Lost Freedom

by cloemarrie

Bella incarcerated. She was an ordinary girl from an ordinary town living life to the fullest with her husband by her side. What happens when all that is taken from her by a fatal mistake and she's on the run? From behind bars she tells the story of that fateful night many years ago.

FAGE Six Pack

Title: Lost Freedom

Written for: Cruiz FanFiction/cruiz107

Written By: cloemarrie

Rating: M

Beta: Lia Jane

Summary/Prompt used: Bella incarcerated. She was an ordinary girl from an ordinary town living life to the fullest with her husband by her side. What happens when all that is taken from her by a fatal mistake and she's on the run? From behind bars she tells the story of that fateful night many years ago.

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My name is Isabella Marie Masen and I'm incarcerated for attempted murder. I have no visitors. I'm alone sitting thinking about the past; the past that I've destroyed. I used to be a good person, someone capable of love, but love is what landed me here in the first place.

Over the years I've shed many tears for lost freedom, futures shattered, love lost, families broken, and friends confused. That's what I regret the most; letting him manipulate me. I've also thought over what happened that fateful night many times and it came to one conclusion: I never should have pulled that trigger.

I have never spoken a word to anyone about that unfortunate night, aside from Jacob.

*Flashback*

From the first moment I saw Edward, I only had eyes for him. It was freshmen year. We became fast friends. A week later I met his sister Alice. Edward and Emmett - my brother - quickly became friends, too. We were just a bunch of kids hanging out and living life to the fullest. Emmett was with Jasper's sister, Rosalie. Jasper had been dating Edward's sister, Alice, while I was dating Edward.

Edward and I started dating our sophomore year. It was our first kiss...ever: Christmas Eve under the mistletoe. We were inseparable after that. We would double date with Emmett and Rosalie; mostly to the movies. When Jasper and Alice started dating they would join us.

Edward was my life and love. At times we'd sneak away from school just to spend that time wrapped in each others arms. And at times, he would sneak into my room and I'd spend the night in the comfort of his arms.

One time he snuck into my window and we began kissing. He tried to take my top off.

I was nervous, so I stopped his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm not ready," I said, fearing he was going to get mad or upset.

Surprisingly, he didn't.

He said, "It's ok. I have no problem with waiting until you're ready."

He was understanding and was content with just cuddling and kissing. He said he would be satisfied with waiting until I was ready to go further.

We went to every dance together, like normal couples. We'd dance so close to the slow songs but sat down and talked during the fast ones.

During our junior year we'd go to every football game because my brother was on the team. We loved the atmosphere the games permitted.

Then there was the prom and prom night. He'd gotten a room that night but I told him I still wasn't ready. He spent the night in the room while I went home to bed. We weren't upset at each other, he just told me he got the room and didn't want to waste it.

The next day the rumors started. People were saying Edward got the room for him and his new girlfriend. Some said he was with Jessica and Lauren that night. Even though we didn't spend that time together, I believed him when he told me he spent the night alone.

*End Flashback*

"Time for cell clean out," Jane, the lady guard, announced.

I stepped out, as I usually did, during cell clean out. I'm not stupid I know what they're looking for. They want to make sure you don't have any type of drugs or weapons in your cell. Of course, I never have any and most of the other ladies don't. But on occasion they do find inappropriate things in a few of the other cells. I'm in enough trouble; why would I take that chance? No thanks!

"Cells are clear, ladies. In you go," Jane instructed as she ushered us back in.

*Flashback*

Senior year dawned a new age and with it came new experiences. Rosalie talked me into trying out for the cheerleading squad and I made the team. Edward decided to join the football team. Jessica was also on the squad but I didn't think anything of it.

Edward and I still attended every dance together. We did our regular routine of sneaking off together as well. When the senior prom arrived we got a room and made an appearance at the dance but around eleven we snuck off and went to our room where we made love for the first time. It was amazing! Unfortunately, a week before graduation I found out I was pregnant. I was scared.

