not knowing what to say and wondering why he'd come back, when she was the one who should have gone to him.
"Hi," she said, softly. She bit on her lip and stepped toward him, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
He didn't speak for a moment, and then he cleared his throat and ducked his head. "I'm sorry, too," he said, finally.
"I don't want to fight with you," she whispered. "I've been trying to get up the nerve to come to the apartment, but I--"
"I wasn't there," he said. "I haven't been home since I left here."
"Where've you been?"
Lee shrugged. "The park, the mall…I went for a drive. I just…needed to think."
Amanda felt her stomach lurch and she wished it would stop, just for a while. "Did you come to any conclusions?"
"I, uh…" He hesitated, and she knew an explanation was coming. "It was just that I was surprised that you'd kept something like that to yourself," he said, shifting on his feet. "I didn't really know what to make of it."
"Neither did I," she admitted.
"We need to talk about all of this," he said, and she nodded.
"You're right. We need to talk about everything."
"Do you, uh, want to come over to my place? It looks like you've got a full house over here…and I don't think we should wait."
Amanda nodded, her hand on the doorknob.
"How's your hand?" she asked, suddenly.
"Okay. I went to the drugstore right after I left here." He shrugged. "I bled all over your mother's Williamsburg dishtowel, though."
Amanda chuckled. "She'll live. She has four more…." She turned the doorknob and felt the warmth of the house wash over her. "Come in. I'll finish the dishes and get my coat, okay?"
***
They passed the drive to Lee's apartment in silence. Amanda looked out the window and thought about what she was going to tell him - how she was going to tell him that she loved him, but didn't want to have anything to do with Section 25. Lee concentrated on the road, and tried not to think about what he'd be feeling if the pregnancy test had been positive. It hadn't been positive, and he had to deal with the situation they were in now. Amanda had been right that afternoon - they really weren't in a position to have a baby right then.
He slid his arm around her as he unlocked his apartment door, as if to reassure her that no matter what their conversation included that night, nothing would change between them. But he didn't feel reassured himself - something had shifted, he was beginning to understand that love could conquer almost anything, but it could complicate almost anything, too.
Amanda stood in the middle of his living room, watching him flick on lights and discard his coat over the back of a chair. She slid her own coat from her shoulders, folding it neatly and putting it beside his.
"Well," she said, because she couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Yeah," he muttered. "Well." He drew a deep breath and sat down.
"I've been thinking about a lot of things this week," Amanda said, rubbing her hands together. "I mean, there's been the possibility of a lot of changes happening…."
"Good changes," Lee said, and she turned to look at him with an expression that said she might disagree, if pushed hard enough. He felt a muscle twitch in his jaw, and knew his own expression mirrored hers.
"Some were good," she allowed. "Some would be difficult, and some would make our lives a lot easier and more…complete. The jobs, for one thing."
"And?" he prompted, knowing something big was coming. "What did you decide?"
She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and looked at him intently. "I don't think I want to do it," she admitted.
Lee immediately frowned, confused by this. "Why not?"
Amanda shook her head. "A lot of reasons, Lee. I don't want to be closeted up in an office somewhere. I want to put some of the things I'm learning to good use."
"You like running around after the bad guys, huh?"
She shook her head. "It's not even that...."
"Don't you want to be able to tell your family about us? Don't you want us to live together, like normal people?" He really didn't understand. Amanda looked at him and saw confusion and intense hurt in his eyes. She sat down on the sofa, beside him, and reached out for his hand.
"Of course I do. That's all I want. But..." she hesitated, wondering if she should say what she was thinking.... "The last time I took a detour, it took me fifteen years to get back on track."
"What are you talking about, back on track?"
"Think about who I was when you met me. I was a housewife, right? And a mother. And that...was it. Really. My world was pretty small, had a population of maybe five people at any given time. And I'm not trying to say it wasn't a good world, because it was - it was great. I loved my kids and had a great time with my mother...but then you came along and you blew a hole in that world, and when I looked through that hole I saw all the things I'd wanted to be before the detour. And I wanted to be those things again. I started to be those things again."
"What things?"
Amanda shook her head. "I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to learn, and use my brain, and meet new people. And I've been doing all that. And yeah, sometimes it's been a little dangerous, and sometimes I haven't seen my boys as much as I'd have liked, but I think it made me a better mother, a better person to be around. And I can't stop doing those things yet. Do you understand?"
"You can still have all that, Amanda," he said. "Section 25 isn't like the secretarial pool. It's pretty important work."
"It's safe work, is what it is. It's the safe option."
"What's wrong with that? It's the option that lets us have a family."
Amanda sat back, suddenly understanding what he was saying, why he wanted to take the job. Everything she'd been turning over in her head for the past three days came rushing back at her.
"Is that what you want?" she asked. "Us to have a family?"
"Don't you?"
"I hadn't thought about it, before this."
"We talked about it, Amanda. You said you wanted kids." He leaned toward her, and she felt the tension in his body as plainly as she heard the edge in his voice. "Are you saying you don't?"
"I'm saying there are a lot of things we have to consider," she said, standing. "There's a lot of settling down to do, first."
"Which is why I'm ready to take Dr Smyth up on his offer."
She felt angry suddenly, and she turned around to face him. "You're ready. What about me?"
"What do you mean? I thought you wanted me to settle down. I thought that was what you wanted."
"You keep saying that, Lee. What you think I want and what I want might be two different things." She suddenly felt a cold knot in the pit of her stomach, recalling a discussion she'd had with Joe fifteen years ago, when she'd been filling out law school applications and gasping with what turned out to be morning sickness. Six months later, she was holding Philip in her arms and kissing Joe goodbye as he went off to moot court. Five years, he'd agreed, and then it was her turn. But five years later Jamie had arrived, Joe was working crazy hours for little money, and there was no room for Amanda to take her turn.
Lee held up his hands. "All right then, Amanda, why don't you tell me what you want. I'm obviously not guessing well."
She stood across the room from him, silent for a moment while she got up the courage to speak. "I don't want to leave the field," she said, finally. "I enjoy it, and I'm good at it, and I want to keep doing it."
"So you obviously don't want a child."
"I never said that," she said, quickly. "But I know that if we did have a child together, that child's best interests would have to come first."
"Which means giving up field duty."
She nodded, but only after a moment. "Don't you see, Lee? This is it for me...if I leave field duty now I'll never be active again, not with a new baby at home...."
Lee was silent, suddenly very interested in the cabling of his sweater. Amanda didn't know what to do then, she felt wild and horrible, knowing that she'd just been more selfish than she'd ever been in her life. She sat down beside him, on the sofa.
"Lee..." she said, softly, reaching for his hand.
He looked at her, his green eyes unreadable. "I understand what you're saying," he said, his voice low, "but you have to understand some things, too."
She nodded.
"What you have to understand is this: I ran all over the world, doing all the things that you want to do now, because I didn't have any reason not to. I didn't have a reason to come home at night. I didn't have a family to protect or a lawn to mow. But when that bullet in California almost ripped you in half, all I could think of were ways to keep it from ever happening again. Leaving the field is one of those ways. I have a reason to stop running all over the place now. I'm tired, and I'd like to rest, and I don't want to put that reason in any kind of danger."
Amanda nodded, squeezing his hand. "I understand. And what I'm saying is that I need some of that sense of purpose, because I almost started to forget why I had a home at all." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Look, I'm not saying I don't want to have children with you. I do. I really do. I just...can't ignore that there are things I need to do to be happy."
Lee nodded, either unable or unwilling to comment on that.
"I know I probably didn't handle this very well," Amanda admitted.
"No," Lee agreed, "you didn't."
"But what would you have done, if I'd come to you last week and told you I thought I was pregnant?"
"I don't know what I would have done, Amanda. I probably would have been excited about it." His voice was hard, pressing against the guilt in her heart. "Can you tell me something?"
She nodded.
"If the test had been positive - if you had been pregnant - what were you planning to do?"
"Have a baby," she said, simply.
"So what's stopping you now?"
Amanda collected her thoughts before speaking. "I'm not ready," she told him. "I know you are, and I know you think this is just about work, but it really isn't that simple. I want my family to settle, first. I want you to get to know them, and I want you to get used to living with them, and I don't really think it's fair to rush that."
"And you want to stay in the field."
"For a while, yes."
"How long is a while?"
"Ask at New Year's," she said after a minute. "When we're settled, and everyone's used to the arrangements, ask me then. You'll probably like the answer better."
***
"How can we break up the team?" Lee asked, late that night.
They were sitting across the table from each other, trying to figure out what to do next. Lee didn't think he could give Amanda until next year, but she was insisting.
"We're not really breaking it up," Amanda said, resting her elbows on the table. "We're just...modifying it a little."
Lee nodded, but Amanda knew he was completely unconvinced.
"And maybe..." she hesitated, then continued, "maybe it's better if we don't work together, so we have something to tell each other when we come home at night."
He didn't say anything to her, then. He just looked at her.
"You can't keep an eye on me forever, Lee. I'm a big girl, and I have to get used to working independently some time."
Suddenly Lee nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I just...worry."
Amanda smiled at him, reaching to squeeze his hand. "I know. I've been worrying about you for a long time."
"It's going to be weird," he said after a minute. "Not being in the Q-Bureau any more."
"Yeah, it will be weird. It'll be weird not having you around all day."
"And having you around all night."
She laughed, nodding. "Who do you suppose they'll partner me with?"
Lee sat for a moment, considering. "Maybe no one. Billy has always had big plans for you, you know. So maybe..." He shrugged, suddenly grinning. "Beeman."
Amanda rolled her eyes. "If anything could ever make me wish for Section 25...."
Lee chuckled, narrowing his eyes. "Hmmm. Maybe I'll have to have a little talk with Billy tomorrow, then."
"Don't you dare," she warned, laughing and nudging him with her foot. Their laughter faded and they looked at each other, silent. A look of apprehension suddenly crossed Lee's face. "What's the matter?" Amanda asked, leaning toward him.
"A date," he said.
Amanda suddenly understood. "A date."
"We have to set a date...."
"This is it, huh? No more secrets...."
"No more secrets...Well," Lee grinned. "One."
"What's that?"
"They're still going to think you make documentaries for a living."