I told Edward first and surprisingly he didn't get mad. In fact, he was happy about it. I told Emmett; he threatened Edward but wasn't too upset. I told the rest of our gang who were very happy for us. Graduation dawned a beautiful but dull day. It was the day I'd been dreading; the day I had to tell Charlie about my little surprise. If that wasn't bad enough, Jasper and Alice broke up that morning after two years of dating. They were still friends though. I just thought they'd get married after we graduated. They were so much in love and were inseparable. Alice never told me anything but I guess they hadn't been in love for sometime.

That night after graduation, I finally told Charlie I was pregnant. He was beyond pissed and kicked me out of the house. I had no other place to go. I expected it since Charlie and I had never gotten along.

Edward told me he had a one bedroom apartment his parents had gotten him for a graduation present. I moved in with him right away. That night he took me out to a nice dinner and proposed to me. We planned on a fall wedding. It would happen before I gave birth to a little boy; Peter James Masen. A year and a half after little Peter was born, we welcomed a baby girl into the world; Daisy Mae Masen.

*End Flashback*

"Shower time," Jane ordered as she rushed us to the shower room.

Sometimes I hate showering with these women. Some actually watch you shower.

I miss my children so much it hurts. I haven't seen them in five years. Emmett and Rosalie were awarded custody of the children since Edward was left in a comma.

You may ask how I know this? Well, I got a letter from Emmett shortly after my arrest. He informed me that Edward's parents didn't want the children because, "We raised our children, we can't raise his." I was appalled by that. I thought they loved Edward. Nonetheless, I'm glad Emmett and Rose are raising them. At least they'll be raised right.

I finished showering, dried off, and got dressed as Jane came back to escort us to the cafeteria for lunch. This place is too noisy but I deal with it just to stay out of trouble.

There have been quite a few fights throughout the five years since my arrest and some of them resulted in stabbings and killings. Scared the hell out of me only because the guards would come in with tasers.

After lunch we were ushered back to our cells.

"In you go," Jane said.

*Flashback*

Things started going downhill after the kids were born. He became very controlling. I was not allowed to work, leave the house, or have friends but despite how he felt about me having friends, I kept in touch with Jacob.

Jacob and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. We'd do just about everything together; make castles on First Beach, race our bikes, hang out with the guys, and do our homework together. At one point he had feelings for me but he understood how I felt, he was more like a brother to me.

Every time I'd mention me working he'd yell at me or worse. He'd go through my phone to make sure I didn't have texts or calls from numbers he didn't know or old friends. It was hell.

He would do as he pleased, though. He'd go out with his buddies and stay out all hours of the night while I stayed home with the children worrying about his whereabouts. Those were the times I'd text Jacob. I never kept anything from him. He tried, on many occasions, to get me to leave Edward but I couldn't. I didn't want the children growing up without a father; even if he was bad. And I was still in love with him.

Sometimes I missed my old life, my old friends. I hadn't seen them in four years, aside from Jacob. I saw him while Edward was out of town. Jake came over with his new girlfriend. When I opened the door, I was a bit taken aback to see Alice. Apparently, Jake and Alice had been dating for the past two years but kept their relationship a secret from Edward.

After the shock wore off, I was happy for them. We talked about different things; mostly about our old friends and the past. I'd asked about Jasper, who, as it turned out, was with Angela. I'd even asked about Emmett and Rosalie. They had a couple of kids and were happily married. They told me that Charlie and Emmett didn't get along very much anymore because Emmett refused to talk to him. Charlie apparently called Rosalie a whore and their kids demon spawns and said they weren't his grandkids. Understandably, it pissed Emmett off.

I had missed so much over the years, it hurt. I missed everyone.

*End Flashback*

"Dinner time," Jane said, ushering us down to the dining hall.

I ate in silence, as usual, waiting for the time we had to go back to our cells but unfortunately some chick decided to stab someone as we were getting ready to head back. I was shaking as the guards fired their taser guns at the woman. An hour later we were back in our cells on lockdown. Great, I thought sarcastically.

*Flashback*

As I mentioned before I missed a lot the five years Edward and I were married and I'd had it. I was through sacrificing for him.

Edward had called saying he'd be late for dinner and not to wait up. Well that wasn't going to cut it. I decided to go look for him, but had to call a babysitter first.

I called Rosalie.

"Rosalie's phone," my brother answered. I just rolled my eyes.

"Hey Em do you think you and Rose can come over and watch Pete and Dais for a bit please?" I asked.

"Of course we can but what's wrong? I mean, I haven't heard from you since last year." He sounded hurt.

"I'll explain when you two get here," I said and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later they showed up.

"Now what the hell is going on Isabella Marie?" he demanded.

I sighed and told them everything that had been happening; about his cheating, his abuse, and controlling. By the time I had finished explaining it all to him and Rose, they looked murderous.

"I'm going to kill that mother fucker!" Em fumed.

"No! Em let me deal with it. Trust me," I said, walking to the door.

When I got outside and shut the door behind me, I checked my purse for my baby. My baby is a Smith and Wesson .38 special that I had gotten for protection but never used it. I set out for Edward's office; it was empty. My next step was to call all the hotels. He was staying at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel; so I headed over there. I told the booky that I'm Mr. Masen's wife and he was waiting for me in the room. He gave me an extra key and I headed up. I used the key instead of knocking. I heard grunts, moans, and groans as I entered the room. I tiptoed through the suite to the bedroom and cracked the door. What I saw made my blood boil. Edward had Jessica bare-assed naked, bent over in front of him and he was pounding into her. After all the years I've had to put up with this man he does this to me. I felt like my life was crumbling around me. At that moment I felt like I wasn't myself as I pulled out my thirty-eight special and fired at Jessica. As Edward was watching her crumple to the ground I fired on him too and ran out the door. I got down stairs and into my car. I sped down the road away from the hotel and away from my home.

I headed towards La Push as I called Jacob's number. I told him what happened and where I was, then asked if it was ok for me to come to La Push. He told me it was fine.

Four hours later I was pulling up in Jacob's drive.

Jacob ran out and jumped in the truck.

"DRIVE!" he yelled.

"What's going on?" Confusion clouded my voice.

"Charlie showed up an hour ago looking for you." He hunched his shoulders. "He said if he catches you he'll arrest you and lock you away for good."

I just started the car backed up and sped off.

"What's going to happen to your kids if you do get arrested?" he asked, concerned.

"They'll either go to Carlisle and Esme or Charlie," I replied. "Does Alice know?"

"She was there when Charlie came over ranting about what you did," he whispered.

"How is she?" I asked. I knew she'd be hurting when she found out that her brother was shot. Yes he was mean and hateful but she loved her brother. They used to be inseparable.

"She's grieving but she understands," he said.

We were on the run for a couple of months before my conscience got the best of me. I turned myself in.

Jacob ended up serving a year for aiding and abetting because it was his first offense, while I was sentenced to fifteen years. I would have gotten twenty-five to life but I hadn't killed Edward and Jessica; they were just in a comma.

*End Flashback*

I haven't had a visitor in five years. It's not like they don't want to come, because they really do; it's me. I don't want them to see me in here. I get letters every week and I send replies. Emmett and Rose send me pictures of my babies, they're growing too fast. If I ever do get released, they won't even know who I am. I tend to cry at night, thinking about my babies.

One of the many letters that I received from Emmett and Rose informed me of Charlie's passing. I could've cared less, but it was what he had in his will that interested me. Apparently he had left Jacob and Billy everything he owned, including the house. Billy decided to sale the house and set up a trust fund for our kids.

I have lost everything and everyone I care about because of a stupid mistake. I regret not listening to Jacob when he tried to encourage me to leave. I wish I could somehow contact Carlisle and Esme. If I could, I'd apologize for what I have done. I wouldn't ask for their forgiveness because I don't deserve it, but I do hope one day they'll forgive me.

I spent years thinking about what I have done and the reasons behind my actions on that fateful day. The truth is, there isn't a good excuse for what I did. Because of my actions I lost the most precious gifts in the world: my kids. I lost my freedom that day, too.

During the last year of my incarceration, I thought about what I'd do when I got out and what I'd say to my children, who were now teenagers. God, I wished I could rewind my life and do it all over again, but better. There's no such thing, though. I just need to be grateful for what I get to experience with them.

*One Year Later*

The day had dawned for me to be released. There was no cloud in sight, such a pretty day. Emmett told me on the phone yesterday that he'd be coming alone. The kids were in school and Rosalie had to be home just in case her dad called. Rose's mom was in the hospital, very sick.

I didn't want my children to see me in here anyway.

When I took the first steps to freedom I dropped to my knees and bawled. I didn't want the tears to come right then but I couldn't hold them back any longer. This was fifteen years of built up pain and tears. The next thing I knew, there were two big arms around my waist picking me up and carrying me, then a soft surface. It took me a minute but I calmed down enough to realise where I was. I was in Emmett's mustang. This was the same car he had when we were in high school. It was a Dodge Charger RT, black.

"Bells, what's wrong? I thought you wanted to get out?" he asked, confused.

"Emmy, I am really glad I'm out. It's not that. Taking the first steps to my freedom is the best feeling I've had since turning myself in but all that and not knowing what to expect when I see my kids after being away so long...it's overwhelming. The last time I saw them they were just babies." Once I started talking I couldn't stop. "I've missed you, Em, and Rose, the kids, and everyone else. Sad thing is I even miss Charlie. I never got to say goodbye. Does everyone know I'm getting released today? How's Edward and Jessica? Any change yet?"

"Bella your kids are happy you're coming home. Yes, they're a bit confused on where you've been all these years but they do know who you are. Not a day went by that they didn't cry. They miss you more than I can really express to you, Bella." He paused then finished, "Charlie wasn't worth saying goodbye to. Billy took care of the funeral because I wouldn't do it. I'm not sure who knows aside from Rose, the kids and I. Oh I forgot, Alice gave me something to give you when you got released."

He dug the gift box out from under the seat. Attached to it was a letter in my former best friend's handwriting.

Bella,

If you're reading this I'm guessing you've gotten released from prison. I wanted to kick your ass or worse when I first found out that you shot Edward and I left Jacob for helping you get away. But I couldn't stay away from him. I love him too much so I waited until he was released and picked him up from prison. We are now engaged and happy.

I never thought I'd be doing this after that incident but after talking with your brother, Rose, Jasper, Angela, and Jake I came to one conclusion: I can't lose my best friend over what my brother essentially did to himself and I won't. I love you Bells and I'm still here for you and I forgive you.

So put that dress on and I'll see you soon.

Forever Friends,

Alice Cullen

By the time I finished reading Alice's letter, I was in tears. Never in all my years had I thought this day would come; The day Alice forgave me for shooting her brother.

"There's a rest area up ahead. I'll pull in so you can put that on," Emmett said, smiling.

"Thanks Em," I replied.

"You don't have to thank me," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

"No, I mean for everything. You and Rose are wonderful for raising my kids and made sure they remembered me even if I didn't deserve it. I thank you both for taking on that responsibility. I will spend the rest of my life repaying you both," I said, a few tears slipping down my cheeks.

"Bella, like I said you don't need to thank us. That's what family's for and we wanted to," he said as we parked.

I silently got out of the car and went straight to the bathroom. I pulled the beautiful dress out of the box and held it up. The dress was a black satin strapless dress. The top part was form fitting and had a wavy look to it. At the hips, it had three layers of ruffles that hit about mid thigh. It was absolutely gorgeous and I couldn't wait to put it on. It would be nice to wear something that elegant again. Also, inside was a little bag that contained the accessories to go with it. There was a pair of diamond dangle earrings with disco balls on the ends and a diamond bracelet. There was also a pair of shiny black stiletto heels with an open toe to go with it. It was beautiful. I used the make up Alice had put in with the dress; smokey eye shadow, a touch of blush, a bit of mascara, a sweep of eyeliner, and a dab of lip gloss and I was finished. I walked out and got into the car.

I'm ready to live life again, I thought as I smiled to myself.

"Wow Bells you look as beautiful as ever." Em smiled and kissed my cheek as he started the car.

"Thanks. I feel so much better." I smiled. "I'm curious though, why did she get me a dress this fancy instead of just pants and a T-shirt?"

"You'll have to ask her that when we get home."

He's hiding something, I just know it!

An hour later we pulled up into the drive of what I assumed was Emmett's house. The nerves began to kick in.

"You have nothing to be nervous about, Bells. You're home now," Em smirked.

"I know but it just hit me that I'm 'home' finally and, even though I'm happy to be home, I'm not used to being around anyone outside of the bars," I whispered.

"Everything will be ok I promise," Em whispered back as he wrapped his arms around me. "Now lets get you in the house and settled in your room."

A short while later we had my things, the little I did have, in my room and into some drawers.

"We're going shopping tomorrow. Tonight is about you!" Em demanded as the doorbell rang.

I heard the footsteps five seconds before I'm engulfed in two big arms and losing my breath.

"Can't. Breath," I panted.

"Sorry Bells. I've just missed you," Jacob's voice cracked.

"I've missed you too Jake!" I replied.

"I see you got the letter," Alice smiled and pulled me into a hug. "I've missed you Bells. I'm sorry for not writing until now. I've just been so upset over Edward."

"You have every right to feel that way, Alice. I'm surprise you don't hate me," I chuckled. "I've missed you too."

"I could never hate you," she whispered as we heard more footsteps.

Jasper pulled me into a tight hug as did Angela

"We missed you so much Bella!" they both said.

"I missed you all as well," I whispered as the tears spilled out and down my face. "You don't know how much I've missed you all."

"Everyone vacate this room please," Em ushered everyone out, the ever protective brother.

As he closed the door, he pulled me into a hug, "I can't imagine what you are feeling, Bells but I do know it has to be overwhelming. Just say the word and I'll have them all leave until you're ready."

"No it's fine, Em. It's just all the things I've missed over the years because of my actions. I've missed everyone so much," I whispered.

"And we've missed you! Now are you ready to see everyone?" Emmett asked.

"Let's go!" I declared.

We left the room arm in arm like we used to when we were kids and headed for the living room. As we entered, everyone looked at us expectantly.

It was Rose who spoke first. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a bit overwhelmed," I replied.

"We shouldn't have showed up today," Jake whispered as he and Alice got up and headed for the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going? I'm glad you all showed up. I've missed you so much, just didn't think you all missed me," I said, frowning.

"How could you…" they all started at once.

"How could you even think that Bells? Yes I know we haven't written you but that's because you told us not to. I don't know about everyone else, but I have written you just never sent the letters, respecting your wishes." By the time Jake finished speaking, he was in tears.

"The only letters I've gotten were from Emmett because he refused to listen to me," I huffed then took Jake in my arms. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I know you missed me. Emmett and Rose have told me over the years about everyone," I whispered.

"Enough with the sad shit. My baby sister is finally home. It's time to celebrate!" Em demanded.

The kids took that moment to walk in. I froze then fainted at the realization.

"Bella? Bella wake up, please," panic was clouding Emmett's voice.

"What happened?" I asked when I came to.

"When you saw Daisy and Peter, you fainted," he replied.

I sat up as Peter came over and gave me a hug. Daisy was being a bit timid.

"Daisy go on over and give your mother a hug." Emmett nudged her.

I gave both of my kids a hug and told them how much I'd missed them.

Emmett was right. I was finally home.

If I could make a statement to all the woman out there that are in an abusive relationship: Listen to your family and friends as they care about YOU. Don't be like me and ignore them. Get out before it's too late. You could end up losing the people you love the most, or worse, your own life.